GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – May 2008

Audio Autopsy – May 2008

01/05/08  ||  Global Domination

Septic Flesh: Communion Septic Flesh: Communion

7/10

Lord K: Septic Flesh or Septicflesh? Fuck if I know
and fuck if I care. “Communion” is ace death metal without a doubt. I
didn’t see this coming but as soon as this album is over I’m putting it
on yet again for another dose of the same treatment. Definitely the
biggest surprise in this edition of Audio Autopsy. First tzatziki, now
Septic Flesh/Septicflesh. Greece is fucken on to something. 8

Desolator: Fuck… this is very crushing and I really
dig the composition. Could you kindly take this thing off my balls?
It’s kinda heavy and it hurts a lot… 8

Hanging Limbs: The goat-demon-thing on the cover is probably the cutest one I’ve ever seen. Seriously, I wanna pet it. 6

Stephen Fallen: The legend says that a mythical
creature named phoenix could be resurrected from its ashes. It is also
says that those who carry the spirit of “burning phoenix” are
unstoppable, even by the flames of an “infernal sun”, as they possess
the “ophidian will” to carry on, beyond all obstacles. But enough with
cryptic talks and hints… Let it be known that legendary SEPTIC FLESH
have returned! Greek daemons Seth, Chris Antoniou, Sotiris V. and Fotis
Benardo are back as they decided that besides their experimentation
with different projects and musical paths, the path of the Flesh was not
completely explored. And they have more nightmares to share… (Note:
This press release was unedited because it is much, much funnier as is.) 6

Abyss: Surprise surprise, who know that some hairy
Greeks would make the best album in May’s AA? Not me, certainly.
SepticFlesh has a firm grip on this thing called songwriting
which seems to elude most bands nowadays. There are huge orchestral
parts that are just screaming “Samael!” and there’s bad-ass metal
blasting (often at the same time), not to mention a singer who sounds
like a bear and a fucking hideous album artwork (wtf is that,
Barbapapa’s interpretation of an inbreed Greek goat?). 8

Seker: Septic Flesh (or Septicflesh nowadays, I
guess) are one of my favorite Greek bands, and while this album doesn’t
even come close to unseating “Ophidian Wheel” from its lofty throne,
it’s still far from being a bad piece of work. More people should listen
to this stuff: it’s genuinely interesting, original, and atmospheric
black/death metal with that special Greek melodic touch. Or you could be
a douche and listen to Arsis or something.! 6

Belphegor: Bondage goat zombie Belphegor: Bondage goat zombie

6/10

Lord K: I applaud the title. That’s about as death
metal as it gets. I believe this is the first time I ever hear Belphegor
and someone should slap me for it if they always sounded this competent
with their death metal. I strongly advice you to check out this piece
since there’s no way you won’t like this if you have the least interest
in death metal. A pleasant surprise and I’ll definitely keep my eyes
open for any future albums. And Helmuth is the coolest name since
Rock’n‘Rolf. Maybe not… 7

Desolator: I prefer “Lucifer Incestus” and
“Necrodaemon Terrorsathan” over any other Belphegor album, but these
guys are still solid as fuck. Belphegor are like demons that lust for
any form of perversions and bestiality. This album is so awesome that I
tried to kick myself in the nuts. Then I tried to sticky tape some Mr
Potato Man legs to my aforementioned balls and get them to kick
themselves through telekinesis. That’s how much I love this music. 8

Hanging Limbs: One of those bands who I almost
always default to a 6 with, but let’s see where this one goes… ah yes,
Belphegor as played by Belphegor. 6

Stephen Fallen: … their seventh album, suitably titled “BONDAGE GOAT ZOMBIE”. Death Metal and Black Metal … spread out over nine songs! Guarantying [sic] …BELPHEGOR… a… extra punch in the face. 5

Abyss: For the record, “Bondage goat zombie” is not
only a hilarious title, it also aptly describes what Belphegor’s music
sounds like. Satanic, pornographic, violent and nothing very subtle
about it. Despite the generous amount of blasting there’s still plenty
of solos and melodies to catch my ear, and while the end result is
somewhat repetitive there’s no denying that when Belphegor are good,
they’re real good. 7

