GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – September 2009

Audio Autopsy – September 2009

01/09/09  ||  Global Domination

Behemoth: Evangelion Behemoth: Evangelion

7.4/10

Lord K: There’s really no question anymore who the
undisputed Kings of Polish Death Metal are, right? Behemoth still manage
to sound hungry, ravaging and full of urine for Jesus and his
followers. I can only applaud the atmosphere these fuckers present along
with top notch musicianship and very well crafted material. 8

Kampfar: One of our staffers think of this album
as the best thing since tight analcunt. I don’t, but fuck me in either
eyesocket, with a spacerocket, if them here energetic Poles aren’t on
the money still. Fucking fuck, guys! 8

The Duff: We’re not talking disaster, “Evangelion”
is an okay album, but where “Apostasy” was a disappointment, this here
is a monotonous, one-trick pony that seems to have only half its
run-time filled with music. The riffs are very standard,
“Shemhamforash”, surprisingly slow-paced single “Ov Fire and the Void”
and “He Who Breeds Pestilence” being the only standout tracks, opener,
“Transmigrating…”, “Seed ov I” and “Defiling Morality ov Black God”
being nothing-new, borderline drab tracks that don’t even have the usual
piss and vinegar, swarming with energy vocal delivery of Nergal to
carry them anywhere; the opening riff to “Transmigrating…” is
offensively unnecessary, and the two sparse tracks (“Alas, Lord is Upon
Me” and “Lucifer”) genuinely offer nothing at all, I don’t much care how
connected with the Dark Lord Nergal felt writing them. The positives
are the atmospherics – I really like what they’re doing with such new
terrain; Behemoth, considering their style, sure know how to take it a
step further with each album. And then there’s Inferno, who makes the
album so much better than it should be; an absolute delight listening to
the man (although when he “slows down” gets me chuckling) incredible
precision mixed with the feeling that he’s doing it all whilst sipping a
cold one on the side. 5

Abyss: Nergal seemingly has it all; the coolest stage-outfits and armour, one of the best looking videos
right now, the tightest musicians in Poland, a work ethic most artist
can only dream of and a scary plastic wife. He also has a pretty weak
album (“The apostasy”) to follow up and the biggest question to me have
been “Has Nergal lost the magic touch displayed on “Demigod”?” The
answer is no. The boring and unmemorable songs from “The
apostasy” are gone and “Evangelion”, while not 100% perfect, is
definitely a step up. 7

CadenZ: Warning! This product is highly addictive,
and may cause heart failure due to massive adrenaline bursts. Other side
effects may include decapitation via excessive headbanging, general
destruction of your house courtesy of uncontrolled moshing, and exposing
yourself to embarrassing paparazzi shots while blasting the air guitar
and/or drums. Not to be digested on less than maximum volume. 9

My Own Grave: Necrology My Own Grave: Necrology

7.2/10

Lord K: Oh yeah, there is a reason MOG
are on the GD forums as “Affiliates”, obviously. Very fine death metal
but not completely up there with winners Behemoth. Either way,
“Necrology” is full of fantastic riffs and excellent craftsmanship. MOG definitely deserve a little buzz and wouldn’t it have been for Behemoth, they would have won in my book. 7

Kampfar: I think of graves as epitome for pussies.
So if you don’t happen to be killed in an accident, or by sudden
heart-failure, you name it, don’t end up in a grave. Here is one
alternative coming from the top my penis: drench yourself in honey and
blow your head off whilst visiting a secluded anthill of gigantic
proportions. I love ants, with excactly the same passion I hate maggots,
but My Own Grave I only like quite fucking well. Quality shit, no
doubt, but entirely sold on this piece of death something I am not. 7

The Duff: Entertaining for a listen or two, but I
don’t follow as to why everyone was so ecstatic over the band’s last
E.P./demo. Not nearly as old-school as I was expecting; killer tone,
average music. 6

