GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – September 2007

Audio Autopsy – September 2007

01/09/07  ||  Global Domination

Blood Red Throne: Come death Blood Red Throne: Come death

7/10

Lord K: For starters I wanna give a “fuck you” to
staffers Ripper Bendix and Fishermane for being lazy cunts unable to
send in this AA on time. They are now excluded from future editions. And
now back to this shorter-than-ever version of Audio Autopsy. This is
definitely a more than decent piece of death metal being released by the
Norwegians of Blood Red Throne. They do absolutely nothing wrong with
their shit but I can’t see myself moving them up to a personal fave,
though it’ll definitely stay on my computer in the folder for music that
is shockingly full of quality, brutality and some needed groove. And
no, I don’t actually have a folder for that. 8

Syrrok: Just one of those bands that pounds you
into oblivion. It just keeps coming through this whole album. Definitely
nothing revolutionary or new here, but if you love the mess they made
last time you’ll enjoy cleaning up this one. 6

Stephen Fallen: Blood Red Throne is supposedly the
best thing to happen to death metal since sliced Christians, but I’m
just not hearing it. Is “Come Death” good? Sure. Will it still be in my
playlist a year from now? Not likely. 7

Hanging Limbs: The bass sounds like someone is
bouncing a basketball off of a tire… and I love it. The Nile influence
shines through, but these guys are writing stuff 1000x as interesting as
those guys are these days. This will surely land a top 3 slot this
month. 7

The Abscence: Riders of the plague The Abscence: Riders of the plague

6.75 /10

Lord K: Pick up the Standard Formula For Metal Bands Of The New Millenium.
These guys read it, learned it and practices it. With a small
difference, they do it quite well. I actually find myself enjoying these
fags a lot more than I thought I would. Nice guitar harmonies, decent
amount of aggression and an overall likeable Year 2000 metal effort.
Good work, guys. Arch Enemy would be proud. 7

Syrrok: Nice gallopy metal with some surprisingly
catchy chorus action. There is also tasty guitarwork all over this
album, which is to be noted and applauded with the offering of a
chocolate dipped banana. These guys seem like they’re having fun. 5

Stephen Fallen: There’s an awful lot of Carcass’
“Heartwork” in this album, but there’s a lot of other things as well.
“Riders of the Plague” is a really good album that might just grow on me
as time goes by. As it stands though, I’m just going to listen to
“World Divides” over and over. 7

Hanging Limbs: This is mandatory listening for
anyone who wants to know how melodic death metal should sound in 2007.
No metalcore here. These boys love metal and make it clear with every
note they play. 8

Zonaria: Infamy and the breed Zonaria: Infamy and the breed

6.25 /10

Lord K: Their label spams each and every mailbox on
the net and for that I already hated this band before even hearing
them. Not a good start… Fuck you, Pivotal Rockordings. The band on the
other hand isn’t all that shabby though they are not on par with how the
label wants to portray them, then again – what band is (except for The
Project Hate MCMXCIX)? Zonaria’s got a decent metal effort right here, but it won’t be coming around my flat all too often. 5

Syrrok: What AA would be complete without a coffin
full of urns submittal? Oh so dreary and miserable, full of black and
frowns. I’ve always been a fan of death metal guitar riffing and black
metallish vocals coinciding. Like friends playing grab ass at the park
enjoying Slurpee’s. A lot of the guitars are in excess on this release,
but it means they’re trying. And no one tries anymore. 6

Stephen Fallen: I like the way “Infamy and the
Breed” sounds. The production is thick and hazy, like the air on a humid
August night. The songs are good melodic death in the Swedish style
(Dark Tranquillity and Hypocrisy) and sound fairly fresh when coupled
with that neato production. 7

Hanging Limbs: The band’s name sounds like it would
be a staff member on GD. The music isn’t bad either, but that’s to be
expected when the guys from Scar Symmetry are working with you. They
helmed The Absence’s latest, which is a must-listen. This album isn’t as
good, but its sound is refreshing and anything but generic melodic
death metal. 7

Malevolent Creation: Doomsday X Malevolent Creation: Doomsday X

6/10

Lord K: Long-running death metallers Malevolent
Creation continues to fight for their spot in the death metal limelight.
I think there’s a reason that they aren’t among the Big Ones. Their
shit is fine, but pretty dull in the end. I think they have to settle
with being in the second or third group of bands the average death
metaller listens to. I know they are there for me. 5