Seker: These guys have made the same album three or
four times in a row, and it’s gotten worse each time. They’ve hit a
fucking nadir with the addition of melodies (because melodies are only
melodies if they’re faggy Gothenfuck harmony shit, didn’t you know
that?) and porn samples to their semi-groovy semi-black sorta-death
stuff. Speaking of porn, Mika Luttinen called; he wants his title back,
and fuck knows you don’t want him mad at you. Belphegor rips off Imp
Naz! Punishment is AIDS! 3

In Flames: A sense of purpose In Flames: A sense of purpose

5.5/10

Lord K: What?! They don’t sound like “The jester
race” anymore? Boo-fucken-hoo. The In Flames of today are very
in-the-know of what they wanna sound like, album after album. They have
their successful concept down and won’t stray away from it much, or at
all. They deserve the fame and glory and “A sense of purpose” sounds
like expected, but with a few fresh ideas and a more basic production,
lacking the completely digital feel of later IF albums. That’s a good
thing. There’s a huge chance that IN Flames will become bigger than ever
with this piece. It’s metal for everyone. 8

Desolator: In Flames called, they want their sound back. Oh wait, this is
In Flames! Not bad at all this. I’ve only heard titbits of this band
and they never really caught my interest. But this is a good piece of
metal. 7

Hanging Limbs: Ever since I first played this album, my toilet hasn’t flushed right. 4

Stephen Fallen: With this new album there is no doubt that … “A Sense Of Purpose” is released on April 4th 2008. 4

Abyss: So by now most of us have already made up
our minds about In Flames mk II and it’s not like any of our opinions
are gonna bother the band one lick since they obviously got enough fans
to go around. I dig the music most of the time, but sometimes it just
goes completely limp-wristed and wrong. Anders clean vocals are and will
always be a thorn in my side though. 6

Seker: This actually isn’t terribly bad compared to
something like “Come Clarity” or, Satan forbid, “Soundtrack to Your
Livejournal Escapades”. The vocals don’t make me cringe (though the
lyrics and choruses are quite homoerotic, and not in the good Manowar
way), the guitars are pretty decent, and overall it’s a step up for
them. It’s still not something I’d even listen to again in my fucking
life, but I can safely say that this didn’t make me vomit like I thought
it would. 4

Arsis: We are the nightmare Arsis: We are the nightmare

5.2/10

Lord K: Funny ass name aside, Arsis is a
quite nice acquaintance. Never cared about them before but it seems “We
are the nightmare” should be given some time if you are into technical
and flashy (somewhat) death metal if you can stand the flaws of a quite
hideously triggered drumkit. It’s fun to listen to the skills of
talented guitarists, sure, but you can’t forget to write memorable songs
in the end, coz that’s what it’s about, you know. It doesn’t matter how
many blasts Arsis include, they never sound remotely brutal or
aggressive. But it’s a impressive listen as far as guitars go. That’s
something, at least. 6

Desolator: Woah, this shit is pretty well played. A
bit too technical for my testes, I mean taste, but I like some of the
riffs. And the drumming is real fucking tits here. In fact, I think I
only like a few songs here, which are pretty killer no less. Still,
where’s Anaal Nathrakh when you need them? Ah yes, “Hell Is Empty, And
All The Devils Are Here”, that’s where. 5

Hanging Limbs: These guys exploded onto the scene a
few years ago with the New Wave of American Heavy Metal, but once again
they prove why they are light years ahead of the pack. It’s not the
greatest album, but it still hits hard. 7

Stephen Fallen: All told, “We Are The Nightmare”… is guitar-centric melodic death metal. 5

Abyss: Not totally arse, despite the name. There
are some ok riffs and nice leads here and there throughout the album,
but it’s not really good enough to warrant any secondary spins. 5

Seker: Oh, the new Necrophagist album is out
already, huh? Because with the mind-numbing technicality for the sake of
technicality (aka masturbation) and a guitar sound so compressed and
overproduced it might as well be a fucking keyboard, you could have
fooled me. Bitch, I’ve got Deeds of Flesh albums to listen to and I
don’t need this shit! 3

