GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – July 2015

Audio Autopsy – July 2015

01/07/15  ||  Global Domination

Unleashed: Dawn of the nineunleashed-dawn-of-the-nine

6.8/10

Habakuk: Name dropping Bolt Thrower doesn’t make you one. 6

CadenZ: Into glory ride. 8

sincan: The deathened Viking war machine is unleashed, again. Hehehehehehe. 7

sly: For the last decade Unleashed have been plodding along with great, albeit slightly immemorable, releases. Gone is the black metal vibe that made Odalheim such a surprise. Like always, the playing is top notch and the death metal vibe still intact. Business as usual for these death metal veterans. 8

Trauma: I think I liked “As Yggdrasil Orgasms” because I was not so well versed with Unleashed at the time.  I guess I am now, and am not at all surprised that I’m not as impressed. 5

Entrails: Obliterationentrails-obliteration

6.7/10

Habakuk: S to the wedeath. 7

CadenZ: A gory steak of semi-catchy Swedeath, this time seasoned with more of Entrails’ own herbs and spices. The Dismember/Entombed/Grave influence is still strong, but not as over-powering as before. 7

Cobal Caldera: Probably the most badass release this month. Execution, songwriting, recording and whatnot are pretty good, and yet… 7

sincan: Old school deathened death with good riffs and no joy celebration. 8

sly: This is neither the best nor the worst of all retro Swedish death metal bands out there. A fourth release of ho-hum brutality. 5

Trauma: I feel like the vocals are missing something, I’m just not quite sure what that is, exactly.  Also, most disappointingly, this album lacks KILLER riffs.  You know, iconic “Fuck YES” kind of riffs.  Obliterate came close, I guess.  6

Shining: IX – Everyone, everything, everywhere, endsshining-ix-everyone-everything-everywhere-ends

6.7/10

Habakuk: I was a little unsure, but the solos kind of make this thing. 7

CadenZ: They sure have found their style, and this is more of the same. Good but not great. 7

Cobal Caldera: If only all “suicidal” bands could write songs like these guys… 8

sincan: Well, I’m still waiting for Shining to do a new killer album, but again, it doesn’t get all the way. 6

sly: A half decent album by this dubious, attention seeking twat. Meh. 5

Trauma: Lots of fucken great moments, and kinda too many where I just want to either rewind to that awesome part or fast forward to the next.  However, the superlatives outweigh the negatives.  7

Peste Noire: La chaise-dyablepeste-noire-la-chaise-dyable

6.5/10

Habakuk: French might be THE worst language for metal, but this is some quite unique-sounding, filthy-ass black metal brought to life by non-stop (literally) lead guitar awesomeness. 8

CadenZ: Nope. I’m probably not trve enough. 3

Cobal Caldera: Black metal hides a unique kind of beauty and mad euphoria. Famine’s fucked up mind is good at making those core elements elegantly explicit. Saying that this kind of record makes me open a bottle of wine is probably not the most inviting statement on this site, but I’ve got a soft spot for everything French. A ce flacon faisons la guerre! 8

sincan: This album is a grower and it takes time to find all these madman things which in the end tickles you in the right hole. 9

sly: What a frustrating release. The Peste Noire of old is truly gone, though I can hear remnants of it here. At times it’s brilliant; the crudeness elating, but other times it’s downright cringeworthy. The reason for the latter being the skinhead-hooligan-punk vocals combined with drunken old timey French redneck ramblings. La sale famine ne fait pas dans la dentelle, if you know what I mean. 7

Trauma: Pesto Nachos are… yup, black metal.  Ah-ooohh!  4

Djevel: Saa raa og kalddjevel-saa-raa-og-kald

6.3/10

Habakuk: If you make it through the first minute of vocals played backwards (yawn) it actually turns into somewhat decent black metal, more on the trippy than the grimy side. 6

CadenZ: “So raw and cold” is an apt title for this fine blood-flavored popsicle of Norwegian black. Works better than AC to cool your living room/sauna/ritual pit. 7

Cobal Caldera: Take everything I said about Entrails, change “badass” for “sinister”, and add 1 point coz I normally prefer black over death metal, and there you go. 8

sincan: This album really has a riff or two (or three or four) of pure greatness with some folk influences (not as in phony drinking singalong cumbucket) and for that I salute them. 8

sly: Dark, bleak black metal with some clear vocals that reminds me of Isengard. Might be up someone’s alley. 6

Trauma: I’m all about no bass, bout no bass, all treble.  3

Six Feet Under: Crypt of the devilsix-feet-under-crypt-of-the-devil

5.8/10

Habakuk: I never understood why people hated Barnes’ vocals so much. Now I do. What the fuck Barnes? 4

CadenZ: Wow. By far the best SFU album since “Haunted”, which I love. Barnes’ weak growls are the weakest link, but the songwriting is strong, and the musicianship fucking top notch. 7

