GLOBAL DOMINATION

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Audio Autopsy – November 2015

Audio Autopsy – November 2015

01/11/15  ||  Global Domination

Amorphis: Under the red cloudamorphis-under-the-red-cloud

6.6/10

Habakuk: With Amorphis, you usually know what you get. Competently crafted girl-compatible metal. This time around I was absolutely blown away by the songwriting. Hats off. 9

Myrkrarfar: If you’ve ever doubted the possibility of making an album that ups the ante on both folk, prog and deathish elements, without losing a shred of identity, here’s proof that it works. 8

sly: A proggy version of “My Kantele” that never really takes off. Not that it matters because Amorphis’ music hasn’t aged that well anyway. Plus Tomi’s pronunciation of English is slightly comical and distracting. 5

Cobal Caldera: Solid shit for sure. Still, I’ll stick to their older releases. 6

Trauma: I would probably be a fan of this album if I was back in my high school years.  Alas… I’m not, so I’m not. 5

Ahab: The boats of the Glen Carrigahab-the-boats-of-the-glen-carrig

6.4/10

Habakuk: Nothing trumps “The Call of the wretched sea”. Still, good stuff. 7

Myrkrarfar: I feel crushed beneath an ocean of guilt for not loving this. Too plain compared to earlier efforts, and I’m not sold on the clean vox. 5

sly: 67 minutes of brutal tedium and ambient boredom. 4

Cobal Caldera: Is it possible that a funeral album beats everybody else for once? It suddenly seems so. Loving the proggy parts. 8

Trauma: It takes a while, but there is payoff in listening to this band all the way through.  Subpar vocals, but superlative tunes. 8

Graveyard: Innocence & decadencegraveyard-innocence-and-decadence

6.4/10

Habakuk: Sounds exactly like the previous one. 7

Myrkrarfar: “Too Much Is Not Enough” is an awesome hippie rock ballad, with that old, laid-back and serene instrumentation accompanying an energetic and passionate vocal delivery. And a hammond organ. And gospel/soul backing vox. The rest ain’t bad, either. 7

sly: Retro rock with a modern vibe. They’ve got the look but not much else. 5

Cobal Caldera: I’m big into all these (mainly) Swedish 70’s revival acts. Among them, Graveyard aren’t my faves, but still. 7

Trauma: Not what I’m expecting to hear when I decide to listen to a band named Graveyard.  Sounds like a cross between Led Zeppelin and some other influenced bluesy-type band. 6

Nile: What should not be unearthednile-what-should-not-be-unearthed

6.2/10

Habakuk: I don’t know. Somewhere along the way they either lost it or me. 5

Myrkrarfar: What should not be done is to mix the guitars this loud. Otherwise the brutality is brought to us in quality doses. I think. There’s a near impenetrable wall of distorted stringed instruments blocking my ears, so an educated guess is the best I can give you fucks. 6

sly: A welcome return to form with more direct songs harking back to their first two Relapse releases. But the savagery is somewhat subdued, notably in the vocal department. 7

Cobal Caldera: Oddly enough, the more atmospheric parts are probably the best of this record. Pity they last so little. 5

Trauma: This is kickass.  Could also be the other lackluster bands this month, but I enjoyed this about as much as I enjoyed “Annihilation of the Wicked”.  I’ll probably listen again to verify… 8

Motörhead: Bad magicmotorhead-bad-magic

6.0/10

Habakuk: Even though they, like Maiden, are also quoting themselves left, right and center, Motörhead don’t get no recording tips from me. Just keep doing your shit, it will always rule. Even after lots of spins. 8

Myrkrarfar: Lemmy, thanks for everything. 5

sly: Sounds like Motörhead. Looks like Motörhead. Smells like Motörhead. Must be another Motörhead album. And one that is a notch up from the last few, at that. 7

