GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – January 2017

Audio Autopsy – January 2017

01/01/17  ||  Global Domination

Metallica: Hardwired…to self-destructmetallica-hardwired_to_self-destruct

7.0/10

Habakuk: Definitely above my expectations. Can be listened to repeatedly. 7

Myrkrarfar: Too long, too much filler, too annoying kick sound…but all in all, this is a pretty fucken solid album! If the logo on the front wasn’t what it is, this would be rated much higher, methinks. 6

sincan: I didn’t dare to listen to this album until now and color me surprised with a really tiny brush, this was much better than I even dared to expect. Is it as good as their first couple of albums? No, but much better than the newer ones! The lyrics are not always the best but I can live with that, however they should have scrapped some tracks and made it shorter and more concentrated in terms of song quality. 7

Cobal Caldera: Hard to admit, but this is an excellent album. “Atlas…” is an instant classic. 8

Ziv: The Metallica of yore will never come back. But this new one has a bit of that ’80s spark lacking in their post “Black Album” phase. Still this is resolutely a modern-sounding album with Hetfield’s vocals a bit too clean for these dirty old ears. Enjoyable but not purchasable. 7

Vader: The empirevader-the_empire

6.8/10

Habakuk: I gotta say they have been better lately, but despite a bit of an overpolished sound, this is still some top-of-the-game death metal. 8

Myrkrarfar: My balls just love Vader’s slice of death; brutal and to the point. Aggressive and energetic. The blasts…the blasts!!! 8

sincan: The music isn’t bad but it is very hard to remember any of the tracks since I find a lack in variation. 6

Cobal Caldera: I suppose that if you’re a fan of Vader… 5

Ziv: I just can’t get into the vocals. They distract me from the otherwise pretty cool death metal riffing. 7

Heavydeath: In circles we dieheavydeath-in_circles_we_die

6.2/10

Habakuk: Heavydoomyokaydeath. 6

Myrkrarfar: Possessing the most greatest band name evah, Heavydeath doom and death in the very heavy’s. I liek, then forget to listens, becoz bore sometime. But mostly great’s. 6

sincan: Heavydeath is a rather good description of how this album sounds, I hope the next album will be heavierdeath, that would be great. 7

Cobal Caldera: Pretty decent doom death. Pretty forgettable too. 4

Ziv: Death doom metal with a variety of atmospheres. Heavydeath (stoopid name) are not afraid to experiment with dynamics, giving this release a longer shelf life than most in this typically rather monotonous genre. 8

Witchery: In His Infernal Majesty’s Servicewitchery-in_his_infernal_majestys_service

5.8/10

Habakuk: Sounds like they have borrowed at least one Vader guitarist. Damn solid. 8

Myrkrarfar: No I did not boner. 5

sincan: Blackened thrash at your service, not the best in the genre, but fully listenable. 7

Cobal Caldera: I struggled choosing the songs for the playlist mainly because the all tracks in “In His Infernal…” are way too indistinct. 4

Ziv: Here we have a competent yet innocuously flat album by the embarrassingly douchey “Satanic” band Witchery. It’s so dark and evil and hateful that I think I need some antacids and a nap. 5

Dark Tranquillity: Atomadark_tranquillity-atoma

5.2/10

Habakuk: They are like the control group to In Flames “let’s turn to shit” experiment. 7

Myrkrarfar: If they could just cut the fat, DT could write a great record. As it is, the numerous mid-tempos and filler parts make me yawn like your mom did last night. Apparently my striptease is a drag. (Get it? Get it?) 5

sincan: Partly same old Dark Tranquillity, but is it just me or have they gone a bit lighter and softer? 6

Cobal Caldera: At least it’s better than In Flames’… (yawns). 4

Ziv: Skillfully boring melodic gothic-tinged death metal from these GOTHenburg veterans. 4

Aenaon: Hypnosophyaenaon-hypnosophy

4.8/10

Habakuk: Last time I checked, music was made interesting by songwriting, not by adding more random shit. 4

