Audio Autopsy – May 2009

Audio Autopsy – May 2009

01/05/09  ||  Global Domination

Candlemass: Death magic doom Candlemass: Death magic doom


Lord K: You have to admire the longevity of this
band. They have definitely had their up’s and downs and some albums
released in the past sure didn’t deserve to have “Candlemass” written
all over them. But hey, shit’s different now. Superhero/mainman Leif and
his cohorts have really shaped up over the course of the last few
albums, and the change from the fat monk to Rob Lowe (the fucken guy
from “Youngblood”, you know) has obviously done them good vocal-wise.
Leif cooked up a fine piece of doom (opener “If I ever die” is hardly a
tune suitable for a doom album though, fucko) with this here album.
Ofcourse it’s not a masterpiece like the first 4 full-lengths, but still
it’s a very solid disc and I’m happy to see that Leif’s still got the
spark to create music. He’ll outlive us all, I’m sure of it. Good work,
old man. Tap your band mates on their shoulders and compliment them as
well. Especially Mappe. I love Mappe. 7

Kampfar: “If I ever die” is close in being the
worst song title I’ve seen this far into existence. And, I don’t exactly
dig the song either. Or this album very much, though I have to admit we
are dealing with a through and through quality product here. Just not
my kind of quality exactly. 6

The Duff: I’ve yet to understand the appreciation
for The ‘mass. I’ve been attempting to get into their first two albums,
and all I can come up with is that they are albums of their time that
don’t hold up well in present times. I know that K is going to rape my
mouth now. “Death Magic Doom” is a faster Candlemass than I’m used to,
and more relevant; it’s actually pretty good, making me wonder what all
the beef with their recent outputs is over. Killer vocals that are quite
flat relative to virtuoso metal vocalists but with manly balls of manly
from Manville gruffness that makes everything more appetizing than what
I’ve heard off the early albums. Yeah, some solid doom, for sure;
listen to Hammer of Doom for an example of why this band has yet to
throw in the towel. 7

Abyss: Leif Edling impressed me last month with his
solo-album and this time it’s Rob Lowe’s turn to make me eat my
proverbial boots. I wasn’t very fond of his work in “King of the grey
vaginas” and when I saw Candlemass live at House of Metal 2008 I kept
wishing for the Robed One to appear and kick Lowe of the stage. But now…
fuck, I don’t know if I’ve heard Candlemass this fired up and focused
since the first four albums. Every single song here has something to
bring to the table and Rob’s vocal work really shines in both sound and
melodic hooks. Bands usually say that “This album is our most extreme”
but in Candlmass case I think it’s fucking true. Mappe and Lasse deliver
some of the best (and fastest) riffs I’ve heard from the band while
still sounding heavier then the proverbial hammer of doom. Outstanding! 9

Seker: A slightly darker and more cavernous
production would do wonders for the vital Candlemass doom quotient, but
this is hardly a bad album by any stretch of the imagination. It’s
pretty much “King of the Grey Islands II: The Quickening”, and I’m
certainly not complaining. If you’re into Candlemass’ slightly more
driving new stuff with Robert Lowe on vocals, you’ll be into this. 7

Thanatos: Justified genocide Thanatos: Justified genocide


Lord K: Thrash till dess!!! Death metal till dess
too!!! I can’t really say much more than “thumbs up for the energy, but
you are not quite there yet for me”. I give some of the guys in the band
a fucken 9 for being cool fuckers though, but the score for Thanatos stays at a: 6

Kampfar: “Justified genocide” is still an energetic
piece of death/thrash I dig quite hard. In other words, I stand behind
every word I wrote here: 8

The Duff: There are bits I really dig, bits that
get nothing out of me. The vocals sure as shit aren’t helping. As for
justified genocide, my vote goes to the English embodying the
non-politically correct version of retarded. 6

Abyss: Never heard of this band before two members
started up Hail of Bullets with Ed Warby and van Drunen and all sorts of
massacres unfolded. Thank fuck for HOB
because without them I would totally have missed Thanatos and their very
catchy and well-executed brand of death metal. It’s to the point, hits
hard and sounds delicious. Much recommended! 8

Seker: Thanatos have been putting out high quality
thrashy death metal (or rather, deathy thrash metal) for more than two
decades, and this album doesn’t break the pattern at all. If that
doesn’t make you want to check out this album, consider this: the two
guitarists from this band play in Hail of Bullets. There, now you’re
interested, right? 7

Wolf: Ravenous Wolf: Ravenous


Lord K: Wolf is a fucken ace heavy metal band and
extremely nice people to boot. These 2 things usually end up in good
music. Sure, Niclas’ nose-vocals (haha, nose-vocals?!) is a love or hate
thing and I’m fucken lucky I have come to accept them or Wolf would
have been superiorly fucked with me. This album’s got some huge fucken
hit tunes (“Curse you Salem” and “Hail Ceasar” to name but two) and the
remaining ones are of highest heavy metal standards. They carry the flag
of heavy metal real fucken high. 8.

Kampfar: “Ravenous” doesn’t instigate an urge to
howl at the moon in my case but if plain old heavy metal floats your
boat so could damn well happen in yours. 6

The Duff: This is really good power metal – regular
fare, I don’t like such music, but it’s fun through and through. I
might get on at them for the Maiden plagiarism on tracks like “Curse You
Salem” and “Ravenous”, but overall this band doesn’t take itself too
seriously and waves the metal flag high. They get an extra point for the
lyric There is only one God anyway/And it’s meeeyeeeyeah-yeah
sure, it’s a song about Ceasar, but when taken out of the context of
the song it’s easy to picture the balls-out frontman singing about
himself. 8

Abyss: Heavy fucking metal all the fucking way to
hell and back. That’s the best summary I can make of Sweden’s Wolf. The
amps are set to 11 and the choruses and riffs are razor sharp. If you
can live with the very nasal singer you will love “Ravenous”. This album
will be heard on all the festival camps this summer. 7

Seker: Hey, this kind of sounds like Mercyful Fate!
Mercyful Fate are one of my favorite bands, so it naturally follows
that I would like this band. They’re certainly not the most original
band out there, but I enjoyed this a lot more than a lot of the abject
feces that was in this AA. 6

Depressed Mode: For death Depressed Mode: For death


Lord K: Am I the only one reading “Depeche Mode”
when I see this moniker, huh? This is definitely harder than anything
their role models for the name have released, “Ultra” included. Pianos,
strings and brutal death metal riffs is a great combination if done
right, and Depressed Mode are doing it quite right, for sure. The vocals
leave room for improvement but as a whole this definitely works and I’m
fucken glad someone pointed me towards this band. I seriously have no
info whatsoever about them, but why the FUCK do I think they are Finnish? I have to look these fuckers up more closely. 8

Kampfar: I very much enjoyed this offering for one
song, then the liberal use of a very synthetic synth mixed 4 nods higher
than recommended got on my nerves. In other words, the feel of plastic
dampened my enthusiasm as a stinking cunt does my mighty erection.
Before I go, and after as well, think of this as experimental extreme
metal light. 5

The Duff: I can see fans of recent Septic Flesh
loving this stuff, really not much difference between “For Death” and
“Communion”. I wasn’t so keen on the latter, but I could understand the
combination of absolutely terrifying vocals (not the In Flames-like
cleans; they’re not scary, are they) and soul moving music that sounded
larger than life at times being a very potent one, and very original. So
that leaves me with a good impression, indifference to pursue the band
and a slight question as to its worth considering it does sound so
identical to a very unique band that has worked hard to carve its own
style. 6

Abyss: I think this is the first time I hear
oppressive doom coupled together with fast US-style death metal. Cheeky
name aside, I must say that I’m very impressed with how this band weaves
those two, seemingly disparate, elements together into something that
is not only coherent but also damn good, not to mention original. I
seriously dig this. 8

Seker: Oh cool, it’s Depeche Mode! No, wait, it’s
just some generic “symphonic” crap. What’s some symphonic about
symphonic metal, anyway? When was the last time you heard a symphony
that only featured synthesized string instruments playing Korn songs? 3

Brutal Truth: Evolution through revolution Brutal Truth: Evolution through revolution


Lord K: We all know about that “Extreme penises
demand extreme vaginas” album, right? And we also love that fucken piece
of plastic, right? I sure as fuck do and still I had no hopes
whatsoever for a new effort from Brutal Truth. When they unleashed said
classic recording the thing they did was kinda refreshing and new back
then, let’s all agree on that. Nowadays the scene is over-crowded with
bands outplaying Brutal Truth in their own field and this disc here is a
very clear proof of it. It hurts me that a band like Believer gets a
higher score than some old fave band of mine, but hey… fuck you. That’s
just the… ehum… brutal truth. 2

Kampfar: Take this 8 I giveth with a grain of salt,
this is AA after all, but fuck knows it feels genuinely good to welcome
Brutal Truth back from their 10+ years away. And this from a guy who
happen to despise re-unions on par with new and improved medicines. Fuck
humanity. Ok, back on track already. “Evolution through revolution” is
energetic grind in your face, and then some, though not as “and then
some” as neither “Need to control” nor “Sounds from the animal kingdom”.

The Duff: Not my style of grind, but some real
class groove riffs combined with the usual upper-tier intensity. I know
these guys get raved about all over the place, and I can understand why,
I simply prefer the Nasums and Rotten Sounds of the grind world. 7

Abyss: Brutal truth sound like the first half of
their name and I liiiike it! For being 2300 years old I’m really pleased
to hear such vibrant and violent grindcore from Danny Lilker and Co.
While not fastest, most original or visceral, BT still sounds good; a propertie easily forgotten in the world of grind. 7

Seker: This pretty much sounds like what you would
expect a new Brutal Truth album after twelve years of silence to sound
like. It’s all right, just like the new Napalm Death stuff is all right,
but it’s definitely not essential. I guess you could pick it up if
you’re into this kind of thing, but I don’t think buying random pieces
of plastic you don’t need is very environmentally friendly. 6

My Dying Bride: For lies I sire My Dying Bride: For lies I sire


Lord K: MDB is seriously one of those bands I have never listened to. I know I owned (actually borrowed
from someone who never got it back) a nice looking long-sleeve by them
some hundred years ago that had some cool Latin shit written on the
arms, and that’s pretty much my biggest connection to them. So, here’s
the question? What is this driveling fake-doom shit? Some nice guitar
harmonies can’t save this band alone. My Dying Bride? My Dull Band is
more like it, bitch. And the goddamn vocals man… Get the fuck out of
here. 3

Kampfar: My Dying Bride is soon to visit a theater near you. Put an entirely different way, I like the music but not the vocals. 5

The Duff: I have a very odd relationship with The
Brides. I’ve heard their masterpiece (“Turn Loose the Swans”) and hated
it, and I’ve heard “Songs of Darkness, Words of Light” and fucken loved
it. On top of that, I have three quarters of their discography in my
collection thus far not listened to, yet I still shelled out for this
new one. A bit of nitty-gritty GD gossip for you there. I heard violins,
and I came; no, wait, I don’t give a fuck. I think it’s safe to say I
prefer recent MDB, ‘cos this is some good stuff – a grower like my cock. What a title, what an album cover, what a review. 8

Abyss: MDB are usually a
quality act, churning out albums that are walking the knife’s edge
between pretentious and heartfelt. Usually they fall on the right side
of said knife. This time around things are pretty much the same as the
last album, with one big honkin’ exception. The violin is back! That
alone warrants 1 extra point. I haven’t been truly truly touched by MDB
since “Turn loose the swans” but very seldom have I been disappointed.
That still hasn’t changed but something about “For lies I sire” gives me
the impression that there’s more to it if I just keep listening. Thus
they receive a… 7

Seker: I fully expected absolute audio excrement
when I first put this one on, but it actually surprised me by being
really quite good. I might even pick this up: it doesn’t even really
sound like “As the Flower Withers” or “Turn Loose the Swans”, but it
does sound like solid, solid doom metal apart from the slightly alt-rock
choruses. 7

Torture Killer: Sewers Torture Killer: Sewers


Lord K: They are better than Six Feet Under, but
that’s not saying much – any band is better than Six Feet Under by
default. But TK’s got themselves some nicely put-together death metal
tunes and they sure deserve to have you listen to them. 7

Kampfar: It’s a well known fact that the best Six
Feet Under album, namely “Swarm”, wasn’t made by them at all. Or, it
featured the retardation known as Chris Barnes on vokills, so what I
just claimed isn’t entirely true. Only almost. Put short, “Swarm” is a
quite OK, competent and hard hitting platter of mid-tempo death holding
close to zero surprises. Not a favorite, but decent nonetheless. Oh,
almost forgot, Chris “I’ve got dreadful dreads” Barnes is no longer to
be found behind the mic. 6

The Duff: This is alright – not too exciting. 5

Abyss: Finland’s version of Six Feet Under are
back, this time without Chris Barnes and just like on “Swarm” I’m very
pleased with the songwriting. The riffs are just retarded enough to make
me envision cavemen banging the beat to “Rats can sense the murder” but
without loosing the sharp creativity that makes the majority of the
songs on “Sewers” keep my head nodding. Not really sure who the new
singer is (some local talent?) but he sounds well enough. Nothing
amazing but better then Barnes at least. 7

Seker: These guys are practically a Six Feet Under
tribute band, so that’s like a knock-off of a knock-off. Fortunately,
they honestly are a fairly decent band, though a tad repetitive and
“safe” sounding. If you like mid-paced death metal with a bit of a
rockish feel, you might like this. 5

Pestilence: Resurrection macabre Pestilence: Resurrection macabre


Lord K: Pestilence is baaaaaaaack, muthafuckers!!!
It’s an (expected) shame though since “Resurrection macabre” is a feeble
attempt at recreating the days before the band turned to shit (which is
pretty much right after “Consuming impulse”). Mameli’s vocals are
unbearable, overly processed and weak. Some riffs hint at old glory
times but fail to capture it. “Dehydrated II”?! Man… I’m not shy to give
Mameli some shit becoz he fucken deserves it thanx to various idiotic
statements that he pisses out at any given chance. What happened with
C-187? Didn’t sell any records? I wonder why… This “band” feels fucken
dishonest, to say the least. At least Wildoer is doing a fucken terrific
job behind the kit, and that’s the best part of the album together with
the killer cover by Statik Majik. Yep, this resurrection is macabre. Pestilence should have stayed dead. Martin van Drunen vs Patrick Mameli = 666-0. 4

Kampfar: Hmm, my re-unions-should-be-avoided-stance
finds itself under serious stress this month. No, no, this isn’t
Pestilence best effort ever, but you can bet on it being their most
hard-hitting and brutal one to date. A lot, even. 8

The Duff: Probably the best since the one before
the last one. I’m impressed with quite a bit of the material here, but
there needs to be more variation – it can get pretty damn repetitive,
and not because of the material on a track-to-track basis but more
because it feels like there are only three riffs to a track. Patrick
Mameli, the name, reminds me of Mammal Sauce, which is awesome – one
point. 7

Abyss: Pestilence may be legendary but on
“Resurrection macabre” you can only glimpse why at times. It sounds
okey, but had this been a debuting band I don’t think they would’ve made
much of a splash outside of the immediate circle. 6

Seker: My name’s Patrick Mameli and I hate death met-OH WAIT
my shitty rapcore project failed I guess I better pretend the 90s never
happened and make a really boring death metal album, tarnishing my
original bands flawless legacy all in one swift motion! 4

Ribspreader: Opus ribcage Ribspreader: Opus ribcage


Lord K: As always; fantastic fucken vocals combined
with quite shitty death metal. Give this guy a fucken great band to
sing with coz his talent is not coming to any good use. How many times
do I have to say this? Bloodbath – call Rogga! And call him now. 4

Kampfar: “Opus ribcage” is totally OK, very manly
and not at all gay, but you should rather spend your money on
Paganizer’s “Scandinavian warmachine”. Now that’s a fine album. 6

The Duff: Nice album title. Can’t believe I’m back
reviewing Ribspreader for AA, as it was some time ago I heard them last
and I didn’t figure they’d be a band to stick around this long. So
vocalist Rogga (from the GD forums) receives a lot of respect from the
Lord, and it’s obvious why – you like it guttural and shit-pants scary,
you’ll dig the vocals on “Opus Ribcage”, a mix of Amon Amarth and death
metal regular affair. The music is Swedish death of the typical kind,
and not bad all in all; don’t know why such an album would get these
guys any exposure though in this competitive scene for pushing the
boundaries – like Frosted Shreddies, you’re better off with Shreddies
milk and sugar. I don’t know what that means. 6

