GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – December 2015

Audio Autopsy – December 2015

01/12/15  ||  Global Domination

LIK: Mass funeral evocationlik-mass-funeral-evocation

7.0/10

Habakuk: Crusty Swedeath, “Murder death hate kill”. What’s not to like? 7

Myrkrarfar: Let me LIK your balls. 8

sly: Rarely has the term ‘hum-drum’ suited a band so perfectly. 4

sincan: Well executed semi melodic deathened metal ov Sweden. 8

Cobal Caldera: A punch in the face, nuff said. 8

Trauma: Such Swedish.  Very death.  Much listen.  7

Vreid: Sólvervvreid-solverv

7.0/10

Habakuk: Among the best things this month… sigh. 7

Myrkrarfar: Yo, Vreid! I’ve got some Norwegian wood in my pants for you. 7

sly: Cold, melodic black metal with melodies that aren’t too insipid. I mean, it’s not a great album, but it’s the best thing I heard in this month’s selection. 7

sincan: I really enjoy the old school vibe on this album. The production is one of the main reasons, but the bass lines also remind me of the glory days of black metal. 8

Cobal Caldera: To think I was unaware of Valfar’s henchmen doing their own thing… my bad. 7

Trauma: It took me a bit of time, but I was able to get into the mvsic.  Those vocals, though.  Such a strain to enjoy.  Really.  6

Temple Of Baal: Mysteriumtemple-of-baal-mysterium

6.5/10

Habakuk: Evilness and death metal. They have got it. 6

Myrkrarfar: Is it death, or is it black? Yes. Is it awesome? Yes. Hail Satan. 8

sly: Another solid effort by this band, but something is still missing in the music. It’s just not voracious enough to be truly menacing. 6

sincan: Semi modern black metal which is rather well executed but lacks the final sparks of forbidden light. 7

Cobal Caldera: French death/black metal does the trick. 6

Trauma: I have nothing witty or informative to say about this band other than that they are black metal.  6

Sadist: Hyaenasadist-hyaena

6.3/10

Habakuk: Italy’s answer to Cynic? Well, why not. 6

Myrkrarfar: Leanin’ into the groove like a mofo. 7

sly: Sadist consider themselves “progressive death metal” in a world where “progressive” means “cretinous”. 3

sincan: I’ll give them credit for being more progressive in their way of incorporating interesting things here and there, this compared to the typical “progressive” sound, which usually is utter boredom. 7

Cobal Caldera: Sounds like Death. On a high… you know, higher than that. I approve. 6

Trauma: I love these guys.  Light-years beyond the rest of the shit Italian metal scene.  “Season in Silence” was awesome, and this album is pretty much no different in my eyes quality-wise.  Very nice.  9

Gorod: A maze of recycled creedsgorod-a-maze-of-recycled-creeds

6.0/10

Habakuk: I see what you are doing, but it ain’t my thing completely. 6

Myrkrarfar: When tech prog death is this easily-listened, you know the melodies are well-done. A mazing! (Get it? Get it?) 7

sly: Snorod: A maze of recycled ideas. I was expecting more from these guys. For brutal French death metal check out Kronos instead! 5

sincan: Progressive and technical death, move along. It’s so hard to write interesting songs in this type of style, obviously. 5

Cobal Caldera: What a great fucking record. Not only is this heavy as fuck, but it keeps things interesting, and fun! 8

Trauma: A Maze of Recycled Beats… is not a bad album, per se.  Plenty of technical riffing and musicianship, but bland at the same time.  This music requires me to be in a mood, unlike music that puts me in a mood.  I prefer the latter, since it’s so much easier to decide to press the skip button.  5

Saxon: Battering ramsaxon-battering-ram

5.7/10

Habakuk: Maybe 10 years ago I would have thought this was great. Today it at least isn’t terrible. 6

