GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – February 2016

Audio Autopsy – January 2016

01/02/16  ||  Global Domination

Firespawn: Shadow realmsfirespawn-shadow_realms

7.0/10

Habakuk: Somebody likes Grave. 6

Myrkrarfar: How do you spell “solid”? That’s right: P-E-N-I-S. At least when I’m listening to Firespawn. 8

sincan: Fuck my ears with chainsaws, this is one of the best death metal albums in a very long time with great riffs and songwriting. 8

sly: This “supergroup” worships Floridian death metal and Behemoth. Pretty enjoyable stuff, though it does feel a bit restrained and polished. 7

Cobal Caldera: Badass but not so primitive. Cool. 6

Monolithe: Epsilon aurigaemonolithe-epsilon_aurigae

7.0/10

Habakuk: Like funeral doom but without the slowness. If I had more time, maybe I’d score it higher. 7

Myrkrarfar: This immense slab of doom is not to be taken lithely. Monolithely. You’re welcome. 8

sincan: The album starts pretty good’n’heavy with the album opener, but then there are two less greater track left which is a shame, I guess. 6

sly: This French act has a pretty unique take on dark doom metal. Even though the songs are long, they manage to stay interesting as they constantly evolve. The keyboards add a nice atmospheric touch. 8

Cobal Caldera: And yet another band that would do better if they went fully instrumental. Interesting arrangements. Pas mal de tout. 6

Baroness: Purplebaroness-purple

6.4/10

Habakuk: Slow man’s Mastodon keeps moving through colors. 7

Myrkrarfar: Stoner pop metal with soundtrackish vibes. Shouldn’t work. Works. Go figure. 7

sincan: I must say that my attention towards Baroness has been minimalistic. My first impression of this album was a pop version (well, ok, more pop) of later Mastodon. Some tracks grew on me but some never did and it feels like it should be turned into an EP and not a full length album. Who am I to be wrong? 7

sly: These Mastodon wannabes had their moment in 2004. Fast forward 12 years later: does anyone still care? 2

Cobal Caldera: Another great fucking record NOT to judge in orthodox metal terms. This is rather a progressive music trip with some incredibly intense, loud moments: that’s where metal gets involved. Good songwriting with real momentum and climax tends to do more for me than unidimensional riffing. Awesome. 9

Himinbjorg: Wyrdhiminbjorg-wyrd

5.8/10

Habakuk: I had a quesadilla while listening to this and it was OK. 5

Myrkrarfar: I’m sure Odin approves. How I know? His erection pokes at my ribs. 7

sincan: Semi epic and rather pleasant album where the band accomplishes to be melodic without sounding phony and the clean vocals are often used in good manner. One can find good riffs here and there which often are a rare finding in this world. However, I guess the album cover obviously wants to be a counteraction to all this. 7

sly: Vapid Viking black metal from France. 3

Cobal Caldera: Beware in case you reject anything that smells pagan a priori. If like me, you enjoy bands like Windir and Falkenbach, in other words, bands that even using folky themes and melodies still emphasize epic-sounding guitar work, you should probably give this a spin or two. 7

Sunn O))): Kannonsunn_o-kannon

5.6/10

Habakuk: If I want to listen to tectonic plate shifts, I will become a geologist. Thanks! 4

Myrkrarfar: Someone finally found out what a headache sounds like. 3

sincan: It comes as no surprise that this isn’t the album you bring to the dance floor, in fact, one should never bring any album there or even have a dance floor, but if you do, turn the volume towards 666. 7

sly: Dark and meditative, primal yet intellectual, Sunn’s new release is an aural grimoire which transports the listener to the outer realms of mind and music. 9

Cobal Caldera: The perfect background for a real black mass. I never go to mass. 5

Against The Plagues: Purified through devastationagainst_the_plagues-purified_through_devastation

5.0/10

Habakuk: 1 second and the shut the fuck reflex kicks in. 3

Myrkrarfar: This must be a Jedi band. Luke’s biomech hand is shredtastic, and Yoda’s blastbeats are pretty Forceful and- what? Ohhhh, plagues, not Plagueis. 7

sincan: Well, relatively booring melodic deathened ordinary, nothing to see, move along. 5

sly: Crappy name and terrible cover art aside, this is pretty decent dark-ish death metal. And, for once, the keyboards actually bring something to the music. 5

Cobal Caldera: Furious death black with some industrial overtones. Not bad, but gets old fast. 5