Cobal Caldera: Too many Motörhead records. 5

Trauma: Speaking of old… Here we have, literally, grandpa metal.  Awesome, but overall kinda bland. 5

My Dying Bride: Feel the miserymy-dying-bride-feel-the-misery

5.8/10

Habakuk: Nope, three words in the band name. Collateral damage, but still. 4

Myrkrarfar: I’m definitely feeling it, blasting this on my doombox. Get it? Get it? All right, off you go and fuck yourself. 8

sly: I feel the misery when, after 20-odd years of clear singing, you’re still off-key. Stick to the growls or kill yourself. Whatever works, mang. 4

Cobal Caldera: Well-written and diverse. Definitely getting back to it. 7

Trauma: I want to say this came out of left field, but this was slow enough that I saw it coming a mile away. 7

Slayer: Repentlessslayer-repentless

5.8/10

Habakuk: Life’s too short for still listening to Slayer. Even if they resort to quoting Candlemass. 5

Myrkrarfar: Well, fuck me sideways. Slayer released an OK album. 6

sly: The Slayer of the ’80s may be forever gone but this release obliterates their last few and then some. These quinquagenarians still put a lot of the younger bands to shame. Yes sir, they are older and wiser, but just as vicious. 8

Cobal Caldera: Encountered feelings about this one. It starts out with great energy, but it gets old really fast, and Araya’s shouting is out of shape. I don’t see why Slayer should keep on releasing “new” records anymore, they could stick to touring and keep everybody happy. 5

Trauma: Man, there’s always a lot left to be desired from a Slayer album circa anything recent.  It’s beginning to be annoying how much I am left wanting so much more from them. 5

The Black Dahlia Murder: Abysmalthe-black-dahlia-murder-abysmal

5.6/10

Habakuk: Three- and four-word-band-name bands will never do it for me. Not wven if they go RAGAGAGH. 4

Myrkrarfar: Dey startin to hit da targit. Dey nawt bad animoar. 6

sly: The Black Diarrhea Murder has always been abysmally boring to these ears, but as meh-lodic death metal bands go, I’ve heard far, far worse. So I guess one could say they’re part of the upper echelon of banality. 5

Cobal Caldera: Spoke too fast about a winner here. Killer riffs and excellent writing. In fact, this is probably their best record so far. 8

Trauma: So this is what they sound like?  Eh… 5

Horna: Hengen tulethorna-hengen-tulet

5.4/10

Habakuk: Pissed off Finnish black metal, for all that is worth. 6

Myrkrarfar: Time for sauna! Beer, check. Towel, check. Let’s DJ some tunes…oh, there’s something playing already? Must’ve been pretty fucking faceless and bland. 5

sly: This release starts nowhere and ends nowhere. Humdrum black metal by humdrum black metal veterans. 5

Cobal Caldera: Horna are a consistent black metal act. Too consistent maybe. 5

Trauma: Since I listen in alphabetical order, this was actually a welcome change from Graveyard.  You’ll have to forgive me, though, if I can’t find anything new or different in this slab of black. 6

Iron Maiden: The book of soulsiron-maiden-the-book-of-souls

5.2/10

Habakuk: When recording, Maiden need a guy that tells them: “Enough. You have done this before.” / “7 minutes are enough”. / “One disc is enough”. / “I don’t think we need the chorus repeated again.” Again. And again. And again. To the tune of the “No More Lies” chorus. Sure it ain’t bad though. 6

Myrkrarfar: The too fucking long book of too fucking limp dicks. Souls. Whatever. 4

sly: Iron Maiden have been around for ages, have released countless classic albums, and still put on an incredible live show. They have nothing to prove and can release what they want. But that doesn’t mean that I have to be subjected to this long, harrowing experience of an album. 6

Cobal Caldera: If only Slayer were nearly as good at recycling… 7

Trauma: It’s the audio equivalent of watching one long jerkoff session after another.  Their music is moving almost as slow as they are old now. 3