Syrrok: Something about all of these veteran death
metal bands bringin’ out one more decent release before their inevitable
adventure into some artistic solo project. Malevolent brings some damn
good, groovy death metal to a scene that is badly in need of some solid
material in these ol’ US parts. If only Justin Timberlake brought them
on tour. 6

Stephen Fallen: The death metal on “Doomsday X” is
all right with me. I wouldn’t pay for it or anything, but I wouldn’t
punch a dude for listening to in my presence either. 6

Hanging Limbs: It may not be barbecue, nor is it
honey mustard. Hell, this ain’t even extra crispy, but I’ll be damned if
I don’t enjoy this bucket of chicken. Generic be damned, these guys
have found a nice comfort zone between being technical and being ye olde
style sloppy. The not-too-dirty production seals the deal as an album I
want to hear again. 7

Amoral: Reptile ride Amoral: Reptile ride

5.5 /10

Lord K: This is the first encounter I have with the
Finns, and as it turns out it might be the last. Amoral is just another
one of all those quality metal bands with little-to-nothing to offer.
You know, it’s all very well-played, the production is fine (though the
drums are a bit irritating soundwise) and they do their best to be the
next big thing, which will never happen due to the scene being way
overcrowded with bands like this. It’s your standard, rocking metal band
that leaves a “meh” as the lasting impression even after the first
listen. But the tune “Pusher” grooves. 5

Syrrok: Some thrashy riffs with fairly standard
singing. Hi Sanctity, may we follow your lead to the top of romp along
thrash riffs devoid of any feeling? Sure, come aboard! Although “Reptile
Ride” is the best album name I’ve heard since 1917. 4

Stephen Fallen: Technical death that is stepped in
melody and it sounds great to me. “Reptile Ride” is… well it’s really
good. “Nervasion” and “Mute” are fucking killer songs, and the rest of
the album is mere steps behind. 8

Hanging Limbs: Hey Statik, how do you say “uninspired” in Finlandese? 5

Divine Heresy: Bleed the fifth Divine Heresy: Bleed the fifth

4.75 /10

Lord K: Why didn’t whale-man Dino name this project
Divine Obesity? Funny times aside, these bastards have constructed a
fine piece of metal with a drumsound Frank Trig(g) would be proud of.
Dino’s typical riffing is here and while the music is pretty deathly at
times, the screamy vocals take away some of the brutality, so do the
clean guitar parts and not to mention the actual clean singing
incorporated, which sounds like shit. Nonetheless a fine effort from
Moby Dick and his friends. 7

Syrrok: I’m just worried about Dino’s health, ya
know. He’s so eager to prove that he’s “so much harder than those
pussies Fear Factory” that I’m afraid he’s going to fall over dead on
top of his custom Xiphos. Divine Heresy is a good example of why scratch
or tremolo picking alone doesn’t make good death metal. The drummer’s
insane but there is nothing resembling any memorable tunes on this
album. 3

Stephen Fallen: Okay, boys and girls, put your
hands up if you want to hear Fear Factory melded with new American
metalcore. Anyone? No? I thought not. 4

Hanging Limbs: This album is a metal reality show:
Take a black singer, the great fat from Fear Factory, some dude who
apparently was in Nile, and a nomadic drum trigger-for-hire, and you
have yourself a Divine Heresy. Coming this Fall on Channel 7’s
“Metalcore Mondays.” 5

Iced Earth: Framing armageddon Iced Earth: Framing armageddon

4.5 /10

Lord K: I never understood why quite some people
actually like Iced Earth. I think I heard one tune at one time that
passed for good and it’s not on this here album. All the ridiculous
thunder and lightning intros in between songs destroys it all for me, as
if the Cheese Metal wasn’t enough. Iced Earth is a fucken C-league band
that’s got recognition without deserving it. 3

Syrrok: Here’s a band that I seriously have no idea
why people like. Regardless of any proclamation of that Schaffer guy’s
insane talents, Iced Earth’s tunes consistently fall flat. The songs are
average at best, the tone is flat and treble-heavy, and to top it off I
think 2 of them have mustaches. 4

