GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – June 2006

Audio Autopsy – June 2006

01/06/06  ||  Global Domination

Yyrkoon: Unhealthy opera Yyrkoon: Unhealthy opera

6.7 /10

Lord K: Not as goddamn sucky as their name might
suggest. Pretty decent modern-metal, the kind of metal we are all so
fucken bored with nowadays. Their grab on brutality is a little stronger
than the general modern metal shit-band though, and that’s a good
thing. Just not enough for me to being close to worshipping them. But
Yyrkoon is definitely quality, though I seriously hope they never get a
break with a name like that. 7

Ripper Bendix: Not too shabby, not too
overwhelming, but with a nice dose of kick-ass impressing me just enough
to raise the score one point. 5

Rafal: If all young death metal bands were like
Yyrkoon, I would have an instant hard-on. They might play in a lower
league but it be damned if this is not a good piece of full-on metal.
One more album like this and I will be praising them. 8

Desert Eagle: I was pleasantly surprised I must
say. I was fully expecting to really hate this band, but it turned out
to be some pretty tasty death. Not exactly a filet mignon, but a good
ribeye. 8

Syrrok: I was surprised at flashes of strength on
this bird-fest, considering the album-name rings of Yngwie and Savatage.
I can feel the groove at times. You mind say this is the Tijuana
Diamond in the roughest batch of AA on record. 5

The Abyss: French death that may take some (ok,
numerous) cues from bands like Nile and Zyklon, but when it sounds this
groovy and enthusiastic I can’t help but applaud them. There’s a hunger
for world domination here that may explain the Cthuhluh-theme of the
album, but whatever. Now I’m just waiting for the Yyrkoon/Gojira/Gorod
world tour!! 7

Necrophobic: Hrimthursum Necrophobic: Hrimthursum

5.7 /10

Lord K: I never thought Necrophobic would stray for
a second from their concept musically. But fuck me with an
action-figure, they have improved and made this album interesting to
listen to. Clever arrangements, killer-vocals and catchy riffs all over
the place. Fine-as-fuck death/black metal. This rounds winner for me. 8

Ripper Bendix: The phrasing of the first song is
almost exactly as Slayer’s “Black Magic”, I swear to fucken baby Jesus
who’s slaughtering is being advertised in this album’s three-minute
fucken intro (who in his right mind starts off with a three minute
intro, damn!). The musicianship is excellent, as should be expected from
a band that’s been around as long as Necrophobic. Je ne sais quoi is
missing here, though. 5

Rafal: What a fuckin’ blast of an album!
Necrophobic are back with the best disc of their entire career. Yes, I’m
aware of what I just said. If you do not know them, you know nothing
about Swedish death metal. 8

Desert Eagle: Can well all agree that the prefix
“Necro” has been milked for all it’s worth? That tittie is shrivled
beyond recognition at this point. I guess I’d still suckle on it a
little bit though. It’s still a tittie after all. This band sucks
though. Thought you’d like to know. 3

Syrrok: So, these guys fuck the dead? That can’t
be too much fun in the ol’ tour-bus after gigs. ” – Hey Sarcaufagus,
great show! Wanna go down to the pub and get some beers in? No?
You’re just gonna stay here and stick yer necro-penis in the eye-socket
of a corpse? Cool, falcon out!”. That was me being funny. The tunes on
this hawk-drama are performed well enough, but they give us nothing that
any band at the “Italy Treedoom deathfest” festival this upcoming July
21-23 do. 3

The Abyss: Necrophobic’s been at it for many years
now and have, like Dismember, always remained reliable and safe. But
with this latest album the band has really upped the ante and recorded a
sharp, lethal, spear of an album. Death/black with just the right
amount of brutality, melody, and speed to make it catchy as fuck and
still be a behemoth heaviness. 7

Taedeat: Quademonium Taedeat: Quademonium

5 /10

Lord K: AA-colleague Abyss has been raving about
this band and I have yet to find out why. Death metal with no suprises
and decent vocals. 5

Ripper Bendix: What the shit is a fucken “Quademonium”? A four-legged demon? Whatever. Oldschooly thrashy stuff that rocks my ass. 6

Rafal: Fast death/thrash metal with black shades
and sloppy (but do not take it as a flaw!) production. I dig it and
everyone who is into bands like The Crown, and even Naglfar, should buy
it on spec. 7

Desert Eagle: Making up words that are palindromes
is probably the lamest thing ever. Almost as lame as making an album
where all the songs sound the same. 2

