Audio Autopsy – September 2012

Audio Autopsy – September 2012

01/09/12  ||  Global Domination

The Forsaken: Beyond redemption The Forsaken: Beyond redemption


Lord K: Welcome back, fuckos, it’s been a while.
Forsaken is a sadly overlooked Swedish band who, for some reason,
decided it would be a great thing to return and continue to be
overlooked. It’s wrong, coz The Forsaken’s a good fucken bunch of cunts.
You want some high quality death metal (with some melody), give “Beyond
redemption” a shot or 10. You’ll fucken dig it. 7

Habakuk: Good. Quality alone doesn’t get you far in a year like 2012, though. Try to mix some identity into your death. 7

CadenZ: A new album AT LAST. I am not disappoint. Opener “Beyond Redemption” is a massive fucken kick in the teeth. 8

BamaHammer: This is some more very good Swedish
death, but I can also see where this might not hold up for an extended
period of time. Still worth a couple of spins. 7

Sokaris: Holy crap, I’ve been waiting for this
album way too long. I remember being a teenager and patiently waiting
the six months for Century Media to bother putting the album out in
America. Anyway, the long awaited fourth Forsaken foray forges forward
furiously and I absolutely love it. Melodic yet destructive, more
straightforward than before. 9

Zonaria: Arrival of the red sun Zonaria: Arrival of the red sun


Lord K: As you know, Swedes do it better in this AA
(too). The Forsaken, Miseration and now this edition’s winner: Zonaria.
Melodic, deathly, semi-blackish metal (add cheesy stage wear
for full effect) with keyboards… you know the drill. Even with all that
shit in consideration, these guys get the gold medal from me this time.
Not that the competition was too hard to beat, but hey… 8

Habakuk: I would have guessed Finland, but these
guys are actually from Northern Sweden. That bit of melody in their
death stew gave it away. Well, almost. It all ain’t too shabby, though. 7

CadenZ: Dimmu Borgir meets Hypocrisy meets Samael
meets over-compressed production. Not approaching the same quality as
the aforementioned bands more than momentarily, Zonaria still are an OK
band at their dullest and fans of bombastic blackened death metal will
probably dig this – if they’re not as picky as I am, that is. 6

BamaHammer: Great production, great compositions,
and a great cover. They even sound like the badass lovechild of Dark
Tranquillity and later-era Emperor. This is good. What, they’re from
where? Oh, I’ll be right back. I’m going to step out for a second and
become a Swedish citizen and get awesome. 8

Sokaris: I remember their last album being fairly
bland, nothing really wrong with it but not exactly a standout. They’re
still not exactly the most recognizable face out there but they’ve got a
lot of power and decent riffing. 7

Miseration: Tragedy has spoken Miseration: Tragedy has spoken


Lord K: The ever-so impressive vocalist/comrade
Christian Älvestam returns with Miseration, a band I really can’t get my
head around. The production is flawless, the vocals are fantastic as
always, the musicianship is insane and the tunes are brutal enough for
my liking… and still I miss something in it. Competent-a-ganza, without a doubt. I just wish they’d fire up some more memorable shit musicwise. 7

Habakuk: If you ever have listened to a modern death metal album, this here will feel about twice as long than it actually is. 6

CadenZ: “Hill of the Poison Tree”, what a fucken
smash in the face. That’s a full-on KO right there, and the rest of the
material ain’t too shabby either. Brutal death with lots of blasting,
technical stuff and above-average hooks. 7

BamaHammer: Wow. Wasn’t expecting this. This is how it’s done, kids. Leave it to Sweden to deliver the death metal goods. 9

Sokaris: It’s like Kentucky Fried Chicken. Thick,
meaty and crunchy but a bit overprocessed and too much kind of makes me
sick. Sounds like some guys who don’t normally play death metal trying
as hard as possible to be a death metal band. 5

Ahab: The giant Ahab: The giant


Lord K: Ahab… isn’t that the dude who’s got a
fetish for a whale in some ridiculous story written by some fag no one
gives a fuck about? I thought so. I have heard these guys’ name for a
while but had no idea what to expect music wise. I just thought it would
be shit. But it’s not complete shit, it’s on par with as
interesting as that fucken book I was yapping about. A book I’ve never
read, nor ever will. The music? Whale-heavy (I know, I know…) and doomy
is what it is. 4

