GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – November 2005

Audio Autopsy – November 2005

01/11/05  ||  Global Domination

Bolt Thrower: Those once loyal Bolt Thrower: Those once loyal

7.5 /10

Lord K: There’s only one band that sounds like Bolt
Thrower and that’s fucken Bolt Thrower. Absolutely not arse for shit.
Quite possibly did The Bolt’s just release their best effort yet. You
know what to expect and the Bolt’s deliver it to the max. 9

Syrrok: Here we go. The one that everyone’s gonna
hope on as the ultimate album of the crew. I’ll come back to this in an
hour after I’m done listening to it. (7:08, currently getting the vodka
in). (7:14 – fuck, the opening track ruled. It’s gonna be harder to rip
this band apart then I thought). This is some battlefield shit. The
british guy interrupting the song mid-way (on the Promo version) even
ADDS to the song, if you can believe it! (7:32 – kinda hammered. Ok,
I’ve heard enough). I can’t deny their strength. Strong one Bolts. 7

Farlus: Did you seriously expect to be disappointed
by anything this band puts out? If you did, you obviously haven’t
listened to much Bolt Thrower. The band just continues to put out strong
effort after strong effort without fail. If you do something well and
it doesn’t get old, continue to do it well instead of trying to change
it. The band obviously follows through with this philosophy to the
fullest extent and it works out well for them and for me, the listener.
Another must-own for 2005. 8

Desert Eagle: Eh, all the riffs sound kind of the
same and it’s all very boring for me. I don’t eat turkey sandwiches
every day you know! Even though they are very delicious I would also get
very sick of turkey, so I limit myself. So take it easy guys. 4

The Abyss: The Panzer batallion has returned,
freshly stocked with ammo with such lethal force that I surrender after
the second songs sonic assault. Top-notch production where the power of
the guitars (and bass!!!!) aren’t drowned out like it was on “HVP”. Bolt
Thrower is back, this time with a 80% improved kill-rate! 8

Chazz: Somehow, after nearly 20 years, Bolt Thrower
can put out an album, which follows the same formula as their previous
material, yet still sounds fresh. I don’t want to disrespect their
classic albums from back in the day, but this might be their best yet.
Karl is back on vocals, the album’s production and mix is outstanding,
and the riffs are as strong or stronger than anything they have done
before. I think a lot of younger bands could take a few lessons from
this album. This one is domination on a disc, a must-own. My only
complaint is that the album could use another track or two (look for the
import with bonus track when buying this one). 9

Gorefest: La Muerte Gorefest: La Muerte

7.3 /10

Lord K: I can’t even remember when I had to give 3
albums in Audio Autopsy a 9, but this is one of the three. The Fest is
fucken back and they are back with their strongest piece of music so
far. JC’s vocals really improved and the catchiness of this album is
more evident than my penis after a long cold shower. Arse. 9

Syrrok: This is a tough band. Thank christ they’ve
stepped up the production from previous efforts. Great fucken pipes on
the singer guy. He provides a rather unique angle to these tunes, which
themselves are crafted as well as my steel breastplate. Complete with
gleaming jewel of course. 7

Farlus: Somehow we were lucky enough to have both
Gorefest’s and Bolt Thrower’s new albums on the same AA (not to mention
Dark Funeral). The old guys are definitely kicking the new guys’ asses
this month. None of them appear to have lost a step. Whatever words or
witty sayings I come up with won’t do this album justice, so just know
that it’s fucking awesome, it will please all the fans of Gorefest, and
it joins Bolt Thrower as another must own album of 2005. 8

Desert Eagle: The vox on this album are like
talking growls. That’s really lame if you ask me. And you are basically
asking me, that’s why you’re reading this. I’ll make you read a little
bit more. And now some more. Ok, this album sucks. 3

The Abyss: I never knew I missed Gorefest until
they reunited and joined GD because I’d never heard them before that.
Now that I have, I’m happy as fuck because this album kicks the shit out
of (almost) all the other albums combined in this month’s AA! Unique
vocals, solos to die for, fat, groovy riffs, impeccable and creative
drumming all wrapped up in the best (most realistic) production-sound
I’ve heard in YEARS! Fantastic. 9

