GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – October 2014

Audio Autopsy – October 2014

01/10/14  ||  Global Domination

Entombed A.D.: Back to the frontentombed-ad-back-to-the-front

7.0/10

Habakuk: Well… was that worth it? 6

CadenZ: Groovy old men’s death metal. Works like…well, Old Spice. 7

ZIV and sly: Wasn’t expecting much after “Serpent Saints” and the ensuing debacle but this is pretty cool. Not their best but far from their worst. A somewhat return to form. 7

Cobal Caldera: WOHA! This is probably the winner of this edition or what? Never into Entombed myself, now I wonder if I should. It’s absolutely im-po-ssi-ble not to nod and make badass faces to these well-written, flawlessly-played, forceful death metal songs. 8

Nachtmystium: The world we left behindnachtmystium-the-world-we-left-behind

6.3/10

Habakuk: Takes off on a high note with that buildup intro track, but afterwards I hear little that interests me. 5

CadenZ: I really dig the reverb on the vocals, makes them sound a bit Nødtveidt-esque. I dig the swagger in the riffing as well, certainly some NWOBHM influences in there. Satan smiles on your work, wannabe-blackers! 8

ZIV and sly: I guess Blake Judd’s addiction to heroin for creative purposes was a good one. He’s managed to create mildly interesting psychedelic black metal that had me hooked upon first listen but annoyed me upon further ones. Kind of like vanilla ice cream. It’s nice but gets old fast. 5

Cobal Caldera: Even with its eyebrow-raising moments, TWWLB succeeds at delivering pretty effective black metal and keeps it interesting by flirting with rock every now and then. Worked fine with me! 7

Pallbearer: Foundations of burdenpallbearer-foundations-of-burden

6.0/10

Habakuk: Hard to form a definite verdict here, but somehow I want my doom heavier. 6

CadenZ: Sludgy soundtrack for the apocalypse. Kinda like The Sword doing doom, actually. I can dig this, need more to blow my mind, though. 7

ZIV and sly: At least Hammerfall are funny (sorry Alestorm). Pallbearer are incredibly boring. The kind of boring many confuse with genius these days. 3

Cobal Caldera: I was pretty sure we’d stubbed this one in the past, which leads me to the conclusion there’s way too many doom bands these days. About that, there’s something special to “Foundations of Burden”, you see. Gargantuan heavy riffs provide a fine base for exotic-feeling melodies and dreamy vocal lines. Not that it has the widespread appeal of Entombed A.D., but still, it’s an 8

The Haunted: Exit woundsThe-Haunted-Exit-Wounds

5.8/10

Habakuk: I-don’t-know Metal. 6

CadenZ: The Haunted’s Slayer worship has never been this much to the forefront, and that’s saying a fucken LOT. Still, it’s nice to hear Aro’s bellowing on top of some Jensen riffing again, and the energy level is high. 7

ZIV and sly: Exit Dolving and (re)enter Aro. Yet I couldn’t care less for their polished, completely emotionless approach to mainstream thrash. 6

Cobal Caldera: So if you’ve never been into these people’s stuff, I see no reason why you should be now, especially considering the growing metalcorish vibe to it. I’d love to learn how their die-hard fans like “Exit Wounds”. 4

Opeth: Pale communionopeth-pale-communion

5.5/10

Habakuk: We get it, you are not interested in metal anymore. 6

CadenZ: This album sounds much more deliberate, confident and thought-through than the disjointed (but still great) “Heritage”. The arrangements are more effective, the songs are more homogeneous and the vocals are much more relaxed. It seems like Mike has found his new sound, and I’m liking it. 8

ZIV and sly: These guys have turned into a vintage sounding Dream Theater. 4

Cobal Caldera: Probably the worst Opeth ever. If you are into prog rock yourself, even awaiting for the new -unnecessary- Pink Floyd album should do better than this crap. Me, I’ll stick to the classics of the genre… On very rare occasions. 4