Abyss: The slight change into heavier territory on the “Unholy” ep is continued on MOG’s
second full-length and in the process a monolithic black monster is
created. The kind that eats sanity and crushes continents. Each
individual musician are allowed to shine thanks to the spiffy
Unisound-production and Ys’ burly growls are as clear as they are meaty.
And catchy! Yes, there’s actual sing-along choruses here and there,
without letting go of the cojones. 8

CadenZ: Now this is some good fucken death metal.
Bow your heads and accept the blasting of skulls! Perfect blend of blast
beats, mid-tempos and some classic Swedish death riffage. Hail the
Blind! 8

Goatwhore: Carving out the eyes of god Goatwhore: Carving out the eyes of god

6.6/10

Lord K: I think their last album was kinda
impressive. When I toured Japan with them (as bassist for Dark Funeral) I
didn’t think much of their music while the live show was all fine.
Their previous disc surprised me and I took quite a liking in it.
Unfortunately we are now back at the stage of me not giving a load of
fucks about their music – but I’d sure would wanna see them live again.
Still a decent piece of metal, ofcourse. 5

Kampfar: I’d score this disc half a point higher in a ordinary review. Perhaps. Blah, do either Deströyer 666 or Aura Noir instead. 6

The Duff: I know the last album was well received,
but I avoided it nonetheless; my interest in this one peaked when the
band said something along the lines of “We’ve surpassed ourselves; fuck
the critics, even if they’re entitled to their opinion” – this is
goddamned fucken awesome to say the least, to stand by your own work in
such a manner. Consider me a newly converted Goatwhore-ite; I fucking
love this band on the strength of “Carving Out the Eyes of God”; so many
riffs that make my nuts bulge. 8

Abyss: With such a fantastic band name my hopes are
pretty high and after the first 2 songs I’m not disappointed. “Carving
out the eyes of God” sounds like the dirtier, thrashier cousin of
Nifelheim or Bathory. The punk vibe is there as well as the inverted
crosses and snarling vocals. Not totally easy to categorize but well
worth a random sample if you’ve never heard Goatwhore before. 6

CadenZ: Blackened thrash/death of the very good-but-not-awesome kind, up until the last track – which kicks major
ass!! “To Mourn and Forever Wander Through Forgotten Doorways” is one
of the best songs I’ve heard this year, the dark atmosphere is stunning.
The title track stands out above the rest as well, but that closer is a
fucken killer! I like the Nödtveidtesque vocals too, sharp and nasty. 8

Anaal Nathrakh: In the constellation of the black widow Anaal Nathrakh: In the constellation of the black widow

6.4/10

Lord K: Any band with a variation of “anal” in
their moniker should be awesome, right? I never understood these guys
though. Too chaotic for me and I like my death metal (well, that’s what
they come across as most of the time anyways) competent, not confused.
Anal Dumptruck is not quite there for me, nope. 4

Kampfar: I love “The codex necro”, “In the
constellation of the black widow” I do not. Sure, the Anaal dudes are
still able to pull off violent music – they haven’t lost the plot
entirely – only nowadays it sounds as if they operate very much on
auto-pilot most of the time. By the way, “When fire rains down from sky,
mankind will reap as it has sown” is a sweet fucking EP indeed. Get it!
6

The Duff: I was late catching the Anaal boat-ride,
having come into their music with but the last very solid effort. Since,
this band has become top-tier ugly, the perfect representation of all
that I consider society to be and a very positive force in my life when I
feel the need to rip the eyeballs from an English newborn.
“Constellation” had me disappointed at first, thinking David Hunt was
augmenting the music’s potency too much from what appeared simply
varying ascending/descending riffs (the music has never been too
out-of-the-ordinary, despite Mick Kenney’s awesome technical abilities),
but over time, the mix of new-era AN and, supposedly, older-era became,
in my mind, one of their greatest achievements alongside the flawless
“Eschaton”. I will close on a quote from Metal Review – “If “Hell is
Empty…” painted the view from above as the apocalypse was waged, “Black
Widow” is the ground-level struggle to survive amongst the rubble.” When
the chips fall, these narcissistic cunts will devour each other like
rats, and if I’m alive to witness it happen, Anaal Nathrakh will be the
soundtrack blasting out my window to drown out my eating the stocks of
baked beans under the bed. Oh, that last bit was all me, baby; and Heath
Ledger’s Joker. 8