Ashen Horde: Nine plaguesashen_horde-nine_plagues

5.0/10

Habakuk: ADD drummer & annoying vocals. A recipe for success. 3

Myrkrarfar: This album makes me about as confused as watching Mulholland Drive for the first time did. That particular date didn’t have this many blastbeats, though. 5

sincan: Semi wheezing “recorded in your bedroom, oh wait the basement works better” black metal with a cover that turns your blood into feces. 4

sly: This one-man black metal band is surprisingly captivating. Maybe it’s because he can actually play his instruments. 6

Cobal Caldera: Now that’s what happens when you don’t focus on playing a thousand notes per minute but grooving. Impossible not to nod to this one! 7

Jess And The Ancient Ones: Second psychedelic coming: The Aquarius tapesjess_and_the_ancient_ones-second_psychedelic_coming

5.0/10

Habakuk: At least they make it clear from the name that this is gonna suck. +1 for putting Lovecraft on the cover. 3

Myrkrarfar: Jessie J went all psych on our asses. I guess it’s an improvement. 6

sincan: It feels like this album is missing something, it’s either the songwriting or the vocals which never leaves good and enters great. Still good though! 7

sly: Terrible “retro, occult, psychedelic” rock with even worse chick vocals. Lame music for a lame hipster generation. 2

Cobal Caldera: I love this woman’s voice. I wish I had more time to fall for her chants. 7

Helheim: raunijaRhelheim-raunijar

4.6/10

Habakuk: Had some potential but ruined it. 5

Myrkrarfar: Scare me in battle, these Vikings could not. Smite them with my penis, I must. 5

sincan: Oh the old school keyboard effects on the title track, which I guess should sound like a heavy ass blowing horn, scratches me in the crotch in a fine way. Strangely the production is a mixture between clean, rough and synthetic, the latter is not doing any good. 6

sly: Vapid Viking black metal from Norway. 3

Cobal Caldera: So that’s the reason why Biorn didn’t want to go to Helheim. 4

Vorna: Ei valo minua seuraavorna-ei_valo_minua_seuraa

4.6/10

Habakuk: No surprises with keyboards from Finland. 3

Myrkrarfar: When garden gnomes invade us, this will be their soundtrack. Their leader is, after all, the lead singer. 5

sincan: If you want your black metal a bit more melodic and containing Finnish lyrics, I guess you will hit the jackpot here. If you also drink mead and have a concave thorax I’ll have to give you this while wearing chain armor on my hands and arms. 6

sly: Vapid Viking pagan black metal from Finland. 3

Cobal Caldera: Symphonic black metal with tons of melody that makes a great fucking soundtrack for long walks. Two major complaints: they miss quite a few chances to go furious. I mean, their songs actually got momentum and they let ’em vanish. Second, they need a proper vocalist. Pity, it could be a higher grade. 6

Windfaerer: Tenebrosumwindfaerer-tenebrosum

4.6/10

Habakuk: Without the fiddle this would have sounded like Deafheaven. Deafheaven suck, fiddles suck. You suck. 2

Myrkrarfar: 90s nostalgia. Naïve melodies. Poppy chord progressions. Violin solos. You sure this is what melodic pagan/folk/black metal should sound like? Yes. Yes I am. 8

sincan: I’ve never heard of this band but some of the tracks are actually full with energy and great atmosphere, but it is not perfect, the flute thing and some of the songwriting and production makes it feel like demo. 6

sly: Vapid Viking folk black metal from the US. 3

Cobal Caldera: The instrumental tracks are the best, and they ain’t that good. 4

MessengeR: Starwolf pt. 2 – Novastormmessenger-starwolf_pt_2

4.0/10

Habakuk: If Gamma Ray and Edguy hated their kid, he would form this band. And he would draw the cover at the age of 2.

Myrkrarfar: This band/Facebook app doesn’t tickle my prostate. Not in a good way, at least. 4

sincan: German power metal. Nothing else needs to be said. 5

sly: Three cheers for more German power metal with all the cliches of the genre! 3

Cobal Caldera: Power metal-haters gonna hate. 6

Christian Death: The root of all evilutionchristian_death-the_root_of_all_evilution

2.4/10

Habakuk: Stuff your pretentious opera shit somewhere else. 1

Myrkrarfar: Jesus. 0

sincan: This is just painful to listen to, a Gothic freak show circus. Well, it’s not for me, that’s for sure. 3

sly: Christian Death were somewhat intriguing when Rozz Williams was in the band. But he passed away in 1998, and seems to have taken that intrigue with him. 0

Cobal Caldera: Now that’s a surprise. Loving the harmonica. 8

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