GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – June 2005

Audio Autopsy – June 2005

01/06/05  ||  Global Domination

System of a down: Mesmerize System Of A Down: Mesmerize

7 /10

Lord K: SOAD always mixed
really awesome stuff with not so awesome stuff and in the end turned
out to be pretty meh, but cool somehow. Well, it’s impossible to deny
the fact the guys got a unique sound with completely fucked up ideas,
spiced with the awesome vocals of Serj. This is another piece of catchy
insanity and there’s not one band around, except for SOAD, that sounds like this. 8

Farlus: I’ve always been a fan of these guys. I
don’t agree with their message, but they never fail to make me chuckle.
It also seems that their skills have gotten better with this album. I
don’t like the fact that the singing has been divided more between Serj
and the other guy, cause Serj is an excellent singer and I’m not too big
of a fan of the other guy, but I still love this album. The beginning
of “Cigaro” is classic…“My cock is much bigger than yours!” Hahahah. It
sucks that they became somewhat of a “radio band” with the crazy success
of the singles off of “Toxicity”, but eh, it hasn’t fazed them a bit.
This album actually seems to be more vulgar than the previous ones, and
they even seem to make fun of themselves/their success with
“Radio/Video”. “Hey man, look at me rockin’ out / I’m on the radio”.
Good stuff. 8

Syrrok: Gibba dooooba dah, geeba doo-ooh ba dah… !American Imperialism!… Geeba dooba dah!, zim zam zing! It’s over. 2

Desert Eagle: That’s right, everybody IS going to
the party. Delightfully weird and catchy so yeah I don’t care if people
give me shit for this. 8

The Abyss: Some would say that this is CHALLENGING
music, others would just say that it’s dumb and whacky for the purpose
of whackiness. I’m leaning towards the second opinion; even if often
find myself digging the songs on “Mesmerize” I just don’t see myself
valueing this any higher then SOAD’s previous albums nor getting all
nostalgic about it 10 years from now. The band has found their thing and
are now working on perfecting it. I can respect that. That said, I wish
Darian would shut up more and leave the singing to Serj; the fucking
guy with talent. 7

Derek: As with each album this band releases, I
await it with the zeal of a Roman lion in anticipation of a fresh
Christian to devour. Sadly, every time they put out an album the fucking
fucks have the fucking audacity to record something I enjoy. Mezmerize
is no different; political tripe and meaningless lyrics are thoroughly
masked with awesome groove and some truly quality riffs. “Radio / Video”
had me singing the song for a week. I haven’t done that in years. As
much as I hate to say it, this album is excellent. 9

Bruce Dickinson: Tyranny of souls Bruce Dickinson: Tyranny of souls

6.3 /10

Lord K: The world’s greatest heavy metal singer
ain’t creating the world’s greatest heavy metal music on his own.
Everyone knows Hammerfall are responsible for that. Yes, I’m kidding.
But only with the last part. 4

Farlus: “Navigate the Seas of the Sun” wins the
award for gayest song of the year. That aside, this album is pretty
good. It seems like his time would be better spent perfecting a new
Maiden album rather than getting his rocks off on a solo album, but he’s
Bruce Dickinson, he can do that sort of thing and get away with it. I
like the dark atmosphere at the beginning of the title track. More
please. 6

Syrrok: THE voice of
metal returns! Bruce Dickinson could sing Fab Five Freddy songs in
Eskimo and still make them sound fucken legendary. Glorious work yet
again. Up the irons! 7

Desert Eagle: It’s Bruce Dickinson, I mean come on. 8

The Abyss: Not as downtuned and downright sinister
as “Chemical wedding” but spank my ass and call me Mike Poggione if this
still isn’t one of the best solo-efforts by Bruce Bruce. His voice is
better then ever and on tracks like “Navigate the seas of the sun” (just
listen to those vocals!!) and “Kill devil hill” he proves once and for
all that at least one member of Iron Maiden would survive a definitive
breakup. This is classic heavy metal, nothing more, nothing less. 8

