GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – May 2016

Audio Autopsy – May 2016

01/05/16  ||  Global Domination

Gadget: The great destroyergadget-the_great_destroyer

7.2/10

Habakuk: Grind grind grind grind. Count me in. 7

Myrkrarfar: This album is about as useful as Inspector Gadget’s telescopic limbs. Very. 7

sly: Solid Swedish grind that sounds like Entombed on speed and steroids. I love the production on this one; it’s feculent and aggressive the way grind should be. 8

Cobal Caldera: A true kick in your balls. Something to be listened to here, even if grindcore ain’t exactly your thing. 6

Daemonomania: Always have dug Gadget’s Nasumesque, cleanly executed grinding punishment.  The last track is an absolute monster – goes to show what these dudes can do with more than two minutes.  Will buy, rad.  8

Sarke: Bogefodsarke-bogefod

7.0/10

Habakuk: Other bands sarke more. 7

Myrkrarfar: Blackin’ and-a thrashin’ and-a rockin’ all over the woooorld. And I like it, I like it, I like it… 6

sly: Sarke’s music is stripped down and relies on simple, mid-tempo, yet twisted riffs that ooze with atmosphere. Over the top is Nocturno Culto’s uniquely venomous vocals spewing delightfully misanthropic lyrics. It’s certainly not a tolerable combination for your everyday Joe Metalhead. This could even have been a nearly perfect album if it hadn’t been ruined at one point by the mediocre track “Dawning” and its grating lady vocals. Too bad. 8

Cobal Caldera: Mid-paced blackened metal that’s significantly better when things slow down and get a bit dissonant. An acquired taste for me. 6

Daemonomania: Actually pretty fucken dope, slow-mo black/thrash.  Great, oozing solos abound, a lady opera acoustic thing happens at some point, and the Dark One beats off repeatedly.   Who woulda thunk it?  8

Rotten Sound: Abuse to sufferrotten_sound-abuse_to_suffer

6.8/10

Habakuk: What do you expect from a Rotten Sound album? 8

Myrkrarfar: The grooviest variety of white noise. 6

sly: These guys have always been good but this latest stuff is up there with early Nasum. It’s a full-on grindcore attack with a few enjoyable surprises here and there, such as the nasty, sludgy riffs on “Machine”, “Brainwashed”, and “The Clerk”. 8

Cobal Caldera: So you think you’re tough? Bam, right in the nuts. AGAIN. 6

Daemonomania: Despite having all the “I should like this” boxes checked off, I’ve never been terribly impressed with Cotton Pound.  That doesn’t change here.  “Time For the Fix” is killer, nonetheless.  6

Miasmal: Tides of omnisciencemiasmal-tides_of_omniscience

6.4/10

Habakuk: Not bad. Even Cthulhu approves a little. 7

Myrkrarfar: What’s the most brutal bird of ’em all? The GR-OWL! Hahahaha!!! Aahhhahhahaa!!! Haha. Yep. Sorry. No, of course it’s the condor. 7

sly: Miasmal may never top their debut album but this new one is tides better than the disappointing sophomore release. It’s old school Swedish death metal, with some not-too-heavy melodies, and while it’s still pummeling I could go for a bit more filth. 8

Cobal Caldera: If it weren’t for the excellent guitar solos, I’d say this is generic death thrash. 5

Daemonomania: Sounds modern.  Sounds deathy.  Sounds like no one in particular, more like everyone at once.  Sounds like a 5.