Stephen Fallen: “Hello, this is Jon Schaffer from
Iced Earth and we hope you’re enjoying your promotional copy of ‘Framing
Armageddon‘”. I’m not enjoying it, but thanks for reminding me that I
didn’t waste money on your mediocre album! 5

Hanging Limbs: Having completely written this band
off since the disaster they call “Horror Show”, I never expected to like
this, my first exposure to the band post-Matt Barlow. Ripper’s voice
works really well alongside Dickhead’s signature riff style. Skip the
stupid filler tracks and you have a decent metal album. 6

Ministry: The last sucker Ministry: The last sucker

4.5 /10

Lord K: One of the most uninteresting bands I know
of. Never liked them, never will – but still they will sell shitloads of
albums and maintain their respect within the scene. For reasons I’ll
never understand. Ministry’s actually quite fucken bad. And they always
were. 3

Syrrok: I respect bands like Ministry and Sentenced
that know when to hang it up. Their last albums are hardly ever
anything to write home to your parents about, but at least you can put a
nice little bookend on their career. Ministry has probably influenced
more bands than I’ll even know (or care to know), and there are parts of
this album that point to that. I always mixed these guys up with
Monster Magnet, another really great band (fart). 4

Stephen Fallen: Al Jourgensen still does industrial
metal with passion and conviction, but after 25 years it seems to be
wearing a little thin. Ministry albums all sound the same at this point,
an issue that is especially glaring in the light of Jaz Coleman’s
brilliant rejuvenation of Killing Joke. George Bush sucks, I get it Al.
I’m not happy that “The Last Sucker” is (supposedly) the final Ministry
album, but I’m not crying about it either. 6

Hanging Limbs: ‘Ole Al is back, even though he never really went away. Why do I get the feeling I’m talking to an empty room? 5

Korn: Untitled Korn: Untitled

4.25 /10

Lord K: Everything I need to say is already said in my review of this album. It’s nice to see them get some of their shit together again after the absolute disaster that was “See you on the other side”. 6

Syrrok: Has any band gone down the shitter faster
than Korn? (No Metallica remarks, jerks). As usual with any current Korn
release, the listener is treated to 2 or 3 cool sounding choruses
(mainly attributable to studio magic all over Davis’ voice) and then a
huge pile of downtuned barf. I really want this band to succeed for the
sole reason that I just can’t bring myself to believe that Jesus Christ
could possibly write a decent guitar riff. 4

Stephen Fallen: Korn is a 90’s leftover that started growing mould a long time ago. They are
trying to evolve by adding NIN-style industrial elements, but they
honestly aren’t that good at it. This may or may not be better than
their last few, but it still sucks. 4

Hanging Limbs: Aaaaaaaaaaaare Yoooooooooooouuuuu
REEEEEAAAAADYYYYY! Look, I’m gonna break it down for you. Everything
about this album sucks. The vocals? Suck. The music? Sucks. Don’t worry
about appearing like a close-minded metalhead. Korn blows – end of
story. 3

At Vance: VII At Vance: VII

4/10

Lord K: And in comes the cheese and power metal.
Not exactly as awful as one would expect, mainly becoz I get Yngwie
Malmsteen vibes from some of the arrangements. Yet At Vance turns out to
be just another zit on the penis of metal, though this zit’s got a
clear bass in their production. Actually, and I never thought I’d say
this, but the bass is almost too loud. 3

Syrrok: At Vance’s place Speedos are the definitive
wardrobe. At Vance’s place champagne flows from the crevices of any
and all females. Also at Vance’s place you put up with dragon folklore
dream metal. Vance needs to take a break. 4

Stephen Fallen: This power metal filtered through
80’s cock rock actually sounds okay and I have no idea why. It might be
because its quality material, it might be because the rest of this
month’s AA is so disappointing and it might be because At Vance’s
vocalist actually sings like a man. It’s a mystery. 6

Hanging Limbs: The best thing these guys have going for them is that they’re not (Hed) Pe. 3

Obituary: Xecutioner's return Obituary: Xecutioner’s return

4/10

Lord K: Obituary should have given up after “Cause
of death”. The sure have the discography to prove this. “Xecutioner’s
return” is a piece of shit-poor death metal with a terrible production
and uninteresting crap songs thru and thru. That this band used to be a
fave for me is something I’ll deny over and over. 3

