GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – April 2015

Audio Autopsy – April 2015

01/04/15  ||  Global Domination

Necrowretch: With serpents scourge

necrowretch-with-serpents-scourge

6.8/10

Habakuk: Not exactly raising the bar, are we? 6

CadenZ: I love this genre. Necrowretch deliver with passion and the production is nice. Everything reeks of Necrophobic, and that’s a huge plus in my book. Then, what’s the problem? Well, all the fucking songs sound the same. And the riffs are too fucking generic. And my ass was fucked by a goat. But since that last one’s a good thing, I’ll raise the verdict to a 6

sincan: Furious blackened death attack of pretty fucking good atmosphere and some Watain similarities for those who are about to trve cvlt like me. 8

Cobal Caldera: Really dark and nasty death metal. From France. Horns up. 8

sly: These guys are great at taking the death metal sound of yore and making it sound fresh. A rare feat in this modern age that champions mediocrity. 8

Trauma: I get it.  I mean, I think that I get it.  The problem arises when I actually sit down and think for more than 30 seconds, and realize that maybe I don’t really get it.  Either that, or I’ve been really spoiled by the exceptional black metal bands.  That, or I’m not trve.  It’s probably that — I mean, I think it’s that.  Maybe.  Now I’m confused, did I say I liked this?  Since I’m not sure anymore… 5

Napalm Death: Apex predator – Easy meat

napalm-death-apex-predator-easy-meat

6.5/10

Habakuk: Just when the constant in-your-face-ness starts to get on your nerves, they come up with a bad-ass pitstarting riff to make up for it. Time and time again. 7

CadenZ: No, this isn’t as great as ND’s last four albums, nor is it as awesome as their live performances, but not much is. Apex predator? Nah. 6

sincan: Easily good. 7

Cobal Caldera: Ups and mehs, the Napalm Death style. 6

sly: These guys are always exploring new avenues in the grindcore world and are pretty successful at it. Killer album! 8

Trauma: It is with a heavy heart that I say this album is kinda lame.  I’m hoping with further spins it will grow on me, but I can’t give this one more than a 5

Thulcandra: Ascension lost

thulcandra-ascension-lost

6.0/10

Habakuk: Weren’t these the guys that basically just copied Dissection? Seems like they moved away a little at least. By the way…what’s a “perishness”? 7

CadenZ: Dissection is one of my all-time favourite bands, and Thulcandra constantly ripping them off is fucking infuriating. Other than that, this is pretty good melodic death/black, but since they’re only a tribute band and as unoriginal as they get… 3

sincan: I remember Thulcandra as the band you listen to if you need more Dissection, but don’t care if it is anywhere close as good as Dissection. However on this one they got some good tunes of “their own” also. 7

Cobal Caldera: Well-manufactured black metal with all the tricks, plus an extra portion of melody. I like it. Kinda. 7

sly: Boring and unimaginative yet decent melodeath that suits me just fine after listening to the ultra shitty Solefald. 5

Trauma: In what seems like a very blackened edition of AA, I guess these guys reach number two?  I get some Dissection vibes, along with some other vibes I can’t quite place, but regardless, they are there and I cannot discount that very fact.  I liked Carach Angren just a bit better overall.  7

Carach Angren: This is no fairytale

carach-angren-this-is-no-fairytale

5.3/10

Habakuk: “This is no fairytale”. Then stop singing about witches, crows and the devil, you imbeciles. 4

CadenZ: If only they would learn that too much is too much. If only the production would have more punch and low end. If only they would focus more on melodies and riffs, and less on complex arrangements. If only… 6

sincan: Modern Dumma Birger, is that you? No? I don’t even care, it sounds like mediocre pop metal with some “cool black” additions. 4

Cobal Caldera: It’d been a long time since a record of the story-telling type caught my attention. Now that I think about it, that other album probably was “Death came through a phantom ship”. Then again, this is still not as good as the aforementioned record. 7

sly: Overly symphonic black metal that reminds me of some ’90s horror movie soundtracks like Coppola’s Dracula. Yeah, you guys aren’t very spooky. 4

Trauma: Speaking of LOTR… This sounds as standard symphonic death metal is supposed to sound, I guess.  However, I do like these guys a little bit better than others.  Also, pretty decent production.  7

Dr. Living Dead!: Crush the sublime godsdr-living-dead-crush-the-sublime-gods

5.3/10

Habakuk: If they decided for one of their vocal styles, namely the good, raspy, thrashy one, this would be quite awesome. As it is, hit-and-miss. I think I even heard some very ugly pitch correction on the cleans.  7

CadenZ: Love the Suicidal Tendencies stuff and the riffs and arrangements are juicy and energetic. Too bad they decided to use auto-tune on the vocals – no matter if you use it on one song or ten, you lose my respect totally. So fuck off. 4

sincan: What’s up with the emo choruses? They are totally ruining everything, along with the premature cool “core” vocals. 3