Ragnarok: Psychopathologyragnarok-psychopathology

6.2/10

Habakuk: Hey, this was surprisingly good for a shit name like that. 8

Myrkrarfar: If this is what Ragnarøk (the end of the world) will sound like, I’m not sure anyone will notice. 5

sly: These guys have always been the flag bearers of second division Norwegian black metal and this album doesn’t change that. It’s stale and timeworn in that nothing-new-under-the-blackened-sun sort of way, yet it is solid and even mildly entertaining. Draugnim take note! 5

Cobal Caldera: A very solid record in terms of riffage, song-writing, and overall production. It’s really heavy, and at the same time, it keeps that old almost folky vibe of many old school bands. Worth to listen. 8

Daemonomania: Not bad, but Satan’s sulfuric fingers don’t slip seductively across my slimy scrotum at any point herein.  5

Spiritual Beggars: Sunrise to sundownspiritual_beggars-sunrise_to_sundown

5.4/10

Habakuk: In a shitty month, all it takes is some Hammond-infused Swedish Sabbath worship and you’re set for a win. 8

Myrkrarfar: The laid-back and groovy spirit of the 70’s still lives. To be digested with a cold beer in the sun. 7

sly: A not-so-fresh blend of hard rock and stoner, dangling somewhere in between Deep Purple and Scorpions. The musicianship may be high but everything feels contrived and insincere. 4

Cobal Caldera: A collection of samples of different styles of rock. As good as they may be, I don’t know if that’s good enough for a record. 5

Daemonomania: Someone digs “Burn”-era Deep Purple, and other assorted classic/hard rock.  Me too, but I prefer the original versions. “Diamond Under Pressure” sounds so much like “Might Just Take Your Life” that these Beggars should beware of hurdy gurdy attack from Blackmore in the Night.  3

Accuser: The forlorn divideaccuser-the_forlorn_divide

5.4/10

Habakuk: Doesn’t dominate. 5

Myrkrarfar: Why the fuck would you u§e a §ection §ign instead of a fucken “s” in your moniker? ‘Cau§e it’§ cool? Well, it’§ about a§ cool a§ your redneck uncle§ ball§ at the end of a barbecue evening in Texa§. Not very. 5

sly: This month’s stale, second division, Teutonic thrash band is Accuser. They were fair to middling in their heyday and they’re still passable now. So that in itself is an accomplishment, I suppose. 5

Cobal Caldera: Dense, technically complex, and solid, “The forlorn divide” is the most hard-hitting record we’ve gotten in months. Guitar solos, for once, make a difference here. The playlist for this month won’t be so short after all. 8

Daemonomania: Sounds modern.  Sounds thrashy.  Sounds like Dew-Scented.  Sounds like a 4.

Convulse: Cycle of revengeconvulse-cycle_of_revenge

5.2/10

Habakuk: Death metal that you don’t notice is playing. 5

Myrkrarfar: My favorite hallucinogenic for the moment. 7

sly: The death metal vocals are so out of touch with the music (or maybe vice versa) that it’s very hard to take any of it seriously. Possibly a better mix would do the trick? I don’t know. And I don’t care. I’ll stick to “World Without God”. 4

Cobal Caldera: Such an enjoyable record. I mean it. I love a stoner touch in my death metal. Vocals, on the other hand… Well, you can’t have it all, right? 7

Daemonomania: Strange, progressive.  Definitely not what I was expecting, since all I’ve got to go on is “World Without God.”  Nothing really jumps out as being awesome, sadly. 3

Draugnim: Vulturinedraugnim-vulturine

5.2/10

Habakuk: Pretty atmospheric blackish metal, I gotta say. 7

Myrkrarfar: The melancholic atmospheres are rad, if you can keep awake more than a few minutezzzzzz… 5

sly: This is some of the dullest and blandest pagan black metal that I have ever heard. And that’s saying something. 4

Cobal Caldera: Black-enough pagan metal that actually makes good company for a calm while. Not that everyone’s into that. 6

Daemonomania: Wait, did I accidentally play “Jornsviking” again?  Nope, more keyboards.  4

Amon Amarth: Jomsvikingamon_amarth-jomsviking

5.2/10

Habakuk: I never thought much of them to begin with, but even I feel it’s petering out a little bit. Clearest evidence: They have a Doro feature. 6

Myrkrarfar: I’ll say the same as every village-by-the-sea about to get sacked by Vikings: “Not this again…” Or to paraphrase Game of Thrones: “Same, same, same.” 6

sly: Another dull, predictable album by a dull, predictable band – the hype and success of which completely mystifies me. 4