Chazz: I really didn’t know what to expect the
first time I got a chance to hear this album. Gorefest has been out of
the whole scene for a while, and personally, I didn’t think they left on
a high note with their last album. I was impressed as fuck, outstanding
drumming, well written and played riffs, and some nice variety between
songs. I don’t know what else to say, old fans of GF won’t be
disappointed, and I think they still bring something to the scene that
new fans just might dig. 8

Dark Funeral: Attera totus sanctus Dark Funeral: Attera totus sanctus

7.2 /10

Lord K: Chaos. Intensity. Insanity. Darkness. Blasts. Satan. Dark. Fucken. Funeral. Is. Raping. God’s. Arse. 9

Syrrok: Still the only band that frightens me. I’m
pretty sure they could steal my soul from Sweden as I sleep in my bed in
America. I don’t know why they would do that, but I don’t even want to
talk about it. This is great church music. I typically use this album as
background music while doing my rosaries for the day. I hate black
metal. But I’m afraid to give these guys anything less than a 5/10. 5

Farlus: Dark Funeral remains one of the few black
metal bands that I enjoy listening to. I’ll need to listen to this much
more heavily before I can compare it to “Diabolis Interium” or any of
their other masterpieces, but it’s still made a positive first impact
upon me. Caligula seems to have changed up his vocal style a bit here
and added more variation, and it’s a welcome change. Good stuff. Add a
month or two’s worth of a listens and I’d probably add a couple more
points to this score. 7

Desert Eagle: It delivers exactly what you expect
it to. Black metal. You know, with like the paint and all that. Never
really understood the corpse paint. At least the crazy designs with the
black paint. That shit doesn’t happen to dead bodies. What kind of dead
bodies have they seen? I would like to see them. But I can’t, they don’t
exist. 6

The Abyss: Satan’s favourite cheerleaders are back
after a 4 year hiatus in hell (Heaven?) and man are they happy to be
back! So am I! Slightly more varied musically (i.e. more memorable) then
“Diabolus Interum” and with updated vocals (I don’t know what it is,
but Caligula sounds different this time around) Dark Funeral blasts
through the 8 songs on this album so fast I’m still not sure what
happened after the final notes of “Final ritual” rings out. Not THE
best, but certinly among the best black metal-albums released in the
past few years. 8

Chazz: I dig very few black metal bands, and Dark
Funeral is one of them. They seemed to have kicked up the feeling of
aggression on this one, and varied a few things here and there in the
songs, and I think it works pretty well. As far as black metal goes, for
me, this is the shit. 8

Between the buried and me: Alaska Between the buried and me: Alaska

5.7 /10

Lord K: I fucken hate happy metal. Metal shouldn’t
be happy. These guys want to be brutal but fails when incorporating
happy riffs in their semi-blackmetal/death metal/metal/whatever. Between
The Arse and the Arse aren’t completely arse, but not far from it. 4

Syrrok: This is some gritty, artsy, esoteric shit.
Their guitars could use more bass, and their bass could use less
playing. I can definately feel where these guys are coming from with
some of their compositions, but in the end it’s just too “scratchy.” Put
down your cat. 4

Farlus: These guys really need to change their
name. Their name is more emo than Dashboard Confessional knitting
sweaters while crying tears of infinite sadness because of the love they
feel while taking it up the ass from Taking Back Sunday. The music they
play is pretty heavy and un-emo. It’s nothing spectacular, but it’s
better than emo or metalcore, and that nets points any day in my book. 4

Desert Eagle: Fucking listen to this before you say
anything you assholes. This CD is god damned amazing. This is NOT, I
repeat NOT, metalcore. Get your head out of your ass if you think this
is the case. Brutal, technical, and very interesting. 9

The Abyss: Pretty fucking bizarre, but also pretty
fucking cool. While the name sounds like a shitty metalcore-band the
music is a mish-mash of pretty much everything under the metal-sun. If
Dillinger Escape Plan had cut down on the uppers on “Calculating
infinity” it would probably sound something like this. Without a doubt
this months surprise. 7

