GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – November 2008

Audio Autopsy – November 2008

01/11/08  ||  Global Domination

Bloodbath: The fathomless mastery Bloodbath: The fathomless mastery

7.25/10

Lord K: Ok, so now Bloodbath wants to be Morbid
Angel and sound all American instead of bleeding out all those Swedeath
riffs and tunes inspired by the early 90’s in general, and the Swedish
death metal scene in particular, that they did so well and got so much
love for? I don’t appreciate the move as much as I appreciate the past
material from these guys but hey – there’s no denying that “The
semenless penistery” is a great display of death metal, painted by some
kind of an all-star band. Torture Division is ofcourse better (the world’s best death metal is always better, you know), but it’s nice to see the kids try. Hah! 8

Kampfar: This album is a mix of “Resurrection
through carnage” and “Nightmares made flesh”, both excellent albums, and
so is “The fathomless mastery”. Not fresh but still fresh. Fuck you. 9

Abyss: The members of Bloodbath are too old and
seasoned to really fuck this up, so I guess it’s safe to assume that the
stylistic change from the first demo to “The fathomless mastery” is
intentional. That said, I can’t say that there’s an awful lot of great
songs here, at least none that come close to the absolute facebreakers
on “Nightmares made flesh”. This is good, but not really great anymore. 7

Seker: Modern generic death metal that could’ve
been put out by anyone, but we’re supposed to ooh and ahh over it
because it’s made by the guys from Opeth and Katatonia. It’s
well-played, but excruciatingly boring and overproduced. 5

Misery Index: Traitors Misery Index: Traitors

7/10

Lord K: I never cared enough to look into the Dying
Fetus/Misery Index connection, all I know is that I can’t fucken stand
Dying Fetus all too often. Misery Index on the other hand is a fine
piece of brutal, grinding death metal. Nothing spectacular going on
here, but they play their cards well and end up with a good hand when
the album’s playing time is over. This one stays in my collection. If
given the chance, I have a feeling it might even grow on me. 7

Kampfar: I think Dying Fetus is an overrated band.
Misery Index, however, isn’t. Put short, “Traitors” is a fine fucking
meal of death-ish grind. The doctor recommends. 8

Abyss: I’ve heard a lot of rave about this band but
I was fully expecting a Rotten Sound-ripoff for some reason. What I got
wasn’t grindcore but super-pissed off, over-caffeinated death metal
with a serious political grudge against stupidity and greed everywhere.
With great grooves and laser-sharp riffs, I’m real fucking impressed! 8

Seker: I seriously can’t tell what’s going on
(apart from the breakdowns) because the production brings vocals,
guitars, bass, drums, kazoos, EVERYTHING to
the exact same level and then gives it an added silver spraypaint job. I
guess it’s better than Dying Fetus, but this is another one I won’t be
buying. Also, TRAITORS TRAITORS TRAITORS TRAITORS TRAITORS. Holy shit, we get it already. 5

Burst: Lazarus bird Burst: Lazarus bird

6/10

Lord K: This is the first time I hear Burst. I have
heard about them for a long time and they were always one of those
bands I knew I wouldn’t like. I was right to some extent. It’s not as
hardcore-ish as I imagined it to be (for some reason), but it’s
definitely not metal enough, nor brutal enough, for me to enjoy at a
larger scale. It’s just quite strange and chaotic. Nothing like Blümchen
at all actually. These guys are in the same league as bands like
Neurosis and Cult Of Luna; bands that are way too pretentious for me and
who are lacking the needed groove I crave in my music. Points for some
originality but I’ll keep staying away from Burst. 4

Kampfar: Wasn’t Lazarus the dude Jesus Cunt
supposedly revoked from the dead? I think so, but I didn’t know he had a
bird. Is it related to the bird phoenix? What color was it? Did Lazarus
learn it any swear words? Fuck, I’m so confused right now. Thousand
thoughts in my head. Must take a wank. And the music? Well, I hope
progressive sludge core something gives you and idea of what to expect.
Anyway, this idiot fell of the Burst wagon around halfway through, an
overload of pretto, both jizz and jazz very present, the exact reason
why. 5