Habakuk: Good, but I’ve heard better from them. 7

CadenZ: Why haven’t I immersed myself in Ahab before?! Fucken idiot. This is amazing stuff. Deep, dark, heavy, introspective. 9

BamaHammer: I love Melville as much as the next guy, but this is as exciting and interesting as geriatric whale sex. 4

Sokaris: Ahab seem hugely hyped, I’d not heard them before and for whatever reason this was the THIRD
time I’d run across some ultra-hip band with a white whale on their
cover that everybody loved. Well, unlike Gojira and Mastodon this band
is pretty good. 7

Vintersorg: Orkan Vintersorg: Orkan


Lord K: I’ll use this as a soundtrack the next time I play “Legend of Zelda” on the Nintendo 8-bit. Which is never. Fucken tree-loving MIDI music disguised as “metal”. 3

Habakuk: Not bad I guess, if you’re into catchy melodic black metal with mostly clean vocals. Unlike me. Still, definitely listenable. 7

CadenZ: I’m totally getting a Borknagar/mid-90’s
Norway vibe out of this, which amounts to awesome if you didn’t get it.
Some vocal lines still sound like they were lifted off a Eurovision Song
Contest track from the 80’s, and some of the lyrics make you cringe,
but all in all this must be the best album Vintersorg has done since the
first Otyg disc back in 1998. 7

BamaHammer: I like Vintersorg. Judge me. 7

Sokaris: It’s more or less folkier Borknagar with
some cheesier keyboards. Maybe a bit more experimental overall but in
the same vein. Considering how damn good “Urd” was I don’t mind
something that compliments it well. 7

Baroness: Yellow & green Baroness: Yellow & green


Lord K: These guys like to name their albums after
colors, it seems. I like to name their music after animal feces, meaning
this is close to some kind of dog shit. Nah, only kidding. It’s not that terrible. At least you can see some tits on the cover. Woohoo! 4

Habakuk: Given the absurd amount of hype this receives, it’s actually surprisingly fucken good. Play this to your mum. 8

CadenZ: Despite the truly stunning artwork, I don’t find much to love on this prog stoner disc. 5

BamaHammer: This is one of the feel-good hits of
the summer. Plenty of great tunes and great ideas to keep you spinning
it time and time again. And I usually hate stuff like this. 8

Sokaris: There’s no way I could take two albums of
this but I understand the appeal. I don’t hold their success against
them but it’s concerning that the most lucrative path a metal band can
take is to stop playing metal. 5

Master: The new elite Master: The new elite


Lord K: “The new elite”, huh? Seriously?! There’s nothing “elite” about this whatsoever. Tripe. 3

Habakuk: Putting ugly covers on decent caveman death metal albums since 1985. Anyone seen Krabathor lately? 7

CadenZ: Displaying as much finesse as Lars Ulrich’s
kicks on every “One” rendition since the dinosaurs walked the Earth
(1989), Master still manage to charm me in a sick, twisted way. No
second date though. 5

BamaHammer: A little better than generic death
metal with some really good aggression. But the big story here is that
the cover (disappointingly) is not hilariously terrible. 7

Sokaris: I feel bad for Master landing three
entries on our “Top 10 Worst Death Metal
so it’s good to have a chance to talk about the music here. It’s
straightforward, kinda punky and full of good riffs. Meat and potatoes
death. 7

Rush: Clockwork angels Rush: Clockwork angels


Lord K: I have most probably said this before, but
this edition of Audio Autopsy is the worst we have ever seen at GD. But
now it’s the fucken truth (again). This is the best we could come up
with for September?! Shame on us. Seriously? Rush? Seriously?
You don’t listen to Rush. I don’t listen to Rush. No one fucken listens
to Rush. People just claim they do to look so fucken cool, tr00 and
all-knowing. Rush fucken suck it, you know. Yes, you know it. Rush to
the fuck-you pole, it’s located right over there, by the score… It’s
better than Master, L.A Guns, P.O.D., Tank, Vinterpenis and John 5
though. Thank fuck. 4

