Audio Autopsy – March 2005

Audio Autopsy – March 2005

01/03/05  ||  Global Domination

Strapping Young Lad: Alien

7.3 /10

Lord K: SYL never belonged to my list of things to
listen to but I can now appreciate the madness a little bit more.
“Alien” is quite strong an album, and I can seriously say I never
expected that. 7

Syrrok: First off, the drums on this album are
fucken sick! Second off, this shit is stronger than my hate for the rest
of this month’s albums. That says a lot. Like Peter, the creative
powers of Devy are refreshing and will keep his band atop the other
tripe in the genre. 8

Farlus: If you like SYL you should like this album.
It’s pretty good, but I can’t say that it matches up to previous
releases like “City” or “Heavy as a Really Heavy Thing”. 7

Desert Eagle: This being my first listen to SYL,
you’ll have to forgive me if I’m somewhat surprised by what I’m hearing.
First I was surprised and mad. Then it started to grow on me. Now I can
safely say I enjoy this weird ass thrash metal/whatever band. Watch out
for love songs. 7

Derek: This is way better than their last album,
this one makes it seem like Devin realized that there is more to “heavy”
than a constant wall of pointless sound. I think this album might be
the one to finally top “City” (the only album of theirs I like
entirely). I know “Shitstorm” is going to be stuck in my head for a long
time. I’m not a big fan of the band, but this is the best they’ve ever
done. I haven’t deleted it midway through. Gene Hoglan owns you. 8

Jimmy The Duff: Truly excellent vocal work on this
album; solid (far from outstanding) riffs and tighter than a virgin ass
drumming! Some of the songs are too short, or simply don’t belong
anywhere. “Alien” is yet another commendable effort by Devin Townsend. 7

Crowbar: Lifes blood for the downtrodden

7 /10

Lord K: Definitely not over-produced as so much
else in the scene nowadays. I never had the hots for Crowbar, they are
more like a chick you team up with when you run out of other chicks to
fuck. But this album impressed me quite a bit, so I’m making them my
regular sex-toy for a while. 8

Syrrok: Now that K looks like Kirk, I’m compelled
to give this a good score. I was expecting huge things out of this album
seeing as though I had the same appreciation of “Sonic Excess” as
Farloose did, but I don’t think this one measured up. Nonetheless it’s a
solid effort and a testament to their perserverance. 6

Farlus: The 3 year hiatus between this album and
the last didn’t have any effect on how punishing this band is. One of
the best releases of 2005, already. If you dig Crowbar, you’ll like this
album. 9

Desert Eagle: Everyone always tells me, “Crowbar is
SICK!”, “Crowbar kicks ass, you’ll love them!”, etc.. And you know
what? They were fucken dead wrong. This is boooooring. I don’t know,
maybe sludge is supposed to be boring. Whatever man, fuck it. 4

Derek: I’ve never been a big fan of Crowbar, so I
really had no interest in this album. I can thank Audio Autopsy for
forcing me to listen to this masterpiece. Easily Crowbar’s best effort
in my books; proving that fat guys make some of the heaviest metal.
“Lifesblood”, the closing track just earned these guys some major
respect points, and maybe a free happy meal or twelve. 8

Jimmy The Duff: Farlus is always raving about
Crowbar, so I can’t say I was surprised to have discovered a band
similar to The Mighty Nimbus. The riffs are saturated with hook;
overall, a very strong and gratifying effort. 7

Pain: Dancing with the dead

6.2 /10

Lord K: Pain is individual. I can take alot of hurt. 7

Syrrok: Well done stuff. Creative stuff. Rockin’
stuff. At times a little monotonous and contrived, but Peter’s unique
sense of style keeps it in check. A highly pleasurable album. 8

Farlus: I liked this band until the vocals started.
Another band that could kill the vocalist and the band would be ten
times better. Fuck, where did they find this guy? Christ, this shit
sucks. 2

Desert Eagle: As much as I want to love this album,
I simply cannot. It’s too pop/techno for me. “Nothing Remains the Same”
is a far superior album. For some reason Peter switched back synth
strings and that’s just irritating. “Same Old Song” is probably the only
song I really love. 6

Derek: This is an excellent piece of work; Peter
has outdone himself and has really tightened up the “Pain formula”
so-to-speak. I could totally kill E-tarded ravers to this music,
beatmatching with a baseball bat. I doubt this will win new fans, but it
should regain any he lost and solidify the resolve of the
ever-faithful. 9

