GLOBAL DOMINATION

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Audio Autopsy – October 2016

Audio Autopsy – October 2016

01/10/16  ||  Global Domination

Inquisition: Bloodshed across the empyrean altar beyond the celestial zenithinquisition-bloodshed_across_the_empyrean_altar_beyond_the_celestial_zenith

8.0/10

Habakuk: Starting on a high note with two insanely good songs (and moving further away from the fucken croaking), these two guys do lose steam a bit in the course of the album. Still a force to be reckoned with! 8

Myrkrarfar: Croak of Satan. In space. 6

sincan: At first I was rather disappointed with this album, it felt like not so many tracks were as strong as those on their last two albums. After spinning the shit out of this record while grinding my sword against the genitals of thousand virgins, it started to grow and grow and now it is fully in bloom, this bloody meat rose. 9

sly: Black metal perfection. Inquisition have finally released their magnum opus and truly entered into the select pantheon of black metal’s elite. 9

davedeath: I’ve had to suffer through some hideous power metal shite this month, but this I can dig.  Great fast and varied drumming, with a good drum sound that doesn’t make it feel like the drummer is using your skull as his snare (e.g., Portal).  Apparently this band has been around for a while and this album is following in very much the same mainly black metal with a pinch of Incantation-style death metal heaviness thrown-in style of its predecessors but if you haven’t heard them before I’m guessing this is a good place to start. I liked it.   The lead guitar work on this album is very sweet, a blackened death vibe for sure. 8

Hellbringer: Awakened from the abysshellbringer-awakened_from_the_abyss

7.2/10

Habakuk: A band with exactly two influences: Hell awaits and Slayer. And fuck it, they’re good at it! Even after repeated listens. 8

Myrkrarfar: Picking up the ball Slayer dropped 25 or so years ago, Hellbringer make you go thrashin’ fuckin’ mad!!! Yeeeaaaaahhhhh!!! Fuuuckkkk!!! 9

sincan: Dirty old school speedy thrash without oversized white sneakers. Hipsters will cry if they buy this stuff, which is good I guess. 7

sly: Slayer’s slightly lackluster unreleased album recorded between “Show No Mercy” and “Reign in Blood”. 7

davedeath: Really well played thrash that really sounds like Slayer thirty years ago, right down to the vocals, leads, etc.  Riffs too.  Sound like they’ve been lifted straight off of the first three Slayer records.  Actually I think they might have been.  If bands like Gruesome (Death copyists) are your bag, and you aren’t old enough to have heard all of this stuff back when these riffs were written, check it out.  But does originality count for anything???  I think it should.  5

Sodom: Decision daysodom-decision_day

6.4/10

Habakuk: Great, we really went downhill for 10 years straight now. 5

Myrkrarfar: For better and worse, the My Little One-trick Pony That Could Named Sodom prances on, oblivious to change. 5

sincan: This is a good soundtrack when thrashing your apartment (read your mom’s couch). 8

sly: With modern-day Sodom you know what to expect: solid, competent Teutonic thrash that’s pleasant background music but rarely more than that. 6

davedeath: A bad Sodom album would still be at least a 6/10.  This is a good Sodom album.  Not “Agent Orange”, “Persecution Mania”, or “M-16” 10/10 standard, but their best since “M-16” nonetheless.  You know what Sodom sounds like.  This is a good Sodom album. Plus Onkel Tom uses the word ‘vaginal’ here, tee hee.  8

Helstar: Vampirohelstar-vampiro

5.8/10

Habakuk: The thrash is good, the vocals aren’t. Wellll. 5

Myrkrarfar: Possibly the most annoying vocalist I’ve heard today. This being the first album I put on doesn’t change the fact that Mr. Nasal-Vibrato Wobbly-Pitch Penis-Lover loves my penis in all the wrong ways. Too bad, ’cause the music ain’t that shit. 4

sincan: Oh no, please don’t bite me ye old vampire. 6

sly: Helstar have never strayed from their ’80s power/speed/thrash roots; it’s as if the last 25 years never happened. Sits comfortably next to 1989’s “Nosferatu” album. And at 56 James Rivera still sounds great! 8

davedeath: This is more original than Hellbringer.  The “Painkiller”-era Judas Priest influence is very obvious though.  Like Hellbringer these guys are great musicians. 6