Derek: Straight out of the 80’s, this is I guess
what you’d call “classic” metal. I like to call music like this “the
reason I didn’t get into music until 1996”. Sure, it’s well done music. I
just don’t like it. A lot of this sounds really over the top. Bruce has
a great voice; I just don’t really care to hear it, especially over
such restrained, sedate music. Maybe I’m just getting desensitized by
all the hyper-grind speedcore shit out there, but this album seems way
too slow and plodding. I give it an E for effort. It wasn’t even good
enough to inspire a joke, so I’ll simply point out that Bruce has the
words “dick”, “in”, and “son” in his last name. Not that I read into
things like that. 5

Naglfar: Pariah Naglfar: Pariah

5.8 /10

Lord K: They have stolen The Project Hate’s 2nd
albumtitle and re-worked it for the intro. That is a plus though ours is
way better. I fucken dig Naglfar. Blistering black/death that possesses
so much quality, talent and Pro-Tools, Mike Poggione would be jealous.
Definitely top-notch shit and a natural continuance of “Sheol”. But that
album is better. 7

Farlus: Decent stuff here and there, but for the
most part it all sounds the same. I might like it more if I were a black
metal connisseur or into black metal at all, but I’m not. Mediocre at
best. 2

Syrrok: Thank you for giving me an album to enjoy.
This must be the one out of ten every month that will actually stay in
the ipod for longer than a week. The “I’m getting reemed in the ass”
vocals still don’t ride my dragon, but at least the music kicks ass. 6

Desert Eagle: I really can’t tell the difference
between this band and like a million other black metal bands. So that’s
definitely a bad thing. 5

The Abyss: My favourite black metal band are back
with a new singer and new bassist and fuck me if they don’t kick even
more ass now! Effectivly wiping out all doubt about being able to fill
Jens’ shoes as vocalist, Kris takes on the vocal duties with a hunger
only a sumowrestler in candystore can equal. With Kris sounding similar
to Abbath of Immortal it’s only natural that also the music is taken a
step back from the melodic approach on “Sheol” and what we’re presented
with is a fast, intricate and sometimes even symphonic (in the
arrangements, not the use of keys) album with nods to both “Vittra” and
aforemented “Sheol”. It’s rawer, more thoguthout and I fucking love
every second of it. 9

Derek: For some reason I expected a black metal
band, never having heard of this band until now. Shock: I was right. I
think “Naglfar” is Orcish for “stupid name”, but thankfully the contents
of the album almost make up for it. As far as black metal goes,
“Pariah” pretty damn good. Sadly, it’s really no different from any
other half-decent black metal album. A lot of black metal cliches can be
found littered throughout this album but, thankfully, shitty production
isn’t one of them. With any luck, on their next album, Naglfar might
introduce a new riff or two to black metal scene; thereby doubling the
current number. Basically, it was free and worth every penny. 6

Ribspreader: Congregating the sick Ribspreader: Congregating the sick

5.8 /10

Lord K: I dug the last Ribspreader-piece quite a
bit but this is not on par with that. Rogga’s vocals are great as always
but I’m not really fond of what he’s doing musically. Old-school death
metal with a pretty bad production is nothing I put on all that often.
Rogga should listen more to God Among Insects for influences and
instructions as for how to do shit. 4

Farlus: I highly enjoyed “Bolted to the Cross” and
this record continues that. Rogga’s vocals are great, and I get a very
old school death metal feeling overall from this album. Great stuff if
you’re into that sort of thing. 7

Syrrok: So what happens once all the sick are
congregated? Do not the sick need the well in order to hatch our their
evil? Think it through, ultimate tough metalheads! If you’re just
hanging around all the sick then soon you will all die off. Perhaps that
horrible guitar tone will die with them. I’m being too hard on these
guys. It’s alright but ABSOLUTELY nothing new. 4

Desert Eagle: Okay this might not be as good as I
think right now. It’s just that almost everything before this sucked
total balls. But hey what can I say, by comparison this is totally
awesome. Brutal and shit. 7