Hammerfall: (r)Evolutionhammerfall-revolution

5.5/10

Habakuk: Still around? 5

CadenZ: Nice! The level of honesty and directness of the melodies and hooks recall Hammerfall’s 1990’s virtues – and that’s a good thing. Cans provides the best performance of his career, no contest. The somewhat generic production reduces the listening experience, a rawer and more macho sound would’ve done good. Still, not bad. 7

ZIV and sly: And Odin said: “Thou sucketh, but sucketh not as hard as Dragonforce.” 3

Cobal Caldera: Non-embarrassing power metal for once! Interesting thing, the Gothenburg riffs over a speedy base. Why not? 7

Accept: Blind rageaccept-blind-rage

5.5/10

Habakuk: I do enjoy this new incarnation of Accept. Still this has nothing “Stalingrad” didn’t. 6

CadenZ: No, I won’t accept this mediocre and bland dick soup. 4

ZIV and sly: Tornillo’s Brian Johnson meets Udo Dirkschneider vocals have progressed immensely, meaning they are mostly tolerable. Incredibly this line up has created a third album in a row of solid uninspired heavy metal. 6

Cobal Caldera: Right between the many irrelevant revival bands on the one side, and the shitload of reunions failed… errr… “legendary” acts on the other, stands a limited number of dignifying trad metal bands with credibility. Accept falls into that third category, of course. However, having such asset won’t guarantee their music is fully worth your money or your time. “Blood of Nations” was good, “Stalingrad” was meh, and “Blind Rage” is OK. I don’t know if the world will ever need another Accept album. 6

Belphegor: Conjuring the dead

belphegor-conjuring-the-dead

5.3/10

Habakuk: From what I know, Belphegor is a little hit and miss. They kept that, even though they’ve changed to a blunter, deeper sound. 6

CadenZ: As forceful, filled with primal aggression, blasphemous and mediocre as always. 5

ZIV and sly: After hearing so many dreadful bands for this month’s AA, a rather stale toned-down black/death metal album by these veterans sounds pretty good… for about five songs. 5

Cobal Caldera: Maybe I haven’t been paying enough attention, but I don’t know anyone who claims to be a die-hard Belphegor fan. This record pretty much states why, and yet, I regret giving them a failing grade. 5

Sólstafir: Óttasolstafir-otta

5.0/10

Habakuk: Suuure. Well, this ain’t too bad, but is the guy on the cover singing? 6

CadenZ: If Johnny Cash lived on Iceland and made atmospheric indie pop, it could sound like this. 6

ZIV and sly: Coldplay’s “metal” album. 2

Cobal Caldera: Black metal bands evolving into playing a more refined — some may say weak — type of music sometimes leave an empty space behind them. That’s hardly the case of Sólstafir, if you ask me. In fact, this new game of theirs actually suits them better if you ask me. 6

Eluveitie: OriginsEluveitie-Origins

4.8/10

Habakuk: They have been recording the same album for a few years now, but I still dig it a lot. 8

CadenZ: Incorporating folk elements, especially ethnic instruments, in your music is risky business. If the execution isn’t immaculate, your only attraction will be like that of a black hole. Sucky. Luckily, Eluveitie have some good musicians on their roster so this mix of world music meets Amon Amarth isn’t all that bad. The level of corny is still above acceptable, but at least they don’t shoot themselves in the foot with their Elvish crossbows drenched in My Little Pony magic. 5

ZIV and sly: What’s worse than folk metal you ask me? Why emo folk metal with bagpipes! Duh!! 0

Cobal Caldera: I was once a full time folk metal listener myself. Having had my due dose in such concentration has made me extremely picky when it comes to the subject of violins, flutes and accordions in metal, not up to the point of being absolutely intolerant, though. In brief, Eluveitie is one of the bands that I can still listen to, notwithstanding the fact that their shit does get to be repetitive after so many tracks. Haters, back off! 6

