GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – November 2013

Audio Autopsy – November 2013

01/11/13  ||  Global Domination

Satyricon: Satyricon Satyricon: Satyricon

7.5/10

Lord K: When they release this album with a
decent/listenable sound I’ll get back to you. Shoebox productions are
not for me. Shameful, especially since I can almost make out some interesting shit in there. 5

Habakuk: Never been enough of a black metal fan to hate these guys, and in parts this is actually really good. 7

CadenZ: Yes, the production is lo-fi and lacking of
treble, but after a while you get used to it and it feels all soft,
warm and cozy. The unholy tri-fecta of black metal emotions. This album
is a huge grower, having gone from a disappointment to a solid record in
a couple of months. Highlights: “Nekrohaven” is a new “K.I.N.G.”,
“Phoenix” sports a great guest vocal performance by Sivert Høyem, and
“Tro og kraft” has solid riffing throughout. I am not disappoint. 8

Cobal: Simply put: “Phoenix” has become one of my favorite songs EVER. You could also catch up with my review and learn more about it. 9

sincan: The first track that was released (“Our world, it rumbles tonight” or SPOCK)
left me in fear. I for sure didn’t dig the shit out of the choice of
recording the bass drum in another room and under water. Neither did I
like the rather boring track. However the other tracks on this album is
much better and doesn’t get punished as by the bad drum production.
Satyricon has for a couple of year been playing some cold black’n‘roll
with razor sharp guitars but this has been changed for now. The music is
more of a doom and black metal hybrid with some lounge moments and the
guitars are much warmer. I just wonder a bit about reinventing the same
riff over and over again in almost every track. 8

Ironpants: Have you tried dry-humping? Satyricon is
the dry-humping of black metal nowadays! Dry, scaled down and no
fancies, but you still ejaculate. Once I got over the naked and dry
production, I really started to enjoy it. I understand why kvlt
followers get annoyed though. I really dig this, and that “Phoenix” tune
is awesome. They should make that clean singer dude a full time member.
8

Carcass: Surgical steel Carcass: Surgical steel

7.3/10

Lord K: So, they are back and everyone is going apeshit. What? They aren’t? I
sure looked forward to this release anyways, but I am certainly not
floored. The best part of it all is Jeff’s vocals, they are still fucken
excellent after all these years. But it has to be said: I’ll go back to
“Heartwork” and “Necrowunderbaumsalubrious” whenever I need my Carcass
fix. 6

Habakuk: It sure rocks a lot of people’s boats and the quality is hard to deny, but it just doesn’t do much for me. 6

CadenZ: A most welcome return, as the melodeath
grandfathers blast our minds with just the right amount of melodic
“Heartwork” material and “Necroticism” brutality. The production is
maybe a little bit too clean and some riffs are a bit tired, but all in
all this is a nice comeback. The best thing? Waters still sounds as
frantic as ever. 7

Cobal: Heavy, raw, melodic and groovy. Awesome. 9

sincan: Old band but still beating the anus fungus out of others in the genre. 8

Ironpants: Yep! Even a month after my review,
it’s still crystal clear, this is a bad motherfucker. Solid shit that
stand tall beside (and slightly behind) their previous works. Are there
more albums coming? 8

Diabolical: Neogenesis Diabolical: Neogenesis

7.3/10

Lord K: I think this is the band that I read an
interview with where they really spoke highly about the work that went
into this album. I could be wrong, it might be another band altogether,
but Diabolical’s pissing out some fine death/black metal without making
it sound too special. Sometimes that’s enough. 7

Habakuk: This keeps the right balance between epicness and progression. Might be a grower, too. 7

CadenZ: A massive project with a whole novel
following the album’s storyline (or maybe the other way around, I
suppose), “Neogenesis” lifts Diabolical to the upper echelon of
bombastic death metal with a black atmosphere. Malignant harmonies,
powerful growls, furious drumming, epic arrangements – this is a modern
powerhouse, and has the look of a future classic. 8