The Abyss: Pound back 2 six-packs of beer, grab
your baseball-bat and hop in the car to play some mailbox-baseball. This
is neanderthalic death metal so knuckle-draggingly primitive and brutal
I’m surprised the studio engineer let the band into the studio without
covering the floor in plastic for protection against urine, blood and
feces. Ribspreader is simple un-assuming death metal at its best and I
think they’re perfectly happy about staying that way. Me too. 6

Derek: Nothing original or innovative, but this is
still brutal and groovy as all fuck. I like this a lot more than 90% of
the death metal out there. There are actually songs on here, not an
infected cum load of difficult riffs. This album makes me want to punch
nuns and set babies on fire, or bob my head enthusiastically to the
beat; it’s a toss-up. If you want some death metal done right, give
these guys a look. If you’re looking for a dose of post-modern
existentialist englightenment, surreptitiously jazzy hooks, then just
fucking kill yourself. Oh, and this album isn’t for you. Douche. 7

Atakhama: Existence indifferent Atakhama: Existence indifferent

5.3 /10

Lord K: Bands who reminds me of Norwegian masters
Zyklon (as well as some Morbid Angel among other things) can do nothing
but succeed with me. A sonic experience in tight-as-nun-ass musicianship
and groovy riffing makes me wanna do the jig. And I can’t even fucken
dance for shit. Killer as fuck. As I type this, Secthdaemon of Zyklon
sends me a text-message. That is a sign. 8

Farlus: Interesting at times and gets my head
nodding, but for the most part is bland, boring black/death. If you’ve
heard one, you’ve heard ‘em all. 3

Syrrok: Terrific, another garage recording. Is this
shit supposed to pass for black metal? I’ve heard this is Scott Baio’s
favorite band and now I know why. Actually I don’t know why but I do
know that Baio fucked Buddy often on the set of “Charles in Charge,”
probably while listening to Atakhama. 1

Desert Eagle: One thing that comes to mind whenever
I listen to Atakhama (aside from, “Hey what a shitty name!”) is, “Hey!
Is this Behemoth?” One could honestly make that mistake. It has that
black metal feel but then it’s death metal. And it ain’t half bad. 7

The Abyss: Holy shit, this caught me by surprise!
Brutal punishing Finnish death with more than a hint of some norwegian
blackened vitriol. Brutal stuff with just the right amount of hits of
melody buried in the riffs and leads for me to actually appreciate the
songwriting. PERKELE! 8

Derek: I don’t profess to know what Atakhama means,
but when I say things like “this bands like to atakha-ma ears”, I make a
failed saving throw versus my own cleverness, and giggle to myself
contentedly. You too can join in on the laughter by checking out the
shoddy production on “Existence Indifferent”, which is a title that
perfectly sums up my listening experience. This is textbook black metal,
with absolutely no reason for being. What’s the point of doing
something right if there was no point in doing it in the first place. I
snoozed through this one. Heh, “atakha-ma ears”, har har. 5

Shining: IV The eerie cold Shining: IV The eerie cold

5.3 /10

Lord K: I have read about these guys here and there
but never cared about checking them out. Just one of those bands I knew
I wouldn’t like. Well, fuck me, they are better than I could ever
imagine. Pretty unique stuff here and there and it holds quite a neat
atmosphere actually. Can’t say I’ll spin this on a daily basis but I’ll
definitely let it run if it pops up in my Winamp on random. 5

Farlus: This music is pretty good, but Jesus Nutsucking Christ, the singer is TERRIBLE.
He’s always singing like he’s got a cactus up his ass. He must be
expressing the grim, trve pain he is feeling, but just ends up sounding
like a cat in heat. Fuck, he pisses me off. Otherwise it’s dark,
atmospheric music that I could get into if not for the awful vocals. 5

Syrrok: The studio sessions to record this album
must have included John Pettrucci guitar lesson video tapes, gatorade,
black demin, and season one of “Full House.” And we all know season one
was the worst cuz DJ didn’t turn into a full-on slut until season 4. Oh
yeah, this album is long. About 45 minutes too long. They could have
wrapped up what they wanted to say in 4 minutes and I wouldn’t have
complained. 3