Cobal Caldera: Sounds like a more “maidenesque” Amon Amarth. 5

Daemonomania: Amon Amarth continue down the daring creative path of continuing to be Amon Amarth.  Minus a point for the Doro nonsense, which sounds like ze Vikings teamed up with a shaky ‘tard. 5

Metal Church: XImetal_church-xi

4.8/10

Habakuk: When your eponymous song has been overtaken by a cover, you can quit. 5

Myrkrarfar: I shall not be attending mass. 5

sly: Mike Howe is back on vocals? Fuck yes! I love “The Human Factor” and “Blessing in Disguise”. But how does it sound some 25 years later? Mike’s pipes haven’t aged a bit and his lyrics are still outstanding; the riffs are substantial but lacking some ferocity. I think the slower songs work better with his voice on this album, and the mix could have used more guitar and less vocals. That said, it’s still a pretty good comeback release. 7

Daemonomania: At first I thought the vocalist was joking.  He wasn’t.  Chew upon two heaping handfuls of Halford’s ballhair and pray for divine intervention.  2

Stam1na: Elokuutiostam1na-elokuutio

3.2/10

Habakuk: Is it possible to make Killswitch Engage worse? Easy, just add Finnish lyrics. 2

Myrkrarfar: 2 girls 1 cup? How about 1 band, 0 boundaries. And a cockload of talent. 8

sly: Frightfully bad Finnish metal sung in Finnish. At least they’ve got a superbly clever moniker. 1

Cobal Caldera: You probably need to be Finnish to fully appreciate this. It’s something I’ve never listened to before, I’ll give them that. 3

Daemonomania: Better than the “1” in their name might suggest, but not by much.  2

Blaze Bayley: Infinite entanglementblaze_bayley-infinite_entanglement

2.4/10

Habakuk: If I were Blaze Bayley, I’d join a band where all other members’ names are the band name. 2

Myrkrarfar: Much like Blazing Saddles is a western parody, Blaze Bayley is a vocalist parody. Except you laugh for the wrong reasons. 3

sly: Sure it’s a Blaze Bayley album, but this cannot be him on vocals. Dear Blaze, let’s be honest here – you were never that great, but somehow now you’re actually terrible. What happened to you? 1

Cobal Caldera: Many have criticized Bayley’s music for not having evolved since his early records. Truth is the whole sci-fi concept, arrangements and aria vocals don’t do him any favor. Pity. 4

Daemonomania: A tale of a robot space ninja mission, as narrated by a female computer and Ozzy after dental surgery.  Near-infinite buttsucklement.  2

Killswitch Engage: Incarnatekillswitch_engage-incarnate

2.0/10

Habakuk: I will forever credit these guys for cementing my despise for modern metal. 3

Myrkrarfar: If I ever hear another breakdown of this kind again, I’ll incarnate into your anus as Ebola. 3

sly: The kings (or jesters?) of metalcore are back with an *even more* mainstream release for shitty, angst-ridden teens. Honestly, who gives a damn? As the mighty Fenriz once said, “You can fuck off and die.” 0

Cobal Caldera: First Mortiis and then this. I’m starting to believe this month’s playlist is gonna be short. 0

Daemonomania: Was going to make the following joke:  Killmyselfswitch – Engaged.  But alas, this stuff is not poorly done or actively painful to listen to as I was hoping, just not my bag (except the Hatebreed parts) baby.  4

Mortiis: The great deceivermortiis-the_great_deceiver

1.6/10

Habakuk: Some industrial, some rock, some boredom. 5

Myrkrarfar: Mortiis hyped his new record as the best ever. Look what happened, Pinocchio-style. 2

sly: How does this dolt still get record deals?! Do people really want to listen to dreadfully subpar industrial metal? I give up. 0

Cobal Caldera: I suppose that if you’re a true fan of Marilyn Manson’s and Rob Zombie’s remixes… you should probably NOT be reading this. 0

Daemonomania: “Hey hey hey, I’m guilty, and you’re guilty too!”  Back to the ‘90’s with thy sound.  AWAY. 1

 

Cobal Caldera’s playlist for this month:

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