Abyss: Vitriol, sweet vitriol, say hello to my
friend hateful bile. Anaal Nathrakh continues to shock and awe me with
their incredible congregation of grind, death and noise all kneeling
subserviently before black metal. As Earache used to say before they
betrayed themselves and half their roster: Extreme music for extreme
people. 9

CadenZ: Seriously. Get. A. New. Vocalist. This
fucken retard screaming his eyes out sounds like a dolphin raped with a
fossilized mammoth penis. And his pathetic screams are distorted, I
fucken HATE distorted screams! Learn to scream
without help, for fuck’s sake. The clean vox are great, and the lower
growls are only sucky, but the high-pitched “vocals” completely ruin
this for me. All the riffs and melodies sound ace but the idiotic
screeching makes the music sound like just a background karaoke tape
over which the “vocalist” gets to do his horrendous shit. He probably
thinks he sounds cool and extreme, but he just sounds like a pathetic
whiner with a mike (or Mike?) down his throat. Without this minor inconvenience this album could’ve been really good, now I can barely manage a mediocre score. 5

Demonical: Hellsworn Demonical: Hellsworn

6.4/10

Lord K: Yep, it sure sounds as Swedish as you’d
expect, with the trademark (close, anyways) guitar sound of the 90’s
being present as well. Demonical’s a decent death metal affair, content
with playing this distinct style and not wanting to go outside any
boundaries whatsoever. Competent, heard-before but ultimately ok. Just
face it, the best death metal albums from Sweden have already been made.
5

Kampfar: Old school death done the dirty way is
fine by me when churning is part of the equation. Aka-47, I could very
well end up liking this even more. 7

The Duff: Swedish death metal worship; pretty good. 7

Abyss: Demonical does death the good way. Meaning
no keyboard waves crashing into you, no clean vocals and no breakdowns.
There’s a very Bolt Thrower-ish feeling to the music, in the heavy
pummeling being distributed, although the pace is a lot faster than the
Brits usually play. Demonical may not change the world any time soon but
they sound damn fine performing their craft. Recommended track: “World
serpent”. 6

CadenZ: Death and destruction with not much finesse
but that much more force, which is refreshing. You don’t always need a
cunning conspiratory plan to kill the feeble – sometimes a simple
sledgehammer to the forehead is just as good. “Hellsworn” is an
impressive onslaught, it sounds like a hail of ten-ton bricks crushing a
city of all that is holy and sacred. Crushing is a nice word to describe this album, actually, and relentless is another. Relentlessly crushing. Ohhhh, I combined the two words, I’m a freakin’ genius. 7

Bone Gnawer: Feast of flesh Bone Gnawer: Feast of flesh

6.4/10

Lord K: I saw Kam Lee saying Rogga Johansson is a
genius since he can just throw together songs in an instant etc, etc.
That is quite possibly the main problem for Rogga as I see it. It always
sounds rushed and without heart. That’s why his bands are uninteresting
death metal outfits musicwise while his vocals always deliver. This
project is a little better though, thank fuck. I don’t think it has
anything to do with Kam Lee being in it, I never cared much for his
vocals to begin with (but his snarl is fine, sure). There are some
decent tunes on this (“Defleshed and skinned” might be the winner) but
the samples and whatnot are so fucken over-used & early 90’s I shit
myself (I do understand that is exactly the point, to be old-school and
too cool for, eh… the old school?). Nonetheless one of the better things
Rogga’s been involved in. I don’t know if that says much though. 6