Desert Eagle: Man, does this shit ever take a long
time to build up to something… When it finally does, guess what? It
sucks! The first song takes 3 and a half
motherfucking-god-damn-asshole-shitting-out-shit minutes to get to the
vocals. FUCK. 4

The Abyss: Swedish black metal that has evolved
from very primitive “Norwegian”-style beginnings to a beast encompassing
both blues and something more desolate and barren… Something creepy.
Like finding-the-zombified-corpse of-Johnny-Cash-singing “Hurt”-in
-the-back-of-your-barn creepy. Needless to say it’s a risky transition
but to my surprise Shining pulls it off, not only with ease but with
bravado. Just listen to the exquisite and tasteful bassplaying on the
title track and let all your pent up nihilistic grief and wrath come
flooding your mind. That’s what Shining is for. Sonic misery. And never
have they done it so well as on this album. 8

Derek: Although most of the album I can’t
understand, due to language and the death vocals, I quite like this
band. They have a definite Opeth-like feel to them, although focused
more on the heavier side of the prog-metal equation. (The side with less
acoustic ballads and more dead hookers with their mouths sewn shut.)
The long songs are a bit much to handle, but for the most part they
work. I’d be interested to hear these guys again in a few years; I’m not
blown away but there is some definite promise here. 7

Arise: The beautiful new world Arise: The beautiful new world

5.2 /10

Lord K: All I think about when I hear the name
“Arise” is the Sepultura-album. Arise doesn’t sound like Sepultura
though, they sound fuck-alot like late At The Gates, only not as
brilliant. The fucks execute their shit without any flaws whatsoever,
it’s just sad that nothing sticks. It’s just another one of all those
quality-bands with nothing of their own to offer. There’s more of those
in this edition. 5

Farlus: These guys are a mix of the best elements
of bands like The Haunted, Soilwork, and Total Devastation (or maybe I
could just say At the Gates). Lots of groove is laced throughout. It’s
mostly fast-paced, but there is some darker, slower stuff amidst the
thrashing. I’m a fan. If you dig the aforementioned bands, you’ll dig
this. 6

Syrrok: What the fuck is a kinf? And why am I a
“Kinf” yesterday and then a slave today? These fellas rock in mediocre
fashion, sometimes even above average. But then their singer sings. 3

Desert Eagle: Well guys we have some sick music
here with some unsick vocals. There’s also a rather offputting
appearance of cowbell. I mean yeah I know cowbell kicks ass but, like
seriously, what? I don’t know guys. It’s good but the vocals really kill
it for me. 6

The Abyss: Quite competent Gothenburg-death that
clearly’s been standing At The Gates for some time now waiting for their
Arch Enemy to put him In Flames. It’s a real Soilwork but Arise aren’t
any worse then the other Melodeath-bands. Sometimes they’re even good.
Bonus for a very thick guitarsound. And thank Satan there’s no
HC-breakdowns!! 6

Derek: This could be any number of other bands;
Black Dahlia Murder, As I Lay Dying, or any other band with some
quasi-emotive monkier with the word ‘dying’, ‘bleed’, or ‘murder’. Yes,
it’s metalcore. Yes, it sounds like every other metalcore band out
there. Normally this is where I’d say “well, at least these guys sound
like they know what they’re doing”, but the more I consider the fact
that someone, anyone — let alone a whole unit of people — would
knowingly make such derrivative music, even opting for the generic
metalcore production value, is fucking beyond me. Believe it or not,
there is good metalcore out there; this just isn’t it. The New World may
be Beautiful, but this album is that leprous-mule-looking ugly chick
that you sleep with because you just drank a six-pack, a 40, and a
bottle of windex. After you’re ‘done’ with this album, you’ll want to
peel off your own skin because you just know it’s never coming clean
again. 5

Devildriver: The fury of our maker's hand Devildriver: The fury of our maker’s hand

