This C666 DP extravaganza was committed by Inquisitor Generalis
and Daemonomania. Due to some fantastic deletion of old Lord K penned
Grave materials, the pleasurable duty to cover one of Swedeath’s
crowning achievements is OURS.
Daemonomania: If you’ve been on GD for a while, you’ve certainly heard me tell the stupid tale of how much I love “Soulless”. This is THE
album that brought me into the wonderful world of metal. Imagine a
young Daemo in his room, perusing a mail distro catalog mostly full of
punk. And he stumbles upon one of the few evil things for sale amidst
the third wave ska and crustcore. It arrives in the mail. The sky
darkens. Bitches leave.
Inquisitorgeneralis: Daemo introduced me to
“Soulless” and “Soulless” introduced to me vaginas… and death metal. All
the evil that I listen to now, all the evil that has driven said
vaginas away from me screaming terror, all the partying killing music I
love so muthafucken dearly comes from “Soulless”. While my tastes have
moved to faster, more brutal pastures this Swedeath masterpiece still
makes my manmuscle tingle with nostalgic delight every time bitches are
told to leave…
Matt Daemon: Ah the good old days, rocking out in our college dorm room (#127: The Final Dominion of Metal) in between embarrassing
incidents where we walked in on each other showering. Nostalgia will
be present in large doses throughout this review, as will penetralia.
IggiepopStoogeralis: Ah, sweet collegiate bromance!
Many nights were drowned in Mad Dog bumwine and metal madness. I’m
ready to do the walk of shame all over this review Daemo, let’s hit it.
Ipeefreely: Simple, effective Swedeath gets the job
done here. “Turning black” turns it down into almost sludge speed and
let’s you know that Grave is not fucken around on “Soulless”. While the
songs never stray too far from the certified formula of refrain chorus refrain chorus breakdown chorus
there is enough variation between the songs to keep things interesting.
“I need you” has always been my top cut from here: tons of groove, a
great middle rock-out urged on by Jörgen with a killer “let’s go!!!”. Go where Jörgen? The mall? Chuck E Cheese? A satanic church? WHERE??????
Daemonopoly: Ha ha ha, we used to make that “let’s
go” joke all the time. One thing is for sure, wherever you go in
Swedish death metal, there is no turning back! Swedes never turn back.
“Did we take a wrong turn back there, Jensa?”
“I don’t fucken care, we CANNOT TURN BACK!”
“Uh yes, we can, just put it in reverse and…”
“Bitches leave! Did you give me birth? Let’s go!!!”
Anyway, “Soulless” takes Grave’s familiar formula of death infused
with slow doomy sections, adds a big ole chunk of death ‘n roll groove,
and then shapes the whole shebang into a battering ram aimed right at
your crotch. BAM.
IG: I do not know where this review is going… but I
like it. “Soulless” probably has the best songwriting of any Grave
album except for “You’ll Never See”…an album I am sure we will be
fucking with in due time.
D-Fens: I’ll tell you where this review is
going…DOWN, to dig up its dead girlfriend and rape her. In the rain.
Which would make the digging much easier. Anyway, the songwriting here
is the most accessible Grave would ever pen. And most of the songs just
have this irresistible, rib-crushing swagger. Only one or two tracks
aren’t instant classics, and even those are pretty fvcken sweet.
“Scars” could almost be a hit single on MTV back in the day, if MTV were any good even back in the day. 9.5.
Dael or no Dael: I’m going to stop mansturbating and let IG talk about this one. Give ‘em the rap, Inquizz.
Innagaddadavideralis: I have never been a
production guru, nor will I ever be. All I know is that the production
on here fits the mother-killing vibe of the songs perfectly. It’s grainy
but not shitty, dirty but not filthy… whatever the fuck that means.
There could be a little more punch to the guitars but I guess this was
the style of the early 90s so I am not really complaining. You can here
the bass so that’s cool. As far as the drums go the kicks sound pretty
fucken good but do not drown everything else out. Snare, high-hit,
top-hat… rest of the kit sounds ok. I have heard alot of early Swedeath
that sounds like shit with a side of shit and this doesn’t so nuts to
Daeting Your Mom: See, IG was the man for that shit. I’ll throw down a 7.5, as the guitar sound could indeed be heavier.
