Audio Autopsy – October 2010

Audio Autopsy – October 2010

01/10/10  ||  Global Domination

Demiurg: Slakthus Gamleby Demiurg: Slakthus Gamleby


Lord K: Great growls, a killer production and some
real decent tunes. Most of the times that is all you need when it comes
to death metal, which is the core of this band, though the album at hand
hold a more to it than just death metal. Those “Moontower”-esque (Dan
Swanö‘s solo album, you know) keyboards heard here and there can still
go fuck themselves though. 7

Trauma: I don’t know what “Slackjaw Gumby” is
supposed to be about, nor the origins of such a fucken weird title.
What this is, however, is good. Some of the riffs sound standard if
you’re familiar with Rogga. How many times can you make a variation of
the same riffs? This mongoloid sure knows, cos I’m clueless there. The
melodies, though, are very good. 8

CadenZ: High quality melodic Swedeath. I’ve missed
the Swanö touch. One (very small) remark for Rogga’s at times monotonous
vox, should open up yer mouth more for vocal variation. Ed’s and
Marjan’s voices fit in very nicely, especially Ed in the doomy
“Travellers of the Vortex”. I predict this album to be spin-worthy for
quite some time. 9

Baalzamon666 (guest): Well growled by Rogga the
growl-whore, sharp riffing from Swanö, ace drumming as usual from baldy
Ed, and a nice dose of clean vocals, both male and female. Yet somehow I
find this record slightly anonymous at times, specially when they slow
down too much the pace. Ominous and doomy, yes, but ponderous and a bit
repetitive on some sections too. Nevertheless, a very solid effort,
which doesn’t quite get my man-juices flowing but will get a few listens
indeed. 6

Insidious Disease: Shadowcast Insidious Disease: Shadowcast


Lord K: One would expect some top-notch death metal
with a line-up like this. Grewe’s vocals are still sounding fine, but
as a whole this is not making the kind of impact I hoped for. Solid,
to-the-core death metal served up by veterans – they have the recipe for
success at hand but are not using it. Maybe with the next album? 6

Trauma: I’ve said it before: they do not live up to the songwriting potential of the respective band members. 6

CadenZ: Primitive DM pounding with an authentic twisted atmosphere. Nothing new, but still quite entertaining. 7

Baalzamon666 (guest): For a change, here we have a
“supergroup” that actually delivers the metal goods. Shane Embury,
Silenoz, Tony Laureano and two other fuckers I don’t know, that
constitutes a decent line-up that thankfully do this death in a
righteous and brutal way. The record is filled with mostly strong tunes,
although it must be said the vocals are somewhat annoying, I’d prefer a
deeper, more guttural growl to have been used. In any case, this is
good stuff to listen to while cock-slamming emo kids in the face. 7

Apocalyptica: 7th symphony Apocalyptica: 7th symphony


Lord K: Let’s forget about the shitty Metallica
album these guys once did, Apocalyptica(nus) sure know how to write some
great material on their own. I have no fucken idea who that
Lacey-chick, though I recognize her voice like a motherfucker, who’s
doing vocals on the “Broken pieces” tune is (I’ll enter Google as soon
as I am done with this crap though), but her tone alone renders this a
fucken: 8

Trauma: “Original” is one word that best describes these Finns. “Very good” is two other. 8

CadenZ: Duplantier fits well into the distorted
cello metal sound, the other guest vocalists not so much. Solid
song-writing and cool arrangements make for a winner. 7

Baalzamon666 (guest): Now fer fuck’s sake, will
somebody please explain it to me real slooooowww… what’s the fucken
point of “music” like what these apocalyptic pack of cunts make? I vote
for the four horsemen to deliver apocalyptic rape upon their every
orifice. Shame on Lombardo for deigning to drum in a track of this
travesty of a record. 1

King Of Asgard: Fi'mbulvintr King Of Asgard: Fi’mbulvintr


Lord K: Metal Blade wanted another Amon Amarth and signed King Of Asgard. 6

Trauma: “Fimble Vintner” is not the musical
equivalent to hemp wine, but it does make you hungry for something good.
Lamest comments in this edition awarded to me, Thank you, thank you. 4