Abyss: Rogga knows his shit and with recent outputs
he seems to have become better at sifting through his ideas and not go
for the first best riff. This of course means that the quality on the
albums have become much more even. This is death metal made to play on a
sunny balcony with a beer in hand in the summer. Vacation metal. 6

Seker: Fairly competent retro Swedish death metal
in the new millennium. It’s better than Bloodbath’s latest if you ask
me, and you’re sort of asking me by reading this review. If you like
Swedish death metal, you’ll probably enjoy this. 6

Samael: Above Samael: Above


Lord K: I started to take a liking in Samael when
they turned their backs on their shit black metal/whatever style and
started to play around with electronics and groove. This album is
supposedly a walk back to Memory Lane and I will never understand why
they chose to do that on this album. I hope order is restored on the
next release coz this gives me fuck all. 3

Kampfar: The last time I heard from Samael they
fiddled around with electronics/electronica/dildos/whatever happens to
be the correct term. They did it good, but I remember being put off by
the vocals. So is not the case speaking “Above”. Yep, I like the
sneer(s) but haven’t yet decided if I like or dig the somewhat necro
black metal it copulates with. 7

The Duff: Okay, so I don’t know much about
industrial black; the closest I’ve brushed with such a sub-sub-genre
(yes, I’m being ridiculous) is probably Blut Aus Nord. This here is a
lot more traditional than probably the only band that has ever managed
to sonically represent death. Pretty good, actually, and that sums it
up. No gags here, as much as I try to surpass myself with everything I
do each and every time. Yup, you guessed it, EVEN WHEN MASTURBATING. ROTFFLWCIMEGISFG. 6

Abyss: Back to the roots only work if you actually
cherish your roots. Samael has made it a point to piss all over their
death metal origins with albums like “Eternal” and “Passage”. Now that
they’ve decided to play some kind of hybrid of the old death style and
the new electronica style the result is just cluttered style. Deluxe. It
doesn’t feel genuine by any means and that’s what made both “Ceremony
of opposites” and “Eternal” great albums but for different reasons. The
heart was in ‘em. This is just sterile. Like piss. 4

Seker: First Samael were a classic black metal
band, then they were kinda like Rammstein for people with pointy goatees
and ponytails, and now they’re sort of a really fast Marduk-style
melodic black metal band. I didn’t see that one coming, but this is
actually fairly good. An even bigger surprise than My Dying Bride,
though not quite as good. Also, Vorph sounds a lot like Jon Nödtveidt on
this album. 7

Mantic Ritual: Executioner Mantic Ritual: Executioner


Lord K: I fucken hate new bands trying to recapture the days of old, especially
if it’s fucken thrash metal we are talking about. These pricks sound
like Metallica and Exodus – exactly what they are aiming for. The
problem is that I have been listening to those bands for fucken 20+
years and it’s not like a new act made of kids will make me prefer them
before the originals, you know. 4

Kampfar: If in love with 80’s thrash, Mantic Ritual
and you could very well end up as buddies. I’m not dying inside whilst
listening to “Executioner” either, but overly excited I am not. And the
reason why is because their simple formula bores me when solos and shit
aren’t present. Also, the vocalist is kind of crappy. In fact, this is
just the kind of vocals that’ve made me not like early thrash very much
for 3 decades now. 5

The Duff: Decent thrash – catchy vocals, average riffs; nothing more, nothing less as far as I can tell. 6

Abyss: Retro thrash with more than a few ques
stolen from various idols. This may not be Mantic Ritual’s fault, but
I’m getting pretty tired of this retro-thrash thing because when even
the production sounds 1986, why not just listen to the old albums to
begin with? 5

Seker: More like this band should be executed…
actually, this isn’t bad. You could probably just listen to Anthrax and
Vio-Lence to get this same sort of stuff, but it’s better than most of
these new retro-thrash bands. 5

