GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – June 2012

Audio Autopsy – June 2012

01/06/12  ||  Global Domination

Unleashed: Odalheim Unleashed: Odalheim

7/10

Lord K: No retirement home in sight for these guys.
I dig that. I also like how Unleashed’s been churning out quality album
after quality album (with a few exceptions… ehum… “Victory”, anyone?),
and as of late they have really been riding high. And firthermore I
appreciate the fact that they are incorporating more and more black
metal influences while still staying true to death metal. Without a
doubt this month’s winner for me. 8

Habakuk: Every house in Odalheim is a monument to death metal!!! (because they all look the same) 6

CadenZ: Epic, atmospheric and brutal. I’m just loving the direction Unleashed have taken on their last 3-4 albums. Folkare rocks. 8

Smalley: Finally, an actually solid record in this edition; heavy, catchy, energetic death metal, with a blackened feel to it to boot. Very satisfying. 8

BamaHammer: Congratulations to Unleashed for releasing their ninth consecutive mediocre album. Great job, guys. 5

InquisitorGeneralis: I like newer Unleashed more
than older Unleashed, and solid Swedeath grooves and heaviness are
definitely to be found here. Still, this is not going to make me move to
Sweden and strap on a viking helmet anytime soon. 6

Sokaris: Woah, who forgot to set a timer for the Unleashed in the stove? Wait, it’s still pretty damn good, just a bit blackened. 8

Accept: Stalingrad Accept: Stalingrad

6.5/10

Lord K: I’m actually a bit surprised as for how
vital Accept sound these days. But Accept without Udo isn’t really
Accept. You all know this. Even you, Accept. 6

Habakuk: The okay record Running Wild wanted to make. Udo definitely was no big loss. Can the drum computer fire Rock ‘N Rolf? 7

CadenZ: Just Accept the fact, you ain’t fast as a shark ball on a metal heart wall anymore. No, I don’t know what that means. 5

Smalley: “Balls to the wall” Accept is still a
thing? Okay. Old-school fans should still enjoy this, at least. Anyway, I
don’t know how much sense it makes for a German band to sing about a
battle that the Germans lost (and lost big-time), but whatever. 6

BamaHammer: Heavy. Aggressive. Awesome. Deutsch. 8

InquisitorGeneralis: Not bad stuff here, but our
resident Swedeathers Hail of Bullet do a much better job describing the
horrors of war than a second-rate heavy metal outfit with a decent, but
still scab, singer. 5

Sokaris: Nothing really fancy here, just straight
forward old-school kickassery with modernized production. Mark Tinillo
is fucking perfect as a replacement for the legendary Udo and just
dominates all over this album. “Revolution” is easily one of my
favorite songs of the year. It’s just a good everyman anthem that
somewhat reminds me of Megadeth’s “The Right to Go Insane” but it’s a
lot easier to relate to. The guys in Accept understanding blue collar
life is a lot more believable than Dave Mustaine not being able to
afford food. 9

Cattle Decapitation: Monolith of inhumanity Cattle Decapitation: Monolith of inhumanity

6.2/10

Lord K: You all know how much I love this kind of
über-triggered American idiot-death metal. When they slow shit down they
impress me far more. 5

Habakuk: Okay, not bad – but eating meat still wins the cognitive dissonance battle. Sorry guys, can’t listen. 7

CadenZ: Sounds like those poor cattle got
decapitated by machine gun fire. And pig vomit, considering the sewer
squealing. Devin Townsend worship garners an extra point. 7

Smalley: The best thing about Cattle Decap is that
they named a record “Humanure”. The worst thing is with the artwork
here, they’re associating one of my all-time fave movies with their
breed of sloppy, boring, mindless, aimless, grating “brutal” DM. Do not
want. Cut it out with those obnoxious demon-gremlin vocal parts, too. 4

BamaHammer: This is definitely a lot better than a swift kick to the crotch. Color me surprised and impressed. 8

InquisitorGeneralis: This is the best I have heard
from Cattle Decap, but I am still not completely won over by their
particular brand of vegetarian death/grind. 5

Sokaris: This is probably one of the biggest
surprises of the year. “The Harvest Floor” was a huge step up for the
vitriolic vegan squad known as Cattle Decapitation. It was experimental
and (gasp) catchy in parts. “Monolith of inhumanity” continues their
upward ascension. On one hoof, they’re still representing their heritage
of technical goregrind, on the other they’ve matured their sound with
well thought out songwriting and an overall unique approach to the
proceedings at hand. The vocals are extremely varied and fucken
disgusting in the best possible way. 8

Paradise Lost: Tragic idol Paradise Lost: Tragic idol

6.2/10

Lord K: I remember when these guys played… eh…
death metal? They fucken blew back then, lemme tell you that. This style
is definitely executed better, but it’s still not very fucken awesome
by far. 5

Habakuk: Starts out pretty damn bad-ass, but loses a
bit of steam towards the end. Still I’d highly recommend this to
death/doomers who are okay with gruff but clean vocals. 8

CadenZ: Dat opening riff. And the rest is pretty tits, too. 8

Smalley: Heavier than I expected based off their
past work, and I’m sure the big goth metal fans out there (if they
actually exist) will be happy with this, but like Unisonic, while there
is some satisfactory songwriting here, the disappointing vocals still
definitely hurt it. 6

BamaHammer: I’d like the gothic doom combo with a side of keyboards and extra Katatonia. 6

InquisitorGeneralis: I know these guys are
genre-innovators, old school, trve, and all that. But, I am still not a
fan. This is bland and boring to me, goth rock/metal is not my thing. 4

Sokaris: I’ve long had a tendency to just stick
with “Gothic” and “Draconian times” with Paradise Lost for some reason,
much of their discography unexplored to me. I recently picked up “In
requiem” and found it to be a solid album, nothing approaching the
classic level of the two aforementioned albums, but strong enough.
“Tragic Idol” seems to sit at about the same level. 7

Six Feet Under: Undead Six Feet Under: Undead

5.1/10

Lord K: There’s been a lot of talk about this album for some reason. I mean, how big are the chances SFU,
one of the shittiest fucken bands to walk this earth, can release
something even remotely decent? They are slim, I tells you. But the
weird thing is that SFU took that chance and
actually made themselves a good death metal disc. Even Barnes comes
across as sounding fine, which is a first. This month’s biggest
surprise, by far. 7

Habakuk: Kevin Talley kind of makes this record. I
don’t hate Barnes’ vocals like many others, but they aren’t particularly
great either. 6

CadenZ: Sounds like something’s stuck in his
throat. For the love of god, someone please help the poor dude. And he’s
not in sync with the band either. But the songs are nice. 6

Smalley: Decent-ish, brutal death in an old-school
style, but it still gets tiresome along the way. They did call a song
“Molest dead” though, so they win a lol for that. 6

BamaHammer: Being the best SFU album is like being the gold medalist in the Special Olympics. 5

InquisitorGeneralis: Best I have heard from these guys in at least 10 years. Good production too. A surprisingly good record. 6

Sokaris: As much as I’d love to use Audio Autopsy
to bash the fuck out of Six Feet Under for being the only shitty death
metal band to come out of Florida in the genre’s formative years this is
actually pretty good. Chris Barnes still sucks, but he’s
inconsistently decent-sounding. Story of his career. 6

Moonspell: Alpha noir Moonspell: Alpha noir

4.5/10

Lord K: They might be putting spells on the goddamn moon, but they are not putting any of that shit on me. Boring as fuck. 4

Habakuk: Check this out if you haven’t been mooned recently. 5

CadenZ: A disappointingly tame follow-up to the brisk and rejuvenated “Night Eternal”. Quantity before quality never works, amigos! 5

Smalley: Toothless, bland, vaguely “extreme(!) metal”; yeah, you guys are definitely extreme.

…ly lame. 4

BamaHammer: I never cared much for Moonspell. With this one, they give us a bonus disc. Therefore, I give them a bonus middle finger. 3

InquisitorGeneralis: Too much vaginal weepery here
for me. I don’t do goth/industrial/folk/doom/sickness, sorry guys.
Portugal is still cool though, linguica is the shit. Moonspell is not. 3

Sokaris: I was definitely anticipating this album
as “Night eternal” was a goddamn tour-de-force and Moonspell’s
announcement of their intentions of releasing a double album (one
furthering their current style, the other featuring more goth and rock
influenced songs) really piqued my interest as the band showed they were
capable of making fantastic non-metal music with “Sin/Pecado”. Though
it doesn’t quite live up to its predecessor, “Alpha noir” is a great
album and its appeal is hugely bolstered when combined with “Omega
white” as disc 2. 8

Prong: Carved into stone Prong: Carved into stone

4.2/10

Lord K: Wake me the fuck up when these guys become
decent again, as they were on “Cleansing” back in 1994. I guess I’ll
sleep forever, huh? 3

Habakuk: When was the last time you read something
about Prong? Yeah, a while back indeed. Anyway, this sounds pretty
decent with potential to grow on me a little, thanks to the good and
varied vocals. 6

CadenZ: Dong never did much for me, and much hasn’t changed. 3

Smalley: Carved into stone, huh? Prong must’ve been thinking of something besides their relevance to modern metal when they came up with that one. 5

BamaHammer: This one lacks the aggression to give
it any real longevity. If you’re just craving newer Prong stuff, stick
to “Damager” instead. Then again, I have no idea why anyone would be
craving newer Prong stuff. 5

InquisitorGeneralis: I recently asked the forum trolls here which Prong album to start with. I know that THIS is not it. Pretty generic, riff-heavy tough-guy metal here. Nothing I dig. 4

Sokaris: I fucken hate this guy’s voice so much.
There’s some okay riffs here and there but Prong have this uncanny
ability to make everything sound ridiculously sterile and boring. 4

Job For A Cowboy: Demonocracy Job For A Cowboy: Demonocracy

4.1/10

Lord K: Another one of all those American idiot-death metal bands who can’t spell “G-R-O-O-V-E” if their lives depended on it. 4

Habakuk: Now that you’ve successfully become Death Metal, I have a new job for you: become interesting. 4

CadenZ: …and nobody gave a fuck. Get a job already. 5

Smalley: Grow up already. 4

BamaHammer: They were a lousy metalcore band. Now they are a lousy death metal band. 4

InquisitorGeneralis: If these guys had not come out
of the gates as total suckcore, I would be interested. Sadly, there is
too much other technical death metal out there I care about to give Job
for a Cowgirl’s new sound any of my precious attention. 4

Sokaris: Pretty damn boring. Not bad, not good, it
was hard enough to squeeze out a full review of this dull record.
They’re not some kind of true metal destroying abomination but these
guys shouldn’t be headlining tours though. 4

Unisonic: Unisonic Unisonic: Unisonic

3.4/10

Lord K: That Kiske fucko sure seems to be extremely
stupid judging from his past and present interviews, but there’s no
denying his voice brings back great memories from the past. This is
Cheese-o-Rama on the highest level and I’ll judge it accordingly. Hadn’t
it been for Kiske, this would have scored lower. 4

Habakuk: Do not listen to if unsure of your sexuality. AOR
meets proto Power Metal with a vocalist that vomits flowers &
rainbows. All however technically competent and very catchy. Surprise!
They’re German. 5

CadenZ: When you are feeling amazingly happy and
gay and merry and want to fuck rainbows in the ass, put on the song
“Unisonic” by the band Unisonic from their album “Unisonic”. I guarantee
you, the uni-fucken-verse will explode into tiny bits of My Little
Pony™ vaginas. 1

Smalley: Strongly cheesy power metal with some actually good songwriting/playing energy, but holy crap, do the high vocals hurt this. 5

BamaHammer: Kiske my ass. 2

InquisitorGeneralis: What do you get when you combine musicians from several legendary, shitty power metal bands? A new, shitty power metal band! 2

Sokaris: This album is truly a treasure in its
contributions to the scientific community. Its shown that parallel
universes do in fact exist, and, on occasion can overlap and the
ramifactions of such an artifact bridging the gap between two universes
will be monumental. On August 8th in the year of 1992, Metallica
frontman James Hetfield was performing the classic “Fade to black” live
in Montreal when a plume of fire from the onstage pyrotechnics engulfed
his left side, leaving second and third degree burns on his face and
arm. Apparently in another timeline, the tower of fire roasted the
Metallica frontman’s balls. Through means unknown Unisonic managed to
feature this neutered James Hetfield on the opener “Unisonic” from their debut album “Unisonic”. Chocolate like a monster, fudgin’ like a hive! 5

Europe: Bag of bones Europe: Bag of bones

3.4/10

Lord K: My childhood heroes release yet another
album. Europe today is very hit and miss. There’s a few quite fine tunes
on every disc, but as a whole they lost it right after recording “The
final countdown”. 4

Habakuk: Giving your continent a bad name, AOR style. Wait till you hear “North America”. 3

CadenZ: Bag of dull bones, this. The right swag is
there, but there’s no hit material and the keyboards pussify things up
all too much for me to get a bag of boner. 5

Smalley: Friendly tip for the more, erm, “elderly” bands out there; calling your latest album “Bag of bones” might be giving off the wrong impression. 5

BamaHammer: Remember back when Europe was pretty good? Me neither. Hopefully their career is getting close to… the final countdown. 1

InquisitorGeneralis: I would rather stick my head in a bag of dicks as opposed to listen to “Bag of Bones”. I can only classify this as “shit”. 2

Sokaris: I almost feel bad for these guys. They’ve
basically been relegated to novelty status because of “The final
countdown” and it’s unlikely anything they do will get them out of that
shadow. They seem to be playing a style of hard rock greatly separated
from the cheese anthem they’re known for with a fairly organic
production and influences from blues and classic rock. Like I said, I ALMOST
feel bad for them. Anytime Gob answered his phone on Arrested
Development these guys got a check. When my high school marching band
bought sheet music for that wretched song they got a cut. If they’re
trying to distance themselves from their past, change the name and start
fresh. 4

Dragonforce: The power within Dragonforce: The power within

3.1/10

Lord K: Nothing I ever say about Dragonforce will portrait them better than this. I can definitely appreciate this clown music becoz of the musicianship, though very, very little. But that’s all. 3

Habakuk: Manages to turn from catchy to super-annoying to boring and back AT LIGHTNING SPEED. 5

CadenZ: The power within grows weak. Everything
turns black. Wake up. Gagged. Bent-over. Weedle-deedle sounds from the
rear part of the room. Dragonforce is here. You’re fucked. In ass. 2

Smalley: I ain’t in my power metal phase anymore,
but even if I was, I still wouldn’t listen to Dragonforce. Still
technically good guitarwork here, at least. 5

BamaHammer: “Lik omg dragonforce is so kewl n
talented lol.” Someone castrate all of this band’s fans with a Guitar
Hero guitar. Then the band. 2

InquisitorGeneralis: Have sucked, do suck, will
always suck. This new offering of cheesy guitar playing and ball-less
vocals doesn’t change any of that one bit. 2

Sokaris: I actually consider this an improvement
from the Dragonforce I’ve heard before. It’s still bad, though. Their
new vocalist is less boring, the guitar leads are comparatively
restrained and the keyboards less engagingly obnoxious. The riffs are
still boring and the choruses mostly cringe-worthy. 3

Marilyn Manson: Born villain Marilyn Manson: Born villain

3/10

Lord K: Absolutely ridiculous. 2

Habakuk: Believe it or not, Marylin Manson has lost edge. 3

CadenZ: Marilyn’s skirt blows and so does his new album. 3

Smalley: I recognize he’s competent at whatever the hell he does, and I do get his musical appeal (and his physical one, too…), but that still doesn’t mean I dig it. 6

BamaHammer: Androgychrist Stuporstar. I’m not even going to take this seriously enough to listen to it all the way through. 1

InquisitorGeneralis: I liked the “Dope Show”…when
pubes were just starting to grow on my balls. Sorry Manfred Manson, hang
your shit up and keep banging whatever young, tattooed bimbo you have
attached to your cock. No more music please. 3

Sokaris: This is going to kill 11 year old me to do
this, but this album sucks hard. My tastes have changed but I can
still recognize a quality in the old albums that this lacks. 3

Running Wild: Shadowmaker Running Wild: Shadowmaker

2.7/10

Lord K: “Under Jolly Penis” was killer back in the
day. This particular album is so fucken bad it’s good, though. Oh, and
pirates are so fantastically idiotic I just shat pirate blood. 3

Habakuk: Look, this is not completely
terrible, if you know what you’re in for. It’s just very basic Running
Wild in the variety “ultra bland” (incl. sampled drum and bass), but
almost 50 % of these songs suck salty pirate dick. Had I bought this,
I’d hide it. 3

CadenZ: Rock n’ Rolf – fuck olf. 2

Smalley: If this had come out 30 years ago, it
wouldn’t be out of place on yer average classic rock/metal station; that
should give you some idea of how much edge Runninq Wild’s “metal” has. 5

BamaHammer: Let me get this straight. So you’re
saying a 50-year old German guy who may be obsessed with pirates and
calls himself “Rock ‘n’ Rolf” makes shitty heavy metal? Surely you jest.
2

InquisitorGeneralis: Running free yeah, I’m running fre… oh wait. This isn’t Iron Maiden, this is a cheesy heavy metal power rock shit stain. 2

Sokaris: This album is a goddamn disgrace. In the
final paragraph of my review I basically just assaulted the reader with
one bad play on words after another (PUN-ishment,
you could call it…) and somehow I forgot to use the term poop deck.
Okay here goes, I’m shooting for this to go on one of those stickers
they put on the shrinkwrap. “If one were to build a sailing vessel
out of Running Wild albums, “Shadowmaker” would assuredly form the
poopdeck. -Sokaris, Global Domination”.
2

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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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