GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – June 2010

Audio Autopsy – June 2010

01/06/10  ||  Global Domination

Soreption: Deterioration of minds Soreption: Deterioration of minds

7.5/10

Lord K: High quality, technical death metal that I have covered in full here. Easy win for Soreption. Swedes do it better than most. 8

Kampfar: If you start a band with the intent of
mixing Spawn Of Possession with Decapitated, you and your friends will
end up sounding quite close to how Soreption present themselves. Think
death sporting an edge of tech and lots of start/stop riffing. 7

The Duff: Okay, the debut E.P. was fucking
fantastic; I was a little worried they were rushing out this follow-up
full-length. Turns out they’ve only improved, yet for some reason the
utmost technicality is a withdrawing factor to my enjoyment – the riffs
aren’t quite so memorable, whether because of the arrangements or the
over-the-top complexity. I can’t deny that a whole fuckload (if not all
of them) are headbang worthy, but key parts to the songs that need to
kick things into high gear fail to do so, making this bordering the
repetitive. Anton Svedin is still definitely a rising star in the death
metal underground, with absolutely face-tearing solos; have no fucking
clue what he’s playing on “A Wolf Among Men” – envious to say the least.
8

Trauma: Catchy as all fuck and containing the complexity that could make most men crumble. 8

CadenZ: My. Head. Was. Blown. Off. What. A. Fucken.
Voice. And. What. A. Fucken. Band. Shiiiiittt. Sorry. For. The.
Annoying. Moron. Writing. But. My. Head. Was. Blown. Off. As. You.
Might. Remember. 9

Michael (guest): I skipped forward a lot… And this
is not eight different songs, it’s a 30 minute long song with some skips
on the way. Not much variation. Death metal as death metal sounds like.
Nothing new, but still not bad. Just boring. Solos are kinda cool
though. 5

Sadist: Season in silence Sadist: Season in silence

6.3/10

Lord K: Some neat groove going on here and there
with some nice guitar work thrown in with intricate beats and
arrangements. Sadist pretty much create something of their own and it’s
not shabby at all. Just don’t expect anything brutal despite what their
moniker might imply. 7

Kampfar: Progressive death without a shard of
aggression but plenty of pretto is not anyway near what proper death
metal should sound like. That’s a fact, not an opinion. 4

The Duff: If there’s one band that should cease to
be emulated, it’s Meshuggah – influence is all fine, but the Swedes are
still doing their own unique style better than anyone, so to challenge
them on their own ground is foolhardy, says I. The other influences are
melodic styles, black, Cynic, death metal and so forth. Not bad really
(essentially piss-poor Between the Buried and Me), but mixed with the
hardcore vocals, I’m not sold. 5

Trauma: Very eclectic and very catchy at times.
Certainly not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, but unique they
definitely sound. I really love the bass lines. 8

CadenZ: Another cool slab of prog death from the
Italians, who never seem to disappoint. Extra kudos to drummer Alessio,
you da man. On the negative side, the production could’ve been more
massive. 8

Michael (guest): I don’t know why I like this, I’m
guessing it’s mostly due to the vocals and the fact that they rock a
little. Mucho perfecto rock a little even. I’d even go as far as to say
this is a 7, but no… I already guessed that Cathedral would be the best
one… Toodles. If you’re into “extreme metal” you should give this a spin
though. It’s pretty good. 6

Cathedral: The guessing game Cathedral: The guessing game

5.2/10

Lord K: “Cats, incense, candles & wine” is a
great title. And that’s also the only thing that is great about
Cathedral. I can appreciate the pot-music for a few seconds at a time,
but seriously – nah… I smoke too little of those weird cigarettes to be
able to sit thru an album. And enjoy it. The best thing Cathedral ever
did was having a dude from legendary Acid Reign in the band. Maybe he’s
still in there – I don’t know. People who like this are stupid. I’ll go
listen to some “Obnoxious” now. That’s not stupid. Ta-da. 3

Kampfar: I would rather visit an actual cathedral
and spend time listening to a priest keen on ass-raping pristine
choirboys than ever listen to this disgrace of a double disc ever again.
I expected doom, but what I got was abysmal hard-rock tainted by some
of the weakest vocals my ears ever heard. Avoid. 3

The Duff: I really don’t get this band; the humour
ranges from tongue-in-cheek to worryingly severe when you consider how
much it ruins the album’s redeeming factors, and I was expecting most of
it to be doom metal rivaling that produced by the most classic of
British line-ups. This music is not great, cock-rock meets elements of
stoner, and some real shitty music on the side that has no place; I’m
sorely disappointed. 3

Trauma: This is not the Cathedral I remember
hearing a while back, and it’s also a Cathedral that I’m liking very
much so. Like, yes indeed. Sign me up, I might become a fan pretty
soon. 8

CadenZ: I’m guessing this is… weird? Out there? Trippy? Hazy? Yes. Any good? Yes. 7

Michael (guest): The first spin hade me thinking
that this band had gone retarded for real, but two or three spins later I
realized that they are fucking titans and that this album is extremely
cool. I’m guessing it’s the best one I’ll hear among these
“contributions” for this Autopsy, and it just restored my faith in metal
(take that, Bleeding Through. No pun intended, you guys just popped up
in the wrong decade). 7

Deftones: Diamond eyes Deftones: Diamond eyes

5.2/10

Lord K: If the actual music was as great and heavy
as the production is on “Diamond eyes” we’d be in for a treat. Naturally
that isn’t the case. I never gave a fuck about Deftones, but for an
easy-listening session while doing the laundry – it definitely works.
It’s terrible to admit it, but I think I’ll give this one a couple of
more spins one of these days. The production alone deserves it. 6

Kampfar: Once upon a time the daft tones of Deftones seriously appealed to me. Not anymore. 4

The Duff: Never have liked Deftones, doubt if I
ever will, but they do have a certain something going for them. Don’t
know how this compares to “White Pony” (their classic effort, right?),
so by itself the score is as follows. 5

Trauma: I thought all these bands called it quits.
They should have. It’s decent, boring music. Not good, not bad.
Stuck in the middle. 5

CadenZ: Deftones is proof of that even in the most
pretentious of genres you can find good stuff. As long as there’s
passion, talent and good execution involved, you can reach the skies. 8

Michael (guest): Did Kent (the band, not the guy)
just release an album (in English, big whoop) under this moniker? Did
some guy from Radiohead join them? Are they all wearing black outfits
and do they all have those quite little faces that seem to say “-Here I am… pity me for I am sad”. Intel, I need intel! Bravo Six Four! The eagle has landed but the nest is empty, please advice. Over. 3

Ratt: Infestation Ratt: Infestation

5/10

Lord K: I absolutely loved “Invasion of your
privacy” when I was a kid. That album is phenomenal, and it also holds
one of the best opening riffs ever in “Lay it down”. “Infestation” is
not a return to form, but it’s absolutely a decent display of hardrock,
created by veterans of the game. A bit of a surprise, really. I don’t
think anyone thought they had it in them, those old fucken farts. 6

Kampfar: Ratt rhymes with scat and glam with Islam.
Quite disgusting, I know, but it is nothing compared to what you have
in store if stupid enough to give “Infestation” a go. Glam metal must
die. 1

The Duff: Shit, can’t believe this is so far one of
the best albums on the list; the vocals are tough to stomach, but the
music is not so bad in places. 4

Trauma: They finally ran out of cocaine money. Or
whatever their addictions may have been, were they big partiers? Hair
band, must have been. Does that have anything to do with this music?
Sure does, because it sounds like the 80’s, only worse than it was then,
which isn’t as bad as you’d think. He’s sounding eerily similar to
Dave Mustaine at times. 6

CadenZ: Ohhh shit, what was that? No… now it’s gone. Phew… AHHH!!!
There it is again! Go away!! No, leave me alone! Let me go, evil
brainwashing demon ov Ratt! I don’t want to like this! But I do… no! NO!
Not fucken RATT! Argh, resistance seems futile, let’s just roll with it then… 7

Michael (guest): This actually sounds like Ratt.
Surprised? I am… And this further fuels my idea that most kids today are
underachivers with fucking disastrous haircuts. Go Ratt, rock me baby! 6

Soulfly: Omen Soulfly: Omen

5/10

Lord K: Possibly (one of) the most watered down
band(s) in the world. It’s not like they suddenly claimed that title,
they have been fantastically boring and weak since they first started
out. Soulfly is making me fall asleep a few hundred times over the
course of one fucken song. There’s no denying Max and his friends do
fire up some decent riffs at times, though. But you know as
well as I do that it’s time to bring back the Sepultura of old and give
up on this crap already. Also, they should have named themselves
Dungfly. Hah. Eat that. 4

Kampfar: The sound of Soulfly has suffered an
ethnic cleansing, which means they no longer treat you to Serbian
pygmies doing pan-flutes. Or whatever. As a result of just mentioned
genocide, they’ve turned into a more consistent and boring orchestra.
Boring or not, I kind of like what I hear. 6

The Duff: I think Max Cavalera is fast becoming one
of my least favourite guitar players, which is sacrilegious when I
think about it through misty-eyes. I used to dig Soulfly years back, a
seriously dangerous point in my life when I might’ve followed the Limp
Bizkits and Korns, only to thankfully find greater solace in Metallica,
Pantera and BM/death metal later on down the line. Some of the guitar
playing would indicate Max still has what it takes, but there’s little
here to motivate. 3

Trauma: I can’t think of anything short to write other than this. That’s how much I care about Soulfly. 4

CadenZ: Max pounds away. It sounds like Max, pounding away. I kinda like it. Pound on, Max. I like it. 7

Michael (guest): Pretty cool but nothing that blows
my mind… Production is kinda dirty, that is actually kinda refreshing.
Metal is supposed to be dirty and raw. I’d go for this if I was in the
mood. Definitely. Ugh. 6

Sabaton: Coat of arms Sabaton: Coat of arms

4/10

Lord K: I have a soft spot for Sabaton simply becoz
they are great fucken guys. The music is not completely what gets my
panties wet, but they know how to write their simplistic metal and
create memorable material. I take a liking in this far more than what I
am willing to admit. Let’s just pretend you didn’t see these words from
me, bitch. 6

Kampfar: If you are the kind of guy who enjoys
being coated in cum, I guess Sabaton and their pathetic power metal will
do the trick. Fucking hell, music as bad as this makes me hope for
Islamic domination and the abolishment of music altogether. ASAP! 2

The Duff: A friend of mine’s favourite band;
although it would seem I would rate this a low score purely to spite
him, I honestly can’t stand this fire and brimstone bullshit. The
musicianship is all fine, but the vocals grate the first layer of skin
from my scrotum, and not in a loving manner. My friend’s a cunt; how’s
that for spite? 5

Trauma: RISE UP YOUR SWORDS AND MARCH TO THE LIGHT! FOR THE GLORY OF THE KING! Bum bum-bum-bum bum-bum-bum bum-bum-bum bum. That’s all you gotta know. You love it or hate it. 8

CadenZ: “Coat of Penis” can go fuck its own ass
with a dildo made of itself, shit penetrated by shit in the shitter. I
should write a haiku about this. 2

Michael (guest): Wow… I was expecting some kinda of
dark hellish death metal due to the moniker Sabaton, but instead I was
repulsed and forever tainted by inferior speed metal (?) that has more
untuned man choruses than a fucking game of Brazilian football. Awful
doesn’t even begin to describe this piece of penis, I just wish that
it’d go away and never come back. Oh my… I finally know how Smeagol felt
like when he had that thing with Gollum going. I raise a royal curse on
on this album. Deaf! Deaf! Deaf! 1

Solution .45: For aeons past Solution .45: For aeons past

4/10

Lord K: Another one of nice-guy Christian
Älvestam’s projects? I’m starting to have a hard time telling which one
is which, and if we are not careful there is a chance that every album
in a future AA has some connection to this mighty’n‘incredibly creative
band-slut. As always the singing is great, and its backed up by melodic
metal not too different from his former band Scar Symmetry. It’s quality
through and through, and it probably comes across as better than it
actually is – all thanx to his vocal chords and the fine production. If
you can stand the obvious cheese and 2010-metal is your fave style of
music in the whole wide world – then you’ll like this alot. 7

Kampfar: Suiciding with the use of a .45 Magnum, or
something to that effect, would make for a messy suicide indeed. It is
therefore kind of a letdown to hear the sugar-coated and not at all
brutal death as presented to us by these Swedes fronted by none other
than Christian “Bandwhore Numero Uno” Älvestam. Talented the whole lot
are, sure thing, but whenever mentioned bandwhore brings his boyband
vocals into the mix, I feel like buying him a hefty handgun. 4

The Duff: Goddamn, Soilwork-worship, 100%, and not pre-“Natural Born Chaos”-era. Goddamn embarrassing. 2

Trauma: Sounds just like Scar Symmetry to me. 6

CadenZ: If you can’t do it as well as Scar
Symmetry, don’t fucken do it. The boy band parts are even gayer now…
Christian, what the fuck are you doing?! 4

Michael (guest): Is that a gun? Man, what’s up with all these power/speed metal “-I want us to be on the radio guys, can’t we gay it up a bit”
bands? And why the fuck would anyone want to add the occasional
growl/scream to this soup of disaster? You guys think you’re Opeth Lite
or something? “-Ooooh I can sing like a girl, lets use that a lot…
also, Randy Hotpants over here can play a mean solo if you guys slow the
tempo down a bit… it’s so noisy otherwise. Bring on the love!”
Guessed it? This is not for me… 1

Sick Of It All: Based on a true story Sick Of It All: Based on a true story

4/10

Lord K: Another one of all those old bands I never gave a fuck about. SOIA
isn’t completely terrible, they keep their HC/metal intact – the
problem is just that I fucken despise this crossover between styles.
Bonus points for naming a track “Braveheart”. Put a “Youngblood” on the
next one and we are good to go. 4

Kampfar: I wouldn’t at all mind if this group got
so sick of it all that they decided to call it quits by mass-suiciding.
Supposedly a legendary act, but to me their product spells generic
hardcore from here to hell. 3

The Duff: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Fuck yeah! Who
woulda thought I’d dig Sick Of It All so much? Vocalist reminds me of
Burst for some strange reason. Riffs’ll never win first prize anywheres,
but this shit is monster-truck rally good. 7

Trauma: Obvious joke goes here. 2

CadenZ: In one ear, out the other. Next. 3

Michael (guest): Cool… Still boring in the long
run… One song every now and then – not bad. Full album – not good.
Jesus, why did I do this? 5

Bleeding Through: Bleeding through Bleeding Through: Bleeding through

3.3/10

Lord K: The New Wave Of American Plague obviously
never dies on us. Absolutely lacking identity and note-worthy material,
Bleeding Through literally bores me to tears. But if you think that a
band having keyboards incorporated into their hideous metalcore is a
bold move, these guys should do it for you. Even more so if you are
deaf. And have no taste. Die. 2

Kampfar: “-I’ve heard enough of you, fucking go away!”,
screams the nitwit vocalist named Brandan Schieppati. Congrats, you
fucking imbecile, you nailed my thoughts at the exact time I was
thinking them. During the first song, that is. For your information,
dear reader, what we are dealing with here is annoying metalcore trying
to act tough by adding some blasts here but not there. Utterly
revolting. 2

The Duff: Not amazing. Darkane, The Black Dahlia
Murder, The Red Chord and symphonic black metal synth in a mélange of
decent but tiring metal. 6

Trauma: Yep, it sucks. 3

CadenZ: Drop the fucken MIDI
samples, you idiots. Your tired metalcore sounds even more moronic with
the Nile/Dimmu Borgir shit in the background. Schizophrenic music,
this. Left, right, up, down? It’s like a fucken NES joystick secret code. 3

Michael (guest): This is competent enough, but it
still sounds like something I’ve already heard again and again and
again… God I wish someone would just try to alter the sacred code of
“extreme metal” just a little before I lose interest in it completely.
Still, if I had heard this some 15 years ago… Whoa, has it been that
long? No wonder I think this sounds like recycled stuff then. My bad. I
should have been born yesterday, it would have made things easier. 4

Avantasia: Angel of Babylon Avantasia: Angel of Babylon

3.2/10

Lord K: Pretentiousness reaches new levels when
Tobias Sammet fires up yet another recording with Avantasia. I guess the
guy’s talented and all but he sure can’t write music I would ever be
caught having in my iPod. Or in my mp3 collection. 11 tracks of cheese
is what you get in case that’s your thing. I fucken hope it’s not coz
that would make you incredibly gay. I’ll take this shit over bands like
Bleeding Through and their likes any day though. And that scares me. 4

Kampfar: A label named Nuclear Blast shouldn’t be
allowed to release music as meek as this, so I suggest they start a
sub-label called Firecracker Records and sign all their limp-wristed
power-metal heroes unto that one already. Other than that, this album
fucking sucks. 3

The Duff: If memory serves me correctly, the first
many heard of Avantasia was with its last album, “The Scarecrow” (the
first album in a trilogy, this being the third), a supposedly ambitious
prog effort released closely to Ayreon’s “1011001”; a sort of
head-to-head in progressive rock started 2008 – side-stepping said
effort seemed a wise move on my part, as I can’t gel in the slightest
with the vocals; kinda like Bon Jovi crossed with Brian Johnson (but I
only vaguely jest). Unfortunately even the music is quite flat. 5

Trauma: I can tell you that I get extremely bored
wit dis. Like, 9 minutes for an opening track in the classical/power
rock/metal style. That’s like asking me to suck on a gigantic penis for
10 seconds. Way longer than necessary. I’ve also listened to this for
way longer than necessary. 3

CadenZ: Bombastic power metal that doesn’t suck.
That much. Minus points for the obvious and (apparently) obligatory
fucken corniness. And for sucking. 3

Michael (guest): This isn’t even fair. I can’t
stand this type of music, it’s just way to… well, happy. I can almost
sense some polka-like influences, and by Satan and all his little demons
– I don’t do polka. God… I have to turn this off, I’m allergic to it
for fucks sake. 1

Poisonblack: Of rust and bones Poisonblack: Of rust and bones

2.7/10

Lord K: Not only are Poisonblack boring, they are
also blessed with a very tiring vocalist to make things worse. Wikipedia
labels them as “goth metal”. I label them “mediocre, at best”. 4

Kampfar: Poisonblack is for those of you who miss
Sentenced. I guess. No matter if my guess is spot on or not, I certainly
have no time to spare for gothic shit metal going nowhere fast. Ukko
says no. 3

The Duff: Goddamn it, this has been a very shitty Audio Autopsy. 3

Trauma: Penisblack. 2

CadenZ: Some grunge-y chords are cool, but
otherwise this watered-down pop version of Sentenced sounds incredibly
tired. Go to sleep, pals. 3

Michael (guest): What’s up with this radio
friendly, heavy, generic rock crap? No wonder kids are fucking mentally
challenged these days. 1

Scorpions: Sting in the tail Scorpions: Sting in the tail

2.5/10

Lord K: These guys are still around? It’s a wonder
it took them 50 years to come up with this obvious album title. Cheese
extravaganza, sure, but not hardly as repulsive as the Meat Loaf kind of
cheese you can see dead-last in this AA. Scorpions can still rock it
out some times, but they lost the ability to write material like “Rock
you like a hurricane” tons of years ago. Retirement home is now. A bit
late, but hey… 4

Kampfar: In the early days of my youth, way before I
got hooked on perverted porn and pitch-black depression, I enjoyed
Scorpions and their hard-rock quite fucking hard. Hell, I even enjoyed
their ballads. Those days are long gone, buhu, and Scorpions haven’t
written a memorable song since. 2

The Duff: I hate Scorpions. Simple; great guitarist. 1

Trauma: They could have done worse for a farewell. 6

CadenZ: Maybe you were raised on rock, but you
don’t got it no more, you old fucks. I certainly hope you’ll keep your
promise and not release more shit, ‘cause the world couldn’t take any
more of this crap. 1

Michael (guest): Oh. My. God. Exit please. No. No. Go away… I’ll scream rape! 1

Meat Loaf: Hang cool teddy bear Meat Loaf: Hang cool teddy bear

2/10

Lord K: Hang Cool Mr. Penis. Holy smokes, I think I just shat myself. 2

Kampfar: Meat Oaf should’ve suicided ages ago. 2

The Duff: Er, I dunno dude; if Meatloaf were my
thing (only when he’s sporting mega-supreme titties, am I right
fellas?), this upbeat rock album with a plethora of instruments might
well be everything I’d want and more in a comeback album. But it isn’t
siding well with my more delicate sensibilities that focus on the
brighter things in life. 3

Trauma: Hahahaha, what the fuck is up with the
title? And it’s a concept album about some soldier? Makes absolutely
no sense to me. I will say “California isn’t big enough” is
surprisingly catchy in that totally gay and shitty way. The way that it
won’t leave your goddamned head no matter how much you plead to Dio. I
CAN BARELY FIT MY DICK IN MY PANTS. OOOOH-O! 2

CadenZ: One of the ugliest men on Earth returns
with an absolutely redundant and totally pointless record. Who missed
you, beef jerky? 2

Michael (guest): Yeah. Everybody likes a cool hangin’, but this Teddy Bear… This is not for me. 1

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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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