Ace Frehley: Space invaderace-frehley-space-invader

4.0/10

Habakuk: Wow. This is insanely boring. 2

CadenZ: KISS sucks. THIS too. 3

ZIV and sly: Space Invader the song must be a joke, a joke gone wrong. Otherwise it sounds mostly like old Kiss with a drunk talentless New Yorker on vocals ruining some pretty Ace guitar playing. 6

Cobal Caldera: I’ve listened to Kiss for at least two decades now, and while a few of their songs will always be in my top 100 of all time — okay, probably top 500 —, Gene and Paul can go fuck themselves nowadays for all I care. Now Mr. Frehley here apparently has a similar view on these two fuckers, which arises some initial sympathy to his work. Still I’m not completely convinced by his groove/hard rock fusion, and those RATM-ish songs hardly come from a completely honest musician in his sixties. Not even if they work as well as these ones. 5

Unisonic: Light of dawnunisonic-light-of-dawn

4.0/10

Habakuk: The moniker, the ugly spaceship on the cover, the logo – everything about this screams retarded. And lo and behold, it is. 3

CadenZ: Eeeeeeaaagleeee flyyyy freeeeeeee, leeeeeet peeeeooooplee seeeeee, juuuuuust maaaakee iiiit yooouuuuur ooooown waaaaayyyyyyy. 5

ZIV and sly: You’d think a Kiske/Hansen pairing would make a cool yet sappy German power metal album. Well this one is so sugar coated listening to it might give you type 2 diabetes. 4

Cobal Caldera: So this fart thinks his voice is still relevant, so what? If I wanted to hear something like the Keepers-era Helloween, I’d listen to the Keepers-era Helloween. Fuck you, Michael, I thought metal wasn’t good enough for you. 4

DragonForce: Maximum overloadDragonforce-Maximum-Overload

3.0/10

Habakuk: FagenDorks. 3

CadenZ: To further alienate their output from anything worthy of being called music, DragonForce decided that a production with the same plastic equivalent as a Wii remote would fit their sound well. Good job. 2

ZIV and sly: Maximum overload of pure suckiness. 2

Cobal Caldera: I think I understand why these guys are so successful. Not for me, though, unless I’m in a particular good mood or high, which is very rare these days (Cobal sighs). 5

Wovenwar: Wovenwarwovenwar-wovenwar

2.3/10

Habakuk: It didn’t sound bad, then it turned to some sort of metalcore. No matter which song you start with, that sentence describes the experience. I guess it has to do with them vocals. Still: decent. 6

CadenZ: There’s a real nifty and torturous ancient execution method called sawing. The poor sucker getting the treatment is hung upside-down by his feet , and then sawed in half starting from the groin and working towards the head. Since the brain received enough blood due to the upside-down manner, the victim was usually conscious until the saw reached the major organs and blood vessels located in the belly area. Imagine how that must have felt like. Now imagine you’re listening to Wovenwar. Which is worse? Yeah, I don’t know either. 1

ZIV and sly: Ex-As I Lay Dying anybody ? My 16 year old sister whom no one understands would dig this. And then she wonders why “nobody understands”. 0

Cobal Caldera: Sounds like Papa Roach with smaller balls. If possible. You’ve got to give these guys some credit: they were able to deliver something worse than Alestorm, DragonForce and even Unisonic. 2

Alestorm: Sunset on the golden ageALESTORM-Sunset-On-The-Golden-Age

2.0/10

Habakuk: Please shut up. Good God almighty. 3

CadenZ: I thought the vocalist of Sabaton had reached the pinnacle of stupidity with his rolling R’s. I was wrong. Sorry, wRRRRRong. 2

ZIV and sly: Let’s review the facts. Alestorm are a pirate/folk metal act from Scotland. ‘Nuff said. 0

Cobal Caldera: After listening to a few Alestorm songs years ago, I had successfully avoided their festive power metal for good reason. Until this week. There’s a special place for Alestorm among the high profile metal bands I actually despise. Nonetheless, the last track would not suck pirate ass with hemorrhoids if they had a proper vocalist. 3

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