Running Wild: Rapid forayrunning_wild-rapid_foray

5.4/10

Habakuk: Great to see we can forget about that fucken “Shadowmaker” atrocity. Stupid the old fashioned way, Pirates, Indians, Firemen and Astronauts. Well… not all of those. 6

Myrkrarfar: What a great moniker for the king of handjobs: Rapid Foreskin – melting your dick in minutes! Yeah, that joke was Teh Bore. Like this album. 3

sincan: Aaaaargh. 5

sly: Not much thought went into the creation process of Running Wild’s latest opus.  It’s still better than the last few though. 4

davedeath: I’ve suffered through more than my fair share of cheese for this AA.  But you know what?  Cheese can be delicious if it is made right. Running Wild make that kind of cheese.  A guilty pleasure for sure.  This isn’t quite their classic late ’80s standard, but it’s still good. Pirates beat wizards any day! At least they can avoid the undignified Manowar posing pouch look in their old age. It will make you air guitar and pump your fist (not as in beat your meat, but if that’s your bag, go for it), like all good cheese should. I’m giving this an extra point for the silly grin factor.  I think this might be their best since “Black Hand Inn”. 9

SubRosa: For this we fought the battle of agessubrosa-for_this_we_fought_the_battle_of_ages

5.0/10

Habakuk: Wow this is horrible. Fire the vocalist and play interesting music? 3

Myrkrarfar: Original yet mostly uninteresting mash-up of post-rock and doom. 5

sincan: This is for sure something interesting, but I think I need more time with this one to fully be able to judge it, however for now, it’s a solid one. 7

sly: The Tracy Chapman of doom. Boring, pretentious, artfartchickdoom going nowhere fast. It’s like The Cranberries on ketamine. 1

davedeath: I’ve seen some strange genre descriptions for this, including ‘stoner metal’…this is most definitely NOT stoner metal in any shape or form.  No fuzzy neck pickup Acid King type riffage on this.  Maybe it’s bad acid trip sludge metal?  Ha ha!  I like it though…definitely doomy and gloomy, with definite post-metal influences.  If I was to compare it with any doom metal band, I’d say it reminds me at times of the more recent Ahab releases (which is no faint praise at all, coming from me). Female vocals, more than one, sometimes reminds me of Bjork at her most depressed.  Not a bad thing at all, definitely more appealing than that awful Delain titties-and-lipstick stuff.  The drummer bashes the life out of his kit. They’ve got violins too, but use them in interesting ways.  I really like the quieter passages in this.  This is a very powerful album, my favourite out of this AA, and unlike several of the others it is actually quite different, original, and hard to categorize. 9

Ablaze My Sorrow: Blackablaze_my_sorrow-black

4.8/10

Habakuk: Hold on, you can do this pedestrian shit for HOW long? 5

Myrkrarfar: Forgettable back in the 90’s, forgettable now. Melodic swedeathblack may be my favorite genre but even dat ass has its cheeseballs. 5

sincan: Melodic death metal is mostly about fairytales, ponies and whining about getting your short hair in the eyes, this is more about melancholy and some good musical moments here and there. 7

sly: I’m afraid my feelings on this one can only be expressed in haiku form: Heavy my sorrow / On listening to such bland / Music this band plays. 3

davedeath: You know, this was at the beginning of this month’s playlist so I probably listened to it a lot more than the others, often by accident.  And you know what else?  It still hasn’t grown on me.  It’s kind of like pompous power metal dudes do black metal.  Which isn’t cool like when the German hardcore dudes from Planks do that black metal band Ultha, which is awesome.  This is grating, and I can’t really put my finger on exactly why besides the fact that it sounds somehow pompous and pretentious. On the other hand it’s not that shitty.  It’s just in that mediocre I-don’t-know-if-I-hate-it-but-I-kind-of-do territory.  4