Syrrok: This album is as much fun as a parking-ticket. Death metal done completely incorrectly. 2

The Abyss: I’ve already talked at lengths about
this band and I’m happy to say that two months later it still sounds as
fresh and vicious to my ears as before. A healthy mix of Dimension Zero,
Naglfar, and perhaps Behemoth, with tons of cleverly inserted hooks to
keep your attention. 8

Neaera: Let the tempest come Neaera: Let the tempest come

4.8 /10

Lord K: In Flames called. At The Gates called. They
want their sound back. Oh, and the snare called as well. He wants to be
higher in the mix. Originality called just now, he wants in the band. 4

Ripper Bendix: Simply put: in the vein of In Flames
and Children Of Bodom, and not too shabby. Rocks quite okay but is not
outstanding enough to make me all sweaty and stuff. 6

Rafal: It’s funny how Germans try to be good at
death metal. So far, they have failed on every occasion. Neaera have
huge ambitions, they are musically competent, but they have a thousand
of crooked miles ahead on their way. Not bad, not bad. 6

Desert Eagle: Wow, that singer needs to SHUT UP.
This band is almost completely ruined by a horrible singer. For all you
whining about me not saying what genre each band is, then this band is
fucken smooth jazz. Don’t believe me? Then listen to it yourself, idiot.
6

Syrrok: Alright! Finally a disc that can be thrown
on at Sunday brunch with confidence. Hash Browns ain’t got shit on this
album. Seriously (not seriously, but as serious as I get), the riffs
and music for the most part kick ass. Lets just leave the vocals out of
it. Don’t they have programs now that can eliminate vocals from tracks?
That would be helpful here. Albatross kills the snake. 4

The Abyss: Americanized version of
Gothenburg-death, from Germany. What more do you need to know? Oh yeah,
totally unoriginal but it could’ve sucked even harder… be thankful. Just
don’t encourage them by buying the album. 3

Setherial: Death triumphant Setherial: Death triumphant

4.7 /10

Lord K: A new experience to me, this band.
Definitely better than what I thought. Setherial’s kind of black
metal/death metal is ok with me. Not as fast as Dark Funeral, not as
catchy as Naglfar, but still a decent listen. The Zyklon-vibes I get
here and there is definitely a plus. 6

Ripper Bendix: Well, this band used to be better,
eh? Most of this album goes by unnoticed and the whole deal gets a bit
taxing in the long run. 4

Rafal: Mixing up brutality and melody at a fast
pace is nothing terribly new but it always makes my head bang. Setherial
have mastered the ability to produce catchy black metal tunes and
that’s what counts for me. 7

Desert Eagle: For a second there I almost reviewed
this band thinking they were Apostasy. But they’re not. They’re
Setherial. You might think they’re the same but somehow, they’re not.
I’m not exactly sure how. BLACK METAL!!! 4

Syrrok: PUT YOUR COMBINED CONSTRUCTION-WORKER SALARIES TOGETHER AND RENT A FUCKEN STUDIO! Sad stork. 2

The Abyss: In the land of “We stand still”,
Setherial has been an well-known face for years. They still play the
same Norwegian-style black metal as in the beginning, with the exception
now that the ideas seem to run a little empty. Not a bad album but in
no way a match of “Nord”. 5

Cult of Luna: Somewhere along the highway Cult of Luna: Somewhere along the highway

4.7 /10

Lord K: I once saw this band live. I can’t remember
shit about that evening. I had this album in my mp3-player a few days
ago, and I still have to understand why I did that to myself.
Over-pretentious fucken bullshit that makes me fall asleep. It’s not
special to be retarded. 3

Ripper Bendix: Hypnotic, mesmerizing, a bastard
between Spiritual Beggars and Type-O. Not really terribly exciting stuff
and definitely nothing to get fucken excited over. Quite the contrary
actually! I am basically typing this while sleepwalking. 4

Rafal: Though the pace here is mostly slow, there
are loads of serious moments in which the band can actually groove. I
have always been a fan of doom/drone metal and with an album like this
one, I will remain devoted to this genre forever. Cool shit. 8

Desert Eagle: This cult should go right ahead and drink the fruit punch before they make another album like this. 2

Syrrok: They wrote a song about birds on this one,
“and with her came the birds”. Unfortunately what also came with her was
boring metal. I’m so sad. This album is a frowny face 😦 times falcon. 3