CadenZ: Viking death/black with some purely awesome
moments, a few juvenile idiocies and a core of very enjoyable stuff. No
wonder, as these guys are not exactly newbies. I like the occasional
blacker flirts. Good stuff. 8

Baalzamon666 (guest): My threshold for this kind of
viking metal is fairly low these days, but I have to admit these fellas
aren’t as clueless as most of their peers. They manage to keep these
songs epic without having the levels of aggression drop. There is some
repetitiveness to be found here though, they should have used the
song-trimmer I sent to Accept. All in all, this was nicely played, even
if I will probably forget they exist in a couple of weeks. 6

Accept: Blood of the nations Accept: Blood of the nations


Lord K: Surprisingly vital effort from Accept, the
legendary band no one’s been giving a fuck about since Üdo Dickschnüder
left to concentrate on his shitty solo career. But vital in this case
just means it’s a wonder they aren’t fucken dead yet. I bet a few
hundred bucks that Trauma will start off his coverage with the word
“vital”. 4

Trauma: Vital is a word that is popular for this
album. Whatever, I haven’t heard an album since “Balls to the wall”,
and this, while not as good, is still quite alright. 7

CadenZ: Decent songs and a decent constipated
vocalist (the only kind allowed in Accept) make for a decent disc. Rasp
away, Marky Mark. 5

Baalzamon666 (guest): A nice surprise! I would have
never imagined these old cock munchers had it in them to dish out such
mostly entertaining fare! This is heavy metal with plenty of attitude
and a sizable helping of Teutonic cheese and bravado. For the most part,
it is well played, groovy and with some badass bottom end. It could
have used some song trimming, as it has a few unremarkable tunes, but
overall, a solid effort. 7

Malevolent Creation: Invidious dominion Malevolent Creation: Invidious dominion


Lord K: Much like with Kataklysm (below), Malevolent Creation shits out death metal by the numbers and fails to impress. 5

Trauma: Oh how the mighty fall, or at least fail to
reach the same heights. I can’t even come up with a retarded
replacement name for invidious. 4

CadenZ: I pound your flesh. I pound your FLESH! But I know naught else. 6

Baalzamon666 (guest): … and behold you slimy
maggots, for Satan ascended from his fiery sauna in the depths of the
Florida swamps, high-fived me on the way and proceeded to sit down with
Phil Fasciana and his pals to jam. After quite a few beers, the Dark
Lord ran the rule over Phil’s ideas and decided this newest batch of
malevolent tunes won’t top “Envenomed”, but a solid sideways step in the
wallowing mire of murder and mayhem it is! Relentless, he said, fucken
relentless! I wholeheartedly agree! 7

Kataklysm: Heaven's venom Kataklysm: Heaven’s venom


Lord K: One of all these completely competent but
anonymous bands delivering death metal by the book. They offer
absolutely nothing out of the ordinary and will remain in the shadows of
the 4 million other bands who actually create something worthwhile. I
don’t know of one single human being who listens to Kataklysm. That says
it all. 5

Trauma: It’s a shame that they’re going to get lost
in the heaps of good death metal bands without exceptional material.
Some good songs on here, but I fear not good enough to sprint ahead of
the pack. 6

CadenZ: Sounds like Kataklitorism stole Peter
Tägtgren’s tapes for the next Hypocrisy album and made the brave
decision to record their own versions of the songs. And claim them for
their very own. 6

Baalzamon666 (guest): I used to like these Canucks a
lot, back in the day, but somewhere along the highway they lost me.
They haven’t found me yet, and all the venom they might pour on my ears
from the heavens will not change that. A shame to see how a band with
such decent musicians has lost the ability they once had to write some
really catchy and brutal tunes. Nowadays, they’re just average death,
and affected with the breakdown bacteria. 5

Iron Maiden: The final frontier Iron Maiden: The final frontier


Lord K: Incredibly tired album from a incredibly
tired band, complete with a production that is anything but incredible.
Time to hang it up now, guys. You can do tours playing nothing but the
classics, that’s what everyone wants anyways. 3