Soilent Green: Inevitable collapse in the presence of conviction Soilent Green: Inevitable collapse in the presence of conviction

5/10

Lord K: I expected nothing from Soil My Pants so to
say I was happily surprised it didn’t completely suck gigantic balls is
an understatement. Can’t say that the rock-ish riffs make sense to me
with the rest of the somewhat brutal approach, but hey – it works for
them, I guess. Not my fave cup’o‘tea this, though. 4

Desolator: This sounds a lot like Goatwhore’s “A
Haunting Curse”, only an utterly boring counterpart. This feels slow
enough to make a turtle turn in its grave, or shell, out of insane
jealousy. Fuck you. 3

Hanging Limbs: New Orleans has seen its share of
tragedy over the years; Hurricane Katrina, The Saints, Phil Anselmo,
etc., but Soilent Green is a lily pad in the swamp. These guys pound it
hard with a ton of groove and Southern flair. This album makes me want
to sit on my porch and watch traffic. 7

Stephen Fallen: “Sometimes, even when you put your
all into something and work hard, things don’t always work out in the
end. That’s just the way life falls sometimes”. 6

Abyss: Sludgy deathgrind, is that a good
description? I don’t know, but that’s what it sounds like. The vocalist
is not very good, I’m afraid. At times he sounds like Max Cavalera
needing to take a crap and other times like Max Cavalera having an
orgasm. None of which are things I need to hear. The songs are varied
and full of weird passages (banjo, anyone?) but they fail to make much
of an impact after the album is over. 4

Seker: Oh cool, Soilent Green’s back. They’re one
of the more tolerable sludgy/Southern/whatever bands if you ask me.
They’re no Acid Bath, but they’re definitely not fucking Superjoint
Ritual. What the fuck is with that album cover though? Domestic violence
goes cyberpunk, I guess… 6

Origin: Antithesis Origin: Antithesis

5/10

Lord K: To have the strength and interest to create
something like this is impressive. To be able to listen to a whole
album of it is even more impressive. Über-technical death metal with
more twists’n‘turns than Le Mans? In the longrun, I pass. 4.

Desolator: I don’t mind this at all, it’s got some
excellent moments for sure. I was under the impression that Origin was
too technical, but the riffs are excellent, whether they’d fall under
“too technical” or not. Very efficient and grinding. I can even overlook
the fact that a certain member of the band can’t type for shit (read
the interview). 7

Hanging Limbs: Origin may have made their first
good album. Not sure what they did differently, but not sucking might
have something to do with it. 7

Stephen Fallen: “Antithesis”… explodes… Paul Ryan and Jeremy Turner. “Antithesis” is… modern day death metal… which proves ORIGIN will begin the touring cycle in support of “Antithesis” with a European headlining tour in May. 5

Abyss: Origin still can’t write a coherent song to
save their lives, but that sure doesn’t stop them from playing the fuck
out of their instruments. Technical to the n:th degree and impressive
etc, but fuck me, where are the songs? 5

Seker: Oh fuck me, not Origin! Why did it have to be Origin? These guys are like the antithesis of good death metal or something. HAW HAW HAW! 2

Tiamat: Amenethes Tiamat: Amenethes

4.8/10

Lord K: I have never listened to a full Tiamat
album and “Amanethes” just reminded me why. Decent for what it is, it’s
just not for me. 4

Desolator: This is very wicked! When I first heard
Tiamat last year I couldn’t even feign a sense of interest in them, but
that’s kinda changed I think… I guess I was just on a black metal
collecting spree at the time, hahaha… Excellent and creative music this
is, which I really appreciate. That says a lot since this music isn’t
usually my cuppa. 8

Hanging Limbs: The first time I listened to this album, I started to snore. The weird thing is I was still awake. 3

Stephen Fallen: …if you listen to “Amanethes”, the newest effort of the band… a deeper kind of slumber… or …the minds of every metalhead! 4

Abyss: I have no clue what the album title means,
but I do know that I dig the content of this album. Johan Edlund’s
mournful voice, as well as the guitars, bears resemblance to Katatonia’s
later style ,and that is nothing but a plus for me. If “Prey” left me
with any doubts, it is now crystal clear that Tiamat has found the
perfect place between goth rock and Sisters Of Mercy-like synth goth.
Tiamat, Katatonia and Opeth, now there’s a fucking tour-lineup for ya! 7