Vicious Rumors: Concussion protocolvicious_rumors-concussion_protocol

4.6/10

Habakuk: This is like a tribute to thrash metal anno 1996. 3

Myrkrarfar: I heard a rumor they ain’t that vicious, after all. Like a small dog barking like its balls are on fire. 4

sincan: Is it some retro thrash speed heavy whatever month this time? Rumors are saying yes. 4

sly: Decent comeback but I’ll stick with the first four albums. This one is for Vicious Rumors’ hardcore fans only. 6

davedeath: I guess some would call this power metal because of the Halford-esque vocal style, but it’s pretty thrashy at times in that Accept kind of way, and there’s a bit of a nineties Judas Priest or even Fight vibe to it sometimes.  What I like about it most is the wicked-ass lead guitar work.  There are some decent songs on here, but it kind of feels like you are waiting for that next sick-ass lead part.  The lyrics are pretty much Judas Priest style cheese. Overall I’d rate this as ‘not bad’, but not something I’d listen to again. Apparently these guys have been around for fucking ages, and they are as old as me.  I’m kind of wondering why I haven’t noticed them before.  At least the guitarist has had a long time to work on his chops, and it shows.  If this is your kind of thing give them a shot. Either these guys or the Helstar, they are on a level. 6

Blues Pills: Lady in goldblues_pills-lady_in_gold

4.4/10

Habakuk: Decent stuff, like Graveyard with female vocals. 6

Myrkrarfar: More like sleeping pills, but who doesn’t like sleep? 5

sincan: If you can’t get enough of that retro rock thing with flared jeans, psychedelic tunes and a chick handling the microphone, this is most definitely something you can fill your ears with when playing witch and mixing magical herbs and incenses in your central apartment. 6

sly: I don’t really know what to say about this. I like the idea of what they’re trying to do, she actually has a decent voice, but the whole thing is just… innocuous. And irritating. And I don’t know what else to say. Think The Black Crowes with Adele on vocals. 5

davedeath: I’m not exactly sure why we are reviewing this.  Maybe it’s a Swedish thing??  I’m an Aussie though and I can’t figure out how this is metal at all.  I wouldn’t call it heavy either.  I figure the best practice here is to give this a score based on its metal content.  Nice record for a barbecue or something though.  0

Throes Of Dawn: Our voices shall remainthroes_of_dawn-our_voices_shall_remain

4.2/10

Habakuk: One of the throes of dawn is that it’s super boring. 5

Myrkrarfar: Hoes of Dawg is an awesome hip hop group moniker, much better than, say, Wu-Tang Clan. Also, I’m planning on going ghetto on this sorry wheedler’s excuse of a vocalist’s ass for being horrible. U a hoe, dawg. 3

sincan: If you are planning to use the longest of intros you can think of, you better back it the fuck up, instead of giving us sleeping pill after sleeping pill. 4

sly: Their voices shall remain silent in my house. 3

davedeath: Somehow I nearly missed this one on the list until the last minute, but then I found it and gave it a listen.  I used to dig stuff like Anathema and Paradise Lost back in the day (early ’90s), and this reminds me of that but, dare I say it, the older version of me likes this better.  It doesn’t try to mix in the heavy moments with the more airy, melancholy stuff, but I tend to think that bands like Anathema always sounded a bit half-arsed when they did that anyway.  There are some really nice soaring leads in this that carry me away.  Some of the keyboard stuff leaves me cold, and after a while the guitar stuff gets a bit stale, but overall I think this is decent. 6

Twilight Force: Heroes of mighty magictwilight_force-heroes_of_mighty_magic

3.8/10

Habakuk: Heroes of Mighty Magic???  Choke on your fucken D20s. 2

Myrkrarfar: More is more, and too much is even better! How can you not love this tongue-in-cheek-but-still-serious-or-is-it-i’m-confused approach to power metal, the genre most void of self-distance. Refreshing as fuck. Fantastic musicianship, great falsetto vocals, and the orchestrations are unparallelled. I’m sold. 8

sincan: The cover art includes a big dragon who is puking out some purple fire(?), get ready for cliché after cliché in the dubious world of power metal. I guess it is well executed though, with sing-along choruses and waxed breasts. 5

sly: I feel as if I went to see a reenactment of the legend of King Arthur and the Sword in the Stone in Disneyland at Christmastime. Seriously the first three words that came to my mind upon first listen were Disney, Christmas, and Camelot. In terms of actual listenability it’s an absolutely ludicrous 1. But for the fact that it gave me a really good laugh, let’s say a generous 3

davedeath: I might have to adjust my score for Sabaton up a bit after listening to this…no, wait, Sabaton still suck.  I’ll just give this a lower score than that.  This is that old arcade game Golden Axe set to music, except the little dude with the axe in Golden Axe has been turned into a complete (Harry Potter level) wimp.  1