Cobal Caldera: Pretty decent effort. They lost the surprise factor, though. 6

sincan: It feels like the vocals were mixed for one album and the music for another since the two don’t mix up well together in my book (of truth). 5

sly: Time and constant pot-smoking hasn’t been kind to Chris Barnes’ voice. Luckily the music composed by Municipal Waste’s Landphil is top notch in that American death metal vibe. This should’t work but somehow it all falls into place. Mostly, that is. 6

Trauma: Guilty pleasure.  SFU has had a nice trio of recent albums, I will admit.  If you can stomach Barnes’ vocals, you’re gonna have a good time. 7

Feared: Synderfeared-synder

5.6/10

Habakuk: Of course they are produced like anybody else, but behind that boring facade, the death metal ain’t too shabby. Why they would include instrumental versions for each song is a bit beyond me, though. Wanna sack your vocalist, guys? 6

CadenZ: Coldly calculated blasting and angular Slayer riffs, and it’s all good…but where’s the passion?! 6

sincan: No life joy was never feared. Cool metal vocals and shit. 4

sly: Heard-it-all-before, competent-but-stale, second division death metal, anybody? Anybody? Anyone for tennis? 5

Trauma: This is good, it really is.  It’s just that it doesn’t do a whole lot new other than sound good. 7

Faith No More: Sol invictusfaith-no-more-sol-invicturs

5.3/10

Habakuk: Not exactly my thing, but I can see Faith No More fans enjoying this somewhat. 6

CadenZ: Not as brilliant as their 90’s output (shocker!), but still a worthy addition to their legacy. With time, I’m hoping for more tracks to pop out from the greyish mush of “good” that, for now, adequately explains my feelings towards this comeback. 6

Cobal Caldera: Alternative very rarely has a good impact on me. It’s probably just a matter of preference. “Motherfucker” is fun, though. 3

sincan: This mostly sounds like blue jeans and white shirt rock. Yeah, the greatest type. 4

sly: Not a big fan of Patton’s cabaret croonings. I guess if you like FNM you’ll pee yourself with joy. Others might shit themselves with boredom. 5

Trauma: I’m not gonna gush and foam my trousers like a lot of people.  However, I enjoyed listening to the album, and as usual Patton is a great studio vocalist and these guys are all great musicians.  The music is also a lot more easily digested than my favorite Mike Patton-fronted group, Mr. Bungle.  Definitely replayable for some time to come. 8

Leprous: The congregationleprous-the-congregation

5.0/10

Habakuk: I’d have expected a little more death metal? And a little less ADD. 5

CadenZ: Blazer metal, aka post metal, is a tricky genre. Either you come off as pretentious beyond reason, as giant douches, or mind-numbingly boring. Leprous have a bit of each going on for them, but manage to incorporate sufficient aggression, complexity, and atmosphere to finally convince me to delete them from my “most over-rated bands of the 21st century” list. At times, this is actually pretty fucking good. 6

Cobal Caldera: Very interesting shit: progressive metal with a very vanguardist approach to using vocals as another instrument. TrVes and br00tals, back off. 8

sincan: Did expect death, got life. 3

sly: Thought this was going to be real black metal, and got soddy, over produced, Scandinavian pop prog of mega sell-out proportions instead. Absolute shit. 0

Trauma: I enjoyed these guys quite a bit with Lord Emperor a couple years back, and I enjoy them even more here on this record.  His vocals can be a bit iffy, but they end up clicking in the end, and this was the total highlight of the month for me — as I am writing this, I cannot get enough of this album.  Two Dildos Up (the butt). 8

Helloween: My god-given righthelloween-my-god-given-right

4.8/10

Habakuk: They alternate seamlessly between solid heavy metal and retarded happy happy. I blame the singer. 4

CadenZ: Plastic and predictable pumpkin metal. Sure, it’s your god-given right to do that shit, just count me the fuck out. 4

Cobal Caldera: Helloween haven’t released a bad album since Andi Deris took over the vocals. #AllsImSaying 7

sincan: My Antichrist-given right is obviously not to enjoy cheese metal. 5

sly: The heavy, almost Pantera-like guitar tone caught me by surprise, but the happy Teutonic sing-a-longs destroyed any possible interest. My god-given right is to turn this shit off. 4

Trauma: Dess by focals. 5

Sigh: Gravewardsigh-graveward

4.7/10

Habakuk: I am not avant-garde enough for this, sorry guys. 3

CadenZ: Yes. I will hop on your train of psychedelic heading into the vast plains beyond sanity. Ye-heeee-hihihihihihi-hiiiiissssschchhhhhh!!!! AHHHH!!!! 7