Seker: Oh man, you have to hear this guy’s vocals! I
almost pissed myself laughing; he really wants to be manly and gruff,
but he fucking sucks at it. Kinda like the backing band; they really
want to be original and interesting, but they fucking suck at it. 3

Illdisposed: The prestige Illdisposed: The prestige

4.7/10

Lord K: What the fuck happened to Illdisposed after
the great “1800-Vindication” album? “Burn me wicked” was very weak and
we all hoped it was just a fuck up in the Ill-machinery. “The prestige”
shows that’s not the case since this one is just as weak. I believe they
have run out of good ideas and just record albums with whatever
material they come up with. That’s how it feels. The fantastic groove
from “1800” is long gone and it seems like they won’t find it anytime
soon. At least the vocals are good as always, but that alone can’t help
this sinking ship. Time to call it quits before it gets even worse, yes?
5

Desolator: This has some nice moments but it has
such a boring overtone most of the time. Vocals are pretty killer at
least. Oh and nice sample from “Snatch” (on “A Child Is Missing”),
probably one of my favourite quotes of that movie. But that was made by
the movie guys, not by the band, so I can’t really add points for that. 3

Hanging Limbs: The mp3’s I got kinda skip around
and stutter on my computer, so it’s hard to tell how good this is… but
it sounds only decent. Until better listening: 5

Stephen Fallen: In co-operation with EMI Music Publishing Denmark we have donated all our rights/royalties for the song “Like Cancer” for the Danish Cancer Society. 6

Abyss: Apparently Bo spends about two days writing
and recording his vocals for Panzerchrist. Considering how uninspired
Illdisposed sounds I’m surprised he even showed up to sing on “The
prestige”. 3

Seker: Apparently these guys have been around for
fucking ever. I’d describe them as pretty inoffensive: modern-ish simple
death metal that isn’t particularly brutal but doesn’t completely suck
ass. 5

Warrel Dane: Praises to the war machine Warrel Dane: Praises to the war machine

4.3/10

Lord K: Yeah, the world really needs a solo album
by Warrel Dane, right? Sanctuary rules, Nevermore is boring as shit and
this album is somewhere in between. 6

Desolator: Oi! Miss! This is shiiit! Fucking booorrriiinnnngg!!! 1

Hanging Limbs: A decent metal effort to hold over
fans until the Nevermore machine returns. Plenty of solid metal and
depression ballads, but I miss the shred. I love you Mr. Loomis. 6

Stephen Fallen: One of metal’s… vocalists, Warrel
Dane, has… returned with his… inaugural solo effort, “Praises To The War
Machine”. This… offering begins a new chapter for Dane and will soon
further solidify his spot as one of the genre’s… artists. 5

Abyss: I’ve always hated Dane’s voice in Nevermore,
it was like being fucked by a burning pig, and Nevermore’s music wasn’t
much better. To my surprise, Dane actually made an effort and dropped
his balls for this solo-album. There’s still some traces of Teh Suck
left in his voice, but at least it’s bearable. 5

Seker: Fuck off Warrel, no one with any sense of good taste at fucking all has liked your vocals since the dawn of the nineties. 3

All Ends: All ends All Ends: All ends

4.2/10

Lord K: Featherweight “metal” with 2 chicks doing
vocals sounds like something I could imagine my ass taking a liking in,
on paper at least. All Ends couldn’t cook up something brutal if their
lives cocks and cunts depended on it, so what we get here is very
modern, radio friendly and somewhat hitty material completely drenched
in so much sugar there’s a chance we will all turn into diabetics if we
are not staying alert. I can’t deny they have the hooks in some of the
right places and it’s very easy to get into what they are doing, but
ultimately All Ends turn out quite boring and predictable over the
course of a full album. 6

Desolator: Not sure if I should like this or not (I
have my pseudo-satanic rep to think of), but I kinda dig some of the
moments in this album. Some moments have some feeling here and there.
Fuck of all F-words, where have my balls rolled off to? In Fred Phelps’
mouth I spose. Mind you, I can redeem my tr00 metal rep by saying that
some parts are a bit boring. 6

Hanging Limbs: Chick metal that doesn’t really
cater to metalheads. Their voices (yes, 2 chicks singing) aren’t even
that good, let alone good enough to distract you from the ultra-generic
musicianship. 3

Stephen Fallen: … in 2003 in Gothenburg, Tinna Emma and Joey … did … Björn Gelotte and Jesper Strömblad. The guys came … and ALL ENDS was formed. ALL ENDS
feature a sound housing somewhere between rock and metal that … sound
like Nightwish or Within Temptation or Evanescence. Wasting life. 2

Abyss: You gotta give it to Strömblad and Gelotte
of In Flames, they sure know how to write some catchy hit-songs. This
will probably appear on all appropriate radio-charts available, and this
time we can at least be sure it’s not because of the looks of the
female singers. Professional production and all that shit aside, this
has the longevity of a Jolt Cola suger-rush and leaves me with the same
sickly-sweet taste in my mouth. 4

Seker: This isn’t really metal, is it? It’s more
like Evanescence or Nightwish or Wolves in the Throne Room or something.
Midly crunchy guitars with some chick (I’m pretty sure she’s related to
one of the guitarists in In Flames). I can’t really listen to this for
too long without it pissing me off, so I guess it’s not all that good. 4

Audrey Horne: Le fol Audrey Horne: Le fol

3.8/10

Lord K: The only reason Audrey Horne is featured in
this AA is becoz they have members or ex-members from some Norwegian
bands such as Enslaved and Gorgoroth included. Their Alice In Chains
(and tons of other of that genre) smelling rock definitely stands its
own ground. “Twin Peaks” did have a better looking chick though. Shelly
Fucken Johnson. 6

Desolator: This is one of King’s (Gorgoroth) other
bands, if I’m not mistaken. Most of the time, this shit is so boring.
There are some parts I liked, but there’s enough yawn-worthy material to
put my penis to sleep forever. Now I have to wake him up with “Twilight
Of The Idols”. 3

Hanging Limbs: There’s no reason a band like this
couldn’t be popular in the US, except for the fact that they don’t sound
like Nickelback. AH is spacey, melodic hard rock. There’s a little bit
of Tool, a little bit of Cave In, and a whole lot of 90’s post-grunge.
This was easy for me. 7

Stephen Fallen: Audrey Horne… plays melodic… hard rock. Live… they bomb. 2

Abyss: God, I miss “Twin Peaks”, not only for the
foxy ladies but mostly for the surreal and bizarre storylines and quirky
characters. I’m actually glad the show ended when it did, too few
series has the sense to quit before they devour themselves. Audrey Horne
the band? Well, whatever. 4

Seker: Tell me, why the fuck would a
self-respecting metalhead listen to this garbage? It’s like they really
want to be some sort of moderately tough hard rock band, but they
fucking fail at it because they’re a bunch of limp-wristed Eurotrash
cockmonglers. Also, they have a Hammond in the background because
they’re super deep and prog or some shit. 1

Incrave: Dead end Incrave: Dead end

3.3/10

Lord K: For the love of god, someone put Incrave
out of their misery. Please. By the way, the vocalist must be the same
age as the score, judging by his singing. 2

Desolator: This sounds like penis. If I wanted to
listen to penis, then I would listen to my own masturbation rituals,
with a stethoscope duct taped to my member and connected to a PA system.
2

Hanging Limbs: Power metal that doesn’t sound like it has a neon “Enter” sign pointing to its asshole… but it’s still far from a good album. 5

Stephen Fallen: …a … dead end. A young band, with an average age of 22, on this outing, there’s… song writing, performance, and production! 4

Abyss: Not too horrible a mix of heavy metal and
power metal. The singer reminds me a bit of the vocalists in Nocturnal
Rites and Morgana Lefay, only not as good and uniqe. It’s not the worst
shit I’ve heard by far, but still a bit unpolished. Very accessible
though. 5

Seker: Well, this was exceptionally terrible power
metal, so I looked these dorks up and guess what? They’re christian. I
guess we can use piss-poor power metal as a holding pen for the various
idiots out there who are really into this metal stuff but wish it wasn’t
so mean all the time. I mean, gosh, seriously you guys. 1

Korpiklaani: Korven kuningas Korpiklaani: Korven kuningas

3/10

Lord K: Jag hatar det här förbannade jävla skogsbögeriet. Dra åt helvete. 2.