The Agonist: Lullabies for the dormant mind The Agonist: Lullabies for the dormant mind


Lord K: But for fuck’s SAKE! Did anyone hear how this album sounded
production-wise before releasing it? I thought not. The chick’s vocals
are nice and quite uncommon in semi-technical death metal (something
like that), but the whole thing is a fucken mess. with more lows than
highs. 4

Kampfar: The Agonist is a quality metal-core act
with an impressive vocalist named Alissa on board. But, as we all know,
quality metal-core translates to tolerable and at times good in the real
world. Listen up guys and girl, drop said crutch and develop the other
parts of your music instead. At least give it a try. 5

The Duff: Ace musicianship, boring music – there
are some good riffs, and this isn’t quite metalcore (some parts remind
me of Arsis, Lamb of God and stuff), but the vocals, lack of soul,
Evanescence, same old shit, dime a dozen, suck my balls. Please. 4

Abyss: It’s always nice to hear women sound like 2½
men when singing and in the case of The Agonist the girl
growling/singing makes a real sound case for why metal chicks should let
go of the bass/keyboard and start doing more screaming. While the music
isn’t terribly original, some kind of half-spastic/half mellow take on DEP-style
post-HC, Alissa outshines most of the bands potential flaws. A good
variation in the growls keep the songs from getting too repetitive, a
common risk in this kind of music. If The Project Hate was less extreme,
less creative and were Canadian I’d say that The Agonist compares to
them. But for playing melodic death/mathcore The Agonist is a hell of a
lot better then the rest. 7

Seker: Do all these metalcore bands have the same
vocal coach or something? I mean, fuck! Also, I’ll take my In Flames
without breakdowns, Evanescence vocals, and hardcore idiocy, thank you. 4

Delain: April rain Delain: April rain


Lord K: Ofcourse I dig the gal’s vocals – she’s
fucken ace dammit! The rest of Delain’s ingredients aren’t complete shit
either. Radio-friendly cheese metal with tons of catchy hooks, a few
gallons of semen and some (much to my fucken surprise) nice male vocals.
Yeah, it hurts to admit it – but I dig it quite a fucken bit (should
come as no fucken surprise to any of you idiots), as you can see by the
score: 8

Kampfar: Delain is a gothic orchestra featuring a
hot redhead on vocals, this a gal with actual talent for a change. A bit
generic her approach is, sure thing, but the lady got the grips. I’d
also like to mention that “April rain” sports a grand as in pumped up
production, one enabling the music to fill your room even when played on
a modest volume. Provided you have a pair of decent speakers, of
course. And, a couple of nice riffs dressed up in a rather fine buzz is
also to be heard. A couple, as in literally. So, gothic boredom with a
shine of quality then. Roadrunner is such an arse label. Fuck off. 4

The Duff: I was really hopeful an album like this
wouldn’t crop up as it has done the past three or four editions on which
I’ve featured. Whoever selects the albums is taking the piss somewhere.

Abyss: Foofy shit, you know it, I know it. Delain
surely knows it. There’s something about the singers voice that I
love/hate, can’t really put my finger on it, but it leaves me on the
fence about the band as a whole. The songs are ok, Within
Temptation-catchy, so it comes down to Charlotte and like I said… I
dunno. 5

Seker: It’s hard for me to review this fairly
considering that I find everything that sounds remotely like this to be
an abomination and aural form of A.I.D.S… so I’m not even going to try.
This sucks, plain and simple. If you’re into Evanescence, but often
think to yourself “Gee, I wish this sucked just a little bit more”, then go kill yourself. Or you could buy this, I guess. 2

Queensrÿche: American soldier Queensrÿche: American soldier


Lord K: And this band used to be so fucken awesome…
Not even Geoff Tate sound inspired anymore. And don’t have me started
on the concept of this crap… 3

Kampfar: When I was young boy, 11 or so,
Queensryche was by many a metaller held as the very definition of
awesome. Immature me did not agree at all, “you are all a bunch of
bullcrap people into a bullcrap band”, I thought. Since then I have of
course matured, 20 years do that to a man, and the very proof of this
follow after this very punctuation. Queensryche is an ejaculator of
quality bull-semen. Thing is, I happen to have no use for that. 4

