GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – February 2015

Audio Autopsy – February 2015

01/02/15  ||  Global Domination

Taake: Stridens hustaake-stridens-hus

7.0/10

Habakuk: It has taken me a long, long time to appreciate some black metal. Lucky for this album. 7

CadenZ: Oh, the 90’s nostalgia. Norwegian black metal doesn’t get better than it was during those formative years of the 2nd wave, and this is a perfect nod/tribute to those wonderful times. Also, 666 bonus points for the country/surf guitar on Darkthrone-punkish pummelfest “Stank”. 8

sincan: Taake’s older stuff are definitely on my favorite music list, however the last album “Noregs vaapen” was taking a different turn, leaving the tremolo Nordic wood worshipping guitars almost completely out, the album was still great with many interesting tracks but “Stridens hus” is more like a B-side to “Noregs vaapen” and I’m pretty disappointed with this one. 7

sly: True Norwegian black metal with some lackluster riffing but fortunately no banjo this time round. I’m guessing ‘stridens hus’ probably means “I’m not very inspired at the moment”. 6

Execration: Morbid dimensionsexecration-morbid-dimensions

6.8/10

Habakuk: Either I’m not artsy or not patient enough. Still this might find its fans. 5

CadenZ: Eccentric death metal with influences from 80’s speed metal, thrash, ambient, doom, black, younameit. Quite enjoyable, though the diversity seems a bit much at times. Could be a matter of getting more familiar with the album, though. 7

sincan: I take this type of death metal any day over the technical testosterone-filled one. These Norwegians even used a rather clear production on the instruments for this one, which is kind of interesting. 7

sly: Dark, murky old school Norwegian death metal with a few fresh ideas. It shall be added to my collection. 8

Cretin: Strangercretin-stranger

6.5/10

Habakuk: Lots of shit happening in a short period of time. Fair enough! 7

CadenZ: Energy, chaos and attitude are what you expect from grindcore. Cretin delivers. 7

sincan: Old school straight forward American deathened death which is relatively decent, but again, not my cup of rectal blood. 6

sly: Upon the first listen, this is a fairly enjoyable release. But after a few more spins tedium settles in. 6

Nihill: Verderfnihill-verderf

6.5/10

Habakuk: Ouch. That is some ugly-ass black metal. 6

CadenZ: Down in a pitch-black cellar. Broken fingernails on a chalkboard, drawing satanic runes in blood. 7

sincan: From time to time they actually create a pretty good atmosphere on this one with their noisy blackened metal thing, but in the end it is too much of not much different things going on. 6

sly: Dirty, underproduced, raw, experimental black metal that has quite a few up to snuff moments. An overall pleasant surprise. 7

Anguish: Mountainanguish-mountain

6.0/10

Habakuk: Guys, Celtic Frost were good because they wrote interesting songs. Work on that, too. 3

CadenZ: Occult and dark doom metal, kinda like Candlemass meets Watain. Just gotta love the no-frills and to-the-point songwriting. 7

sincan: Finally something worth a minute or two in this episode. Heavy and rather darkened doom for the one who seeks the heaviness. 7

sly: Pummeling doomy death metal or heavy deathy doom metal? You decide. 7

Inquisitor: Clinamen | Epistemeinquisitor-clinamen-episteme

5.3/10

Habakuk: As “difficult” (read: non-catchy) a listen it might be, it was worth it, multiple times even. 7

CadenZ: Inquisitor’s style is weird, and I can’t decide if that’s a good or a bad thing. Somehow, it works. 6

sincan: This is a bit too sprawly in an immature way and doesn’t have the level of avantgarde funkyness the band is trying to accomplish. 4

sly: Avant-garde black metal with abhorrently clean vocals and an abundance of wussbaggery, ahem, I mean emotion. 4

Mors Principium Est: Dawn of the 5th eramors-principium-est-dawn-of-the-5th-era

4.8/10

Habakuk: Heard a thousand times. Played a thousand times. It’s melodic Swedeath! 6

CadenZ: Capable musicians do not always good music make. 4

sincan: When I first heard Mother’s Principle during this AA my first thought was that they sound like the typical Finnish melodic pop metal band but with less keyboards, and that was also true, I guess I don’t have to say more. 4

sly: Melodic death metal has never been mea calicem tea. (Latin words make me look smart.) This mostly decent attempt hasn’t managed to convince me. 5

Death Wolf: III – Östergötlanddeath-wolf-iii-ostergotland

4.8/10

Habakuk: Nah. They do the midtempo stomping real fine, but once it gets slower or faster, it just ain’t good. 5

CadenZ: Punkish metal with black and thrash influences, and an annoying leprechaun (read: hardcore vocalist) behind the microphone. Also, they seem to have forgot to master the record. Ironically, Death Wolf sound best when they remind of bassist Morgan’s regular outfit Marduk. 5

sincan: The music is pretty good with its mixture of punk and blackened metal but after a while the vocals get a bit too repetitive in its sound. 6

sly: We’re going to play choose your favourite adjective for this one. I rather liked ‘dull as dishwater’. 3