Abyss: Impressive to say the least, Burst manages
to twist my nipples in all the right ways by combining their
post-hardcore with traces of the filth and fury of their origins.
Varied, tasteful and never boring, “Lazarus bird” is just awesome. 8

Seker: Sweden’s answer to Neurosis? Oh wait, that’s
Cult of Luna. This is pretty okay though, when they lay off the
screams. The vocalist imitating Steve Von Till actually sounds a lot
like Taneli Jarva on “Amok”, which is pretty cool. If only the Scott
Kelley impression was as listenable… Anyway, expect odd twisting
melodies over spastic percussion with some calm moments in between, as
well as a melodic death influence. 7

Psycroptic: ObServant Psycroptic: Ob(Servant)

5.75/10

Lord K: If you put the volume down quite a bit, all
you hear is the hideous, über triggered kick sound. It’s not like this
technical death metal gets any better on higher volumes either. I can
handle this in very small doses, and it’s definitely more interesting
than something like One Man Army (placed further down on this list) –
and that’s that. Necrophagist is way better, but they can go fuck
themselves too. 5

Kampfar: The observant listener will before long
observe that the drums on this recording sounds really rather clicky due
to a liberal use of triggers. Apart from that, well, this is tech death
performed in a manner about 10 times less interesting than how Anata
does it. So no thanks. 5

Abyss: Tech-death, when it’s good it’s really good. When it’s bad it’s unlistenable. And when it’s so-so it’s Psycroptic. 6

Seker: Technical death metal that’s less wanky than
Necrophagist, but with an infinitely worse drum sound. In terms of the
band’s career, it’s way better than “Symbols” but nowhere near “Scepter”
level. Worth checking out if you’re into this kind of stuff. 7

Zonaria: The cancer empire Zonaria: The cancer empire

5.75/10

Lord K: Cool album title aside, Zonaria’s yet
another band lumped into the fold of millions of well-produced, good
sounding bands with quite a few highlights and a few slabs of lowlights
(is that even a word?). I wanna mention opener “Slaughter is passion” as
it holds some really excellent parts, but as a whole the clean vocals
kills it for me. If they concentrated on those awesome parts (including
the keyboards – that’s some some excellent shit, guys) we’d have a
killer band on our hands. I’ll give them a few more albums before they
reach that state. No matter what, a huge surprise and one of the better
albums in this edition. 7

Kampfar: “The cancer empire” sure sounds a lot less
like Hypocrisy than “The infamy and the breed” ever did. Only thing is,
they haven’t replaced this feel of later-era Hypocrisy with anything.
All I hear is namely generic melo death without a single surprise in
store. The doctor recommend mushrooms. 5

Abyss: It seems like the youngsters from Umeå has
finally grown up and has come to terms with their identity-issues and
accepted that: “Yes, we sound exactly like Hypocrisy, there’s nothing
wrong with that but why not mix in Dimmu Borgir as well?” The result? A
band that sounds exactly like two other bands but at least the quality
of the songs are decent now. 6

Seker: This music is pretty fucken anonymous
melodic black/death metal. Well-played, but of little actual importance.
Bad-ass album name though. 5

Helstar: The king of hell Helstar: The king of hell

5.25/10

Lord K: As with Hallows Eve (the second major dump
of this edition, The Berzerker is number one), I also remember these
mongoloids. They sure as fuck sound more vital than today’s Hallows Eve,
but even a corpse would do that. Helstar is blessed with a complete
idiot doing vocals who destroys any potential this album could have had,
if it wasn’t for the fact that it has no-to-very-little potential no
matter how you put it. Poor man’s thrash metal is not going to save the
world, nor my day. 4

Kampfar: This lot sounds like a Judas Priest not in
the need of being shot. However, I’m still like 10 seizures and a
couple of cerebral infractions away from enjoying anything power metal,
so, in other words, I’m far away from enjoying myself while accompanied
by “The king of hell”. And, if you are over 12, you have heard
everything on this platter before. Yes, even the couple of good riffs
and parts they accidentally managed to include. 4