Myrkrarfar: Earlier these weirdish Greeks reminded me of Emperor, now it’s more Arcturus meets Ihsahn. Interesting and competent, but the metamorphosis is not yet fully complete. To bring coherence into this chaotic a blend, the theme connecting all the elements needs to be stronger. A minus for the misplaced/miscast clean vox. 5

sincan: If you’re into the semi crazy jazz circus black metal scene this might be something for you: 6

Cobal Caldera: Well, well, what do we have here? It takes a while, but there’s a lot to listen in this record. By the by, avant-garde, OK, but black metal?! You’re kidding. 6

Ziv: Experimental Greek black metal that sounds like a cross between Arcturus and The Shining, with Budget “Mike” Patton on vocals, sprinkled with metalcore breakdowns. I hear you saying to yourself, “Wow, could it get any worse?” One word: saxophone. When “experimental” is a poor excuse for intellectualized rubbish. 3

Root: Kärgeräs – Return from oblivionroot-kargeras-return_from_oblivion

4.8/10

Habakuk: The friendly neighborhood baritone having a bad day. 6

Myrkrarfar: VibratoOoOoOooOoOoOoOoOo from hell doesn’t save this weirdfest, nor does Root’s kvlt cred. Smite! 3

sincan: There is just something with Root that doesn’t fully agree with my senses, it is a bit unorthodox yes, but I can’t really put any words on it. 6

Cobal Caldera: Interesting approach to… black pagan proggish metal? Whatever this is, it’s an acquired taste. The clean, warrior chants all over the place are a bit intriguing, if not almost annoying at moments. At least no one can say they’re copying anyone. 5

Ziv: What happened? I used to listen to this band a lot in the early ’90s. But it seems the wheel of time has turned this band into a complete self-parody. Maybe they should have stayed in oblivion? 4

Animals As Leaders: The madness of manyanimals_as_leaders-the_madness_of_many

4.6/10

Habakuk: I have always hated math. 4

Myrkrarfar: One of the musician-wise most gifted bands in the metal world, Animals as Leaders have steadily evolved into better songwriters, and are now coming into their own. Über-technical fusion metal is an acquired taste, but if you think it’s reasonable to substitute vocals for crazy polyrhythms, emotive guitar (and bass!) leads, and chords that may or may not exist, this might make your dick as hard as mine is right now. 8

sincan: Oh make it stop, it sounds like when you went to bed shitfaced and dreamt that you where in a nightclub placed in a dryer. 3

Cobal Caldera: The more classical guitar parts are pretty good. All the rest gave me a headache. 3

Ziv: Moderately enjoyable instrumental tech-metal. For the very few fans of the genre.  5

HammerFall: Built to lasthammerfall-built_to_last

4.2/10

Habakuk: Lucky month for you guys. This is insanely good – next to Freedom Call. 3

Myrkrarfar: How to HammerBall: pick up a hammer, smash it down on your unexpecting testicles. HammerBall. The most fun game on earth! The soundtrack should be a generic heavy metal record that, ironically, lacks balls. 5

sincan: Is this some sort of power metal feast this month? 5

Cobal Caldera: Everything I said about Civil War can easily go here too. Except the vocals, of course. 5

Ziv: Another Hammerfall release. Because Earth really needed another 47 minutes of wearisome, impotent power metal. 3

De La Tierra: IIde_la_tierra-ii

4.2/10

Habakuk: Why does this get a recording contract? It sounds like a narcoleptic child of lame-era Sepultura and Brujeria. 3

Myrkrarfar: De La Suck Mah Balls. 3

sincan: You don’t have to take many guesses about what band one of the members also plays the string holding object in, South American groove metal where, mostly, the guitar is the only thing keeping it interesting. 6

Cobal Caldera: This “super” group really fascinates me. Not because I love their music — I do enjoy some of their songs very much, but because I feel they are in search of a sound of their own. Groove metal, crossover thrash, alternative rock, and a variety of other unlikely yet subtle ingredients make their music feel kinda unfulfilled at times, but pretty unique too. And what I find even more interesting is that they are one of the few examples of Latin American groups successfully creating and not just simply imitating what the Yankee or European bands do. More daring and diverse than its predecessor, “II” is not a masterwork, but another step in the right direction. 7