Cobal: If last month was pretty motivating in terms
of black art, this is certainly a great one for death metal.
Outstanding songwriting, quite a few memorable momentums and remarkable
arrangements. If only Carcass’ hadn’t been put in the same AA edition! 8

sincan: Well-executed blackened death with some symphonic elements but lacking strong tracks. 6

Ironpants: Well here is some nice shit I’ve failed
to recognize as quality material. I will make up for this by listen to
this album a lot, cause it’s one of those that should grow a bit with
more listens? Quality blackened death metal. 8

Ulcerate: Vermis Ulcerate: Vermis

7.0/10

Lord K: In case Gorguts’ effort in this edition
(scroll a tiny bit down to find it, fucko) didn’t satisfy your cravings
for technical and chaotic death metal, well… here you go: another band
that is ok to listen to for a few minutes before you are all confused
and bored. Whatever happened to bands writing actual songs? 5

Habakuk: Can these guys even release a weak album?
The only criticism I could think of is that this is more of the same,
but that same is good! 8

CadenZ: Spiraling into darkness. The world is gone. The end is here. There is only the void. Embrace it. Or be devoured. 8

Cobal: Is it just me or Gorguts released two albums
this year? Except the production on this one doesn’t suck as much
chihuahueño ass, of course. Regardless how grandiose both records may
be, they’re not my thing. Not quite, that is. 6

sincan: Blackened death with some Deathspell Omega
influences (depending on which band getting the highest score you will
read this again, or have already done it) which is all OK. 8

Ironpants: The same goes for this as for Gorguts,
even if Ulcerate stretch it a few yards further. This dark, controlled
chaos does not really invoke large erections on me. I listened in on
this album while recovering from a case of “Invasive Staphylococcus
Aureus” in my nerve-system (no lie) which seemed appropriate, and it
grew an extra point. I’m hardcore like that. 7

Gorguts: Colored sands Gorguts: Colored sands

6.5/10

Lord K: If you wanna play technical death metal –
Gorguts can teach you a thing or two. Just like AA-colleagues Ulcerate –
don’t expect any traditional songs and don’t expect to understand much
of what the fuck is going on… just expect chaos and impressive
musicianship. I feel like I have overdosed on both here. 5

Habakuk: I just don’t have the patience for this
these days, although I cannot say I didn’t enjoy it. Man, but Gorguts
used to be the shit when they still had that punchy old school groove. 6

CadenZ: Mystic and monumental, ominous and
unsettling, “Colored Sands” is a gigantic artistic statement. Every riff
on this album seems to carry the weight of a mountain, and the ebb and
flow of the songs is as natural as the movement of tectonic plates,
resulting every so often in earthquakes and massive tsunamis. Gorguts
have created a beast, a behemoth, a force of nature. All hail. 9

Cobal: To begin with, the person in charge of the
final mix should eat xoloscuintle feces and that’s about that. No wonder
it’s difficult to put up with everything going on here. Other than
that, I think there’s some quality music to check out, however, I don’t
quite get all the fuzz on this. 6

sincan: Deathspell Omega inspired death metal (one
of two this month)? Partly very good and partly hard to stay focused at.
I prefer Deathspell Omega though. 7

Ironpants: The other dark and dirty death metal
release in November’s AA. I don’t really jump the bandwagon and tag
along with this kind of death metal, I am intelligent enough to
acknowledge that there is a certain amount of awesomeness going on, but
it doesn’t really gets me wet in the panties. I expect this sound to be
the next big trend in death metal. Post-death metal! 6

Twilight Of The Gods: Fire on the mountain Twilight Of The Gods: Fire on the mountain

6.3/10

Lord K: I think this band is a some kind of “all-star” thing. Heavy metal is always right. This might even be a grower, ladies. 6

Habakuk: Had Manowar always sucked, they’d have started out like this. Unnecessary. 4