Habakuk: Sick, thick bass, first of all. The album
takes a bit to reach its full potential, but the bass pushes it to
definitely enjoyable heights. Could be a grower. 7

CadenZ: When did these guys become so boring? Oh,
right, when their collective age surpassed the three-million mark. I
still need to catch them live, and hope that they won’t include any
“Cockwork” songs. 5

BamaHammer: I haven’t been in the mood for Rush in 8 years. 6

Sokaris: I’m no giant Geddy Lee suckoff-er, but I
have been slowly getting into the legendary Canadian trio and it’s hard
not to give them tons of props for an almost unmatchable legacy.
Organic and enjoyable. 6

Tank: War nation Tank: War nation


Lord K: This tank ain’t running over shit and its firepower is that of a pelletgun. That was a great joke. Tank you. 3

Habakuk: Since when does Tank’s singer sound like
the guy in Saxon? Anyway, this is pretty decent, although the vocals
give it a somewhat different feel than good ole Tank. Only the ballady
stuff sucks. 7

CadenZ: Doogie wants to be Dio. He’s not pulling it
off, but he sounds fucken good. The songs have nothing special
whatsoever to offer, melodic traditional heavy metal with some AOR touches and no surprises. Still, if you’re into this genre (like me), you’ll find this enjoyable. 6

BamaHammer: “Honour & Blood” was good. In 1984. 3

Sokaris: Good old metal from good old bastards. That logo is so dated that it’s actually kind of awesome. 6

John 5: God told me to John 5: God told me to


Lord K: “Got told me to… fuck off big time becoz I absolutely suck it, no matter if I can play a thing or 2 on the axe”. 3

Habakuk: This guy probably doesn’t have enough
metal cred (actually, I had to look up who he was…), but his
instrumental venture between country, spanish, industrial, rock and
metal influences is damn fine. Even more so when less metal. That “Beat
it” instrumental was long overdue, too. 7

CadenZ: “Monotone industrial metal riffs as backing
track. Former Marilyn Manson and current Rob Zombie guitarist John 5
shredding pointlessly and without the slightest bit of taste on top of
it.” That’s how you spell fail, bitch. 2

BamaHammer: You can play guitar well. Congratulations. Obviously a proud moment for you. 5

Sokaris: Um, well this is more listenable than The
Great Kat or Michael Angel Batio but, well, anything is. I think he
just does these to prove that he can play (and shit can he) because he
never uses his chops in the bands he plays for. 2

Serj Tankian: Harakiri Serj Tankian: Harakiri


Lord K: There’s musicians and there’s artists.
Serj’s always been both. It’s not like he’s creating the best fucken
music since I created my first tune, but damn – this guy really knows
how to create something that sounds unique. That is a quality not many
people (I am one of them few though, of course) can claim they possess.
With one of the coolest voices and approaches to singing in the
business, it’s a wonder he’s not a superstar in his own right. 6

Habakuk: How SOAD could ever get big because
(or at least partly because) of this guy is nothing but a miracle to
me. I cannot for the life of me listen to Serj Tankian. Impossible.
Close your fucken head. 1

CadenZ: The only thing keeping me from snoring to
“Have-a-curry?” is the obnoxiously annoying sharp edge to Serj’s voice.
It works well in the SOAD context, especially
harmonized with Daron Malakian. Uninteresting and juvenile song ideas
executed in a dull and irritating fashion. 4

BamaHammer: I was never a big fan of System of a
Down. Stands to reason I wouldn’t be a big fan of this. Sound logic.
“Butterfly” is a decent enough tune, though. 4

Sokaris: How did System Of A Down sell a million records with this guy’s voice? SOAD
were frequently obnoxious but weren’t generally boring at least.
Generic music with some token “quirks” for no reason at all. Just let
John5 shred on top of this randomly and we could’ve taken care of this
month’s two ego-projects simultaneously. 3

L.A. Guns: Hollywood forever L.A. Guns: Hollywood forever


Lord K: They have a song entitled “You better not
love me”. Well, trust me, fuckarses – it’s not gonna happen in this
lifetime. Or the next. Or the next. Fuck you. 3

