Audio Autopsy – May 2014

Audio Autopsy – May 2014

01/05/14  ||  Global Domination

Vampire: Vampire Vampire: Vampire


Habakuk: Easily wins this edition. Pretty much what Tribulation abandoned for a more progressive approach. 8

CadenZ: Energetic and groovy
Merciless/Nifelheim/Watain-worship. Entertaining as fuck, but I suspect
there’s not a whole lot of lasting value here. 7

Cobal: So old school is the new avant-garde or
something? Pretty decent death-thrash I had never heard of and that
reclaims our right to hoist vampires as part of the metal imagery. I
approve. 7

Ironpants: This is actually the only album I can truly recommend in this pile of shit. 9

Massacre: Back from beyond Massacre: Back from beyond


Habakuk: Surprisingly good for a rehash. 7

CadenZ: Groovy, thrashy death that somehow reminds
me of Vader. One of the better comeback records in recent history. Gotta
love those high-pitched screams! 7

Cobal: There’s a few hints these are death metal
veterans: for instance, their alleged old school death does make sense,
and that’s saying a lot these days. 8

Ironpants: Hell yes, death metal. I reviewed this shit , and to be honest with ya, I haven’t listened to the album since. But still, it’s the second best album in this AA. 7

Gamma Ray: Empire of the undead Gamma Ray: Empire of the undead


Habakuk: I have a weak spot for them, but that doesn’t cover up that there are some stinkers on here. 7

CadenZ: Why Hansen & co decide to cheese up their Edamer with Sabaton-pomp is beyond me, but then again – they’re German. 5

Cobal: I don’t know how I feel about having two
legit Helloweens releasing albums every year alternately. Having said
that, I’m much more into the speedier parts myself, even if they’re
nothing but reviving the best moments in “Walls of Jericho”. 6

Ironpants: Ramma Gay has made a new album. Careface. 5

Ribspreader: Meat hymns Ribspreader: Meat hymns


Habakuk: Can’t see anything wrong with it, which comes as no surprise with nothing noteworthy. 6

CadenZ: If I hadn’t heard it all before, this would be an awesome death metal record. Too bad, alas, and so forth. 5

Cobal: Take everything I said about Massacre,
scratch it and rewrite all the way round. The real problem with this one
is it totally feels written after a recipe. 4

Ironpants: Death metal located: Engage Rogga mode: Insert murky sound: Deliver grade 6

Kypck: Imena na stene Kypck: Imena na stene


Habakuk: I’m undecided on this, really. There is
some passion to be felt, but for something that I don’t understand a
word of, there just isn’t enough going on musically. 6

CadenZ: A bunch of Finns singing in Russian on top
of some kind of dopey mix of Triptykon, modern Alice in Chains and
Katatonia. Quite nice, but not even close to the quality their sources
of inspiration continually produce. 6

Cobal: Doom metal from Finland that goes all the
way with? Russian lyrics!? In fact this is much better when the singer
does the courtesy of keeping his mouth shut. 4

Ironpants: Finns playing doom metal with vocals in
Russian. Kypck translates to “Kursk”, the Russian city. But they should
have named the band “Цандлемасс”. 5

Animals As Leaders: The joy of motion Animals As Leaders: The joy of motion


Habakuk: Fruitjazz. 4

CadenZ: At times schizophrenic, at times massively
cohesive. Always looking ahead to new fusion horizons. Less djent and
more hooks and I might buy the next album. 6

Cobal: How someone can play so well and at the same
time “create” something so meaningless and ultimately mediocre is
beyond my understanding. I’d much rather listen to some garage act who
do have some guts. 2

Ironpants: When I was a kiddo, I listened very much
to albums with Vinnie Moore, Joe Satriani and Tony McAlpine until I
realized it sucked ass. Luckily for me Tosin Abasi with friends decide
to make it interesting again. Matt Garstka is also a very interesting
drummer. This works! 7

Bigelf: Into the maelstrom Bigelf: Into the maelstrom


Habakuk: I prefer Smallorc. 4

CadenZ: Spaced-out stoner prog misses the mark on
being catchy and heavy, thus failing in their ultimate quest of blending
Muse with Black Sabbath. 4

Cobal: Knowing about my music preferences, someone
had already recommended this band to me. What can I say, I’ve got a
weakness for the 60s and 70s vibe. Other than that, I think the album is
more than passable. Forever alone? 7

Ironpants: This was fresh! If you haven’t heard David Bowie, The Beatles and T-Rex that is… 4

Carnifex: Die without hope Carnifex: Die without hope


Habakuk: My need for Warhammer 40k references has
been covered since Realm Of Chaos, my need for breakdown-heavy death
metal since birth. 4

CadenZ: I will break down your breakdowns by
ramming my ham-sized fist so far up your ass that you can smell whose
crotch I touched this morning, mine or the Mrs’. 3

Cobal: So the suffix -core doesn’t always mean fag-friendly? Good to know. CoF have probably ruined piano use for everybody else. 7

Ironpants: I can’t listen to shit like this, but from what I heard, it was pretty brutal and generic. 5