Chazz: Don’t let the name fool you, this isn’t
another crappy metalcore band. I’m not too hot on the production of this
album, but otherwise, I was pretty surprised and the originality and
brutality of the music here. I had a hard time wrapping my brain around
what was going on as these songs are pretty complex to say the least,
but never overly technical… and for some reason this album did grow on
me a bit. I only wish they had a bit more “groove”. 6

Spiritual Beggars: Demons Spiritual Beggars: Demons

4.8 /10

Lord K: Arse-rock. Good for what it is I guess, but boring as fuck to me. 5

Syrrok: Fun time, get high, grow a beard type of
music. They have a song on there (Dying every day) that sounds like a
Mudhoney song. Way to bring Seattle back you assholes! Just too
“syrup-ey” for my tastes. 4

Farlus: It’s taken me long enough to listen to this
band. I really should have listened earlier. This is really cool rock
n’ doom. Kind of reminds me of Saint Vitus mixed with Fireball Ministry.
This is one of a few albums I’ll take away from this month’s AA. You
should really check this band out if you haven’t already. 7

Desert Eagle: Stick to Arch Enemy, Mike. Better yet, stick to nailing Angela while listening to old Arch Enemy. Yeah that’ll show her. What? 2

The Abyss: Spiritual Beggars or Grand Magus dosen’t
matter; J.B.’s vocals always sound great and after ironing out the
kinks (mainly the lack of riffs and catchy songwriting) of the previous
SB-album I’m left with an album that can almost rival “Ad astra” in
quality headbanging-material! This is great bluesy Rock n’ Roll, like
AC/DC on steroids or Zakk Wylde with talent. 7

Chazz: I’ve never been into this band and after
being forced to hear it for this Audio Autopsy, I’m still not. Don’t get
me wrong, they are good at what they do, excellent even. 4

Dragonlord: Black wings of destiny Dragonlord: Black wings of destiny

4.5 /10

Lord K: Dragonarse pull of some Dimmu-rip off that I guess is ok, if you like arse. I’m just bored to insanity with it. 4

Syrrok: I heard this guy was playing the Stockholm
“Unicorn Fanfair and Funfest” later this year. Afterwards I’m pretty
sure the Undertaker will be signing autographs in booth A88. This is ok
shit, and the poor guy has obviously put a lot of effort into it. But I
have also put effort into listening to it. Too much effort. 4

Farlus: When you put other black metal on an AA
with the new Dark Funeral, it’s definitely going to pale by comparison.
This shit sounds way too much like Cradle of Filth to me, and I’m not a
big fan of that band. They make me think of Dani Filth, and that makes
me think of angry dwarfs. Then I think of midget tossing contests and I
laugh. Then take another drink of beer. Pretty hard to do while in a
straightjacket. 2

Desert Eagle: You guys don’t listen to Tony, this
is a very good CD. Well produced and well played black metal with well
sounding guitar solos that don’t sound like they were recorded in a
well. Well, that’s good right? 7

The Abyss: Played back to back with Dark Funeral
it’s very very obvious that Eric Peterson dosen’t really have a clue
what he’s doing here. This is a keyboard-saturated step in the wrong
fucking direction from “Rapture”. Surprisingly good vocals though. 4

Chazz: While waiting years for a new Testament
album Eric Peterson gives us this. I remember “Rapture” being a pretty
decent album, but this one falls a bit short for me. Production is
pretty killer though. 6

Disturbed: Ten thousand fists Disturbed: Ten thousand fists

3.8 /10

Lord K: Undeniably very catchy arse-music. 6

Syrrok: GOD, HOW BADLY DID I WANT TO HATE THIS
FUCKING ALBUM! I can’t. I groove to it. I love the production and I love
that Drainman guy’s voice. It doesn’t take much. Yes, this is
bro-tastic metal to the highest hill, but I enjoy the shit. 6

Farlus: I never was too big a fan of Disturbed, but
after they had their fifteen minutes of fame and were just relegated to
being another nu-metal fan that failed (i.e, after the release of their
first album), I stopped paying attention. I didn’t even listen to their
last effort. I think this is their third.
Surprisingly, it’s not half bad. Some of the songs downright suck, but
some of them are tolerable, and I actually dig one or two. That’s better
than most of “new” radio metal bands can say. And what do you know,
when the singer isn’t trying to rap or say “OOO AH AH AH AH” he can sing
pretty decent. 5