Abyss: I loved “Nosferatu”, much against better
judgment, and I’m glad to say that “The King of hell” is just as
whimsical and entertaining. Maybe it’s the blend of technical, slightly
progressive riffs and all the markers of speed metal that gives the band
a slightly goofy image – but it’s also the reason why I like the band,
over-ambitious vocals or not. 6

Seker: Well, I’m not really digging the ultramodern
production, and Rivera’s vocals aren’t what they used to be
(occasionally he sounds like the Nevermore guy, blech), but the actual
music here is pretty bad-ass, if a bit slow by “Nosferatu” standards.
Not as good as the new Metal Church, but better than most comeback
albums. 7

Darkane: Demonic art Darkane: Demonic art

5.25/10

Lord K: Another one of the million bands without an
own identity. This could be exactly whatthefuckever out of Sweden. You
know how it sounds. Personally I am so bored with it my cock just fell
off. And my girlfriend really loves my cock so I better put on something
else and go find it. 4

Kampfar: Darkane rhymes with Mustaine, and also Max
Payne, one of the best games ever. Oh, “Demonic art” is business as
usual from this direction, uptempo and intricate modern thrash that is.
Only this time around the Swedenborganians in question got hold of a
worse vocalist. Worse or not, hadn’t it been for this new guy shouting,
at times actually trying to sing, there wouldn’t have been any news to
report. 6

Abyss: I’ve always managed to find good stuff on
Darkane’s albums but I rarely whip them out when I want to list to…
anything. Strange that because on paper the band has all the right
ninja-moves: pissed of singer, shred-alicious guitar player and a
hyperactive drummer. Coming of like the more technical, angular brother
of Soilwork’s early sound, this should appeal to… well, those who like
Soilwork’s early sound I guess. 6

Seker: Melodic death metal that tries to be brutal,
thus completely missing the point. Also, the vocals are terrible. The
instrumentation is technical enough, and I guess the production is okay,
but I can’t see myself ever listening to this again. 5

One Man Army And The Undead Quartet: Grim tales One Man Army And The Undead Quartet: Grim tales

5.25/10

Lord K: I never saw the greatness in The Crown and I
never took a liking in this “new” band. I also never understood what’s
so fucken great about Johan’s vocals. This gives me absolutely shit, and
yes – I did notice they can play their instruments. But I know about
140066780 other bands that can do that too, and they also create far
more memorable music. TATU is one of them. 4

Kampfar: Not bad this, but never anyway near the
quality of what The Crown made at any given time during their lengthy
career. Their time under the moniker Crown Of Thorns very much included.
Oh, Johan Lindstrand, vocalist of both bands, is the link here. Anyway,
“Grim tales” is meat and potatoes extreme metal, competent as fuck, but
in the end not very exciting. If only the songs had been as good as the
titles suggest… 6

Abyss: Johan Lindstrand trudges on and he still
fails to get it 100% right. The voice is still intact, but the music
still needs to step up to the plate and actually deliver something
memorable. “He’s back” is still my favourite song with the band and
considering that it’s a Alice Cooper-cover, well I don’t need to say
anything more, right? 5

Seker: It’s like The Crown, but not as good; in
other words, it’s like every One Man Army and the Undead Quartet album
ever. It’s still better than most of the stuff around today though.
Thrashy death metal with a melodic twist. 6

Cynic: Traced in air Cynic: Traced in air

5/10

Lord K: That “Focus” album is some fine piece of
work at times, but I don’t hold it in such high regards as most people
do. So what’s up with “Traced in air”? Mighty fine musicianship for one.
Spacey vocals could come in second. Brutal metal is not really the
focus (ehum) here, that’s for sure. Cynic creates some emotional shit
with a million of things thrown in. I like some of it, but I prefer the
debut album. 6

Kampfar: I have listened to “Traced in air” twice
now, but the songs sounded all the same the second time around, so there
will be no third attempt. And I’m not sure what to call their shit, so
progressive metal something with a wee bit strange clean-vocals on top
will have to do. Anyway, their so-called classical releases has to be
way better and more interesting than this for me to grasp their (near)
legend status. Next. 4

