GLOBAL DOMINATION

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Audio Autopsy – March 2017

Audio Autopsy – March 2017

01/03/17  ||  Global Domination

Kreator: Gods of violencekreator-gods_of_violence

7.0/10

Habakuk: They do hold up well these days, especially compared to the other old German stalwarts. But oh, how serious we are. I just am no fan of Mille or his vocals. 7

Myrkrarfar: Respect for having the courage to write an anti-homophobic song. The Bogren production is as awesome as could be expected, and the Germans sound really focused and pissed-off. By far the best Kreator album since “Coma of Souls”. 7

sincan: Hail to the (old blokes’) hordes! 7

Cobal Caldera: Great speedy songs in the same melodic direction as “Phantom Antichrist”. 8

Ziv: I really tried getting into this album but after a few spins I still couldn’t enjoy it. The riffs sound tired and Mille’s lyrics (“Satan is Real” is a good example) are at times pretty stupid, detracting from those lukewarm, oh-so-flaccid, teutonic thrash riffs. 6

The Great Old Ones: EOD: A tale of dark legacythe_great_old_ones-eod_a_tale_of_dark_legacy

6.4/10

Habakuk: These guys are the soundtrack to my recent Lovecraft spree. Can’t say they are developing their sound much though. 8

Myrkrarfar: Cthulhu fhtagnostic: a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence of nature of God. Except Cthulhu. Who sleeps in the deep. Let us join him and escape this mundane world of woe. Iä! Iä! 7

sincan: Some wall of sound-like blackened metal that seems to find its way to some people, not fully me though. 6

Cobal Caldera: Badass lovecraftian doom death with enough hooks to be memorable. 7

Ziv: The GOO. Best summarized by a guy I overheard at their gig in Paris, who said “ils prennent leur temps pour nous faire chier” which translates to “they’re really taking their time to piss us off.” 4

Mustan Kuun Lapset: Saattomustan_kuun_lapset-saatto

6.2/10

Habakuk: Midpaced, catchy, sombre, atmospheric and with genuinely unpretentious tiny folkish parts, this might be a keeper. 8

Myrkrarfar: When you want to worship Satan but your Mom won’t let you, so you end up doodling corpse paint on your My Little Ponies in a most Satanic fashion. 14-year-old me would’ve loved this sugar-coated meloblack, 35-year-old me is too old for cavities. 5

sincan: Sauna perkele hyvää! A Finnish band, using synth, which is not writing sing-a-long drunken sailor music? Color me surprised with a rusty spoon. 7

Cobal Caldera: If you need your pagan fix this month, this is the one to go. 7

Ziv: Finnish mid-tempo dark black metal with dreadful, out-of-place vocals which sounds straight out of 1997. Makes me miss those sickly, dissonant vocals that Finland has become known for. 4

Sepultura: Machine Messiahsepultura-machine_messiah

6.2/10

Habakuk: I’ll go out on a limb and say that someone below me will mention Max Cavalera. Go guys!! 7

Myrkrarfar: Diverse, aggressive and to-the-point, “Machine Penis” tops everything Sepultura have done since “Roots”. I am impressed. 6

sincan: It feels like it is not really an AA without any spiritual form of the Cavalera legacy (yes I know no one with that name is a part of Sepultura anymore) and it is often rather boring. 5

Cobal Caldera: Confirmed: the Calaveras getting the fuck off was the best thing that could’ve happened to Sepultura. 7

Ziv: This sounds straight out of the nineties (and that’s not necessarily a good thing). Had Sepultura released this after their split with Max I’m sure they would be bigger than their current status. Reminds me of Pantera at certain moments. Checkout Andreas Kisser’s solo on “Alethea”. 6

Hour Of Penance: Cast the first stonehour_of_penance-cast_the_first_stone

6.0/10

Habakuk: The option for those who think Ulcerate is not punchy enough. 7

Myrkrarfar: The best thing about this nice but dullish tech death album is the album title, which reminded me of one of the best scenes in movie history. “Who threw that?!” “She! She! Sh-… He! He! He!”  6

sincan: You cast the first stone, no you cast the first stone, no you do it, no, fuck you, fuck you too! 5

Cobal Caldera: Scandinavian death metal, I guess. Many cool riffs and all, but the songs are rather indistinct for me. 5

Ziv: This is some blistering brutal technical death metal from Italy. Unrelenting and incisive, the songs have a nice flow to them, keeping the music interesting, thus giving the album good replay value. However, this is very modern-sounding, favoring clinical ferociousness over atmospheric brutality. 7

Infernal Angels: Ars goetiainfernal_angels-ars_goetia

5.8/10

Habakuk: Sorry guys, this has been done better already. 6

Myrkrarfar: Let’s kick some ars. 6

sincan: Arse Goetia, the practice of pulling out demons out of your ass, or to invoke generic harsh metal. 6

Ziv: A step above mediocre, Infernal Angels play pretty standard somniferous black metal. Who knew that summoning demons could be such a lackluster hobby? 5

Beheaded: Beast incarnatebeheaded-beast_incarnate

5.6/10

Habakuk: Oh, this must be one of these bands I checked out during my short brutal deff phase. Pretty good! 7

Myrkrarfar: More like “Did the Beast Incarnate? No? Sorry, I Have Alzheimer’s”. They’ve got the craft down to a T, but sadly they fall in the forgettable category. 5

sincan: A bit more sulphur in this album compared to ordinary death metal, that is good. 6

Cobal Caldera: I thought we reviewed Vader last month. 4

Ziv: Very brutal, competent yet generic death metal – with an emphasis on generic. Exclusively for diehards of the genre. 6

Black Anvil: As wasblack_anvil-as_was

5.6/10

Habakuk: Solid black metal with very little flair. 6

Myrkrarfar: Very proper moniker for this semi-mysterious blackened heavy metal outfit. Usually bands with this much diversity in genres, arrangements and vocal output sound disjointed and schizo. Such is fortunately not the case with “As Was”, which works well as a whole. Every spin brings me closer to the truth, and you gotta love an album that is both shower and grower. 8

sincan: This is a different motherfucker, black metal meets, rock, punkrock, and whatnot, fully acceptable, yet not creating super erection. 6

Cobal Caldera: Black thrash metal with avant-garde elements that are actually more interesting than the black thrash metal ones. Cool, if you like your metal weirdo. 6

Ziv: Desperate to be part of every “kvlt” trend, BA have actually forgotten how to write a memorable tune. Long, drawn out songs with no beginning and no ending take us down the shoddy, winding path of boredom to a destination of musical sterility. 2

Helheim: landawarijaRhelheim-landawarijar

5.6/10

Habakuk: That guitar sound’s a bit twangy for a black metal album, eh boys? 6

Myrkrarfar: Easy-listening viking black. My longship has plowed worse waters. 6

sincan: Rather epic, like falling into a muddy puddle, and then just start to sing while the rain is pouring down, making you freezing cold as ice. 7

Cobal Caldera: Pagan metal with a punk rock vibe here and there. Ultimately irrelevant, if you ask me. 4

Ziv: Compared to all the crap on this month’s AA, average ho-hum Norwegian viking (hate that term) black metal sounds amazing. Outside the context of Audio Autopsy fare, however, it’s very standard, middle-of-the-road music that might appeal to a select few. 5

Firewind: Immortalsfirewind-immortals

5.0/10

Habakuk: I guess this is OK if you like power metal? (Which you, by the way, don’t.) 5

Myrkrarfar: Yes, he can play. Yes, he can sing. Yes, this is slightly above average. 6

sincan: I guess the songwriting is good, for the genre, still, a bit of diabetes will catch you! 6

Cobal Caldera: We’ve reviewed a number of power metal records during last months. This may be the best. Mix Iron Maiden and Deris-era Helloween, add decent vocals and you’re all set. 6