Syrrok: Another month, another Obituary release. In
the battle between the US veteran death metal bands in this month’s AA,
Malevolent wins the day. However, Obituary isn’t far behind. The stuff
is still soundin’ pretty tired though. You can only play shitholes in
Florida for so long. 5

Stephen Fallen: Zzzzzzzzzz. 4

Hanging Limbs: What has 6 feet, 2 heads, and a hairy back? I don’t know, but I’d rather fuck it than listen to Obituary. 4

Otep: Ascension Otep: Ascension

2.75 /10

Lord K: If the cunt at the mic would learn how to
cut down all of her bullshit things within the music of Otep, they would
actually be quite good. I dig her voice and Otep´s got a serious amount
of swinging brutality and decent groove when they are at their best.
Unfortunately they are not at their best all too often. And the main
problem remains: all these passages with nothing but this chicklet
whispering, moaning, reading her “poetry” etc etc… Fuck that and you
guys would be a hella lot better. Then again, Otep seems like a
one-girl-show anyways. 5

Syrrok: Politically inspired nu-metal! No thanks! 2

Stephen Fallen: Holy fucking shit. 1

Hanging Limbs: After watching “The Big Lebowski”
again, I think this album might actually be what happens when you fuck a
stranger in the ass. 3

Epica: The divine conspiracy Epica: The divine conspiracy

2.75 /10

Lord K: Wanna know how to become a terrible,
terrible band? Listen to Epica and learn. The title track (the rest are
not much better) is possibly one of the worst serious songs I have ever
heard. I’m not even sure I can stand the whore’s vocals, and that, if
anything, is proof for the shit here. She’s completely without emotion,
prolly got fuck-ugly tits to boot and delivers very little to enjoy.
Epica also have some of the weakest keyboard arrangements I have heard
in a “symphonic” metal band. 3

Syrrok: There’s nothing like realizing that your
metal is so boring that the only way to get noticed is to hire some
operatic red-haired tart to throw herself on the front of your promos
and albums. With this logic they might as well just hire 8 whores to
blow the audience during gigs. 2

Stephen Fallen: It’s as if Epica found a list of
things people consider epic sounding, then tried to write an album
around it. “The Divine Conspiracy” is mechanical, stiff and boring. Epic
things require perfect pacing and a certain indefinable flow. Epica has
neither. 3

Hanging Limbs: Why do people make such a big deal
about chicks in metal? So you can stare at them at a show? It’s not like
they’d take a second glance at you, let alone a first one. Who the hell
would go to an Epica show anyway? 3

Freedom Call: Dimensions Freedom Call: Dimensions

2.25 /10

Lord K: “Hello Mr. Evil”? I can’t bash this as much
as it deserves without looking up new unknown words. Fortunately there
are worse bands around, but not many, so they get a: 2.

Syrrok: What is it with all the wizardry, sorcery,
and that bullshit in metal? Seriously, is that as far as we can push
the boundaries of creative metal endeavors? How about the ancient Mayan
or Aztec societies with all of their human sacrifice and blood rituals?
That’s tough, right? It’s all just been done before and judging from
this release, Freedom Call is fine with that. 3

Stephen Fallen: Power metal is usually either
cheesy and fun or cheesy and embarrassing. This is like being caught
masturbating… to granny-tranny porn, live on national TV. 2

Hanging Limbs: If you ever feel insecure in your
manhood, just listen to the voiceovers on “Mr. Evil”. You might still
have a tiny pecker, but at least you can feel at home with this fairy
shit. 2

hed p.e: Insomnia (hed)p.e: Insomnia

2/10

Lord K: I want this band to be tea-bagged by an
army of goats. After that event I personally want to line them all up in
front of a wall and shoot each and everyone of them. Twice. This is
nothing but completely embarrassing “metal”/hip hop and why they even
get to release albums will forever remain a mystery. On top of the
tea-bagging and execution, I also want each and everyone who claim they
are a fan of this shit band to be severely battered, and then killed
with a blunt object. 1

Syrrok: There is nothing pleasant to say about this release so let’s just focus on something else. 2

Stephen Fallen: The tracks on “Insomnia” rotate
between crappy punk, crappy nu-metal and crappy hip-hop. It’s like a fan
where the blades are made of crap, a concept as unpleasant as it
sounds. 3

Hanging Limbs: If I never do another AA, know it was because of this album. 2

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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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