Abyss: Except for the occasionally daft vocals,
Cynic has a lot going for them. Musicality for example. And pretentious
song-titles. This is not really catchy music in the usual pop-sense, but
hey, since when was that a disqualifier in metal? 7

Seker: This doesn’t sound much like the Cynic I’m
familiar with: in fact, it reminds me a lot of something as lame as Tool
or even the Deftones, but with more pretentiousness (that’s quite a
statement). Also, the robot vocals sound even worse this time around. I
can’t really call this a disappointment though; I was expecting it to
suck. 3

Andromeda: The immunity zone Andromeda: The immunity zone

4.25/10

Lord K: Andromeda sounds like something Dan Swanö
could have created while being pissdrunk, only it’s not holding nearly
as much cheese as his more melodic projects, and it’s hardly along the
same standards when it comes to quality and finesse. These guys are
blessed with yet another shit vocalist (a common band plague these days)
and it’s not like their “progressive” shit halfmetal is helping out
matters either. Some cool ideas here and there, but hey – Vanilla Ice
had that too and he’s not exactly considered a genius. 4

Kampfar: For all I care, Androcomedia can take
their homo-erotic bullshit and shove it up their pissholes, but if you
fancy the idea of power metal with a modern feel, catchy at it, this
shit is very likely to please the gay in you. 2

Abyss: Progressive metal, phasers on stun and
Stargate dialed to Ur-anus! If you like your metal ambitious, spacey and
a bit more metal than Ayreon Andromeda will be your bag of space-bucks.
Never heard of this band but I’m gonna check them out further, that’s
for sure. Farewell Lord Helmet, these are not the droids you’re looking
for. 7

Seker: So, what makes this “progressive”, exactly?
Is it the Meshuggah percussive riffs? I’ve heard those a million times
before. Is it the keyboards? Nah, they’re pretty dull, and standard for
your average Century Media/Nuclear Blast/Roadrunner band nowadays. Is it
the vocals? Just a generic clean-voiced sing-along from what I can
tell. How can something be progressive if it doesn’t progress beyond what has already been done? 4

Head: Save me from myself Head: Save me from myself

4.25/10

Lord K: Find a full coverage here
and lemme just add that I’m taking half a point away since this album
is (as I suspected) wearing out faster than Head’s mind did when he left
Korn. Still some really good material present here. I won’t even go
into the importance of avoiding the lyrics this time. I think the actual
review stresses that enough. Avoid the lyrics! Damn. 7

Kampfar: Try Powerman 5000 instead. More punch, less Christianity. 4

Abyss: This is even worse then Korn’s latest album.
At least now we know the talent didn’t leave with Head. Or maybe God
took it from him when he was baptized in ethereal Jahve-semen. No matter
what, this ain’t good. 4

Seker: Basically old Korn with a Christian twist. Take a wild guess if I like it or not. 2

Omnium Gatherum: The redshift Omnium Gatherum: The redshift

4.25/10

Lord K: Melodic cheese-death metal anyone? Omnium’s got it. Me? I’ll pass and will put on some Pussycat Dolls to redeem myself. 4

Kampfar: I don’t like the clean and neat melodic
death in question, but you can take acid on the fact that here are
skills and qualities present. Aplenty even. I just don’t happen to care
very much about any of them. Violence please. 5

Abyss: Oh Finland, when will you get it right?
Homo-erotic faux-metal will always be homo-erotic faux-metal, no matter
how you try to dress it up in d-beats and gruff vocals. Psst. The happy
melodies give you away. And the stockings. 3

Seker: What a terrible fucking name: it’s like they
couldn’t pick just one name, so they decided to call themselves
“Everything”. Fucking lazy. Kinda like the music, which is generic
melodic death metal that could be from Sweden, Finland, America, or
fucking Madagascar. The vocals are actually pretty good though. 5