Myrkrarfar: Wow, old dogs can bark. Woof! 5

sly: Saxon forge ahead with another enjoyable release. These veterans sound better than most of the bands on December’s AA. (Granted, the competition wasn’t very high.) 6

sincan: These old blokes keep it up, well, not the funniest orgy in town, but not the driest either. 6

Cobal Caldera: Old wave of unnecessary heavy metal. 4

Trauma: I could do with different vocals, but whatever.  Enjoyable old dude metal, with riffs and Ensure-fueled attitude.  7

Avatarium: Girl with the raven maskavatarium-the-girl-with-the-raven-mask

5.5/10

Habakuk: I am allergic to this. 2

Myrkrarfar: Next on Fox: That ’70s Doom Show! No monster hit á la “Bird of Prey” this time, but the overall level of quality is really high and Jennie-Ann has really found her groove. 7

sly: My already low expectations plummeted straight into the ground as soon as Jennie-Ann Smith’s garden-variety vocals started producing some seriously corny lyrics. “I spy with my eye, a little girl going to the market, in her hand a yellow basket, on her head a giant mask yeah.” …yeah, I’ll pass, thanks. 5

sincan: I must say that I didn’t know much about this band but I had a weak vision about it being super mega utter boredom pop blue jeans and black shirt metal with a chick on vocals. To my surprise it was actually pretty good, much thanks to the songwriting. 7

Cobal Caldera: I love the mix of occult rock and doom metal with female vocals, and yet it’s difficult for me to relate with this particular bunch of songs. 6

Trauma: Very middling.  I can’t put my finger on who they remind me of music-wise.  Lady has a nice voice – not sure it’s really suited to the music, but if I was an authority on that I probably wouldn’t be writing this anyway. 6

W.A.S.P.: Golgothawasp-golgotha

5.3/10

Habakuk: Bonus point for actually turning me on to W.A.S.P. in general. 7

Myrkrarfar: O almighty Yngwie, I am most sorry for having to blaspheme…but the solos are too long. There, I said it – now smite me with thy scalloped Rod of Justice! Oh. Yes. That’s the spot. 5

sly: Do yourself a favour and stick with the first five albums. This one is nothing but a rather unconvincing rehash of all their previous work. 5

sincan: What the fuck is this, seriously, Stryper feels more dangerous! 4

Cobal Caldera: Who could have guessed I was to live to see a good month for heavy metal? 8

Trauma: I have never liked this band.  Still don’t.  They can continue to fuck right off into obscurity – Meat Loaf vocals, cod-piece and all.  3

Deafheaven: New Bermudadeafheaven-new-bermuda

5.2/10

Habakuk: Such Avantgarde. Wow. 5

Myrkrarfar: Despite the moments of major key weirdness, I can dig this. Lemme just put on my bermuda shorts and get jiggy with it. 6

sly: These guys must know they’re a joke and are just taking a piss at the whole genre. At least I hope that’s what’s going on here. 0

sincan: Hipsterian blackened metal of much modern art and such. 7

Cobal Caldera: Not bad if you are into weirdo black metal. 6

Trauma: Something is clicking, and I like this, but fuck if these songs are not long.  If this was broken down into more digestible parts, I would have scored this higher.  7

Children Of Bodom: I worship chaoschildren-of-bodom-i-worship-chaos

4.7/10

Habakuk: Hands off Kenny Loggins’ “Danger Zone”, you dimwits. 3

Myrkrarfar: After a decade of hum-dum the Bodom came back in style with “Halo of Blood” (2013). “I Worship Penis” continues on that path. 6

sly: Oh joy, another COB record. I’d rather pair my socks while listening to Barry Manilow. 2

sincan: Not so shitty as I remember them, but still not anything to bring on the first date. Oh, and the vocals are rather annoying. 5

Cobal Caldera: I used to like CoB, and while this is a decent record, I don’t see how it appeals to either prior or new fans. 5

Trauma: I have not listened to CoB since… what the fuck was the album… Hatejew Deatoll or something.  I guess I haven’t missed much.  7