Kampfar: Not bad, not exactly good, entirely more
like a competent piece of death you’ve heard circa 346 times before.
This year alone, of course. 6

The Duff: Swedish death metal worship; pretty good. What’s in a name? One point, it would seem. 6

Abyss: It seems like what Rogga Johansson needs in
order to channel his insane creativity in the right direction is the
collaborating hand of someone else. In Bone Gnawer the honor of holding
Rogga’s hand and killing his darlings falls on Kam Lee. While Massacre
was hot and coming 500 years ago it’s pretty damn impressive how fresh
and brutal Kam sounds here when he opens his mouth. The music is, of
course, zombified old-school death metal with so many hooks, barbs and
sharp points blood will be shed. This album will probably fly under the
radar for many metal fans but I strongly urge you to check it out. It’s a
bloody good time! 7

CadenZ: These kinds of “super groups” who come
together to play some old school death metal fail miserably most of the
time, Bloodbath being the obvious exception to the rule. Well, Bone
Gnawer avoids all the worst pitfalls and comes out triumphant. Adorned
with a ridiculous (but funny) horror movie theme, this is competent,
catchy and groovy death metal. How can you fail when you have good
production, good riffs, good vocals and song titles like “Cannibal
Cook-out”? 7

Job For A Cowboy: Ruination Job For A Cowboy: Ruination

5.6/10

Lord K: I think I saw some YouTube clip of the
drummer of this band at some point… I was impressed. No that it helps
this band for shit coz they are actually quite jävla jobbiga to listen
to. 4

Kampfar: You guys are a job for the hangman. Fuck
you, fuck your deathbore, catch some hideous disease and begone already.
Utterly please! Put even shorter, a waste of talent this. 4

The Duff: Band gets a lot of bad press, but if I
remember their last album (debut?) was actually quite good; too much
downtuned-ness, something which has been remedied on “Ruination”. Such
bands often get the vocals wrong, but then try telling that to a
non-metal fan, so I tend to overlook such things unless you are one of
Rising Records many fantastic bands (where did you all go? Mweheh); to
close this journalistic-piece supreme, I’m really liking this; they seem
to be catching onto The Faceless’ style but sacrificing the
off-the-charts technicality for some plain-faced heaviness, and I can’t
complain even if such bands will never turn me away from the Niles and
the Anatas and such – if these are the ones getting the exposure, it’s a
good time for metal. 8

Abyss: Still a shitty name, still a very sterile
production, and still not so fucking awful as the Blabbermouth brainiacs
would make you believe. Since I’m not really sure anymore that
“deathcore” exists (what were the definitions again?) I’ll just say that
JFAC plays technical death metal that’s
pretty ok. Sometimes they tap into that groove that gives all the
wankery meaning and sometimes they’re just going through the motions.
The boring bits aren’t overwhelming though. 6

CadenZ: Quite nice death. With such a shitty name, I
guess you need to have good music to become as successful as these guys
have. Nothing new under the sun, but definitely not bad. 6

Eternal Tears Of Sorrow: Children of the dark waters Eternal Tears Of Sorrow: Children of the dark waters

4.4/10

Lord K: The title “Angelheart, ravenheart” makes me
wanna go see the fantastic movie “Braveheart”. After hearing this
absolute abomination accompanied by vocals that utterly fucken stink so
much shit they deserve their own restroom I don’t wanna see that movie
anymore. I wanna see “Finding Nemo” with this being the soundtrack. Very
macho stuff, guys. 3

Kampfar: I would like to smash this whole band to
pieces with the very keyboard used on this album courtesy of a bunch of
dudes hailing Suomi as home. Trust me, dickweeds, Ukko is not proud of
you. Not even a tiny bit, so utterly fuck off and die. Oh well, if you
happen to love melodeath, do try it. Or even better, set fire to
yourself. 4