Trivium: Shogun Trivium: Shogun

4/10

Lord K: What do you get if you take the best parts
of “Master of puppets”, “Among the living”, “Reign in blood” and “Alice
DeeJay’s Collected hits – the 400 disc compilation”? Not Trivium, that’s
for sure. Cheese metal will always be cheese metal, no matter how much
you try to come across as hard’n‘heavy. Trivium do not deserve the hype.
Never did. Ofcourse very competent, but so is syphilis. 5

Kampfar: Trivium/triviality. Potato/potatoe. 3

Abyss: Why is an album titled “Shogun” mainly
centered around Greek mythology? Because it’s an album by Trivium,
that’s why! I suggest you throw all logic and good taste over board,
settle down on a beach and wait for the Maenads to tear you apart, at
least it will stop the music. 5

Seker: So, we see our Guitar World darlings heading
into weeaboo territory, if they weren’t already there in the first
place. You might find this metalcore (not thrash, no matter what the
magazines tell you) album sandwiched between the latest Dragonforce and a
Final Fantasy soundtrack at you average anime nerd’s house, but I’m
better than that, and hopefully you are too. 3

The Berzerker: The reawakening The Berzerker: The reawakening

3.75/10

Lord K: One of the shittiest bands in the world? Very fucken possible. 1

Kampfar: One common reaction when telling people
extreme metal is the shit, is this one: “Duh, what you are listening to
is nothing but sneers on top of a blur”. If all bands have been like The
Berzerker, we, and not they, would have been the retards in this
equation of ours. If you are in need of violence on disc, try Kill The
Client instead. Retard. 2

Abyss: The Berzerker started out as a fun band, I
mean mixing gabba-techno with death metal? That’s hilarious! And what’s
even more amusing is that the first two albums were actually pretty
good. But after four albums the joke (and song-ideas) is over and
there’s not too much to grab on to on “The Reawakening”. There’s just
speed and a drum-machine. 5

Seker: Oh shit, I remember these guys! This is
pretty much how I remember them, too: choppy death metal riffs over a
spastic gabber base. I’m not really into this kind of stuff as much as I
used to be (I still bust out “Dissimulate” occasionally for old time’s
sake), but there’s no denying that it’s pretty well done. 7

Randy Pipers Animal: Virus Randy Pipers Animal: Virus

3.75/10

Lord K: The opening song is called “Cardiac arrest”. Go figure, fucko. 3

Kampfar: Shut your pipe, Randy. Or rather, cut off your fucking fingers already. 3

Abyss: Are you fucking kidding me? Wasn’t Randy Piper a WWF wrestler? Or was that Rowdy Piper? It could’ve been fucking Piper Perabo for all I care, nothing would’ve saved this dreck. 3

Seker: For a second there I thought that said Roddy Piper, and I had some awesome They Live
flashbacks. But no, it’s just the guy from W.A.S.P. I’ve never actually
listened to W.A.S.P., but this guy has a good voice, and the music is
better than most power/traditional metal available recently. This still
isn’t Hell Comes to Frogtown, though, so don’t expect too much. 6

Hallows Eve: The never-ending sleep Hallows Eve: The never-ending sleep

2.75/10

Lord K: I remember these guys from back in the day.
I wish I didn’t. The production is the only thing worse than the music
on this disc. 2

Kampfar: Herrefaen, what the fuck is this? I tell
ya. It’s thrash adorned with one of the worst productions I have ever
heard, “St. anger” included”. Then again, it’s not like the music in
question makes it a tragedy that “The never-ending sleep” ended up
sounding this way. It never is when the band in question sounds like
being dissolved in acid while performing. Think incredibly sloppy. Only
take a listen if you are in need of a laugh. 1

Abyss: Straight outta the 80’s, I present to you
Hallows Eve! With a production grittier then “Kill ‘em all” and riffs
that were barely fresh in 1988, the band tries to capitalize on the
“reunited thrash-bands no one cared about the first time around”-trend.
Sufficient to say, a trend I don’t much care for. 4

Seker: Some old school speed metal band that I’m
not familiar with. It sounds like nearly every other 80’s band “comeback
album”; pretty goddamn terrible. Serious dearth of riffage here. 4

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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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