Jimmy The Duff: I was expecting great things from
this band, it being fronted by Peter Tagtren and all; Pain seem to
garner thorough amounts of praise for their work, too. In the end, I
don’t reckon this to be much good, even though some of the electro
moments do bring a warm smile to my face. 5

Exmortem: Nihilistic contentment

6 /10

Lord K: Exmortem shred ass but they won’t beat fellow Danes’ Panzerchrist anytime soon. It’s a damn good try though. 7

Syrrok: I love how I have to consult the fucken
dictionary and thesaurus just to understand the goddamn song/album
titles of these black and death metal bands. I’m sure these guys have
some underground history I dont’ know about but that’s ok. In fact,
that’s probably why I’m not still a virgin. 3

Farlus: After listening to these guys for a while I
figured they had been around and, sure thing, I was right. You can
always tell when I band knows how to kick their death metal old school
style. Good death metal that you can bang your head to. 7

Desert Eagle: If this was porn it would be like
that shit you find where the broad isn’t very attractive but there’s
just something about her that makes you want to look at more pictures.
Then later when you look at her again you think to yourself, “What the
fuck was I doing looking at this ugly bitch?” In other words, eh, it’s
alright. 5

Derek: From the title I expected some third-rate
cheese-core black metal clusterfuck. Good thing I was wrong. While not
the most original kids on the block, Exmortem at least know that these
days death metal is best served with a light dusting of groove and
melody. The vocals are savage and impressive and their delivery is
commendable. Unlike the other sadsack impersonators I’ve reviewed
lately, these guys are pretty damn good. 7

Jimmy The Duff: Exmortem have been playing Death
metal for years, yet they’ve remained relatively unheard of up until
recently. Personally, I don’t think that “Nihilistic Contentment” sounds
too original, but it is an album worthy of praise nonetheless. 7

Nightrage: Descent into chaos

5.8 /10

Lord K: Don’t believe one word of the press-hype,
if there ever was one. Tompa Lindberg is one excellent singer but that
can’t help this material. Poor, poor, poor even though the performance
is flawless. 4

Syrrok: You can tell these guys like riding
motorcycles to the studio while wearing tons of leather. Probably
throwin’ a few high-fives towards each other while the wind blows in
their hair. I hope they stay clear of Hammerfall cruisin the other other
way on their motorcylces. Ok about the music. A step in the right
direction considering this months AA offerings. Still nothing that
strokes my dragon. 4

Farlus: I’m not big on hardcore so I couldn’t tell
you if this is good or bad hardcore, but some parts of it are pretty
good. It gets kinda gay at times, but then again, it IS hardcore. 5

Desert Eagle: Sick riffs + Sick solos = Sick music. Totally sick you guys. 8

Derek: Two songs into this album and I’m thinking
the balls of every other melodic metal band sound like they’re
descending into Nightrage’s mouth. Although there are a lot of melodic
moments, there weren’t enough well-developed ones to suit my liking. The
drummer’s pretty damn good, though. If they clean up the production and
define their sound more, I could see myself being a fan. 6

Jimmy The Duff: I’ve never thought anything to this
band; I even owned a copy of “Sweet Vengeance”, an album that had its
moments, but nothing that stood against its being so hastily forgotten.
“Descent into Chaos” wipes the slate clean; Nightrage are playing
nothing but to their strengths. 8

Blood Red Throne: Altered genesis

5.2 /10

Lord K: I loved their last album and these
Norwegians know how to deliver their shit. There’s nothing even remotely
bad about this. Blood Red Throne are among the finest deathsters in the
scene at the moment. I. Fucken. Dig. 8

Syrrok: You’re not looking at anything original
here. Decent guitar tone, but abosultely nothing else to make this
memorable. In fact, I just forgot their name. 2

Farlus: Really cool death metal. Some of the sounds
are off/weird, though. I heard something that sounded like bass, but it
just sounded… not like bass. Production could use some work, but the
music itself rules. 7

Desert Eagle: Chum chum chum chum snore snore snore snore… 3

Derek: I didn’t review any of these promos in
order, but this was like number 5. They were to first band to not
warrant banishment to a life of asphyxiating on syphillitic leperous
dwarf cocks. I really dig the sound; a mixture of Chimaira and Aborted,
to these ears. Groovy, grindy, gurgly. I dig it; I won’t be padding a
trash can with this promo. 6

Jimmy The Duff: The production is lacking a lot of
much needed grit; the drums and guitars sound awfully weak, and I reckon
that the only instrument to come out on top is the bass. An album that
is adequate for what it’s worth, although I tend to lose interest after
the first couple of tracks. 5

Crionics: Armageddon evolution

4.7 /10

Lord K: If these zits never heard Dimmu Borgir I’m
donating my left nut to Farlus. And my right to Syrrok. Crionics may
sport a shit-name but execute some neat death/black metal with tons of
keyboards they can. 8

Syrrok: I’m starting to think this is all a big
joke. This month’s AA is all the same band except K went in and changed
the titles to make em’ look like different bands. This brings nothing
new to metal, and everything new to the principle of retardation. 1

Farlus: This music has great atmosphere. It’s black
metal, which I usually don’t enjoy, but they use synthesized sounds
well to create a mood to add to the music. I dig it most of the time.
Can’t stand the vocals, though. Too many effects on them. 5

Desert Eagle: I was getting tired of all the
generic death metal so I’m glad we’ve moved on to generic black metal,
complete with corpse paint and silly names. And since I like black metal
less than death metal, the average shit gets a lower score. 4

Derek: At times black metal, other moments drifting
into Zyklon-territory. One constant, however, is that this band isn’t
too innovative. I found this on their website; “Marcotic – the bassist
and co-founder of Crionics had to leave the band. One of the causes is
that he cut off his hair”. What the fuck!? Their keyboard player
deserves thumbscrews for some of his work, the electronic hits in the
background are fucking annoying. Big minus for the ‘evolution’ title and
stagnant music. 4

Jimmy The Duff: A cross between Behemoth, Emperor, Enslaved and Dimmu Borgir; not bad at all. 6

Kaamos: Lucifer rising

4.7 /10

Lord K: Kaamos didn’t impress me with their debut
but that has now changed. Swedish death metal de fucken luxe that gives
me early Unleashed-vibes at times without losing their own thing,
whatever that is. Kaamos definitely picked themselves up and managed to
deliver one damn fine piece of plastic. 8

Syrrok: Holy Shit! Look out guys! For years
millions of black metal goons have attempted to raise Satan with the
powers of their shitty metal, but Kaamos has done it. Lucifer rising,
and then crying at his untalented followers who can’t make a decent
album. 3

Farlus: The vocals sounds the same in EVERY SINGLE
SONG. If it weren’t for the variation in the guitars and drums I’d never
know when one song ended and another began. Even then, it’s hard to
tell. Ugh. 3

Desert Eagle: Their drummer is called Chris Piss?
Are you kidding me? Pretty fitting as this guys are PISS poor. Eh it’s
actually OK but I just wanted to say that. 5

Derek: With a title like “Lucifer Rising”, I was
clearly expecting to hear some nice Scandinavian folk music … or not.
Yeah, more fucking death metal. More wanton single-string shredding and
double-kick drum insanity. However, Kaamos can at least slow down a
little and allow some semblance of groove work its way into the music.
I’m not bowled over with excitement, but I might listen to this again.
For the right price. 5

Jimmy The Duff: Very little of “Lucifer Rising” thrills me; the guitar tone is awesome. 4

Impaled: Death after life

4.2 /10

Lord K: I don’t think these guys can spell
“triggers” which is nice for a change even though the production is
lacking quite a bit. Some deadlier and thrashier kind of metal that ends
up being pretty damn fucken “so fucken what?”. 3

Syrrok: I like some of the ideas on here, but they
need to ditch the Chris Barnes’ school of production and instead make
their instruments audible. One of those bands that will never see their
true potential due to shitty production. 4

Farlus: Classic gore metal, but not really my bag.
I’m not too fond of old school production unless the music is actually
out of the 80’s or something. 4

Desert Eagle: Well at least this album was a little
different from all the others. It was different in that it had weird
ass solos and leads that sucked and pissed me off. Being different is
stupid. 4

Derek: It’s not a good sign when the spoken word
parts of your album is better than its contents. Again, your standard
death metal affair. The production is weak, although some good moments
shine through. The vocals are decent, and so is the music. Unless you’re
a really isolated death metal fan, you’ve heard this before—and
probably all too often. They get points for the cheese, even if it
wasn’t intentional. 4

Jimmy The Duff: I’ve read a lot of praise for this
band; to be honest, I can’t connect sufficiently with the music. Still,
overall, “Death After Life” is a success; a lot of noteworthy material. 6

Belef: Infection purification

4 /10

Lord K: Expecting nothing and get alot more is
actually as nice as stroking yer penis with honey. Or so I heard.
Well-played black metal with sweet riffing, overly trigged drums and a
vocalist that leaves room for improvement is pretty damn pleasant when I
think about it. Why haven’t I heard about these French fucks before? I
belef ( I know, I fucken dominate) these guys could make an impact in
the scene. They managed to do it on me anyways. Chaotic and good. 7

Syrrok: Effortus not givenus to the makingus of the musicus (You know that’s how these guys talk). 2

Farlus: If all metal were like this band, I’d listen to soft rock. Boring, repetitive black/death/thrash/penis metal. 2

Desert Eagle: Damn, listening to all this shit is
so tiring. These guys are very unfamiliar with MELODY. It’s nice, it’s
what makes music memorable. I’m not going to have fucken blastbeats
stuck in my head all day. 3

Derek: I think this is death/black metal, but I
can’t tell any of these songs apart; the whole album seems to be the
same 45 seconds of music over and over. Triggered drums, generic
guitars, and a completely obscured vocalist all amounts to crap
marinated in suck, served with a side of shit. They can play well, but
so can Bryan Adams; so I’m not really giving a god damn. The song titles
are pretty giggle-worthy too. 3

Jimmy The Duff: Although their h5. s leave a lot to be desired, Belef produce some seriously saucy, ferocious Black metal. 7

Despised Icon: The healing process

3.7 /10

Lord K: Impressive musicianship and tons of
Slipknot/Meshuggah-influences might not necessarily be a bad thing, but
in this case it’s more like… Me-suck-ah. That was so bad I deserve a
medal of some sort. Someone needs to kill the fucken screaming pig that
occurs every now and then in the background. 4

Syrrok: My 5 year old nephew recently wrote better
riffs than this and I still slapped him in the face for making such
garbage. Age is no excuse, bile is bile. This is bile. 2

Farlus: I really dig what this band does. They
strike me as a hardcore/death hybrid band. They do some really cool shit
and have a lot of versatility. Good stuff. 8

Desert Eagle: This is one of those bands where the
singer likes to hold the mic really close to his face and make really
weird growly noises. They also love dissonance and terrible harmonies
(MINOR SECONDS SHOULD DIE). If you like this kind of music you are
either: A)Retarded or B)A retarded idiot. Take your pick. 2

Derek: What the fuck is this, the Cannibal Corpse
tribute album edition of Audio Autopsy? Yet another band that thinks
we’re back in the last 80s, content to do nothing that 1,000 other bands
haven’t done before. This doesn’t suck so much as it, blows big goat
balls with the fury of a coke-addicted cockfiend. I am beyond
unimpressed. 2

Jimmy The Duff: Sounds like a decent enough attempt
to fuse death, goregrind and hardcore. Yeah, not too bad; don’t know
when I’d want to listen it again, though. 4

Immersed in Blood: Killing season

3.7 /10

Lord K: My fellow Swedes’ do their best to sound
everything but Swedish death metal and succeed at it. If yer cup of
brutality is the American brand of death metal, these guys are for you. I
prefer the Swedish taste. 5

Syrrok: My ears are immersed in blood. This sucks. 1

Farlus: More boring death metal. Could also use
some production work… The drums seem to overpower everything, especially
the guitars. I can’t hear anything but snare drum in most of the songs.
Who knows, maybe they wanted it that way. Sounds like shit to me,
though. 3

Desert Eagle: Standard death metal right here. Nice
and brutal with pretty good guitar crunch. I guess I can’t really
complain, but I will. It’s not very original and nothing really stands
out for me. 6

Derek: If you want more comprehensive detail on
what I think of this band, wait for my review(s). For now, I will tell
you that this band gobbles more cock than an alley whore trying to
pay-off a student loan. If they were riding Cannibal Corpse’s balls any
more, they’d be paying rent. Way too derrivative for my liking, and the
vocalist does nothing for me. 2

Jimmy The Duff: Immersed in Blood remind me of
Anata; as much as I worship the latter, I can’t seem to grow comfortable
enough with “Killing Season”. Maybe my opinion is skewed by the less
than hospitable production. It gets a five for being a decent effort. 5

Do or Die: Tradition

3.5 /10

Lord K: But for fuck’s sake. Take every bad
thrash-riff you ever heard that bands usually scrap, mix it up with some
bullshit hardcore-like vocals and a huge portion of Teh Bore and you
got these clowns. You can now officially go fuck yourselves. 2

Syrrok: For the fucking life of me, stop with this
crap. Bunch of guys in dark jeans, plain black t-shirts, and a plain
black cap making angry noise. I will not allow this trend to be passed
off as metal. Stop. 2

Farlus: I get an old Soilwork vibe from these guys,
but with vocals more akin to old Haunted. Really hardcore-ish. These
guys are alright, but nothing special. 6

Desert Eagle: I choose die, rather than listen to this crap. 2

Derek: Sounding like a mix of Chimaira’s vocalist
with a death-tined hardcore backing band, I’m not sure what to think.
It’s decent, somewhat catchy, but the vocals are really one-dimensional.
The album is solid; the melodies work well, but I could do with a
little more power in a vocalist who seems contented to stick with a
single approach. Worth a look anyway. I’m moderately rockin’ to this
number. It feels like a grower. 6

Jimmy The Duff: Eh… 3

Hammerfall: Unbent, unbowed, unbroken

3.5 /10

Lord K: It’s Hammerfall you know. How incredibly different can it be from the other albums they ever released? 5

Syrrok: These guys have the fucken balls to put ad
cuts in their promo?!! As if the world has been sitting stroking their
cocks waiting for the next Hammerfall masterpiece? Get the fuck outta
here. No doubt Hammerfall’s fanbase is happy about this new stuff, but
Spudd can keep it to himself and that one guy in Kansas. 3

Farlus: This power metal is too gay for even the
most open-minded of listeners. How the hell this band is still around, I
don’t know. I can’t imagine that there is actually an audience for this
shit. This shit is gayer than Richard Simmons doing jumping jacks in a
thong. With 3 cans of crisco and 2 oversized butt plugs. All in his ass.
At once. It’s that bad. 1

Desert Eagle: Hahaha I love the anti-theft measures
they took for the promo album. “This is Stupid McGee and you’re
listening to the promo version of our new crap album.” Haha he said
something like that. But honestly, how well do I expect this power metal
album to do on a site like this? I mean I like power metal and all, but
not shitty power metal like Hammerfall. 3

Derek: I was really fuckin’ apprehensive going into
this album. Hammerfall’s legendary talents for power metal wankery and
effeminate D&D-styled lyrics precede them. The music is excellent,
if not outright self-indulgent, but I like it. The singing makes me wish
I had an instrumental copy. I’m not a fan of power metal, but I’ve
heard much, much worse. Proof Halford isn’t the only anal buccaneer that
can make a good album. 6

Jimmy The Duff: Hahaha; some Power metal I can
withstand, but I’m not even going to pretend to like this. I remember
seeing some Hammerfall videos back in the day and thinking that they
were nothing but a second tier band. The passing years have not been
particularly friendly to Hammerfall, consequently giving an
exceptionally drab collection of tunes. 3

Unearth: The strings of concience

3.5 /10

Lord K: I certainly do NOT fucken think so. I hope you fucken idiots die in a hotel-fire. 1

Syrrok: With all the shit I talk about these
horrible non-metal bands (I refuse to use the term metal-core ever
again), Unearth was the one that I could listen to for a second. Just a
second. This album is the obvious precursor to their “breakout” album
that I can’t believe people payed money for. There’s something to be
said for bands playing for what they believe in, but perhaps they should
just keep it to themselves. Not enjoying this. 3

Farlus: I cringed when I heard I had to review this
album. I really hate this band, especially after seeing them live.
Metalcore just doesn’t do anything for me, and this is more of the same.
These guys are obviously talented, just not my thing. 4

Desert Eagle: Oh goody, metalcore, my FAVORITE.
What irks me the most about bands like Unearth is that they have some
good metal riffs but they just ruin it with shitty vocals and hardcore
elements. I can’t stand these whiny yelling vocals. 4

Derek: Right off the bat I fucking hated these
guys. Their ear-piercing guitar tone was kind of cool for a bit, but a
whole song’s worth just infuriated me. I’ve seen bulemics with more
substance than the production. Vocals sound like a third-rate Lamb of
God. I hear talent and promise in the band. I just don’t hear a good
album. That stinging might be the fucking clap for all I know and care. 5

Jimmy The Duff: The album cover promises great things; unfortunately, nothing seems to click. Mediocre stuff that inspires little. 4