CadenZ: Nevermind the all-star tag: traditional
heavy metal bands always rise and fall with their vocalist. Here we have
Alan Averill of Primordial fame, whose passion and ferocity as a singer
are undeniable, but how does he fare in the upper register that is
warranted in the genre? Will he be able to unleash those sky-high wails
that made Dio, Halford and Dickinson living legends? Well? Does he? Let
me tell you. Yes. Yes, he fucken does. 7

Cobal: I don’t ever listen to contemporary heavy
metal, especially if labelled as anything from “epic” to battle and
“whatnot”. Precisely because of that, I didn’t see this coming. I can’t
say I’m in love, but I reckon Quorthon would be proud. 6

sincan: “Children of Cain” eats my brain… A
terrific heavy metal journey, indeed! People who can’t dig this either
gave it no time or rides the dildo to work. 8

Ironpants: Potent heavy metal from a squad of
veterans. I was surprised with how “basic” the album was, considering
the people in the band, but still, it’s good honest heavy metal. 7

Master: The witch-hunt Master: The witch-hunt

6.0/10

Lord K: I know, I know… These guys are classic. And
for some reason they seem to have a fan base too. I’m happy for them,
but this is so far away from what I would ever consider a classic act.
Go listen to 90’s Swedish death metal instead – that’s how you do it. 3

Habakuk: For a Master album, this is pretty damn good, but still, after three songs or so, I happily move on. 7

CadenZ: Without the impressive punkish energy and
cult following/reputation that comes from being a death metal pioneer
band, Master wouldn’t have much. But now they do. Funny how things work
out. 5

Cobal: Death metal + rock ‘n’ roll + thrash = fun. 8

sincan: Pretty good old school death metal but the
singer must have a very large tongue, thus making it hard to pronounce
words in a good manner. Witchcunt, hehe, bbl touch my funny bone. 7

Ironpants: With a sound that makes old Celtic Frost
records look like production masterpieces. Old, sweaty, hairy and dirty
– just like me. One cannot deny the charm in this though when you are
in retro death metal mode. 6

Sarke: Aruagint Sarke: Aruagint

5.8/10

Lord K: I get Cronos vibes from the vocals. That is
good. Cronos is cool. So is his forehead. While I expected Sarke to
suck (sark?) it, I’m a little surprised by “Aruagint”. It’s not shit,
but it’s not really for me. 4

Habakuk: Darkthrone, Arckanum, Sarke… Look for the “aarrr” when seeking out low-fi black metal with a punk vibe. 6

CadenZ: I will now press “stop”. Now, I will put on “To Mega Therion” instead. Now I enjoy life again. 5

Cobal: Just in case anyone needs some more Darkthrone this year. I could certainly use some myself. 7

sincan: On a foundation of black metal rests
Sarke’s music but I wouldn’t classify this as pure black metal since one
can distinguish other elements as well. It is actually pretty good, but
could have been so much better if they had stronger tracks. 7

Ironpants: Strained black rock that doesn’t quite
reach the same level as their previous album. Still, this is an album
that could work as background music if you want to be a secret black
metal guy, tricking people into something more malicious further on when
you have a party. 6

Broken Hope: Omen of disease Broken Hope: Omen of disease

5.3/10

Lord K: I saw some kind of buzz about these guys
when this album was about to be released. Heard them a thousand years
ago and definitely didn’t give a shit back then, so could this possibly
be something noteworthy now? Verdict: this is gruff-gruff death
metal the American way, of course including those shitty backwards
“blasts” that I hate so much. So… no. 5

Habakuk: Not bad but the vocalist could have been someone else for all I care. 7

CadenZ: Come on guys, give the poor monster his cookie. Maybe that’ll shut him up, so we can focus on the groovy brutality instead. 5