Trauma: I loathe this band. Overrated as overrated can be. Sure, I like some bands inspired by these old fucks, but I don’t like them. That third wheel you call a guitarist? Holy shit, hahahaha. 3

CadenZ: Fact: Dick-in-son doesn’t sound as good
anymore. This of course affects the music, in a bad way. The songs are
ok Iron Maiden tunes, except for the shitty “El Dildo”, with quite the
incline towards Bruce’s solo material. 6

Baalzamon666 (guest): The Maiden fanboy in me does
allow me to point out that there is a lack of speed, thunder and
hellfire tracks on this one that leaves me yearning for the golden
years, the production is rather flat and that damn intro sucks. Yet on
the other hand, I can’t help but feel elated that I have another good
record from these old warhorses to appreciate. I have greatly enjoyed
the epicness that permeates these songs. Teh Bruce continues to be
magnificent, ‘Arry rocks with cock and bass out, Adrian Smith has flexed
his writing muscle and his partners Murray and Gers make up a guitar
trio that still duels and gallops with the know-how of the masters. Shit
you not, even Nicko sounds more enthusiastic about his drumming this
time around. I’m fucken pleased! 8

Black Label Society: Order of the black Black Label Society: Order of the black


Lord K: A fantastic guitarist by all means, but to say that BLS
is a fantastic band would be lie. And I don’t deal in lies.
“Chupacabra” shows that Zakk is more than an overdose of pinch
harmonics, and he’s got a good voice for this crap. 5

Trauma: “Order of those with high amounts of melanin” starts off good and has more catchy/good tunes than the other BLS albums combined. It did him a lot of good to be done with Ozzy, but not enough good yet. 6

CadenZ: Groovy and heavy, just as one could expect from BLS. Wylde doesn’t sing as well as he plays the guitar, but he’s still good enough to earn my sign of approval. 7

Baalzamon666 (guest): The extremely annoying and
whiny mongoloid vocals of ball-Zakk Wylde ruin this album. Who the fuck
lied to this poor bastard, telling him he could “sing”? He should stick
to the guitar playing, at which he’s actually rather decent. Bottom line
though, I can’t really bring myself to give two flying fucks about this
stuff even if I love most metal of southern origins and stoned
influences. The Ozzy worship is getting old too, slide yer head outta
the old man’s anus, Zakk. 2

Blind Guardian: At the edge of time Blind Guardian: At the edge of time


Lord K: If someone decided to build a rocket made
out of cheese, Blind Guardian would be the first ones to use it to
travel into space. While there – the rocket must explode. 4

Trauma: “At the edge of Timbaland” is the musical equivalent to Limburger. Fucken stinker. 2

CadenZ: Finally, BG sound like they should again: symphonic, majestic and BIG.
Unfortunately the songs aren’t as catchy as those on their magnum opus
“Nightfall in Middle-Earth”, but this is surely the best stuff they’ve
released since that very record. 7

Baalzamon666 (guest): Deep and far down the doo-doo
hole have the once greats fallen. Whatever happened to the band that
once gave us classics such as “Nightfall in Middle Earth”? The tired,
way too fucken happy and folksy bullshit version of power metal Blind
Guardian is playing nowadays compares quite poorly with Angra’s vibrant
offering, not to mention their influential great records of epochs long
past now. Records like this one make you realize why it so hard to
listen to most of the metal so labeled with any seriousness. “At the
Edge of Time”? Are you fucken kidding me? More like at the edge of a
fair garden full of prancing gay unicorns and tranny gnomes, where every
butterfly has a veiny cock painted on its wings. 3

Dead Reprise: The unveiling Dead Reprise: The unveiling


Lord K: Americanized tough-core by these Swedes is
what we are served. I never gave a fuck about this particular genre but
can recognize quality when I hear it. They have it down, it’s just a
shame that the actual style itself is an abomination. 5

Trauma: At least the album wasn’t overly long. 5

CadenZ: Obituary goes hardcore. Overall not too exciting, and the vocalist sucks. No reprise for you! 5

Baalzamon666 (guest): Boooring macho-man hardcore,
with plenty of self-empowering breakdowns. A veritable shitstorm of
undescript and meaningless ape noise, with plenty of retarded choruses
included as a bonus. Thankfully, it was over before I could get really
pissed at it. 1

Angra: Aqua Angra: Aqua


Lord K: Someone hand me a gun, I have a strong urge to shoot myself in the face, all thanx to Angra. 2

Trauma: I’m angray. Mostly because this is so terrigay. That’s right, terrigay. Fuck this. 1

CadenZ: When Angra go progressive/technical and the
singer shuts up they actually don’t sound as superfluous as they do
otherwise. Too bad we don’t get too much of that stuff. Great guitar
solos, though. 3

Baalzamon666 (guest): These talented Brazilians
continue to be one of the chosen few power metal bands that know how to
do it right. A rare combination of excellent musicianship and
originality elevates them far above their peers. The exotic Latin flavor
so unique of Angra is palpable in each and every tune they compose.
“Aqua” is a notch below their superlative “Temple of Shadows”, yet is
still fucken head and shoulders above 95% all other records released in
this, the gayest of genres. 8

Murderdolls: Women & children last Murderdolls: Women & children last


Lord K: Women, children and Murderdolls last. 3

Trauma: What do you call two gay Bobs? Oral Roberts. 2

CadenZ: Murderdolls, Slipknot’s more polished sister, wears a dull suit and garners no boners. Snore. 4

Baalzamon666 (guest): I wanted to hate this bunch
much more than what I have ended up hating. In fact, I have to
grudgingly admit this isn’t half bad. Taken for what it is, catchy hard
rock with some punkish edge to it, plus dark, humorous and funnily
twisted lyrics, it works well. Not something that will become a regular
on my listening rotation, but I won’t get overly upset if it comes up on
a random playlist. Shit you not, this fuckers made me smile more than a
couple of times with their silliness! 5

Tristania: Rubicon Tristania: Rubicon


Lord K: Tristania’s got a chick singing – that
means I might like it. Now all that is needed is great songs and we are
good to go. Not so much so. This shit will make you fall asleep if
played longer than 3 minutes. 3

Trauma: Sorry Tristania, by the time “Ruby con”
came around I was so tired of shitty music I turned it off after the
first verses in the first song sounded unpleasant. Maybe you redeemed
yourself on later songs, but it was something on which I was not about
to count. 2

CadenZ: Female-fronted gothic metal should be rated
on its own scale, which is logically proportional to the ordinary,
universal scale. I’ll brave the dark and be a pioneer: on the FFGM scale this is an 8. 3

Baalzamon666 (guest): Weren’t these gothic
stalwarts dead and buried? Seemingly that’s not the case, so someone
pass me a shovel now, if you please. I’ll excavate a mass grave for
their convenience. This watered down emo mish-mash cliché metal might
have been amusing 15 years ago, but by now it’s more tiresome than
watching paint dry. Two points alone for the decent looking chicks in
the band pic. 2

Revolution Renaissance: Trinity Revolution Renaissance: Trinity


Lord K: It would be easy to start mocking Timo Tolkki but he’s doing it so great himself with “Trinity” so I don’t have to. 2

Trauma: I wonder: if I was to videotape myself in
first person jerking off 5 times a day, would I have more followers than
this band? I can already answer yep. My penis shoots like a
motherfucken cannon. KABOOM! Revolution denied. 1

CadenZ: Somebody please shoot the off-pitch squealer behind the mic. NOW. Fuck. Autotune or Melodyne could fix some of the problem, so why not use them? HUH? Oh, right, you could just disband this sorry excuse for a band. Thank you for doing the right thing. 2

Baalzamon666 (guest): Timo Tolkki is involved. I
could leave it at that, but actually I won’t. These drinkers of whale
semen deserve to be flamed! Wankers, the whole lot of them. Repetitive
and tired riffs? Check. Horribly weak vocals? Check. Emotional sad-sack
ballads? You betcha! Because of shit like this, power metal has
rightfully fallen into ridicule as a genre. 1


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
%d bloggers like this: