Audio Autopsy – May 2012

Audio Autopsy – May 2012

01/05/12  ||  Global Domination

Meshuggah: Koloss Meshuggah: Koloss


Lord K: “The demon’s name is surveillance” is a
work of geniuses. To come up with something like that and not be
institutionalized shouldn’t be possible. Meshuggah are the goddamn kings
of this shit and with “Koloss” they have released their best album
since “Destroy, Erase, Improve”. Holy. Fuck. 9

Habakuk: I’m not too big on Meshuggah, but I see nothing wrong with this. 7

CadenZ: Even though the monotony of some tracks is a
little bit disappointing, the eerie majesty of “Behind the Sun” makes
this the best Meshuggah album since “Chaosphere”. And that’s saying a
lot. 8

Smalley: A pretty kolossal success for the ‘shugging ones if I don’t say so myself, knuckknuckknuck. Review. 8

BamaHammer: Not too bad. They’ve never been my
thing, though I’ve tried several times to get into them. I tried
checking out their entire back catalog once, but it’s so big I wasn’t
even able to put a djent in it. 7

Naglfar: Téras Naglfar: Téras


Lord K: One of my fave bands finally return with a
new album. And they just happen to have one of my fave drummers, Dirk
Verbeuren, doing session work on it too. Bound to be a success, huh?
While having a darker atmosphere than their previous efforts, this one
is not as “direct” and catchy as “Harvest”, but it’s fucken still some
of the finest black metal Sweden (and the world) ever produced. “Téras”
is destined to become a grower. 8

Habakuk: Aha… mhm, you don’t say! Well, if you’ve waited for this, then you’ll probably enjoy it even more than me. 8

CadenZ: Naglfar deliver what is expected: another
quality disc of malignant yet melodic black metal. Nothing new to see
here, but as the formula works there’s no need to change it. I sense
this to be a grower, so I’ll push the verdict up a notch. 8

Smalley: Dark, crushing, and bad-ass. 8

BamaHammer: It’s not like Naglfar could ever
release a bad album. This one took a while to grow, and it’s still not
as memorable as “Pariah”, but it’s pretty good. 7

Cannibal Corpse: Torture Cannibal Corpse: Torture


Lord K: To keep a band going for this long and
still not change (or compromise) the music the tiniest bit is fucken
impressive. Cannibal Corpse is the AC/DC of death metal. And I fucken
like it. 7

Habakuk: Whoa. Pretty damn good. I never liked
post-Barnes CC, but this is real great. A bit overpowering by sheer
force, but with enough great parts to stay interesting. 8

CadenZ: “Cage! Clitoris! Caaage! CLITOOORIIIIIIIIIIIIS!“ Huh? “Caged… Contorted”? My version’s better, fuck off. 6

Smalley: Gory, tr00, fun, smartly-done dumb death metal. 8

BamaHammer: Chugkachugkachugkachugka KILLERRRRRRRRRRR chugkachug ALBUUUUUUUUUM kachugkachugkachugkachug… 9

Spawn Of Possession: Incurso Spawn Of Possession: Incurso


Lord K: If you wanna take your death metal to the
absolute extreme, hang around in Spawn Of Possession’s rehearsal room
and take lessons. Absolutely fantastic insanity. 8

Habakuk: mmmust… crammm… mmmmore… nnnotes… in… 6

CadenZ: Back with a bang. Though I miss some of the
rawer brutality, this colder and more calculated design works as well.
Excellent musicianship and above-average songwriting. 7

Smalley: Relentless tech death insanity at its
finest, the best album of 2011 so far, and the highest score I’ve given
yet in an AA; ‘nuff said yet? Plus, Double D’s sure to hate it, so
that’s reason enough. 9

BamaHammer: Christian Münzner. That is all. 8

Asphyx: Deathhammer Asphyx: Deathhammer


Lord K: Asphyx’s getting better and better with
each new album, and “Deathhammer” is without doubt their finest offering
yet. Yep, it’s fucken true death metal as they claim it to be, and with
the legend van Drunen doing vocals, you can not really fail. 7

Habakuk: Given how they allegedly abhor progress,
it good to see them taking a step up from the “only” decent predecessor
again. The formula stays the same as always, of course. 8

CadenZ: This is the most monotone and boring record
I have ever heard in my life. I think. Every song is in the same key,
every riff sounds the same, every riff has been written and recorded by
seven million bands before this, probably by Asphyx themselves, on the
track before, and after the currently playing one. Fuck this stagnated
shit. Even though the tempo is sometimes dropped to doomy depths, the
riffs are still the same, just slower. I love the oldtimer dudes’ work
in many of their other bands, but this drone of consistent sameness is
just too much for me. And the kicks sound like shit. 2

Smalley: Get yo’ fucken headbang on!!! 8

BamaHammer: I never could get into “The rack” but
“Ze Desshammer” is quite surprising. One of the better albums I’ve heard
in 2012 all around. This truly is real death metal, you bastards. 9

Soulfly: Enslaved Soulfly: Enslaved


Lord K: One of the most useless bands I know. More
misses than hits, just like always with these guys. I’ll say what
everyone already knows: no one gives a shit about Soulfly and no one
gives a shit about Sepultura without Max. Just call it a day, both of
you. 4

Habakuk: Hang it up already. Except for the odd
positive outlier song, Soulfly’s constant caveman regression hasn’t
produced anything noteworthy for years. Let alone shit hair and lost
teeth. 5

CadenZ: Uh, what the fuck happened here? I was
expecting the usual Cavalera groove nu metal borefest, and we
get…well…death metal, sort of. What the fuck. And it’s pretty good as
well. What the fucken fuck. Bringing in Dave Kinkade on drums seems to
have been a genius move, ‘cause these blastbeats and double kicks really
raise the bar quite a bit. I’m impressed. This is probably the most
brutal record of Max’s career. Kudos, old dude. 7

Smalley: I’m hardly “enslaved” to regrets over Max
leaving Sep, but despite some mild improvements over the years, Soulfy
still remains just a middling band in general. 6

BamaHammer: Not entirely terrible. At all. I
actually enjoyed more than a few parts of this thing. Must be my
Cavalera man-crush from ’91 making another appearance. 6

Overkill: The electric age Overkill: The electric age


Lord K: I lost interest in Overkill after “Taking
over”. To hear them still churn out some well-produced thrash metal
after all these years puts a smile on my face. Bobby’s voice is still
hideously annoying and irritatingly likable while the music pummels
along all fine. 5

Habakuk: This is probably my winner for this month
despite strong competition. Blitz’ voice might need some getting used
to, but I’ve done that for about 12 years already. Now I enjoy his
bile-filled rants just as I enjoy the varied, aggressive thrashing. 8

CadenZ: The solos are good. There, I found something good about this mediocre thrash disc. 4

Smalley: A sterile, Andy Sneap-ripoff production
hurts yet another thrash record…? You don’t say. Not a big fan of those
Bon Scott-vocals, either. 5

BamaHammer: These guys were pretty decent like 90 years ago. They don’t really have “it” anymore, but they have something at least. 5

Municipal Waste: The fatal feast Municipal Waste: The fatal feast


Lord K: I like the fact that they remind me of Nuclear Assault at times. I don’t like the fact that I fucken hate “fun” thrash metal. 4

Habakuk: I had written these guys off I must say,
but this shit sounds like good, friendly, violent fun again. Not that
they changed much about what they do, they apparently just hung in there
a little more. 8

CadenZ: Skate thrash with some febrility and not
much to remember it by. I’ll pass, and dig out my old Suicidal
Tendencies records instead. 4

Smalley: Most neo-thrash fails to grab me, and
Waste is no exception; you’d really be better off just popping in “Among
the living” again. 6

BamaHammer: I’ve never cared much for Municpal
Waste’s schtick, and “The anal feast” does nothing to change my mind.
Hilariously awful cover though. 3

Epica: Requiem for the indifferent Epica: Requiem for the indifferent


Lord K: The production is kinda shitty, the cunt’s
vocals are kinda fine and the rest of this package is kinda very fucken
not doing much for me. 4

Habakuk: What these guys… – no, let me start over again. What this girl
has going for her is that she doesn’t sound forced at all. The problem
is, the band as a whole has nothing really going for it. 5

CadenZ: Besides beautiful ballad “Delirium” – with
simple yet exquisite choir arrangements and a nice build-up to a classy
guitar solo – all of “Requiem” finds me indifferent to its bland and
one-dimensional symphonic goth/power metal. Drop the balls and go
full-out gay and melodic and I’ll maybe even buy your record, or at
least not delete it right away from my HDD. 5

Smalley: (insert bland joke about album’s seemingly self-aware title being accurate here) 5

BamaHammer: This is the best Therion record I’ve heard in a while. 4

Ministry: Relapse Ministry: Relapse


Lord K: I always thought Ministry sucked. Listening to “Relapse” reminds me why. 3

Habakuk: Seems like they found a good catchiness/aggression ratio this time. If you’re not allergic to drum computers, give it a go. 7

CadenZ: Industrial bile and aggression with the silliest lyrics this side of Weird Al Yankovic. Still not my cup of teabag. 3

Smalley: Just fucken pull the plug on Ministry
already Al, you guys haven’t really been good in forever, and this is
only further shitting on your legacy. Review. 5

BamaHammer: This makes “Illud Divinum Inmyanus” sound like Beethoven. 2

Adrenaline Mob: Omerta Adrenaline Mob: Omerta


Lord K: Seems like the whole world is hating on
poor fucko Portnoy these days. I guess he can blame no one but himself.
This is just more ammunition for the haters. Weak, American bullshit
rock. 2

Habakuk: Streamlined, americanized version of Mustasch. Decent, but not good enough. 5

CadenZ: Quality but dull aggro/groove metal with
great musicians and vocalists (nice guest spot by Lizzy Hale on the
Duran Duran (!) cover “Come Undone”). Grows old quick. 5

Smalley: I’d rather just read Portnoy bicker with
the “13 year-olds” on Blabbermouth some more than listen to this dated
piece of nu, “tough guy” MTV-metal again. Still better than choosing to record with Avenged Sevenfold, at least. 4

BamaHammer: Glad I don’t have to put up with anymore Mike Portnoy tomfoolery in this AA… 2

God Forbid: Equilibrium God Forbid: Equilibrium


Lord K: My ass just exploded again and my house is
covered in shit. Again. Someone please, please, please fucken make all
of these American modern metal bands go away. 3

Habakuk: …God forbidden, God! Forbid! God! Forbidden! 5

CadenZ: God forbid that I need to listen to this again. 2

Smalley: Yet another metalcore record, and yet another unsatisfied listener. 4

BamaHammer: “Awesome! A new God Forbid album,” said no one ever. 2

Flying Colors: Flying colors Flying Colors: Flying colors


Lord K: These Flying Cockmunchers can fly to wherever the fuck it’s possible I never have to hear them again is. Die. 2

Habakuk: Album Oriented Grandpa Rock. 4

CadenZ: Prog all-star project (progect?) delivers
OK songwriting endorsed with a moderately sheepish vocal delivery by
McPherson & Morse, and too-tight drumming that doesn’t groove a la
Portnoy. Props for the cool slap bass line on “Forever in a Daze”. 5

Smalley: Another weak Portnoy side-project in the same fucken month? Dammit man, pace yourself; you’re gonna run out of lame bands to drum for! 4

BamaHammer: Please, no more Portnoy! And this one’s
even worse! Crappy, annoying rock. I made it through about 45 seconds
before I realized I was about to commit suicide. At least the vocals are
horrible. 1

Blaze Bayley: The king of metal Blaze Bayley: The king of metal


Lord K: If BB is the King Of Metal I am the Queen Of Hairy Anuses. Get the FUCK out of here. 2

Habakuk: He’s really asking for it with that title, isn’t he. Well guess what, this sucks on a massive scale – especially the vocals. And I like his Maiden albums. 2

CadenZ: One of the numerous singers with zero
self-insight in the music world, Blaze Gayley dubs himself the king of
metal and even dry seal anuses laugh at him. Or maybe he dubbed his
cock. I don’t care. He sucks and this mix of traditional heavy metal and
System of a Down is a disgrace. Fuck. You. In. Ass. 2

Smalley: Where’s your crown, King Nothing? 5

BamaHammer: When I woke up today, I thought to myself, “Today’s gonna suck, but at least I won’t have to hear a new Blaze Bayley album”. 2


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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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