Cobal: While kind of impressive at first (technical
hints here and there, dramatic melodies and arrangements, etc.), this
is ultimately a bit boring and repetitive. They sadly overuse
Pantera-like riffs and their guitar shrieks certainly don’t help. 5

sincan: Why this intro?! Why? guy 1: “Hey let’s
have an intro guys!” other guys: “Ok, but only if it fills no purpose
and leaves the listener with a huge question mark on the forehead!”.
ironpants, this is neither my cup of semen (semi tech death grunt weed
metal) 5

Ironpants: Well, I can’t say so much more about this, except maybe quote singer Leski from his response to my review. “Raiijjorrr worrrroeee laaaarrrr, ooooorwwweee slurpeee ruuuleeees!” 5

Annihilator: Feast Annihilator: Feast

4.7/10

Lord K: The band that goes on and on and on and on
and people still do not give a shit about anything than that “Alison
Hell” tune from 400 years back. I am one of those people.
Clean-the-house-metal, that’s what it is. 5

Habakuk: … come on, get interesting. 5

CadenZ: Aside from Jeff Waters’ amazing solos and
the groovy funk and 90’s alternative influences on “No Surrender”, this
ain’t no feast in anything else except stale B-group thrash metal. 5

Cobal: Extremely teen-friendly thrash metal that’s
actually better when these guys stop trying to sound as Megadeth with
Hatfield-wannabe vocals. Was the second disc REALLY necessary? Nice cover art, though. 5

sincan: Easy listened thrash and rock for the
uninspired person. Not totally worthless in the beginning but the
Nickleback track “No surrender” leaves me worried along with other lame
carpe diem inspired songs. 4

Ironpants: It’s their 14th album people!! And the
fact that I haven’t listened more than 5 minutes to one of them after
“Alice in hell” must mean something? There are some thrashy tunes here,
but the rest should be annihilated, especially that ballad, “Perfect
anal eyes” it gave me the creeps. Nope too much rock music in this. 4

Dream Theater: Dream theater Dream Theater: Dream theater

4.5/10

Lord K: While ex-drummer/super-whiner Mike Portnoy
starts and ends 400 different bands in a week, Dream Theater goes into
the studio and releases this one like nothing happened. It sounds DT and
James LaBroomBroom still annoys the living fuck out of everything and
everyone with his vocals. Not much has changed, but this is of course no
new “Images and words”. 5

Habakuk: Lose the fucken circus parts and I might actually enjoy this more than I’d like to admit. 6

CadenZ: Pretty hit or miss. I’m glad the 90’s style
cheesy stuff is back, along with the instrument-wankery and epic
22-minute songs. Sadly, the quality is very up and down from song to
song, which obviously hurts the album as a whole. And what about that
fucking snare sound? It’s like they discovered what the gate effect
really does, and decided to cut off anything and everything resembling
life. Fuck that shit. 5

Cobal: Dream Theater now switch from their usual
virtuoso bragging to poppy power “metal”. And neither do shit for me.
Fuck this. The extra point is for including one good instrumental track.
2

sincan: Oh my Satan. I’ve never paid much attention towards these guys but now I had to. I wish I didn’t. Why have punk cock vocals?! 4

Ironpants: I like Dream Theater when LaBrie shuts
his pie hole. The musicianship is above all competitors, and Mangini is a
better drummer than Portnoy, when will they let us hear more of that by
the way, he appears to be acting in a leash? But the songs don’t stick
and that last one clocking in at 22 minutes is just ludicrous. Wankers. 5

Gwar: Battle Maximus Gwar: Battle Maximus

3.7/10

Lord K: I’ve said this before in some other AA,
methinks, but I saw these guys live back in the early 90’s and didn’t
give a single fuck about their music back then, for obvious reasons. I
very much believe the situation is exactly the same today.
Congratulations are in place though – they have the most annoying and
loudly mixed kick drum this side of the millennium. 2

Habakuk: Fuck Gwar. 3

CadenZ: Oderus Urungus (Toys’r‘us Ur’Fungus?) and
his penii maximii are back with a new album. Why? No one knows. It’s not
like anyone ever cared about their music anyway. This is about as
stupid as Alice Cooper’s latest horror of a record, but not quite as
useless. 3

Cobal: As far as my humble opinion goes – I know,
my opinion is never humble – the best thing that could ever happen to
these guys is being checked out right after listening to the crap by
those NIN idiots. Really appreciated the punk touch by the by. 7

sincan: It’s funny when a joke band is better than
tryhard emo boys in metalcore make-up artist groups. However, still not
something to put on every now and then. The track “Falling” sounds very
Mastodonish (not in the same league though). 5

Ironpants: Gwar have always been outside of my
attention span, which is rather wide. I don’t like their image and their
music is fucken annoying. They can suck my Penis Maximus. 2

Nine Inch Nails: Hesitation marks Nine Inch Nails: Hesitation marks

3.5/10

Lord K: I never understood what to make of this
Trent guy. But I do understand he has nothing to do with metal. And if
it’s not metal it’s not for me. I’m off to listen to Alice DeeJay. 3

Habakuk: Seriously, I can’t listen through this. 3

CadenZ: Too true for metalheads? Or maybe just too
out there. Reznor is a master of dark moods, creating one haunting,
oppressive atmosphere after the other, and he still hasn’t lost it
despite numerous creative crises. 7

Cobal: One good thing of never having been into this “legendary band” is that I can genuinely ask: What the FUCK is this shit? Damn! 1

sincan: Disco + synth + slow + boring = this. I thought we were supposed to write about metal. 3

Ironpants: Trent Reznor did the music for the game
“Quake”, and that’s about how far into his music I have ventured. Rather
good and well performed music that could pass both as a soundtrack to a
sci-fi movie or a gay porno. I’m not really that into sci-fi… 4

Poisonblack: Lyijy Poisonblack: Lyijy

3.3/10

Lord K: Finns, huh? I love my neighbors as people, but this band is quite shit. Gimme some old Amorphis, goddammit. Or Demigod. Now that is how you do it. This rock/metal crap can fuck itself in the arsehole. 3

Habakuk: How many bands that sound exactly like this are out there? 4

CadenZ: This kind of whiskey-induced garage
rock/metal should create a buzz, but “Lyijy” makes me sober up and feel
the first tingling sensations of a hangover instead. Mission failed,
has-beens. 4

Cobal: The faster songs resemble some kind of
modern Lemmy, and they’re actually not bad. Nothing more. The slower
ones reminded me of some of the worst shit I’ve ever heard. Just for the
record, I’m normally not a fan of unnecessary speed. 4

sincan: What is this? Well, it is sure some Carpe
Diem life rock’n‘roll for people who enjoy an afterwork beer once a
month dressing up in blue jeans and other cool attributes. 2

Ironpants: Oh my goth! Anti-Viagra in digital form.
“Maybe life is not for everyone” they say in one of the song titles…
you got that right! 3

Tarja: Colours in the dark Tarja: Colours in the dark

3.3/10

Lord K: My favourite cumbucket is back. And so is
her mainstream and half-assed music that from time to time actually
comes across as damn catchy. 6

Habakuk: “aarrr”… oh wait. 3

CadenZ: Sub-par Therion-esque songs with Tarja’s
skillful but over-the-top vocals as the annoying icing on the stale
cake. She’s cut down on the vibrato which is good, but the lack of a
really good composer (Holopainen, eh?) make this a most lackluster
effort. 4

Cobal: No matter how much everybody loves her singing, I’ll never dig into her… stuff. 3

sincan: Do you remember Tarja still? She is the
egocentric whatnot who used to come to Nightwish’s studio sessions and
sing a tune or two but got a large foot in the ass. Now she sings the
same but with horrible lame music added to that equation. 1

Ironpants: I found a list I wrote long ago. “Top list of things that make me mad”:

1. War

2. Baby seal clubbings

3. Tarja

4. Herpes

5. Global warming

I was so immature back then, baby seal clubbings should be 1st, and war 2nd. I love animals. 3

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
%d bloggers like this: