GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – March 2014

Audio Autopsy – March 2014

01/03/14  ||  Global Domination

Kampfar: Djevelmakt Kampfar: Djevelmakt

7.2/10

Habakuk: What’s better than one pissed off Norwegian? Four pissed off Norwegians! 7

CadenZ: Raw and no-frills groovy black from our
Western neighbors. Though the songs are very good and energetic, some of
them could have been shortened a bit for additional punch and vigor.
Still, the black heart is in the right place and the passionate pounding
is imposing, as it should. 7

Cobal: Hadn’t heard from these guys ever since “Fra Underverdenen” and they seem to go in the same direction. And I like it. 7

sincan: Djevelmakt is Norwegian for fucking shit (the verb) and holy fuck do I hear some funky tunes for once? 8

Ironpants: I didn’t think that I would like this as
much as I did, but this was a pleasant surprise. I guess it has to do
with the groove they invoke in some of the songs. 7

Persuader: The fiction maze Persuader: The fiction maze

7.0/10

Habakuk: I’ll content myself with raising the Hansi Kürsch namedrop count by one. 7

CadenZ: Ahhhh, my ears!!! This production is
sharper and more jagged than the teeth of a 86-year-old manwhore whose
career was built on being on the receiving end of brutal skullfucking by
thugs with 12-inch dicks. In diameter. Other than that I give the
thumbs-up to most everything on this album: great musicianship, good
vocalist, energetic songs, varied arrangements, cool cover art. Just
hire someone else to do the mixing and mastering job next time, will ya?
7

Cobal: Hansi Kürsch should be proud. 7

sincan: Pretty good and heavy for being powah
metüll. Something for the others in this dirty genre to learn from. It
gets a bit repetitive after some tracks. 7

Ironpants: I don’t listen to power metal very
often… but when I do, I listen to Persuader! Seriously though, I hate
power metal in general, but I must say that this band made me re-think
my agenda a little bit. It could be that they serve up some interesting
ideas that are inspired by other genres, and the cool drumming together
with the engaging guitar play. 7

Aenaon: Extance Aenaon: Extance

6.6/10

Habakuk: Noanea. Nope, doesn’t make sense the other way round either. 6

CadenZ: Man, this new Shining album sounds kinda nice. Too bad it’s, you know. A rip-off. 4

Cobal: Never thought I’d say this, but when it
comes to jazzy/progressive “black” metal, this stuff is actually—gee, I
can’t believe this—better… Errr… Better than… Please forgive me, Ihsahn
and Shining. I think the difference lies on writing true songs rather
than over-experimenting with music. 8

sincan: In days where modern black metal might be
seen as a bad thing I call this fish metal. Samplings of moaning women
is, to be honest, pretty done. 7

Ironpants: You know, from the piano intro and when
that saxophone began I was glued to my stereo. Why haven’t I heard these
guys before? Excellent shit with jazzy ventures and a lot to discover. 8

Inferi: The path of apotheosis Inferi: The path of apotheosis

6.4/10

Habakuk: Sounds ADD and has a fantasy-themed cover. Thanks, but no thanks. 5

CadenZ: Shit guitar sound, shit panning (everything
is left-heavy), shit mix job (thin and uncohesive), shit arrangements
(too many ideas, guys) and shit synth samples. On the plus side we have
nice instrumental execution and skills, and some cool riffs and
melodies. Too chaotic for its own good, Inferi need to pull their shit
together and weed out the weak material. There’s definitely some great
potential here, but OH MY GOD WRITE SOME GODDAMN SONGS INSTEAD OF WANKING ABOUT ALL DAY YOU CHIPMUNKS! 5

Cobal: Wow. Seriously. So much happening at the
same time and so dynamically. Furious yet elegant melodies and
counterpoints, speed ups and downs and whatnot. So much detail and so
little time to spend on this kind of records—sigh. 9

sincan: If you like some blackened technical death
metal I guess this is your butt plug. I tend to enjoy some of the parts
which reach my frost-covered heart. 7

Ironpants: This is pretty cool shit once you get
past the shaved nutsack production. It’s a little too fast and thanks to
that ass-smack-with-naked-hand sound to the bass drums, it looses it’s a
charm a bit, but never the less, pretty decent. Almost like a good
version of Cradle Of Filth. 6

Alcest: Shelter Alcest: Shelter

6.2/10

Habakuk: I always thought these guys were some sort
of neo black metal band? This is pure post rock, God is an Astronaut
with French lyrics! I was absolutely not prepared for this. 6

CadenZ: Neige finally takes the final step out of
the square of metal and paints his own shapes and figures with a hazy
brush of atmospheric music in the vein of newer Anathema. This is a
fantastic soundtrack for all those moments when you just need to close
your eyes and breathe. 9

Cobal: For a band with a black metal background I
found null evidence of any kind of harsh music. If you ask me, what
these Frenchies play nowadays shares quite a big deal of common ground
with some other sophisticated black metal acts, except Alcest already
signed the divorce papers and ran to the arms of Zen rock. Le truc is they do it gracefully. I’m still way more into previous works, but this isn’t bad for a change. 6

sincan: Alcest has always been a great band in my
book, however the last album was a disappointment since the songwriting
went down along with increasing the sugar sweet cuteness. This album
continues on the same theme and it feels like Neige is forever trapped
in his fairytale land. 5

Ironpants: I’ve never understood the greatness of
Alcest, and this album will help me continue in that fashion. Soft pop
with a sound that is totally not my cup of moonshine. There’s something
about the French language though, and it gives me a boner listening to
French lyrics, I would prefer if it was a chick singing though, but this
is as close as it gets. 5

Iskald: Nedom og nord Iskald: Nedom og nord

6.0/10

Habakuk: Leaves me pretty cold. Heh. 5

CadenZ: Nice black metal of the
not-too-brutal-yet-not-too-melodic variety. Extra points for the gloomy
Dissection-inspired leads. Will get multiple spins. 7

Cobal: B l a c k M e t a l: You’ve heard that, bitch? 6

sincan: Iskald has one of the coldest names in metal, but yet struggles from sounding too generic in the BM scene. 6

Ironpants: Melodic black metal that is well performed and pretty good, but nothing I would kill to get my hands on. 6

Lay Down Rotten: Deathspell catharsis Lay Down Rotten: Deathspell catharsis

5.6/10

Habakuk: Thoroughly and massively uninteresting. 5

CadenZ: So uninspired I feel the urge to lay down and rot. 5

Cobal: Not only is this some serious shit, but also
has a very special flavor. It’s probably the result of really tight
guitar work, well written songs and flawlessly chosen pedal effects. Do
guitar players still use pedals or it’s all about PCs these days? Does
anyone care when this is what you get? 8

sincan: This reminds me of Amon Amarth, but with less horned helmets and more dess and schmetterlings. Pretty OK! 6

Ironpants: Hmmm, someone has to take a few classes
in mixing. The drums, bass drums especially, sounds too big for the
enviroment and that makes it sound that he is out of time and off queue.
I couldn’t listen to the whole album. It doesn’t matter, I knew at once
that it was a… 4

Suicidal Angels: Divide and conquer Suicidal Angels: Divide and conquer

5.6/10

Habakuk: A few decent riffs can’t mask that this is an Evile-clone. That’s right, an EVILE clone. Get the fuck out of here. 4

CadenZ: OK thrash metal is OK. 5

Cobal: How I got so bored with LotD’s and so amused
by this is beyond me. Derivative thrash metal that almost makes you
forget how derivative it is. That’s how. 7

sincan: Divide and conquer my ass, ehm, sorry where
was I? Suicidal anal, seems like something you can try if you don’t
want to try anything else (I didn’t speak about the band there). Groove
my thrash and smash my cock against your face, ass pulp! 6

Ironpants: Nothing’s wrong with some thrash metal.
Especially if it is really good. This is pretty mediocre though, but
they have their moments, that “Seed of evil” song is pretty badass, even
if we all have heard it before. 6

Iced Earth: Plagues of Babylon Iced Earth: Plagues of Babylon

5.4/10

Habakuk: Even though they have grown quite
formulaic, these guys hit the spot time and time again for me, and they
do have a pretty good singer. 7

CadenZ: Sounds like Schaffer´s right hand is
starting to lag behind and descend into mortal territory, as the once
godlike picking isn’t as stellar as it was in yesteryear. What about the
songs, you say? I say, what songs? 5

Cobal: Is it just me or this is probably the most
thrash-oriented record these gringos have released? Interesting how they
manage to do so without necessarily stepping on the gas as an easy way
out. I applaud this… A bit. 6

sincan: For every track that I suffer through, it
just gets worse and worse, I smell identity crisis. I’m a bit surprised
though since I always thought that this band was only about wolf
t-shirts, but in fact it was only about the eagle shirt. 3

Ironpants: Death metal album cover, death metal song titles…limp dick heavy metal. 6

Legion Of The Damned: Ravenous plague Legion Of The Damned: Ravenous plague

5.0/10

Habakuk: I’ve fallen for these guys once before and
it got old, fast. I’m very cautious this time, but damn, they do play
their shit well. Just detract 2 points in two weeks. 7

CadenZ: When your album is filled with filler, you know it’s bad. 4

Cobal: Yes, it’s thrashing death metal and yes I
know we’re all supposed to like it, but come on: Am I the only one
around here who got really bored after the third track? 4

sincan: One of the lamest monikers around is having a rather boring sound. Well, I guess that someone can enjoy this, not me though. 4

Ironpants: They release album after album, none of them manage to catch my interest. Standard stuff that gets the job done. 6

Primal Fear: Delivering the black Primal Fear: Delivering the black

4.8/10

Habakuk: Sounds like they got a young version of Kai Hansen in their ranks – fair enough, but not my style exactly. 6