Ziv: Standard bearers of the lacklustre and tiresome power metal genre, Firewind sound even more cliche and risible than before. And vocalist Henning Basse sounds like a complete douche. Nothing new here, folks. 2

Pain Of Salvation: In the passing light of daypain_of_salvation-in_the_passing_light_of_day

4.8/10

Habakuk: Came on and played for 5 minutes completely unnoticed. Could be a 4

Myrkrarfar: Not as catchy as the “Road Salt” albums, but Gildenlöw can obviously do no wrong. Probably a huge grower…or at least that’s what she said. 7

sincan: This album has fast turns from rather good to generic utter shit rock. 5

Cobal Caldera: An interesting blend of everything, from progressive metal to… synth pop, maybe?! Every song is a new experience, even if not necessarily a great one. 6

Ziv: Modern Swedish prog: slightly unstructured and mostly unmemorable. 2

Grave Digger: Healed by metalgrave_digger-healed_by_metal

3.8/10

Habakuk: RA GAGAGA GAG GAAGA RA! 4

Myrkrarfar: Stupid album title. Stupid songs. Stupid band. 3

sincan: Chance is that when you sing about metal, it is going to suck. 4

Cobal Caldera: A bunch of metal “hymns” that provoked more yawns in me than anything else. Not disgusting, but really boring. 4

Ziv: I can dig very early Grave Digger, but even then Chris Boltendahl’s vocals were the weak link. The riffs are pretty cool on this album, but man, the vocals and lyrics are downright terrible in an almost comical sense. When “true” heavy metal makes you doubt your love for the genre. 4

Gotthard: Silvergotthard-silver

2.5/10

Habakuk: Nothing got hard here. Ba-doom-tish! 3

Myrkrarfar: On this month’s edition of Will It Suck? Let’s see: we’ve got pop rock that is neither soft nor hard, a sacrilegious Beethoven fuck-over, a Seal (!) rip-off, Coldplay tendencies, radio-friendly production, and limp songwriting. Will it suck? You can bet your mom it does. 3

sincan: Motherfucking carpe that diem yolo nice dyed blue jeans man! 2

Ziv: These Swiss AOR hardrock veterans continue undaunted down their path of euro pomp metal, oblivious to good musical taste. 2

Aborym: Shifting.negativeaborym-shifting_negative

2.4/10

Habakuk: I think I’ve never heard such a flimsy-sounding industrial album. It’s 2017 people. 4

Myrkrarfar: Shitty Nine Inch Nails worship, with some “extreme” bits thrown in for bad measure. No thanks. 2

sincan: I didn’t think this industrial, short dyed black hair, carpe diem black shirt rock was still being made, I was wrong, and now I’m crying. 2

Cobal Caldera: From a cult industrial black metal act to a heavier version of Marilyn Manson… fuck it. 3

Ziv: Aborym must be hoping that lame industrial “black” metal is gonna make a comeback. And for such a derivative subgenre this band is truly bottom of the barrel.  1

Xandria: Theater of dimensionsxandria-theater_of_dimensions

2.2/10

Habakuk: The day when this shit will do anything for me still has to dawn. 3

Myrkrarfar: Opera sucks, mainly because of the singers’ pathological and vulgar overuse of wider-than-your-mom’s-ass vibrato. Xandria sucks for the same reason. Die. 2

sincan: Nightwish copy, anno a long time ago, bringing sugar sweet “opera metal”. 3

Cobal Caldera: “Who should we rip off this time, Nightwish or Epica? How about both of them?!” 3

Ziv: Operatic metal with absolutely garbage vocals, courtesy of Dianne von Giersbergen. To top it all off, horrendously cheap keyboards eliminate any musical potential this band had. For avid EMP fans only. 0


Click here for this month’s playlist by Cobal Caldera.

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One comment on “Audio Autopsy – March 2017

  1. Wooderson
    March 19, 2017

    I fucking love that the spirit of the original GD continues on and that Habakuk is part of it. Cheers!

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