Habakuk: Checked all the boxes, and that’s that.
Have these guys ever had more than two great songs per album? I prefer
old Ratt instead. 6

CadenZ: When you’re feeling down ‘cause you didn’t score as many bitches in the ’80s as the L.A. Guns, think of this: they sucked. BAD. And now, when they’ve had three decades to hone their craft – they still suck. BAD. 2

BamaHammer: L.A. Guns sucked when they were at their best. Now they’re all pushing 50. You figure it out. 3

Sokaris: Like Europe earlier this year this year
this is a lot ballsier than I expected. But I wasn’t exactly expecting
juggernaut testes. 4

Periphery: This time it's personal Periphery: This time it’s personal


Lord K: Insanely impressive musicianship, but as
with all of this genre the songs get fucken lost in the process in favor
for showboating. I can dig this in small doses, but the day when I’ll
listen to a whole album of this without tearing my balls off with a fork
is not coming any time soon. 6

Habakuk: Please. Fuck. Off. 1

CadenZ: Bipolar metal at its most annoying: there’s
shitloads of talent here, there’s loads of great riffs, the guitar
solos are just mindblowingly awesome – and the other half is whiny-face
sticky-butt ooh-poor-me angst-emo-metal. I guess I just need to filter
out the crap and only listen to the shiny side of the turd. Too bad it
twists and turns too fast for my imbecile brain to be able to zone in on
the good stuff alone. 5

BamaHammer: I’m disappointed. I feel like the
vocalist here could probably be a little more annoying. Not much, but a
little. But hey, at least the music is complete shite. 2

Sokaris: This band throws in so many different
elements and still manage to be super bland. The boyband vocals would
drop down to below acceptable even if the music was good but what we
have here is carefully crafted music that aims to be “progressive”
enough to appeal to musicians but nothing so out there that it would put
off your average scene kid. 3

Hellyeah: Band of brothers Hellyeah: Band of brothers


Lord K: Bearer of one of the most ridiculous
monikers ever, Hellyeah shits out another piece of… eh… “groove” (?)
metal. I don’t care what bands these guys have been in before, this is
absolutely uninteresting on all accounts, though naturally the handiwork
you expect from a guy like Vinnie Paul is there. 4

Habakuk: Look, I’m not saying this is shit, but you might as well play “I’M BROKEEEENNNNNN” 11 times over and would go through very similar 45 minutes. 5

CadenZ: This is so much wannabe-Pantera that my
anus just bulged alarmingly fast inwards, creating a perfect example of a
self-implosion for curious biologists to examine. The vocalist tries to
sound like Anselmo, the guitarist tries to riff and solo like Dimebag
and Vinnie Paul tries to sound like himself. They all fail. Even Vinnie.
‘Cause he’s an assbelly, much like yours truly. The faint country rock
influences delete another point. 3

BamaHammer: What they say is true. Zombies have
terrible motor skills. That would explain why this Pantera reunion album
featuring the undead Dimebag on guitar is nowhere near the level of
Pantera’s other albums. And did they really have to change their name? 3

Sokaris: Everyone’s just gonna type Hellno, aren’t
they? Why are they doing the southern hick shtick? Two of the guys
are from Illinois, one from Baltimore and one from California. 2

P.O.D.: Murdered love P.O.D.: Murdered love


Lord K: What the fuck? These guys haven’t died yet?
In case you’re wondering, it’s still sounding exactly as fucken
repulsive as they did here. 3

Habakuk: I have nothing against rap metal. This however is so lame, I have to INSTANTLY put on some Dog Eat Dog to reassure myself of sentence one. DELETE DELETE DELETE. 2

CadenZ: Since my head didn’t explode during this
mash-up of hip hop, crossover and pop rock/metal, I’m guessing Penis
Over Dose didn’t mess it up completely. Then again, it might be the
heroin. I’m going with the drugs on this. (Seriously, there were a few,
very few but still, riffs that didn’t suck it. Shocking, isn’t it?) 3

BamaHammer: Seriously? 1

Sokaris: Piece of dung. Pointless, offensive drivel. They should do a co-headlining tour with S.O.D. 1


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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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