Noctiferia: Paxnoctiferia-pax

4.5/10

Habakuk: Nice cover. 5

CadenZ: I won’t deny that I don’t disagree that this platter of industrial metal doesn’t suck. 5

sincan: Pretty theatrical industrial metal which might be enjoyable if you’re into such things, I’m not. 4

sly: Gee willikers! Industrial metal from Slovenia! Naw, I’m not really excited about it. Still, I’d take this shit over Cruachan or Pythia any day. 4

Cruachan: Blood for the blood godcruachan-blood-for-the-blood-god

4.3/10

Habakuk: I like the folksy semi-death I’m hearing. Not rushing out to buy it, though. 7

CadenZ: Pagan metal with shittily produced, mushy guitars. The harsher and more extreme parts work quite well, whereas the overtly folky bits are cornier than Kellogg’s Frosties. And how fucking hard is it to tune the fucking flutes? 5

sincan: Nah, I don’t get the good epic folk feeling with this one, sorry lads. 5

sly: Here’s an idea, Cruachan: slice your wrists open and offer up your own blood to the Blood God. Because frankly, your shitty folk metal makes Eluveitie sound good and Blood God knows that ain’t a good thing. 0

Faithful Darkness: Archgodfaithful-darkness-archgod

3.5/10

Habakuk: Too dry, too stale, too boring. Archgod? Try some Archgoat instead. 4

CadenZ: I didn’t believe something could be worse than Limp Bizkit or Justin Bieber. Then Faithful Darkness restored my faith. 1

sincan: Contradictory name with a bit too much life and joy in their melodic metal. 5

sly: A preposterous moniker that suits their paltry, offhand attempt at extreme music. But they look like such nice guys! 4

Engel: Raven kingsengel-raven-kings

3.0/10

Habakuk: These guys started where In Flames stopped. They do it well, but there’s just the odd song to keep. Chorus! Do you speak it? 6

CadenZ: “En” means “I won’t” in Finnish. That’s also my response if you ask me to listen to this pile of metalcore shit again. 2

sincan: Boring “hard cool” metal for short-haired blue jeans and skull t-shirt dudes. 3

sly: Here’s my angle: fuck off and die. 1

Witchbreed: Queen of stormswitchbreed-queen-of-storms

2.8/10

Habakuk: I don’t know, guys and girl. Not too exciting, is it? 5

CadenZ: Listening to this piece of mediocrity makes me wonder if this album ever would’ve seen the day of light if they wouldn’t have a chick singing. Then again, there are at least four worse albums in this edition, so who the fuck knows. Incidentally, two of those albums sport female vocals… No, I’m not a sexist! Fuck you! Now show me your tits. 3

sincan: After one of the most irrelevant intros in a while the first track kicks in with eurodisco vocals and lame filler music. Drop your cock and pull up your pants and run to the store to get the limited edition with yoga pants and hair spray which smells like rainbows and egg. Google their pictures and you shall find “sell metal with chick”. 1

sly: This is terrible in an almost endearing sort of way. Almost. It’s basically just terrible. Luckily for them, they’ve come up with an original sounding name and they don’t have a Eurotrashyheavymetalwenchskank for a singer. 2

Pythia: Shadows of a broken pastpythia-shadows-of-a-broken-past

1.8/10

Habakuk: Destroyed in seconds!! Opera chick opens mouth, ruins album. 2

CadenZ: All Finnish metal bands in existence called and wanted their shit back. 2

sincan: If you are listening to this, you probably have black hair with colorful extensions and pants with more cloth attached than used in the entire Denmark. 3

sly: Let’s cut the bullshit and review the only reason why these guys might possibly enjoy Pythia. Because chainmail bras hold a lot of sway in Metal Land. 0

Semargl: Killer dancesemargl-killer-dance

0.8/10

Habakuk: Rarhl? Arghhlll garrhll! 1

CadenZ: This album is unique. Words cannot describe how I feel about it, so I will have to ask you to participate in a small demonstration. Follow these instructions, and you shall experience the bliss that “Killer Dance” gives me. Pick up a knife. Drive it into your left eye. Twist. Pick up a couple of ounces of salt. Pour it into the pierced eye. Twist the knife around. Repeat on right eye. Rinse with boiling water. No, I’m sorry – scratch the experiment. There’s no way in hell you could ever torture yourself as hideously as I just did by not turning this shit off. These are the things I do for you. I suffer so you don’t need to. I’m like Jesus that way. 0

sincan: What is this? What the fuck? I get so tired. 1

sly: They used to be black metal. Now they’re dance pop/mallcore. They used to sing about Satanism, anti-Christianity, darkness, and war. Now they sing about sex, love, and feelings. These are some momentous, life-changing decisions, people. Pay attention and learn. Also, if you can figure out just what the fuck is going on in this picture, I’ll give you 100 hryvnia! (That’s Ukrainian for dollars.) 1

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