Cobal Caldera: Amazing groovy riffs and peculiar (not terrible) vocals do make an interesting combination, after all. 7

sly: The vocalist sounds like a lame mix between Mike Muir and the fat vocalist from Turbonegro. Too bad because the backround music shreds. 4

Trauma: The award for best Nuclear Assault clone goes to… yup, you guessed it.  I was actually pleased to hear such similarities, because I have a soft spot for Nuclear Assault and thrash in general.  Handle With Care this isn’t, but damn it, I like it anyway.  7

Venom: From the very depths

venom-from-the-very-depths

5.2/10

Habakuk: Motörheading for old-age pension. 7

CadenZ: Punkified speed metal, or blackened Motörhead rock. Better than expected, but gets old pretty fast. 5

sincan: It is not bad, not at all, not just that super great either. 6

Cobal Caldera: This is actually pretty good. In fact, if I didn’t know they were Venom — or what’s left of it, I would give them a 5 or something. 3

sly: Wasn’t expecting much from Cronos and his hired guns but this album is halfway decent. 5

Trauma: I don’t ride the Venom hate-train.  I’ve thought about hopping on it a few times in the past, but usually just stop short and chalk it up to the fact that it’s Venom.  That said, this album isn’t too bad, honestly.  There is absolutely nothing original about this album whatsoever, make sure you understand that.  It’s a hit it and quit it album. 5

Ensiferum: One man armyensiferum-one-man-army

4.8/10

Habakuk: They totally know what they’re doing. Unfortunately, it’s being Finndorks. 6

CadenZ: Considering Ensiferum should have closed shop when Jari “Wintersun” Mäenpää left, judging by the mediocrity extra-ordinaire that were the following three albums, this is a positive surprise. If you can see past the corniness, there are some strong melodies and folk metal songs on this album. Big plus for the humoristic “Two of Spades” and closer “Neito Pohjolan”. Diversity can be a good thing, when done right. 7

sincan: When I was younger I thought this band had some pretty great songs, then they all became my “cleaning my home” music and yeah, the newer stuff is not even close as good as the older. A coincidence, one more than being older, is the fact that one specific member left a couple of years ago, making their songs all boring, not that epic and cheaper. 4

Cobal Caldera: Pretty good for an Ensiferum album. Somehow, they managed to imprint some dignity to this one. 6

sly: This is some seriously stoopid music, kiddo. 2

Trauma: So, I really thought I was getting into this band, until it hit me that I was moreso craving a listen to some Ihsahn (I guess due to this guy’s vocals).  So if nothing else, thanks for that.  I really enjoyed Ihsahn, if you were wondering.  4

Keep Of Kalessin: EpistemologyKeep-of-Kalessin-Epistemology

4.8/10

Habakuk: I think I like extreme metal, but they make me question that statement every time they release an album. 5

CadenZ: Too chaotic and sterile for its own good, this album would’ve benefited from a more organic production and less blastbeats. Keep of Kalessin’s finest moment was the “ballad” “Dark as Moonless Night” from a few years back, and right now they’re a loooong ways from topping anything off of “Reptilian” or “Armada”. 5

sincan: Keep of booooreedooom. Why would one want to listen to this boring thing… 4

Cobal Caldera: (Tough/unsatisfied metalhead mode: off) What an interesting album! I had never heard of these people and I’m gladly surprised. Playing death and black metal with a 21st century touch is a difficult thing to do if you want to keep it dignifying. Great replay value. 9

sly: The clean vocals completely kill off this FM radio black metal release and its endless, pointless songs. 3

Trauma: The end of the album couldn’t have come any sooner, unfortunately.  Long, extended, and drawn-out sections of songs coupled with lame vocal delivery… no thankey.  3

Blind Guardian: Beyond the red mirror

blind-guardian-beyond-the-red-mirror

4.7/10

Habakuk: Now they don’t even classify as noob metal anymore. 4

CadenZ: The modulation to the chorus on “Prophecies” alone is worth the price of admission. Unfortunately the highlights are too far apart to keep me from nodding off during the show. 6

sincan: I didn’t expect them to sound that cheap. 3

Cobal Caldera: This feels as though Blind Guardian tried to do the Angra/Queen thing, and Blind Guardian ain’t so good at doing the Angra/Queen thing. I miss their speedier albums. 5

sly: The reigning power metal nerds are back with another Teutonic metal opera. For Germans and geeks only. 4

Trauma: It would have been nice that they didn’t front load the 9 minute song.  With that said, I also am not a fan of Blind Guardian.  I liked a few songs about Bilbo Baggins, unless I’m thinking of Leonard Nimoy.  They seemed to sound better, I guess.  This one here feels like there are too many choruses, and too much mid-tempo.  There are some definitely really cool riffs I hear, here and there.  However, this is a very long record, and it feels like a chore to get to the good stuff.  6

The Agonist: Eye of providenceagonist-eye-of-providence

4.3/10

Habakuk: Yes, this is ok. Decent enough to go through. Happy now? 6

CadenZ: Just dreadful. Fucking dreadful. And I don’t mean full of Jamaican hairdos. 3

sincan: Cool harsh vocals followed by “beautiful” female vocals. Such a fresh concept, like the pope. 2