Cobal Caldera: Sigh is indeed one of the most interesting black metal bands nowadays. Having said that, “Graveward” is great after track 6 and a bit all over the place before it. Production doesn’t help. Me, I’m sticking to “Somniphobia” and “Scenes”. 6

sincan: Up fucked music with broken auto tune chick vocals, the latter of which sometimes sound shit and sometimes pretty great actually. I don’t know but a song or two is enough and also relatively decent. 6

sly: Ridiculous and overwhelming, this release is completely indigestible even after a few Alka-Seltzers. Quite silly in that unique, over-the-top Japanese way. *sigh* 4

Trauma: I was gonna Copy/Paste the band name, but I think I might have done that in a much older edition of the original AA. 2

Kamelot: Havenkamelot-haven

3.7/10

Habakuk: Hark! Better than Helloween. 5

CadenZ: I did not kame-a-lot. 4

Cobal Caldera: If it weren’t for Shagrath and Simone Simons I would probably be completely unaware of Kamelot’s existence. Not feeling particularly grateful at the moment… 5

sincan: I’m not a friend to the life power metal genre, nor am I a fan of blue jeans, dyed short hair and black shirt covers either. 3

sly: Horribly pompous, ludicrous power metal that takes me absolutely nowhere. 3

Trauma: This was way too much of a chore for me to listen through without groaning with displeasure…and I haul fucken junk that is occasionally maggot/rat/disease/asbestos/mold-ridden out of people’s homes as a side job.  2

Korpiklaani: Noitakorpiklaani-noita

3.7/10

Habakuk: Plus: they totally nail what they’re doing. Minus: It’s fiddely woogy woodle woo. Plus: I can’t understand a word of it except for Sahti. It hurts a bit but I will give this a 6.

CadenZ: The metal equivalent of Dr. Bombay (you know, “The tiger took my family-y!”) gets three pity points for good arrangements and musicianship. 3

Cobal Caldera: I tried some Korpiklaani, and their party nonsense metal disgusted me up to the point of never EVER feeling like getting any close to their music. AA is some kind of shock therapy, it seems. I’ll give’em this: if I were drunk and happened to accidentally run into one of their gigs, I’ll probably have some real fun jumping around to their faster stuff. It’s all very unlikely, though. 4

sincan: Sometimes (always) it feels like Finland has one band and they are playing keyboard-oriented “folk” drunken pop music. 4

sly: Everything here is born of bad taste. The cover, the music, the accordion, the waltzy 3/4 time… The metal equivalent of bad ska music. (But wait, is there such a thing as good ska?) Fuck off! 0

Trauma: I would never let anyone know I was actually listening to this.  Seriously, I would feel kind of embarassed.  It’s entertaining in its own way, though.  I wonder if their moshpits are more like one big Riverdance.  I can see a bunch of dudes arm in arm alternating their kicks whilst banging their heads side to side. 5

Civil War: Gods and generalscivil-war-gods-and-generals

3.5/10

Habakuk: If an AA starts like this, you know you’re in for a rough time. A lame Sabaton copy, really? Is that where we’ve come? 4

CadenZ: Bay of pigs? More like the baying of the pig. 2

Cobal Caldera: First, I was like “shit, another Sabaton…” Then I found the vocals kinda annoying. And there I was just about to do the hatin’ thing when I realized the lyrics are really good. One thing led to another and now I find myself singing along the songs and truly enjoying the music. By the way, Swedish metallers singing about the most relevant Yankee defeat in Latin America? Cool! 8

sincan: Better than Sabaton, that is a fact. 4

sly: Three ex-Sabaton members team up with two other morons to release more subpar Sabaton-like crap to the world. Thanks for that. Nils’ vocals are some of the weakest I’ve heard. Too bad because the subject matter is pretty original. 2

Trauma: I just… what… why is this fucken… As an American, I am offended.  For having family that died in the American Civil War, I am offended more.  I will give them two points for a fantastic album cover, but deduct one because it has jack shit to do with the topics inside this abomination.  FUCK YOU.  1

Coal Chamber: Rivalscoal-chamber-rivals

3.3/10

Habakuk: Certainly not. 3

CadenZ: Oh dear Jesus, do please descend upon this earth and ram thy Cock of Justice down the throats of these heretics! Their blasphemous deeds are…nnh, fuck it, I just want them to shut the fuck up. SHUT THE FUCK UP! 2

Cobal Caldera: Surprisingly not so bad… aaand it’s boring. 5

sincan: Rivals in terms of who will get the low points maybe? 3

sly: My worst fears are becoming reality. Nu metal is slowly coming back and thus we have been damned with a new Coal Chamber album. Could this be a prelude to even worse comebacks? 3

Trauma: This is the kind of shit that is the hardest to write about.  It’s neither so bad that the words flow like a river of hatred, nor so good that they flow like one of semen.  4

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