CadenZ: Delivering the black? More like delivering the bland. 4

Cobal: Whoa! So many power metal records in the
same AA edition? How fun! No, that was not sarcasm. This is not as
surprising—nor interesting for that matter—as Persuader’s but I also get
that 90s Teuton power metal vibe from “Delivering the Black”, and I
also like it. 6

sincan: I can’t take this (for) father(s) metal anymore… 4

Ironpants: Standard metal for standard people. I am
unique and crave for something more than the metal I listened to when I
was 12 years old. 4

Chrome Division: Infernal rock eternal Chrome Division: Infernal rock eternal

4.6/10

Habakuk: Motorjesus have a better name and make better music in this style. 5

CadenZ: Motörhead meets Mustasch meets Mötley Crüe
meets insipid songwriting. “The Absinthe Voyage” is the only peak that
rises above the waves in this ocean of mediocrity. 5

Cobal: I refused to agree with Ironpants at first,
but I can’t but surrender to the evidence. Still, there are a few good
moments here and there. So sad, anyway. 5

sincan: Haha what the fuck just happened? Did
someone just ad(d) some Daft Punk’d vocals in this party music? These
are the two questions that got stuck before my mind froze. 4

Ironpants: Stiff, neutered and totally uncool radio hard rock, where’s the genital power from their earlier work? 4

Mustasch: Thank you for the demon Mustasch: Thank you for the demon

4.4/10

Habakuk: One of these bands I want to like but
don’t. The song just aren’t great, guys. And contrary to your usual
albums, there aren’t even any fantastic individual songs. 4

CadenZ: I guess I’m becoming an old fart, since
this turn into a more melodic and varied direction that Mustasch took a
couple of albums back really suits my taste extremely well. A mish-mash
of genres and strong hooks, with Gyllenhammar’s trademark raspy voice on
top of it all – this is some good shit. 8

Cobal: At least they did let us know what it was
gonna be about since the very beginning. Can someone make that guy shut
the fuck up? On the other hand, I really like some of the riffs here. 4

sincan: I usually keep this as my little secret but
I guess I can share this one with you. Well, during days when people
can see me I tend to wear a black metal armor with a spike helmet and
such, but during nights, when I’m alone at home I turn into a blue jeans
and carpe diem shirt monster with a bandana. I like this band as much
as my secret was real. Mustasch also known for “AMADABBANANA”. 3

Ironpants: No… thank you! Thank you for releasing
an album that will make a shitload of dudes in Sweden with Wolverine
sideburns and muscle cars feel alive again. I can’t deny that they work
up some cool fat stoner inspired grooves here and there, but… no! 3

Axel Rudi Pell: Into the storm Axel Rudi Pell: Into the storm

4.0/10

Habakuk: This guy’s secret recipe is that with a
shit name like that, you’ll always end up positively surprising people.
Or getting beaten up in school. 5

CadenZ: ARP is the
personification of embarrassment. A guitarist who thinks he’s a
virtuoso, but only manages to sound like shit in all ways possible and
impossible. Axel Rudi Pelle (Finnish for clown) would be a more fitting
name to him. Other than that this is some uninteresting and bland
Teutonic metal with an OK vocalist. 3

Cobal: So, hate ARP’s self-homage band? I don’t
blame you. Few are those who actually get to understand and enjoy both
sides of metal. Death, black and thrash are not all that there is to it,
you see. Having said that, “Into the Storm” doesn’t really add up for
these German’s career. Let’s just say if you’re into albums that bring a
couple heavy metal songs, a bunch of ballads and some other hard rock
tunes to the table, you should probably check this one out. Otherwise,
go back to listen to another br00tal or cvlt shitty band nobody gives a
fuck about. Never realized before how similar is this guy’s voice to
that of Jon Bon Jovi when the later could still sing. 7

sincan: For being a guitarist’s “solo band” the
vocals are dominating way too much, it’s like they just play the easiest
(filler) shit ever. Oh and don’t forget to throw in a boring solo or
two. 2

Ironpants: I got so bored when listening to this so
I re-arranged all the letters from the name and album title: “Relaxed I
Pull Hot Sermon Tits”. 3

Caliban: Ghost empire Caliban: Ghost empire

3.0/10

Habakuk: I know I’ve come up this Wing Commander
reference last time they put something in AA already, but I don’t care.
You pathetic descendants of monkeys! 5

CadenZ: My gag reflex just called it a day. 1

Cobal: Metalcore is not my thing. Not even if it’s
well written and performed like this one. I’ll give them this: they did
spare us most of the goddamn shit that’s surrounded the genre ever since
its dawn. I suppose one can say this is a good metalcore record (?) 5

sincan: I never fell for the “macho vocals with furry emo choruses”-thing. Do people still create this type of infected crotch? 2

Ironpants: For fuck’s sake. Brutal sound, brutal
voice, brutal riffs, but performed with the mindset of a unicorn. Metal.
Core. Must. Die! But the main question is… Aren’t they a couple of
years too old for this shit? Just look! 2

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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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