Desert Eagle: This is like one of those questions
on IQ tests, which one doesn’t belong? Whose idea was this? I bet it was
someone who doesn’t actually have to review it. Fucker. 1

The Abyss: Hey imagine that, this one didn’t suck
as hard as I’d thought! I know their previous album annoyed the shit out
of me and while they’re far from great at least I don’t have visions of
stabbing Draiman in the eye everytime he opens his mouth. I would never
ever pay for this but for being nu-metal, it’s pretty decent. 3

Chazz: Pretty decent production here, sounds like
they had some cash left over from when nu-metal was popular. I though I
was actually hearing some domination in the third track, but then
realized they were just playing the riff from The Project Hate’s “Nine
Spectrums of Impurity”. It’s got some groove and a few decent riffs here
and there but the vocals kill it for me. 2

Path of Possession: Promises in blood Path of Possession: Promises in blood

3.7 /10

Lord K: Half-arsed death metal with In Flames
influences that makes no difference whatsoever to me. It’s not
especially brutal, it’s not espcially catchy. It’s just there. 4

Syrrok: This fucken band makes David Lee Roth look
like that Extreme guy. Bogus balls in the cheeze grater metal. This band
gives new meaning to the term, “next.” 3

Farlus: Yet another mediocre album from this
month’s AA. The first few songs were really cool. They had lots of
groove, lots of brutality, and had my head banging. As the album
progressed, the songs became more and more similar, and thus more and
more boring. Consistent, non-repetitive music is hard to find these
days. 4

Desert Eagle: Oh what awful harmonies. How can you
start a song like that guys? Maybe they’re deaf. That’s not so terrible
if they’re deaf then. You know, Beethoven was deaf. A little food for
thought. Unlike this band, which is garbage for ears. 3

The Abyss: There’s a Swedish saying; “Shoemaker, do
what thy does best”. Corpsegrinder should’ve paid more attention when
banging those swedish groupies because dude? Singing sub-par melodic
death on your spare time? Not cool. Don’t quit your dayjob. 4

Chazz: I was really disappointed in this album. I
dig Fisher’s vocals in Cannibal Corpse and expected this album to be
pretty killer, and it was for the first few songs. After those first few
tracks, the album really took a turn for the worse, this could have
been a really killer EP/MCD. 4

Manntis: Sleep in your grave Manntis: Sleep in your grave

3.5 /10

Lord K: Manntis is complete and utter arse.
Bullshit riffing with bullshit arrangements and bullshit-everything
makes for a good bullshit record. I fucken hate semi-metal/hardcore
influenced bullshit. 2

Syrrok: Is this the band with the midget
troll-looking guy with the prosthetic penis for a nose? Some free advice
for up n’ coming metal bands out there, DO NOT name your band after a
bug. Secondly, don’t play bullshit music. 2

Farlus: These guys’ name is too similar to Mortiis.
While they’re not nearly as gay as Mortiis, they still suck. Hatebreed
sounding shit that’s not really worth my time. I don’t get it. Why make a
band just to sound like someone else? Pointless and stupid. 2

Desert Eagle: I had pretty low expectations
considering this band was on “Battle for Ozzfest” or at least their
guitarist was. Those expectations were not met. The guitarist still
sucks. He needs to go back to shred school and study real hard. Let go
of the wah man, let it go. 3

The Abyss: Hell this is a nice surprise. It sounds
like metalcore, but it doesn’t suck like metalcore! Keeping up good
speed and never loosing the momentum until the last (acoustic) song;
Manntis has me tapping my foot and nodding my head more then any other
metalcore-album in the past year. 7

Chazz: Straight up metalcore with some decent
groove that I don’t feel embarassed playing without headphones. Nothing
really original here, but as far as metalcore goes, this is about as
good as it gets. Yes, that’s not saying much. 5

The Abscence: From your grave The Abscence: From your grave

3.5 /10

Lord K: “From your grave” belongs in someone’s
arse. If I decided to take a really melodic shit with crappy vocals, I
would have this album. 3