Inspectingyourmom’sclitoris: I agree with that number, the guitars are good but not Yngwie good. 7.5 is a most splendid score.
D-Motivating: Uhhh, I think you jumped the gun a bit there IG. THIS is the guitars section. And a 7.5
simply will not do. Ola lays it the fuck down from front to back. So
many good riffs. So much ov the gravegroove. The solos are often poor,
but Herr Skeletal One drops it like ‘tis hot relentlessly. Even the
instrumental “Judas” is cool as fuck. How’s that rat soup taste,
In-spiring: Taste likes sweet subcontinental femmoneyshot my good chum. I will abide by your judgment here. Shall we up the ante to an 8.5 for the gee-toors? Or will your vaginas still weep even after a full point increase?
D-bilitating: I’ll see your 8.5 and raise you, nah, 8.5 is fine.
FirstSemesterMenengitis: While I do not completely
join in with the Jörgen cock-slurping that occurs on a tri-daily basis
around here I do recognize the man has death metal vocal skills. Grave
was better with him behind the mic for sure. He gives a solid
performance here, especially on the title track and “I need you”. Nice
job Jörgie, now stop playing with the boss’s Project Evanescence
MCMQWERTY555 Fun Patrol and get back with TEH GRAVE!
D plane, d plane: “Knot” does get a lot of
fellati-oh no on GD, but the man is superior in every aspect of growling
(wipes chin). He can shriek, he can go subterranean, but his mid-range
is unmatched in articulate demonocracy (picks pubes out of teeth).
IncestuousFatheralis: Ahh Daemo, your Grave fanboyness wins again! The balloon “Knot” gets a 9 for his vox… and you get a hanky fer yer chin.
D-money: I’d go so far as to give a 9.5.
I cannot imagine these songs with anyone else. The band really sounds
like a cohesive unit throughout, but subtract Jörgen and the songs lose
a lot of character. Plus he says “yenocide” which is a top-notch
D-publicenemynumberone: It is my opinion that the
performance of bass guitar upon this compact disc is executed in a
skillful and professional manner.
IGsaysfreezeIneverhadagun: I agreed my good chum,
skillful bassiosity is certainly present here. (Hey Kemp, think it is
obvious to the dumbfucks who read this shit that you and I have never EVER played a bass guitar in our lives???)
D bass for d face London: I touched a bass once. It was thick, throbbing, and veiny. And it was upright. Wait, wait a sec here… anyhoo, a 7 ok with you IGesus?
TurnitupIGsdanoize: Agreed, concurred, secured. Let’s move on to the skins…
InGloriousbastard: Compared to Vitek or Flo the
drumming on here is nothing too insane, but since this is moderate speed
Swedeath that is not a big problem. The production is good and Jensa’s
playing is competent: lots of expected double bass. Personally, I like
the slowed down parts.
D-nial: Fanboyness continues. So much memorable
drumming. The ZZ Top-esque intro to “Soulless”. The recorded gunshot
fill in “Bullets are mine”. Sure Jensa ain’t as fast as he was on the
prior two Grave albums, but he wasn’t exactly a blastbeat machine even
then. He shows incredible creativity at this pace, and locks the groove
in time and time again. Fuuuuuck me, I just ruined another pair of
pants with imaginary Paulsson wet spots.
In-sanity: I agree with the drum groovosity, it is
one of the strongest points on the album and definitely adds to the
variety between songs. I believe an 8 to be appropriate. Your thoughts?
D-greestain: My thoughts are that you are most
likely a chronic felcher, that hipster music should be decimated by a
ball of interplanetary debris, and that your score is too low.
Mid-paced DM drumming perfection. NIIIIIIIINNNNNNEEEE.
D-bater: “In my dominion, I control the weak, and in vain, in pain, they turn the other cheek.” I just quoted that shit from memory.
InspectorGadget: The lyrics on “Soulless” are ace, no fucken doubt about it. Your god is dead, and you will be… DEAD
has always been my personal favorite line. “Bullets are mine” also
features some memorable lines about killing your parents. Plus. the
aforementioned title track brings the serious pain to the nazarene…
sorry Jeebus, Grave is the cross on which you are nailed. I give the
lyrics a 9…although I am sure the president of the
Grave fanclub with find some excuse to make that score higher. Your
thoughts _el presidente?