Shining: International blackjazz societyshining-international-blackjazz-society

4.7/10

Habakuk: Umm. Guys? 6

Myrkrarfar: Marilyn Manson meets sax and screaming. And a screaming sax. No thanks. 3

sly: This is what happens when Slipknot fans brandish their artsy saxophones, straining to be original and intellectual. 0

sincan: Their music is rather interesting, still a bit like a freak show and not like an artistic next level artsy partsy thing, ehm, yeah I lost myself, bye. 7

Cobal Caldera: Impressive… at moments only. 5

Trauma: I was confused at first.  This is not the Shining that I thought.  These ones are okay.  Less my cup of tea than the other Shining.  7

Queensrÿche: Condition hümanqueensryche-condition-human

4.5/10

Habakuk: Close your shirts and your singer’s mouth. 3

Myrkrarfar: Nope. No matter how hard I try, this shit just doesn’t stick to mah brain. 3

sly: I though Geoff was back on vocals but it’s some Geoff-soundalike called Todd. It’s classic sounding Queensrÿche that’s fun for about two songs. But if you’re a fan you’ll enjoy it. 5

sincan: Old man’s metal, boring and easy listened. Is it me, or does the vocalist sound like a lesser version of Bruce Dickinson? 5

Cobal Caldera: I was more than ready to hate. I really was. Even the ballads make sense, for fuck’s sake. This guy really can sing… Marked me (sorta) impressed. 7

Trauma: Fuck off, vocals.  You have ruined any enjoyment I was going to get from the music.  4

Born Of Osiris: Soul sphereborn-of-osiris-soul-sphere

3.2/10

Habakuk: Better than my description “melodic death metal with breakdown” might suggest. 5

Myrkrarfar: Death metal? Death?! I can’t even bring myself to call this surgically clean, polished and sugary sweet mess of harmonies, djent and metalcore life metal. Pfft. 2

sly: Childish, keyboard-laden borecore. Truly abysmal. 0

sincan: Core, core, core and some synthesizers, perfect for the short-haired kid who just hates the world since…puberty happened. 4

Cobal Caldera: More than proficient proggy deathcore that gets old REALLY fast. “The composer” is a great track, and the electronics actually add up for the out-of-this-world vibe. 5

Trauma: Breakdown shitty.  3

Trivium: Silence in the snowtrivium-silence-in-the-snow

3.0/10

Habakuk: “Yo, give that snare a ‘bigger’ sound.” 3

Myrkrarfar: Stone Sour meets Disturbed meets cock. 3

sly: Trivium’s flavour of the month: radio-friendly classic heavy metal. Go fuck yerselves. 2

sincan: Swagium. Somehow I think of Volbeat but without the rockabilly influences, and that is not a good thing! 4

Cobal Caldera: I could have lived my whole damned life without listening to this monster. Nobody needs a metalcore band trying to go classic heavy metal, even if they do it decently. In the end, it all reeks of marketing. 3

Trauma: Oh, here we go.  These dudes.  Wow.  I mean, how do I even put this into words?  I could literally go on and on about these guys.  The way they compose.  The lyrics, right down to the intricately pored over melodies within.  It’s shit.  3

Stryper: Fallenstryper-fallen

2.8/10

Habakuk: Fuck you, Stryper. 3

Myrkrarfar: “Stryper” in Swedish means “strangling”. That’s about what it feels like this record is doing to me. And not in a good, sexy, way. 2

sly: There’s a comical element to this band that I almost find endearing, in the way that heavy metal Jesus bees are endearing. But it’s still Stryper and they still absolutely suck. 2

sincan: Oh no, not the Christians, they will kill us all with their naive thinking!!!! Not Stryper, theyre pretty harmless on this record, and not totally garbage either. 6

Cobal Caldera: Fuck Christian metal. No. Matter. What. 0

Trauma: Yahweh too dense if you think I’m gonna sit through a whole Stryper album.  4

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