Syrrok: I was wondering when the “stab yourself in
the thigh with a fork” brand of horrible production would great me with
the customary kick to my nuts. Well wait no longer! It has arrived this
month in the form of Absence’s new album. I’m using this CD like Dolph
Lundgren did in “I Come in Peace.” Think about it. 1

Farlus: I zoned out so much during this album that
it was over before I knew it. That doesn’t say much for it. Sort of
thrashy and Haunted-ish, but it’s an insult to the Haunted to even
compare this band to them. 3

Desert Eagle: Reminds me a lot of ATG style
melodeath. You know, like SotS type stuff. Do you understand? If you
don’t, then you won’t. If you do, what’s up Ray? 7

The Abyss: This shit puts me to sleep. If I weren’t
afraid of insulting (and thus pissing off) numerous Swedish bands I’d
call this melodic death metal, but with the added notaion that it’s
nowhere near as good as the originals. 2

Chazz: I thought this was pretty decent, but the
more I listened to it, the more the songs started to run together. They
sound like they have a lot of potential and talent, but to me, the songs
never rise above “decent”. 5

Cryptopsy: Once was not Cryptopsy: Once was not

3.5 /10

Lord K: Another one of those bands that I never
gave a fuck about. Is “Cryptopsy” even a word? No matter what, the name
is arse. Uber-technical death metal isn’t one of my fave-styles and
Cryptopsy sure makes it stay that way. 4

Syrrok: The only thing going for them is that they
rocked pretty hard live. But I mean, I also though Hansen rocked live,
so what does that tell you? It tells ME that Cryptopsy have both a
ridiculous moniker and an even more ridiculous metal album. 3

Farlus: From curious to pissed off in under seven
tracks. Boring and uninspired. I have love for my brothers from up
North, but come on. You can do better than this. 3

Desert Eagle: Vocals really don’t get much worse
than this. I think I sang like that when I was five years old and had a
bad chest cold. Induced by mold. Or so I was told. 4

The Abyss: They’re talented (everyone says that so
it must be true) and fast. So in that case, why is the intro played so
sloppy, the production sounds like ass and why the fuck can’t I remember
a single fucking riff when I’m done listening? Because it’s Cryptopsy,
of course! 2

Chazz: “None So Vile” was a great album, this
isn’t. These guys have fuckloads of talent for being able to pull off
these songs, but the album is pretty hit and miss for me. Some good
songs, some not-so-good songs. 5

Grimfist: 10 Steps from hell Grimfist: 10 Steps from hell

3.3 /10

Lord K: Grimpenis aren’t very good and the fact
they have some decent riffs going on here and there won’t change that.
Pack yer arses out of my Audio Autopsy already. 3

Syrrok: Grimfist fucking suck. Join Confessor in the bar of failure. 1

Farlus: While at times the music can be grating and
repetitive, these guys do know how to write some really cool riffs.
Unfortunately, a cool part here and there in each song doesn’t make a
great album. It’s tying those cool parts together. This band doesn’t do
that well. 4

Desert Eagle: So these guys can’t really decide
what kind of music they are. It’s either black death or thrash. Hmm I
can’t really decide how bad they suck. 5

The Abyss: Damn I had alot higher expectations from
a band that has has Horgh drumming for them, sadly these expectations
are put to shame since I can’t really figure out what the fuck Grimfist
is trying to accomplish. The vocals are standard growls, the guitars
can’t really decide if they wanna rock out or blast like hell and the
drums are just… there. The bass? Who cares? This might improve with
time, though I doubt it. 3

Chazz: I got pretty tired of my buddy telling me
how great this band was, but he does usually have decent taste, so I
expected this to be some killer shit. I’ll never take his advice again.
To their credit there is about 8 or 9 seconds of killer riffing per
song. 4

Arcturus: Sideshow symphonies Arcturus: Sideshow symphonies

3.2 /10

Lord K: This is quite possibly the first time I
hear Arcturus. It also quite possible that I think it sucks alot of
fucken arse. Hairy arse. Incredibly shitty arse. The vocals are arse.
What do you expect from a guy called Simen? Eh… I don’t even know what
that means. But I know that “arse” isn’t what I wanna refer to when I
hear a band. 3