Daeride: Nah, a nine is fine. The President,
while drinking Presidente, approveth. But not before going into more
detail. “…And here I die” is the classic scenario of the Christman
questioning his dad as to whassup with this nailing shit, pops?
Done in a classy way, for sure. And “Scars” is about some emo shit
but still rules (sadly this approach would come to icky fruition on
“Hating Life”). Overall nice, low-effort, grammar-problem plagued
blasphemy which is immediately recognizable as having a Swedish origin.
Fun and easy to sing along. Or scream at the top of your lungs at a
concertful of fucken hippies.
Inittowinit: My version of “Soulfood” has an
unhappy looking statue on it with some snakes as hair… or whatever. Not
the greatest death metal cover ever, but decent enough. Someone should
have given Seagrave a call. Hello??? Grave, SeaGRAVE??? I’ll shut the
fuck up now.
Dlete: Dude, that was a great joke. Don’t put
yourself down. I laughed. Nostalgia goes a long way in my love for
this cover, but yes, in the end it is not the most groundbreaking image
since images broke ground. However, if I ever have any money this
vomiting statue surrounded by Escher’s interlocking angels and devils
would certainly be in the running for a big back tattoo.
Insert: Well big boy, we know how much you live BIG BLACK things, especially when they penetrate your skin… SSSSNNNNAAAAAPPPPPP. I give the cover a 6,
definitely the lowest score for anything on “Soulless”. However, you
can not judge a book by its cover (or, in my partner’s case sexual
orientation) and the awesomeness of “Soulless” still stands upright and
erect regardless of this limp cover.
InDmiddleofDnight: How’d you get ahold of those pictures? Anfernee promised me they’d remain in his private collection! That aside I’d up the score by a point, but I won’t bother.
DanknessDearthDump: I love the Grave logo. 1 million points from me. They should never, EVER fuck with it again.
InwardsInpactIssueVI: Agreed, the logo is fucken titties covered in beer…one of death metal’s best. I too give it a 1 million.
Inlovewiththepope: Honestly, I do not think I have
ever in looked at the booklet that came with my copy of “Soulless” and I
am sure it is long gone. Since Daemo probably has a blanket made out of
hundreds of them I am sure he could comment more. I am sure there are
lyrics and evil images. You score this one Kempsizzle, for I lack the
proper knowledge of these cursed, blasphemous pages.
Daep Like the Mines of Minolta: Will do. See,
there’s a story behind the Grave booklet. Deep in the heart of
Stockholm, there is a church that dates from 459 AD. Within that
church, the heretical Viggenstrom Ahssliksen led his followers deeper
and deeper into a tryst with the unholy forces that lurk unseen in
dimensions surrounding our own. The terrible price these mortals paid
for tampering with the unknown, along with the house of worship where it
all went down, are detailed in the short booklet that accompanies
“Soulless”. Or not. And there’s no “thanks” list, ‘cuz Grave need
thank NO ONE. 8.
Insideamorguenotpicinicbaskets… piciniccaskets: Sounds like someone is having an acid flashback. Oh, and Grave need to thank US for this unbelievably awesome review.
Overall and ending rant:
InquisitorPeniseralis: “Soulless” is the metal
foundation for two of Global Domination’s most obnoxious, moronic, and
bromantic writers, what more do you need to say? This is old-school
Swedish Death Metal perfection and has never been topped by Grave…or
another other group of anti-christian nordic numbskulls since. D-man, I
am sure you pants are surging with excitement for the bog finished here…
what does your purple-head love dolphin have to offer? Does he swim
eagerly in the foam?
Doaeraemaefaesoaelaetaedoae: The dolphin has been
turned into many a rubbed-raw tuna sandwich by this beautiful album over
and over again. Seriously, what possible score would be high enough
for the album that brought me into the infernal realms of downtuning,
double bass, and demon roars? “Soulless” is more than just a CD to me,
no joke, it has become an integral part of my fucken BEING, man. Cosmic.
Inastateofparanoia: Well, considering you don’t
believe in God, afterlife, religion and all that pishposh your being is
worthless…and Grave likes it that way bitch! “Soulless” is a true
classic and deserves every last bit of the shaft-slurping we have
bestowed upon it. One can only wonder what album’s anus we shall
doubleteam next? Give it the big 10 Dumpomania, you know you want to!
Daemeaning: I do want to. I want to and I will.