The Abyss: I have a lengthier review coming up soon
(on June 8th to be exact), but let me just briefly sum it up like this:
“Somewhere along the highway” is the perfect mix of “The Beyond” and
“Salvation” and has achieved a nice balance between soft Sigur Ros-like
ambience and harsh monolithic tsunamis of distorted force. Lovely. 8

Dissection: Reinkaos Dissection: Reinkaos

4.3 /10

Lord K: Well, it didn’t turn out to be what
everyone hoped for in the end, did it? This one is a grower though.
There’s nothing remotely evil about the music anymore, that atmosphere
is gone. But Dissection’s definitely got the arrangements and moody
riffs in order for me to like it enough. 7

Ripper Bendix: SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE! Boring as fuck and not worth the bytes it takes to write this review. 1

Rafal: Dissection’s new face ain’t surprising nor
original. But it’s damn tight and well-played death/black metal with a
lot of heavy metal passages thrown in the lines. It might not be as good
as their older stuff, but I can’t say anything humiliating about it. 7

Desert Eagle: Damn, this band that sounds like a
million others broke up. Oh wait, I guess that means I could just listen
to one of those other ones. Yeah! You can’t see it but I’m rocking out
right now. To a different band, not Dissection. 5

Syrrok: Like a Kestrel Owl descending on a rabbit,
Dissection’s latest mimics this great bird’s dive-bomb towards the earth
with force and precision. The difference you ask? The Kester Owl eats
the rabbit, Dissection can’t afford their studio rent. Pretty boring
stuff. 4

The Abyss: Never been a fan of Dissection and this
so called “new” era has only offered a crappy MCD and an even worse
album. I think Jon has crawled so far up his own ass in search of
Gnosticism (that means knowledge, I just read it on a website) that he’s
forgotten how to make music. The drums are WAY too happy and dancable,
the guitars are simplistic nu-metal bullshit at best (with the exception
of the solos/melodies, which makes Dissection sound like an In
Flames-copy) and the vocals are just meh. The lyrics may be accurate and
insightful, but the delivery and vocal-patterns do not fit the music,
thus making it sound amateurish, at best. 2

Deranged: Obscenities in b-flat Deranged: Obscenities in b-flat

4.2 /10

Lord K: Well, the vocals are definitely hearable,
if you get my drift. Death metal that is dirty, ugly and quite bad. The
drum-arrangements irritates the fuck out of me. I hate those kind of
“blasts”. Actually, I don’t think I’ll ever listen to Deranged again
thanx to that. 3

Ripper Bendix: Fuck, I was looking forward to
slamming this fucken album. With songtitles like “I torture, rape, cum
and kill” you’re kinda asking for the “ha, ha, bög!” award. CURRRSE YOU
for denying me this pleasure! That’s actually pretty nice shit here. 5

Rafal: Swedish brutal death metal with fucked-up tempo changes, you all have heard it before. Heavy, strong as fuck, but boring. 6

Desert Eagle: That’s it? I’ve heard lower, you
guys. Other than that, it’s really just the same old death. Good for a
quick fix. Like black tar heroin. 6

Syrrok: I can totally tell this shit is in b-flat.
So it works! The band’s girlfriends no doubt helped them write this
album. I bet they went down to the 7-11 and kept the supply of Hawaiian
Punch and Zingers at a maximum. Deranged needed maximum ENERGY while
writing this noise-laden dump-disk in their best friend’s basement. 2

The Abyss: Some kind of semi-slow death. Does absolutely nothing for me. 3

Aurora Borealis: Relinquish Aurora Borealis: Relinquish

4 /10

Lord K: One of the suckiest bands around returns.
And this time they don’t even suck, to mine and everyone elses fucken
suprise. Don’t get me wrong, they don’t exactly rule shit either, but
this is a step up from their latest shit-disc. I would have shot someone
if it was a step down from that one, I might add. Despite a
quite terrible production there’s alot of melody and thrash/black/death
metal to be found. I can still do without them though. 4

Ripper Bendix: Damn, this shit is fucken awesome.
Starts off with a neat Slayer-esque riff, grabs you by the balls and
drags you somewhere dreadful. More of this, pretty please? 9

Rafal: Funny band, really. Their songwriting is
below average, not to say childish, and they sound as if they were
hidden under a blanket. Black metal of utter-shit quality. The only good
thing about it is the drumming performed by Tony Laureano, and for that
they get a 3

Desert Eagle: I really hope someone was paid some
serious cash to include this album in this AA. Actually I take it back.
That would make it even more sad since I’m sure this shit is going to
get torn to pieces, or at least it should. So, if they paid to have
their album ripped a new asshole, then they must be masochists. You
know, because they enjoy pain. 3

Syrrok: I hope this doesn’t pass for black metal
these days, or we’re all fucked. Combine the boring progressions, the
normal screeching, and the ‘Chysler LaBaron’ production and you’ve got a
piece of music worthy of Ricky Martin’s iPod. 2

The Abyss: Fast black metal with boring vocals. The
drumming is skillfull (it’s fucking Tony Laureno) but sometimes I feel
like he’s going overboard with the fills. Or maybe I have just listened
to too much Darkthrone, I don’t know. A big minus for the production,
the balance between instruments are fine but they’re all buried in a
blanket of bass-muffle. All in all, this is pretty mediocre stuff. 3

Sick Of It All: Death to tyrants Sick Of It All: Death to tyrants

4 /10

Lord K: Veterans in the scene. Definitely newbies when it comes to writing good music. I fucken hate hardcore. All kinds of it. 2

Ripper Bendix: Talking about SOIA is a bit redundant. You heard one, you heard them all. Either you are a fan, or not. I am not. 3

Rafal: It works on me. It grooves. It moves my cock
beyond any direction. Fuckin’ Sick of it All, I didn’t expect they
would blow me away with their hardcore/crossover. Let’s celebrate the
“we don’t give a fuck”-message with them. 8

Desert Eagle: You’re telling ME! 1

Syrrok: It’s a race to see which staff-member can
twist around the name of this band to represent their feeling about this
album. I’m not gonna do it. Instead I’m going to tell you a story about
the mating rituals of vultures. Surprisingly, they’re not much
different than Kerry King. ” – Lets celebrate that we don’t give a
fuck!”. Best line of the album, it made me listen twice. Other than
that, just more bro hardcore-garbage. 4

The Abyss: The old hardcore-geriatricas are back to
bore us to…. no wait, this is actually pretty lively and energetic.
Nice. SOIA sounds like they always do, NY Hardcore, but it sounds good
and I can’t help but like it. 6

Apiary: Lost in focus Apiary: Lost in focus

3.8 /10

Lord K: Cool sub-bass hits here and there won’t
help the poor fucken material, stolen from Meshuggah and the likes. This
is more boring than staring at Luke Skywalker’s pants for 2000 years.
The score is for effort. Only. 4

Ripper Bendix: Meh. 4

Rafal: I feel sorry for these fuckers since they
don’t hit my home in any way. Messy metalcore is what the guys do but
they can’t play for shit. My goodness, it’s a metal kindergarten for
retards. 2

Desert Eagle: These guys wish the were The Ocean. But they’re not. Too bad. 5

Syrrok: I wish the band was called Aviary cuz then I
could talk about birds of prey, and their undeniable influence on the
metal-scene. Like Bruce Dickinson, now that guy’s an eagle. Falling from
the factory, here is ‘Dillinger Escape Plan’ fart-noise. Apiary string
together a few more coherant riffs, but it’s mostly just the leftover
cheese at the bottom of your nachos. 3

The Abyss: Technical mathcore taking clear
inspirations from DEP and Meshuggah. Competent and tight, but unlike
fellow newcomers, like Crowpath, the songs on “Lost in focus” just
doesn’t grab me. 5

She Said Destroy: Time like vines She Said Destroy: Time like vines

3.7 /10

Lord K: She said destroy, I said fuck off. 3

Ripper Bendix: She said destroy, I say goodnight. 2

Rafal: Wanted to say “get the fuck out of my stereo” but I think it would be too many words to waste on these death metal wannabes. 4

Desert Eagle: If I had to describe them in one word it would be: abrasive. Hey, I should do all my reviews like that! 7

Syrrok: I hope this band tours with Apiary and hires Great White’s pyro-supervisor. 2 ( Note by the Lord: Ouch, haha… )

The Abyss: First of all: change the fucking name.
Second of all: I don’t know what label to put on your music but keep
doing it, it’s got some death, some post-HC and something epic. And then
there’s about 5 other genres I guess would fit here and there. Cool
stuff actually, but for God’s sake, the name has to go! 6

Mystic Circle: The bloody path of god Mystic Circle: The bloody path of god

3.7 /10

Lord K: I’m curious: Exactly how fucken
mystic can a circle be? I always wondered about that. “Hello James
Hetfield, wanna see my mystic circle?”. That is just so wrong.
Frog-vocals together with black metal riffing and growls. Keyboards and
cellos and shit added for creepy atmosphere. There’s the concept, if you
just add a bad production to it. 4