The Duff: Okay, I don’t like this much, but they
know what they’re doing; very good music, well layered, commendably
executed – I’d give it a four, but I can’t argue that this won’t tickle
the beans of anyone into the sub-genre; flashy, keyboard-driven
atmospheric metal without much technicality, kinda like
goth-rock-black/doom-death-cheese. Yeah. 6

Abyss: At their very best some melody line remind
me of My Dying Bride, than the two seconds are over and we’re back in
Shitsville. Well, to be honest, I’ve heard worse symphonic melodic death
(wtf?) and if you like that kind of shit I’m sure ETOS will appeal to you. I’d rather listen to real music. 4

CadenZ: Nightwish-metal without female vox, and
slightly more metal. Slightly better as well, I’d have to say. I like
the orchestral arrangements, though they don’t convey much balls. That’s
left to the riffage, which is mostly nice, and to the croaking vocalist
who sucks big time. Not only does he have the fantastic TANKERO
pronunciation most Finns do, but his voice is also… shit. The choirs
and the clean vocalist are much better. The biggest problem is that
things get too fucken cheesy too fucken often. Tinkly winkly starry
skies, unicorns fuck when evil dies. 5

Suicide Silence: No time to bleed Suicide Silence: No time to bleed

4.2/10

Lord K: I expected some hideous triggers, hideous
New Wave of American Metal and hideous breakdowns. All thanx to their
name. You know what? I actually kinda got exactly that mixed up with
something that is supposed to remind me of death metal. Hideous. Fuck
you. 2

Kampfar: Infected Disarray beats this bunch of puppets to pulp. 3

The Duff: I work in a café where they repeatedly
play the same eight tracks interspersed sporadically by Lionel Ritchie’s
“Dancing on the Ceiling” on the radio. Anything will appear like a
bucket full of gold in comparison after just a couple of hours (‘cept
when we’re talking Beyoncé’s “Halo” as being one of the eight, of
course; goddamn I reluctantly keep breathing oxygen through seven for
that one fucken masterpiece). Maybe I’m not the best judge for Suicide
Silence therefore, but hit-and-miss vocals aside, this is actually a
very solid CD. 6

Abyss: Much like Job For A Cowboy I think Suicide
Silence has gotten undeserved amounts of shit for looking like fags.
Less focus has been put on their music, which is a shame. “The
Cleansing” was an ok effort in my book and “No time to bleed” is also
ok. I’d probably rate this higher if this month’s AA wasn’t crammed with
even more awesome bands. 6

CadenZ: No, no, no, no…I just don’t get the boner I
should from this. Some riffs are penisy, but most are just dull and
boring. The proggy parts seem very unmotivated as well, and the solos
sound just like show-offs. This album leaves me cold as a corpse, and
not in a good sense. I need me some Entombed. 4

Divine Heresy: Bringer of plagues Divine Heresy: Bringer of plagues

3.8/10

Lord K: I don’t think there’s anything as
completely fucken soulless as Divine Heresy in this time of age.
Pro-Tools Universe, people. There’s screaming, fast double-bass, Fear
Factory riffs and not one inch of feeling to be found on “Bringer of
plagues”. A study in how to not work your metal – congratulations, guys. 3

Kampfar: I fucking hate deathcore. This effort is
of said sorts, only spiced with some quality riffs courtesy of Dino “I
look like shit” Cazarez. Also, not entirely shit, but a lonesome swan
won’t save the day. A lonesome dildo might, but not a swan. By the way, I
hate the vocalist the utterly most. 5

The Duff: And lo, Dino Cazares’ retribution for
placing him in our ten most ugly dudes in metal list was swift and very
painful. Technically quite impressive, but bad music, poor arrangements,
a waste of Tim Yeung and lousy vocals get this a below average score. 4

Abyss: In a world of the blind, Divine Heresy still has no clue what they’re doing. Revolting. 2