The Duff: Surprised these guys are still going
after the very negative response to their follow-up to the “Operation:
Mindcrime” concept album… “Operation: Mindcrime Deux, This Time It’s
Shit”. I don’t know any Queensryche, but this is okay – reminds me of
Faith No More in places. You take the good, you take the bad, and you’re
left with a solid album; some great solos, taking us back to the Golden
Age. I wonder what the album’s about? 6

Abyss: Not as good as before, mmmkay? Let’s just leave it at that. 4

Seker: Support our troops by shooting the members
of Queensrÿche! Also, you can’t put an umlaut over a y! Also, just
listen to “Operation: Mindcrime” again and pretend the ‘rÿche’s tour bus
exploded on the “Empire” tour! Also, cocks! 2

Ajattara: Noitumaa Ajattara: Noitumaa


Lord K: Statik Majik, co-owner of GD, has raved
about this band for like a thousand years. Or wait, maybe that was
Catamenia? Either way, he’s more likely to get something out of this
Finnish-sung, completely devoid of anything metal bullshit than I ever
will be. Absolute horseshit and then some. I would like to take this CD,
put it in a plastic bag and piss on it. Then send it to whatever label
released it. Wow. I will never get the joke. 1

Kampfar: This very autumn I’m gonna eat copious
amounts of mushrooms, Amanita muscaria and psilocybe fungus the bastards
up for consumption, and I’ll probably wank a lot too. Other than that,
well, I happen to completely agree with what Baalzamon666 wrote here: 7

The Duff: I don’t know why the fuck I’m enjoying
some of this; it’s dark as fuck, but can also come across as entirely
retarded. I don’t mean in the politically correct manner, either.
Admirable for trying something unusual, but I don’t much care for your
ideologies and thoughts on black metal’s power as an artform and
blablabla when it can sound all ridiculous as pig-shit in a blender; you
need fucken distorted guitars, dammit – Ajattara is evidence of how
terrible the music can be despite your heart and soul being entirely
into raping nuns and running away from Harvey Keitel. Oh wait, those
were Mexicans not Satanists. 4

Abyss: What the fuck is this shit? Has Ajattara
listened too much to Ulver’s “Kveldsanger” and decided to do a Finnish
version? Well, epic fail on them, and bleeding bored ears for me. 2

Seker: This is just about the silliest thing I’ve
ever heard. If weirdos yelling in some moon language over acoustic
clanking is your idea of fun, check out Finntroll’s “Visor Om Slutet”
instead, because this is fucking terrible. Proof that unique!=good by
any stretch of the imagination. 2

Believer: Gabriel Believer: Gabriel


Lord K: I was a huge fan of these idiots (hey, they
are christians) back in the day when I devoured anything thrash metal.
Now I wonder what possibly could have happened to make them feel a need
to come back with “Gabriel”? Blessed (haha) with a shit production and
devilishly (hoho, I win) crappy songs, Believer should only believe in
calling it quits permanently. Your fucken saviour is dead and so is your
music. 3

Kampfar: It’s been 16 years since Believer last
released a full-length and I happen to not have missed their thrash even
the tiniest of bits. Sure, “Gabriel” is a galaxy or two away from being
the worst shit I’ve ever heard, but, apart from a couple of nice
details spread throughout, it makes this ensemble come across as
outdated on par with their filthy belief’s. Metal Blade should stop
spending time, money and effort on mediocrity such as this. Trust me, I
know best. 5

The Duff: The killer opening thrash riff on this
album really took me aback, as with a band name like Believer, I was
expecting the suckage that was to follow (jokes). Gifted musicians, but
music that has no value as metalcore/thrash with whiny vocals was losing
its way five years ago assuming you ever liked bands like Trivium; the
minimal synth is real unnecessary too. Not terrible, riffs range from
average to good, but you know your time should be spent elsewhere. 4

Abyss: Melodic death metal + hardcore with HC vocals. Sound familiar? Yeah, I bet. Boooooring. 1

Seker: On the first song, Believer say that their
eyes are sewn shut… I wish my ears were sewn shut after hearing this
mess! It’s like Cynic, only gay (and that’s hard to pull off). 3


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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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