Syrrok: These guys make Masterplan and Helloween
look like fucken Macho Man Randy Savage. I have no idea what these guys
are trying to accomplish with their ridiculous power metal, but it sure
as hell won’t help you get through your day. In fact, it’ll probably
make you end your life. 2

Farlus: Good God. Are you serious? I couldn’t even
make it through the first song, and I tried hard. Really. I think even
Richard Simmons would call this shit gay. 1

Desert Eagle: These guys have an eight and a half
minute song, which is about 10 minutes too long. The singing sounds kind
of like Vintersorg but out of key and awful. Ugh, this is hurting me. 3

The Abyss: The cool thing about Arcturus is that
every album they make will be different then the others while still
retaining the psychotic carnival-feeling. “Sideshow symphonies” is not
as metallic as “The Sham mirrors”, instead it leans more towards the
utterly bizarre “La masquerade infernal” and no one could be happier
about it then me. Superb muscianship all across the board and new
vocalist Simen Hestnaes shows once again why he’s one of a kind with his
passionate and dramatic voice. 8

Chazz: I give these fucks some credit for their
musical talent, but I can’t get into this. Over the top power metal
which borders on ridiculousness… I don’t know what else to say. I’m sure
their live show is “fun”. By “fun” I mean gay. 2

Confessor: Unraveled Confessor: Unraveled

2.8 /10

Lord K: I clearly remember the impact that
“Condemned” had on me. That was tons of years ago. I also remember the
vocals being the most annoying shit since ass-blisters. This is not as
good an album, but it has it’s moments and the vocals aren’t as
irritating anymore. 6

Syrrok: Confessor fucking suck. Get off my winamp. 1

Farlus: This started off as some awesome doom (for
about 3 seconds), but the vocalist’s voice really got on my nerves.
After a few songs my ears did adapt and the music became more
listenable, but overall this album, like most doom, is just background
music for me. Interesting parts, but not that interesting as a whole. 4

Desert Eagle: Doom metal stands for slow and boring. This reminds me of a shitty ass slow version of Alice in Chains. Yikes. 2

The Abyss: Is this sludge? If so, I don’t like sludge. Do you think this is good? If so, you clearly have no fucking taste. 2

Chazz: I remember these guys putting out some
decent albums way back when. To quote the great Rudy Ray Moore (as
Dolemite), “What the shit is this?” 2

Helloween: Keeper of the seven keys: The legacy Helloween: Keeper of the seven keys: The legacy

2.0 /10*

Lord K: “Keeper of the seven Arses” part 1 and 2
are classics. We all know that. Then the fucken German idiots started
writing about dark rides, bubbles and rabbits and I never gave a shit
about them again. I also met guitarist Weicunt in Wacken once and I
hated him after 3 seconds. This album makes me hate him even more. 3

Syrrok: At this point I’m just trying to find
something useful to do with 3/ these tunes. It IS Halloween here in the
States as I am writing this, so perhaps when little kids ring the door
asking for candy I could instead give them the promo copy of Helloween’s
“Keeper of the Seven Keys, Part 3 (cuz part 1 and 2 just weren’t enough
i guess)” Those kids would probably gang up and murder my dog if I did
that. Nevermind. To the recycle bin with the other trash Helloween. 2

Farlus: Yeeeeah. Um, no. This metal is too upbeat
for an angsty music fan such as myself. Even beer can’t make this one
any better. The vocals just ruin it for me. 2

Desert Eagle: THEY HAVE A FUCKING 14 MINUTE SONG. THAT IS JUST NOT FAIR. 2

The Abyss: If your name’s Helloween, you are not,
repeat NOT allowed to start ANY album with a 14 min power metal-anthem.
Now go fuck yourself. 1

Chazz: “Keeper of the Seven Keys: part 2” was one
of the first albums I’ve ever owned I remember liking it so much, that I
even purchased the “I want Out” live cd. I’m glad I outgrew this shit
some 10 years ago, this album is better for laughs than it is for the
tunes. Just when power metal couldn’t get any gayer… 2

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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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