Cobal Caldera: In your face, Arch Enemy!!! 8

sly: Very shitty melodeath metalcore and whatnot with an annoying vocalist. 1

Trauma: I’ve never been a fan of growlers with tits.  I don’t think they suck, nor do I hate tits, but these bands tend to seemingly only have that “novelty” at their disposal.  The music isn’t shit in totality, but it isn’t all that interesting, either.  I think that’s a disservice to these vocalists.  This one isn’t bad.  Neither is Gossow or Gluz, but they are better.  These bands overall are just average at best.  6

UFO: A conspiracy of stars

ufo-a-conspiracy-of-stars

4.3/10

Habakuk: I will stick to the old shit, thanks. 5

CadenZ: Retirement is imminent. Only Vinnie Moore’s solos sizzle and teem of life. 4

sincan: I’m not in the mood for this oldened rock of another old rock band. Maybe you are (old)? 4

Cobal Caldera: Unlike Scorpions, these guys do know how to age with some dignity. If you’re into the 70’s sound – meaning of course you’re not of the only metal listening type, you could check it out while having a couple Belgian beers… 7

sly: UFO’s classic period was a hit and miss affair. This new one is pretty much a swinging miss. 3

Trauma: Boy, oh boy.  Look, this band is nothing without Michael Schenker.  Huge dick he may be, but they wrote their best music with him.  40 years later, and that truth still stands.  I will give it to Mogg, his vocals still sound good.  3

Mokoma: Elävien kirjoihin

MOKOMA-Elävien-kirjoihin

4.2/10

Habakuk: Best cover in this edition by a long stretch. Decent musical side dish, too. 6

CadenZ: Mokoma deliver their Finnish thrash/alternative metal with usual fervor, and the variation is well-received at the precise location where my anus resides. The poppier stuff does get a bit too cheesy at times. 7

sincan: Oh, my, please, what. No, three bands in one? 4

Cobal Caldera: I don’t know, but I suspect this is supposed to be hysterical. Except Finnish is not a language I can understand, and hysterical gets to be embarrasing when the joke is beyond the audience. 4

sly: Mainstream metal sung in Finnish that hopefully stays in Finland. 1

Trauma: This band is too all over the place for me to recommend.  They go from “Cool riff” to “gay vocals” to “This is the same band with that cool riff?” 3

Scorpions: Return to forever

scorpions-return-to-forever

3.8/10

Habakuk: A lot of high quality craftsmanship but I have a hard time taking them seriously. 6

CadenZ: Dignity gone forever. 2

sincan: Farewell, no hey we are back, you didn’t leave did you? Yes we did. 4

Cobal Caldera: Hadn’t these old farts said goodbye already? 4

sly: Their last good album was way back in 1981 with “Blackout”. Safe to say you can stay clear of this one. 3 

Solefald: World metal (Kosmopolis Süd)

Solefald-World-Metal-Kosmopolis-Sud

3.8/10

Habakuk: Riiight. I had almost given up on this after a minute, but sure it is a varied, weird and probably interesting mixture – at least for those into any sort of progressive metal. It’s a bit like black metal Soulfly from Norway, without the bro attitude of course. 7

CadenZ: “The Linear Scaffold” was awesome when it crashed down into the extreme metal world in 1997. This is not. 4

sincan: For me their album “Norrøn livskunst” is a true masterpiece. Here on the new album I miss the Nordic epicness that was present on some of the tracks on “Norrøn livskunst”. But “World metal” is a crazy journey, for sure, and for me it might grow. 7

Cobal Caldera: What’s all the hype about? This is probably the most all-over-the-place album that I’ve listened to in a decade. It’s actually a bit like Vintersorg’s “Visions from the spiral generator,” but bad.  4

sly: Norway’s more evolved black metallers produce a lot of “avant garde” bullshit that passes off as risibly pretentious “art”. I hope this is a joke cause it pretty much sucks ass. 0

Trauma: This is probably the second easiest decision I’ve made in this edition.  1

All That Remains: The order of thingsall-that-remains-the-order-of-things

1.5/10

Habakuk: Do we really need these whiny vocals? This didn’t start off too badly. Whatever, bring on the breakdowns. 4

CadenZ: What the fuck. I thought this music died out like five years ago. 1

sincan: Emo rock? You’re in the wrong neighborhood, boy. 2

Cobal Caldera: Even MTV DJ’s would be ashamed of programming this shit. 1

sly: Absolute shit. Really. 0

Trauma: I think this band is bad.  Why?  Because there is nothing good about the music — duh.  They use and re-use every goddamned, tired, old fucken riffs and melodies and vocal styles and whatever cliches from that horrible decade long cum/blood/shit-stain American metalcore bands left in its wake.  I get more enjoyment out of my fucken Psoriasis on the genitals.  Seriously, I like unbearable physical pain and itching more than shitty music.  1

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