Desolator: I don’t know how the idea of merging an
accordion (or something like an accordion) with metal came into place
here, but it sure as hell doesn’t work for me. I think this is supposed
to be “happy” metal, but really, metal is best played with a negative
overtone. Preferably one that reminds me of human torture. There’s no
way I can make any fair comments about this shit, so I’ll just give it a
2 and set sail to a far, far away place. 2

Hanging Limbs: I just watched “Beowulf”, which may
make me biased, but I fuckin’ love this stuff. I’ll have to adjust my
score due to the obvious novelty factor, but it’s still a strong: 7.

Stephen Fallen: When KORPIKLAANI plays, it is party time for the band, but… the audience has… soon… forgotten. 4

Abyss: Whoever decided Cockclan should be included
in May’s AA should have a fucking hurdygurdy inserted analy, twice. If
you thought Finntroll was fucking annoying, you ain’t seen nothing yet.
And to think the Finns consider Swedes to be gay! 1

Seker: Korpiklaani aare definitely not aa good
enough baand to be putting out aa new aalbum every fucking yeaar. More
proof that if you sing in moonspeaak and slaap some aaccordion on it,
you caan even sell raat feces to folk metaal faans. 2

Whitesnake: Good to be bad Whitesnake: Good to be bad

2.5/10

Lord K: I thought all of Whitesnake died in a plane crash. Ah, that’s right, it’s only wishful thinking. It’s bad to be bad. Not good. Change the title. 3

Desolator: Can’t say I’m too into this, but it
ain’t too bad either. Not exactly what I’d call extreme metal but if you
like countryish metal, you might like this. Pretty boring most of the
time but I can’t say anything embarrassing about it. 4

Hanging Limbs: Hairier than a bear’s ass and a lot less succulent. I bet these guys can still sell out arenas in Brazil. 3

Stephen Fallen: It’s here!!! Whitesnake’s newest release. 3

Abyss: Please… die. Aren’t you dead yet? 1

Seker: Are you fucking serious? Hair metal sucked back then, and it sucks now. 1

Epicurean: A consequence of design Epicurean: A consequence of design

2.5/10

Lord K: I am fucken fed up with Disney metal. A
weak production isn’t helping either. As in so many cases before,
competent but ultimately boring. 3

Desolator: Man, this is worse than Norther. I kinda
understand why Seker seems to dislike modern-sounding metal, cos most
of it is sooo fucken boring! I don’t discriminate against that kind of
music, but this is a perfect example of how it gets boring. The guitars
are too much of an unexciting wank-fest and the keyboards are really the
only part of the album I like. They’re excellent, but the rest of the
music is boring about 95% of the time. And the vocalist is FUCKING
TERRIBLE!!! Can someone please leave a horse’s head on his throat? His
terrible clear singing alone is the reason for this score. Not to
mention this album is an hour long! That’s just cruel. 1

Hanging Limbs: So you’re telling me a band actually came together, wrote, recorded, and released this album? 3

Stephen Fallen: Epicurean: adj. 1: of Epicurus or
epicureanism; “Epicurean philosophy” (read up on it, it’s quite
interesting actually). 2: devoted to pleasure; “a hedonic thrill”;
“lives of unending hedonistic delight”; (basically, the reason we chose
our name). 3 : n. furnishing gratification of the senses, especially
good food and drink. (Also the score Stephen Fallen assigned their
latest album). 3

Abyss: Anonymous and boring metal Für Alle. Meaning everyone can listen to this and agree that “Yes, this sucks”. 3

Seker: One of my dorky friends played some
Mercenary for me a few days ago, and it sounded a lot like this crap:
power metal with some “death” vocals thrown in. So not only do they
suck, they’re also rather unoriginal. 2

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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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