Soilwork: The ride majesticsoilwork-the-ride-majestic

5.0/10

Habakuk: Losing the melody throne to Amorphis this month. 7

Myrkrarfar: I always thought soilwork had something to do with gardening. You know, plants and shit. 7

sly: Oh joy, more candy-coated melodious death metal by these butt dumplings. At least they’re consistent? 3

Cobal Caldera: A bit irregular if you ask me. It’s got really intense moments and then it almost feels as if they turned into some generic core band. 4

Trauma: Ungh… This album felt like it blurred together after a certain point.  And I came out not having anything memorable left in my mind. 4

TesseracT: Polaristesseract-polaris

4.8/10

Habakuk: HipsteR ShiT MusT DiE. 3

Myrkrarfar: If Toss-mah-salaD could have someone gifted write their songs, and they’d arrange them with these cool rhythmic patterns and whatnot, this could be great. Now, it’s mainly unfulfilling. 6

sly: Modern day “prog” has become an insipid mixture of saccharine post-Tool melodies and indigestible poly-rhythms slated for a mainstream cash cow that shall never deign to show itself. 3

Cobal Caldera: Am I supposed to hate this? Coz I don’t. 6

Trauma: There are some cool riffs in here if you can make it through, kinda like a more metal leaning Faith No More.  Unfortunately there’s a lot of shit to wade through to find that diamond you accidentally swallowed from your boyfriend’s dickhole piercing. 6

Annihilator: Suicide societyannihilator-suicide-society

3.6/10

Habakuk: I listened to Amorphis a lot this month. Whenever that album was over, the godawful opening squeak from the album next in the alphabet made me jump from my seat. -1 point for shitting on the Annihilator name. Traumatic. 1

Myrkrarfar: Jeff Waters obviously can’t decide which band he likes to rip off more, Metallica or Megadeth. If he could stay with the more melodic material, I’d be a happy fuck. 4

sly: Jeff Waters’ guitar playing and riff creating are always somewhat welcome but his vocals are a no. Too bad, because the fairly mediocre riffs and interesting lyrics had more potential than the final output. 4

Cobal Caldera: Jeff Waters wants really bad to be Dave Mustaine, and Dave Mustaine can only wish he could write like Jeff Waters these days, poppy parts included. 7

Trauma: This shitcuntcanadian apes so much off of Megadeff and Metarricka it makes me sick.  I know he’s an unashamed Superdave fan, but he’s also an unabashed Metallica thief.  So fuck off and die, please. 2

Stratovarius: Eternalstratovarius-eternal

2.8/10

Habakuk: Get this if you love the Casio. 2

Myrkrarfar: Strap-on-anus manage to bore me to tears. No woman, no cry? Shut your ass. No symphonic power crap, no cry. 4

sly: Those pompous overbearing keyboards kill the slight appeal that this ludicrous band and risible genre might have had. What a pity. 2

Cobal Caldera: Stratovarius goes cinematic, uh? It could have been much worse… In fact, I really enjoyed the first tracks. 4

Trauma: I would feel more than embarrassed if I was caught listening to his.  Thankfully, I think it sucks so I don’t have to suffer through any embarrassment ever. 2

Bring Me The Horizon: That’s the spiritbring-me-the-horizon-thats-the-spirit

1.0/10

Habakuk: Bring me a very strong drink. 3

Myrkrarfar: I think I’ll save this album for next time I accidentally OD and my fingers just won’t do. 1

sly: So mainstream it hurts! Unless you’re a 12-year-old girl you should probably avoid this. 0

Cobal Caldera: Fuck this. Really, this is insulting. 0

Trauma: Nickelback and Linkin Park had butt-sex and managed to give anal-birth to the biggest pile of dudebro douchebag melodic shit metal. 1

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One comment on “Audio Autopsy – November 2015

  1. smalleyalley
    November 1, 2015

    Reblogged this on Smusings.

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