CadenZ: Once again competent riffs (courtesy of the ugliest guy in metal),
which are raped by a shitty vocalist. He can scream alright, but man
that fucken emo whining found in the choruses makes me wanna send a
strung-up koala infected with anthrax his way. I don’t hate clean or
clear vox, but boy band singing can go hop into a fucken canyon Thelma
& Louise-style, but without the free spirit or grandeur symbolized
so airily by the two movie skanks. Argh, the shitstorm that is
the emo ballad “Darkness Embedded” alone drops the score with a point.
The drummer rocks like hell though, goddamn. 5

Hardcore Superstar: Beg for it Hardcore Superstar: Beg for it

3.4/10

Lord K: Vocalist Jocke of this band wanted my
Torture Division beanie some year ago when we played the Close Up Boat
together. It was too big for his little head though so I kept it. I’ll
take this fine hardrock effort instead. Reeking of fave bands of old, HS
deliver considering what they have to offer. 5

Kampfar: I wish I never saw porn and I also wish I
never heard this band. Oh shit, a lot of I going on here. Speaking of I,
I is a fine band. 3

The Duff: Byyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeee. 1

Abyss: My love for Hardcore Superstar begun and
seemingly ended with “Dreamin’ in a casket”. This follow-up to that
fantastic sleaze/rock/metal album is more emphasis on the sleaze and
less on the metal and thus, my interest vanes. An ok effort, nothing
more. 5

CadenZ: I am amazed, this doesn’t suck gorilla
dick. Only gibbon dick. Some riffs and melodies remind me of Helloween
and some even of “Reinkaos”-era Dissection, and I don’t know if that’s a
good or bad thing. What I do know, as stated before, is that this sucks
ape dick, though smallish. Or biggish, if our primate friend has fallen
for the spam ads they surely get in Monkeyville just as we do here in
Retardopolis, and amazingly got a positive outcome off of the products
received. Though I’m sure he’d be limp as a non-rigor mortified corpse
due to the amount of cowbell used on this record. Seems like Hardcore
Fagstar took Sir Walken’s advice too seriously. 3

Killswitch Engage: Killswitch Engage II Killswitch Engage: Killswitch Engage II

3.4/10

Lord K: The best part of the fake metal that KE creates is the vocals and the fact that the vocalist’s name is fucken Howard Jones. 4

Kampfar: This lot is one of the best emo-orchestras around. In other words, good they aren’t. Buhu. 5

The Duff: I enjoyed “The End of Heartache”
considerably, the last album of Killswitch I heard, but this new one
here is very bad; the band hasn’t aged well and seems to be trapped in
metalcore’s most lackluster period. Good musicianship, but Christ, how
many times do I have to listen to the same chug-riffs n’ melody combined
with intense-followed by break-away drumming? A talented vocalist who
is going to waste, this band is over as far as I can see along with
Shadows Fall and maybe even Lamb of God; a shame, because all three were
blooming with talent just three/four years ago, all of which seems to
have fizzled out presently. 4

Abyss: I fucking hate this band, the music and the butterscotch sugery slimey singer. God-fucking-awful. 2

CadenZ: Metalcore, I dub thee unforgiven. 2

Korpiklaani: Karkelo Korpiklaani: Karkelo

2.2/10

Lord K: I think it’s time to introduce a zero-score on GD, but until then… 1

Kampfar: Korpiklaani translates to forest clan and their music to manure. Seriously, elves can’t save us now. 3

The Duff: I don’t know if this band is widely appreciated, they seem to be well recognized; definitely not for me though. 3

Abyss: Just by looking at the bandlist for this
month I knew it would be an excellent month. But no AA without some
stinkers so horrendously bad God wishes his creation undone. Enter from
stage left: Korpiklaani. Everything about this band is shit, there you
go, nothing more to say. 1

CadenZ: Except for some riffs that sound like Amon
Amarth, this booze metal record sounds about as good as the vomit that
automatically trickles into one’s mouth upon hearing “Karkelo” tastes.
An extra point for the Hector cover; though it’s nowhere near the
original, it’s still a nice homage to one of Finland’s greatest
songwriters. 3

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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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