Nocturnal Breed: Napalm nights Nocturnal Breed: Napalm nights


Habakuk: Recycled riffs and retarded vocals. Not convinced. 5

CadenZ: It’s like Tankard discovered black/thrash. I hate Tankard. 4

Cobal: Fun as this may be, it’s very difficult to
take it seriously, especially with those awful high-pitched vocals. That
dude is risking to get shot or something. 5

Ironpants: These guys were included in the S(crap)s section a while ago, I stand by my judgment. 5

Ektomorf: Retribution Ektomorf: Retribution


Habakuk: Pretending that I have never heard Soulfly, I can stand this for about 5 tracks. 5

CadenZ: Mensa has a new admission test: “Do you like Ektomorf?” “Ehhh, no?” “Welcome aboard!” 4

Cobal: I remember a clip from this guy in a Nuclear Blast DVD
compilation I probably shouldn’t have purchased in the first place.
“Show your pink” I think it was. Just like then, no syncopation will
prevent this from getting old after a few bars. Needless to say, I made a
heroic effort to listen to the whole freaking thing, even if some riffs
are actually not half bad. 4

Ironpants: Max Cavalera approved. 4

Gus G: I am the fire Gus G: I am the fire


Habakuk: Another episode of “who is…”. For some
reason this reminds me of The Offspring at times, which I used to be a
big fan of at the age of 14. 5

CadenZ: It’s fucken hard to go wrong with Mats
Levén on vocals, but songs that enter one ear and exit the next without
passing through the brain or the heart will do the trick. The other
songs…well, the guitar solos rock. 4

Cobal: To think I was complaining about Ektocunt. It better doesn’t get any worse than this. Damn! 2

Ironpants: Ok then, this fucker is the new thing,
and he actually got the shit. Yeah it’s hard rock, but the kid knows his
way around. Quality stuff if you are into that kind of stuff. I am not,
but I hear what I hear. 6

Lacuna Coil: Broken crown halo Lacuna Coil: Broken crown halo


Habakuk: Whatever, really. Just not my thang. 6

CadenZ: I have a hard time deciding which is more
sterile, the production of this album or an infertile guy whose had six
vasectomies and a transgender operation in the genital area. And the
music’s not far behind. 3

Cobal: I love Cristina Scabbia’s singing, really,
but I also feel these people have never been able to top “Comalies”.
That was 12 years ago goddamn it. 5

Ironpants: I like to think of myself as an open
minded dude… But I am beginning to wonder if I live in an misconception?
I just might be a sexist pig, as I have trouble with chicks singing in
metal. And in this case, I mean both of them. 3

Austrian Death Machine: Triple brutal Austrian Death Machine: Triple brutal


Habakuk: I love Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonations, and I hate this. Should tell you everything you need to know. 3

CadenZ: Like always, the songs are forgettable and
filled with thrice regurgitated and reused thrash riffs, while the
Arnold stuff is quite hilarious and barely justify ADM’s existence. Chill out, dickwad!!! 5

Cobal: Why never write a whole record based on one single gag: audio explanation. 4

Ironpants: The working name for the album was, “Killing is my business… and business was apprehended”. 3

Metsatöll: Karjajuht Metsatöll: Karjajuht


Habakuk: Mix Finnish shouting and a retarded horn and that’s what you get. Shockingly bad. 2

CadenZ: Don’t confuse this Baltic nonsense with the
noble language of Finland, Hab. Not that it would’ve done much
difference… Out-of-tune flutes, down-tuned death metal riffs and stupid
aggro shouting have seldom been mixed with this horrible a result. Steer
clear of this, mates. 2

Cobal: There was a time when I’d listen to a hell
of a lot folk metal releases and I think that gives me a different
perspective. The polka metal parts get to be truly annoying, but still, I
think there’s much more to it. This feels fully accomplished and well
thought, and the level of integration of the folk and metal parts – the
majority’s heel of Achilles – is way beyond average. 6

Ironpants: With a sound picture as thin as a
condom, the folk music luckily fail to penetrate my hymen. It’s fucken
sad that it’s almost worse than “Van Canto”. 2

Van Canto: Dawn of the brave Van Canto: Dawn of the brave


Habakuk: Dude. 2

CadenZ: The only thing heavy about this record is
my heart while listening to it. If you value your dignity, don’t fucken
mix a cappella and metal. 2

Cobal: Let’s get rid of the obvious here: They can sing. Is that enough to release metal
record? Probably not, let alone building up a whole career. How I feel
about this vocal ensemble is nearly the same as my thoughts about
Apocalyptica. A bunch of talented musicians join together to do
something that nobody else has – arguably. The result is curious and
appealing only to a few morbid ones always in search of “something
different”. In the end, only geeky covers remain. 4

Ironpants: Heavy metal band Van Canto is back and
this time around they present some true original own songs that are
super evil and cvlt. The song Paranoid is really heavy with its insane “DOOMDOOMDOOM” beginning. The song The final countdown grabs you by the balls with the eerie, almost black metal sound. The icing of the cake is the cover of the well known song Badabom that has been covered 100 times before, but Van Canto makes it really into one of their own. 1


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
%d bloggers like this: