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GD’s verdicts – Best of 2013_Ironpants

GD’s verdicts – Best of 2013: Ironpants

24/12/13  ||  Ironpants

The Project Hate MCMXCIX: The cadaverous retaliation agenda 1. The Project Hate MCMXCIX: The cadaverous retaliation agenda

Yes, of course! And yes I know, it was released in 2012 but so late
that it counts as a 2013 release. It’s my list, so fuck you! There isn’t
anyone alive that honestly can say that he or she has fully
comprehended this massive beast to include it on their last years “Best
of 2012” list, if there was, they are liars. This is the album that
earned the most playtime on my sound-system(s) this year. There is so
much to discover that every listen gives you something in return. I
almost took a shit out of my dick when I listened to it the first time
in my car, and that feeling hasn’t been re-created by any other album so
far. Hell, somewhere in the second song, I had a prolapse and my
sphincter fell down, spinning around my right ankle like some horse-shoe
tossed at a stick over at the county fair. Everything is perfect and I
can’t stop listening to it. The drums are godlike, the bass is in your
face, the vocals rocks cocks and the riffs are just so brutal, and yet
the songs are melodic and wonderful.

Find your inner self here: We watch in silence as the Earth turns to blood

Witherscape: The inheritance 2: Witherscape: The inheritance

I have waited so long for this album, and finally it appeared.
Before experiencing my first listen, I expected this to be more like EoS
or Opeth, but it is not. The 80’s vibe is more apparent and the
songwriting is top notch. Witherscape blends 80’s prog metal with harsh
vocals and it is really a smoker, the concept of the album also gives
the listener more bang for the buck. True craftsmanship from two
thinkers and I really hope that this is not some one-time project.

Blowdry your hair to this: The math of the myth

Facebreaker: Dedicated to the flesh 3: Facebreaker: Dedicated to the flesh

When I sat down to clear my mind and tried to figure out what has
made me bang my head this year it soon became very clear how basic I am
really. “Hello – my name is Ironpants, I am a death metal freak and have
been so for over 20 years”. There is no need to think more about that,
my brain is constantly seeking for that perfect death metal album. This
album is the third most played album this year, so basic and so down to
earth but still so fucken great. You don’t need hundreds of effects and
symphonic samples to win me over, just plain, good, groovy death metal.
The vocals are outstanding and the sound is perfect. Some people like
their earlier works more, I say… no! This is their best effort ever, the
more they slow down, the better it gets.

Consume raw flesh to this: Zombie flesh cult

F.K.Ü.: Rise of the mosh mongers 4: F.K.Ü.: 4:Rise of the mosh mongers

This albüm just makes me happy and feel good aboüt myself, a strange
feeling that I am not very familiar with. They present so incredibly
awesome and great thrash metal, that it’s almost embarrassing. There is
so many great songs on this creation that they shoüld receive an award
of some kind. Thrash metal has not made me this excited since, well,
since I foünd my first pübes and that’s more than a centüry ago. The
vocals is über, the riffs are exciting and catchy and the drüms are
tight and snappy as fück. Feel-good thrash at its best!

Tear yourself a new one with this: Black hole hell

Necrowretch: Putrid death sorcery 5: Necrowretch: Putrid death sorcery

Yeah, once again we are back to the basics. This album produced a
feeling equal to that if a rabid wolf turned up and chewed my nut sack
off and I had to wrestle it down and kill it with my bare hands to get
it back, and when I did that, it still felt like it was sewed back the
wrong way. A pure, deadly, black energizer reminding me of how it is
supposed to be done. I fucken love the attitude and aggression on this
album, and I can’t wait to see how these youngsters will develop. I
thank them for reminding me of how vital death metal actually can be.

Go apeshit here: Putrid death sorcery

CLOSE, BUT NO FOUNTAIN ORGASM:

(without any particular order)

Carcass: Surgical steel

Carcass: Surgical steel

Pretty awesome comeback, and if they had put just a little more emphasis on their roots they would have gone all the way.

Tell me that I am wrong to this: The Master Butcher’s Apron

Ghost: Infestissumam

Ghost: Infestissumam

So close, but some of the songs are just a little bit too poppish to warrant a top notch rating.

But still, it is backwards and evil: Depth of Satan’s eyes

Toxic Holocaust: Chemistry of consciousness

Toxic Holocaust: Chemistry of consciousness

Yes, this is a good one, I get all rowdy and want to get up and
headbang and thrash shit up when I put this on. Too bad I don’t have any
hair, and are too weak to actually manage to break stuff.

Wreck your place to this: Out of the fire

Satyricon: Satyricon

Satyricon: Satyricon

After a few spins extra on this sucker it grew like an
inflatable phallus inside me. You don’t hear the greatness at first just
because of the dry production. Give it a chance, it’s worth it.

Best song of the year: Phoenix

Hail Of Bullets: III - The Rommel chronicles

Hail Of Bullets: III: The Rommel chronicles

In a way very much the same goes for this album as for Facebreaker, but these Dutchmen are a small tad below in sperm count.

Pardon my French: Pour le Mérite

Jex Thoth: Blood moon rise

Jex Thoth: Blood moon rise

I knew from the start that I would love this album, and of course, I was right

Just listen damnit! : Keep Your Weeds

FLACCID COCKS OF 2013:

Newsted: Heavy metal music

Newsted: Heavy metal music

I actually thought that Jason would emerge as the savior of Metallica-metal. He didn’t…

The Devil's Blood: III: Tabula rasa

The Devil’s Blood: III: Tabula rasa or death and the seven pillars

A lesson in how to totally wreck something good. I had hopes for this. What the actual fuck?

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This entry was posted on June 24, 2014 by in 2013 by writer.
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