Ripper Bendix: Haven’t followed these fuckers for a
few years so I have no idea when they decided to put more attention on
their guitars instead of the candy keyboards, but I must say that this
stuff kicks way more ass than I remembered. Call me crazy, but I like
it! 7

Rafal: Black metal clowns number 1. They have
always been far away behind the backs of other bands, copying old riffs
and throwing some infantile, unoriginal motifs surrounded by a decent
production. It’s good for 5 minutes, then it blends into one, grey pile
of shit. 4

Desert Eagle: Sounds like the same t-shirt that
produced Beheaded’s album was brought back to produce this bad boy.
Only, the shirt got a little mangled by all the homeless people that
slept in it. And by homeless people I mean the bandmembers of Beheaded. 2

Syrrok: Everyone loves triggered, uninspired,
piss-tasting metal, right? I cannot think of one damn Kristy
Yamaguchi’n redeeming thing to say about this band. 1

The Abyss: Death metal with some metalcorish flairs
I don’t care much for. The guitarwork in general is okay, but compared
to Necrophobic and Yyrkoon it becomes obvious that Mystic Circle are
still in the little league. 4

Celtic Frost: Monotheist Celtic Frost: Monotheist

3.7 /10

Lord K: When will people understand that CF are
overrated? I’m not stroking my willie with any of their albums, and this
one will not have that pleasure either. Is it a grand return? Is it the
best thing since peanut-butter? Or is it just a boring fucken album,
recorded and performed by old farts who should have quit 600 years ago? I
vote the latter. 3

Ripper Bendix: As useless, superfluous and boring this stuff might be, I still expected worse. 4

Rafal: Warrior hasn’t yet taped his balls back and
therefore his ship called “Celtic Frost – the comeback” is sinking very
fast. I wish I had not listened to this poor excuse of an album. 3

Desert Eagle: It amazes me that this band has the
following that they do. They have always sucked, and they will continue
to do so. This album changes nothing. It’s still the same shit. Although
the last song is pretty nice. 3

Syrrok: I tried playing this one REALLY LOUD, just
to see if it was better at sonic levels I was unaware of. From listening
to these fuckfaces lately, people just don’t “get it” with this new
release. Yeah, always the most metal move of all: when yer shit sucks,
go after the people listening to it. To be honest, I don’t even know if
Celtic Frost has done that, but it doesn’t matter much. If this is a
comeback then LL cool J was right when he said “don’t call it a comeback
2

The Abyss: CF has always been a “love or hate”
-band, but so far I seem to have landed somewhere in between. I like
some songs of them and I think some are crap. But on “Monotheist” the
stakes are raised and taken to the extremes, and I love it! There’s a
Neurosis-quality in the slow grinding passages that I just can’t resist,
and a sense of looming darkness on the album that is perfect for
solitary contemplation. 7

Fuelblooded: Inflict the inevitable Fuelblooded: Inflict the inevitable

3.5 /10

Lord K: I get some Testament-vibes from this at
times. I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing since Testament’s
been sucking for a while. It’s thrashy and blessed with a decent
production, so listening to it ain’t all that boring. But you’ll never
see me streak across the street in joy over Fuelblooded. Oh man, that is
one sucky name for a metal-band. 5

Ripper Bendix: Not too good, not too bad. Sounds a
bit weird at times because the singer and the rhythm-section seem to
hate each other. Sounds like a mix between Soilwork, Metallica and
mashed potatoes from Sentenced’s backstage-catering. 4

Rafal: Melodic death metal of the 2nd league. I’m
fed up with these run-of-the-mill sounds and off-key clean vocals that
pop up here every now and then. It’s poor music for poor people. 3

Desert Eagle: Is it just me or does this sound
exactly like that new Dissection I just listened to? I was tempted to
just copy and paste the same comment and use it for this one but I have
more integrity than that. Instead I wasted all this space with useless
fluff. Ahhh, fluff… 4

Syrrok: Throw this in the pile with all the
“Bleeding Through” -type bands. I pray to the sweet sexy Hawk-gods that
this metal-style finds its end before I turn 29. I’ll let all these
“Throwdown” bands enjoy their summers but by next winter they should be
banished to the fucken forest so they can become true metal and drop
this “posturing-metal”. 3

The Abyss: I got 4 songs into this bullshit before I
realized that I still wasn’t listening to the first track. That’s how
exciting they were. 2

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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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