Ziv: Anyone need a fix of bad Latino nu metal? Anyone for tennis? 2

Pretty Maids: Kingmakerpretty_maids-kingmaker

3.8/10

Habakuk: 30 years late, but that’s the biggest mistake I can see with it. 6

Myrkrarfar: Pretty lames. 3

sincan: Modern melodic old man radio metal. 5

Cobal Caldera: Aaand here you go your dose of radio rock. Not terrible, not for me. 3

Ziv: As much as I enjoy their early work this new release is an absolute doozy. It’s so overproduced that it has lost that edge which gave character to these sorts of bands. Too modern to be called AOR, this is nothing but Euro radio popmetal for an age group that doesn’t even listen to music on the radio. 2

Civil War: The last full measurecivil_war-the_last_full_measure

3.8/10

Habakuk: This could be like a slow Sabaton clone, but who let the leprechaun to the microphone again? 3

Myrkrarfar: I’ll have to shut your beak with my cock, you croaky fuck. No one likes you. 3

sincan: Well, one might think that these guys were only supposed to sound like Sabaton without the stupid r’s (read arse), but Civil War sounds more like other power metal classic bands, so I guess they’re not as monotonous and arse like. 6

Cobal Caldera: Their previous record caught my attention somehow. This doesn’t. The difference? Virtually none. That’s the problem. OK, there are a few good songs here, but this is ultimately a decent power metal record with funny vocals. 4

Ziv: Comprised of ex-Sabaton members, you can guess what these morons sound like. Epic teutonic metal with a very, very average vocalist, yet somehow less annoying than Sabaton by a long way. 3

Devilment: II – The Mephisto waltzesdevilment-ii-the_mephisto_waltzes

3.6/10

Habakuk: The obligatory chick singer band for this month, in one ear, out the other. 4

Myrkrarfar: Goth milk? 3

sincan: I must say that my knowledge of Cradle of Penix is very tiny, since Mr. Filthy Underpants is so fucking annoying, and I had no idea he was in this band but I would be lying if I said that the vocals on this one didn’t drive me nuts, oh and it oozes of circus freak show party. 3

Cobal Caldera: Surprisingly good. That chick in command of the keys and clean vocals is talented. Mr Filth? Meh… 5

Ziv: Industrial nu metal full of stinky gothic cheesiness and an indigestion of vocals, courtesy of Dani Filth. 3

Freedom Call: Master of lightfreedom_call-master_of_light

3.2/10

Habakuk: These guys never understood a single thing about metal. 2

Myrkrarfar: How to Freedom Ball: wear a kilt, no undies, wave ’em like you just don’t care, and make your best Braveheart impression: “FRRRREEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOM”. And for the love of Crom, don’t listen to this shit. 2

sincan: I guess this edition will give me diabetes because of all the cute power metal albums… 4

Cobal Caldera: Upbeat power metal that resembles of… yup, of Helloween. The thing is this doesn’t feel as a bunch of losers ripping off others’ old glories, but actually playing honest, good songs. The way they updated power metal lyrical common places is praiseworthy. 7

Ziv: Somewhere, probably in Germany, some chap called Gunther is stroking himself to the sheer awesomeness of this second-rate Helloween album known as Freedom Balls: Master of Shite. The rest of us will just continue on our merry way and pretend this never happened. 1

In Flames: Battlesin_flames-battles

3.0/10

Habakuk: For a band whose main redeeming quality are lead guitars, they rely surprisingly sparsely on them. 5

Myrkrarfar: Expected music, got shit. 2

sincan: This album sure doesn’t sound like a battle, more like a frat party. 4

Cobal Caldera: Almost every fucking track here has a GREAT moment. Objectively EVERY fucking song here reaches a moment when it sucks duck ass. So sad. 3

Ziv: This is absolutely dreadful. In Flames were never an amazing band but the first three albums had their moments. I guess in order to pay the bills you have to completely sell out and cater to this decade’s angst-ridden generation. 1

Cobal Caldera’s monthly Spotify playlist can be found here.

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