Delain: Moonbathersdelain-moonbathers

3.8/10

Habakuk: I do not enjoy this girl metal genre EXCEPT for a select few albums that work. This is one of them. Ingredients: Pretty unobtrusive but great voice, great songwriting. Lord K would approve I’m sure. 8

Myrkrarfar: As gay as Ricky Martin’s hair gel. And that’s the good part. 3

sincan: You know all these guys who grew up listening to Within Temptation and just had to do their own version of that band? What, you don’t know them? Well, that is because those guys are relatively few, but obviously too many. 1

sly: Dutch symphonic rock metal with a poor man’s Amy Lee (of Evanescence) on vocals. I think that says enough. 2

davedeath: If Lord K was still with us he’d probably have to go rub one out over these sexy female vocals.  Personally I’ve never liked that kind of stuff.  I love female vocals, just the crusty dreadlock girl Detestation or Nausea sort.  I think it’s because the music that these kind of female vocals comes with is always the same kind of poxy crap that you can imagine some mulleted, snakeskin boot wearing ’80s looking hair metal bassist playing as his ‘new direction’…  5

Carnifex: Slow deathcarnifex-slow_death

3.6/10

Habakuk: You will never step out of the Warhammer 40k monster’s shadow. Sorry guys, even more claws. 3

Myrkrarfar: I am ashamed to the core I have to admit that I kinda like this -core bullshit. Sometimes. Maybe. 5

sincan: You will most likely hope for a fast death when listening to this little dog on steroids metal. 3

sly: Carnifex are an American douchecore band who seem to have gotten so caught up in their own badassery that they forgot to write any good songs. 1

davedeath: You know, I wanted to hate this, as it looks like the typical deathcore bollocks.  But you know what?  I gave it a listen and actually didn’t mind it.  I guess I must have listened to it between a couple of the old ‘wizards & warlocks’ power metal records… It doesn’t come across as overly deathcore, until you focus on the drumming, there are some good black metal elements in there, some technical stuff a la brutal death metal, not really my thing but I think it’s not bad.  The keyboard thing is a bit weird though.  It’s like they are trying to pack in too many things in order to stand out from the deathcore pack.  But stand out they do.  I kind of hate that “Pale Ghost” song though.  6

Kuolemanlaakso: M. Laakso, vol. 1: The Gothic tapeskuolemanlaakso-m_laakso_vol_1_the_gothic_tapes

2.8/10

Habakuk: I don’t know if I have to be Finnish to appreciate? 4

Myrkrarfar: When HIM meets Tiamat, tears of boredom spring forth. 3

sincan: It seems like some Finns have an unhealthy relation towards including too much synthesizers or playing too much goth, this is the latter. 3

sly: Another AA and another crappy Finnish gothic doom band with those uniquely horrendous Finnish vocals. Pass. 1

davedeath: “Gothic Tapes”.  For sure.  Problem is that this didn’t remind me of any good gothic stuff that I remember, like Fields of the Nephilim, Sisters of Mercy, etc.  Instead I mainly thought of those cyber-goth dudes with the embarrassing trousers and fake dreadlocks who dance around the basement listening to Rammstein or Nine Inch Nails.  Are the Nineties making a comeback? 3

Sabaton: The last standsabaton-the_last_stand

2.6/10

Habakuk: Such cheese. They have won me over finally. 6

Myrkrarfar: The smell of faulty smoke machines and bland energy drinks is still too damn high, but the guitar solos at least have bettered their ways. 4

sincan: How long can these guys write the same song over and over again? Hillbilly life metal deluxe. 1

sly: You know what’s even worse than the latest Sabaton album? The entire back catalogue of deplorably godawful Sabaton albums. I’m pretty sure this is Obama’s fault. 0

davedeath: Why do I suddenly feel as if I have been transported to Wacken standing in the middle of a paddock full of power metal nerds?  Oh, that’s right, it’s Sabaton.  I know it’s supposed to make you feel as you have been transported to the middle of a medieval battlefield, but it just feels like Warhammer or something.  Somehow Bolt Thrower made Warhammer sound cool.  But Warhammer is not actually cool.  These guys bring out the true essence of Warhammer…  I want my 37 minutes back… 2

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