4.8 /10

Lord K: I don’t know why Devildriver manages to
create some good shit every now and then, but they do. It’s the typical
US-bullshit metal that we all loathe so much, but somehow Devildriver is
a bit catchier than yer average shit. But I didn’t say it was awesome,
coz it’s fucken not. And “Devildriver” is a shit-name. “Satan Chauffeur”
is cooler. 5

Farlus: Seems like they took my advice after the
first record and cut out the stupid growl rap that Dez does (well,
except for on “Grinfucked”… bastards). This album is everything I had
hoped the band would do with their second effort. It’s just fucking
insane music that’ll make you say “Coal Chamber who?”. Good shit. 8

Syrrok: Devildriver keeps trying. They want to go
on tour with Mudvayne so bad for the ultimate “We can’t quite be metal”
tour, but alas, they’re stuck playing barns in Iowa. This band is boring
beyond all comprehension. 2

Desert Eagle: Ugh you aren’t serious are you? You are? Damn. 2

The Abyss: Like Dickinson, Dez Falafel (whatever)
of Coal Chamber tries to prove that he doesn’t need the band that made
him famous. What he offers is some kind of americanized version of
black/death the way it would sound if someone totally clueless to the
genres tried to play it. In other words, the band has the chops, but no
fucking idea how to put it all together. Well at least they’re trying
their best and anything to keep Dez from reforming Coal Chamber is
great. 4

Derek: Most people hate Dez Farfara; both the
things he says, and the music his bands make. I’m not one of those
people, although I would like to punt that midget for the 2nd half of
Coal Chamber’s “Chamber Music” album. Devildriver now sound like their
own entity; not like they’re riding coal Chamber’s coattails to pick up
those 3 extra fans. This shit is fuckin’ heavy, and I actually like this
album more than I thought I would, or ever wanted to. I should almost
deduct points for them ruining my streak of slamming shitty albums.
Seriously, if someone from Coal Chamber can do a good job, what the fuck
is everyone else’s excuse? TOO MUCH COCK, THAT’S WHAT! 8

Necrophagia: Harvest ritual Necrophagia: Harvest ritual

4.8 /10

Lord K: I didn’t expect shit from Necrophagia but
they suprised me with both a good production, some electronics, good
songwriting-skills and some Carcass-esque riffing every now and then.
Definitely a nice suprise in this round of AA. The vocals are a bit too
loud in the mix for my full-liking though. 7

Farlus: Simple and heavy with a horror/gore theme.
Fucking sick vocals man. Sounds like he’s gargling razor blades most of
the time. This stuff is right up my alley. I like it just as much as
“Holocausto de la Morte”. “Stitch Her Further” and “London 13 Demon
Street” stick out to me as being memorable tracks. 5

Syrrok: I’ve recently learned these guys are from the NOLA
area. I have Farloose to thank for that. But I have me to thank for
learning that these guys pretty much suck. Hey, life’s all about
learning! 4

Desert Eagle: A combination of video game music,
techno, and dumb avant garde crap. Notice how none of that mention
metal? Don’t let the video game aspect mislead you either, it’s not
awesome like video game music. Oh yeah throw in some Halloween music
too. Ooooooo, spooky. 2

The Abyss: I had written off Necrophagia as a
joke-band since Killjoy sounded like a slightly less whimsical Fenriz in
interviews. Guess I was wrong. While not music to discuss heavy
philosophical debates and drink redwine to, this is at least not as
retarded as GWAR. If Rob Zombie were to play
death metal I think this is what he’d do. While the vocals are far from
Zombie’s rock n roll yells, the horror-themes and musical interludes
that pop up here and there gives Necrophagia’s slow chugging death metal
that special carnivale-feel Rob Zombie’s excelled in. 7

Derek: Have you ever wondered what black metal
would sound like with a good production value, and not coming out of
Norway? Necrophagia have an answer for you; just as lame, only for
different reasons. Yes, this album is produced well, however the guitar
work is fucking weak — half the time it’s absent, while we get some
slow-ass keyboards and indecipherable vocals; Satan, flesh,
something-something, whatever… Considering how many lineups this band
has had, you’d think Killjoy would finally get something right. Nope.
There’s nothing too terrible here, but nothing worth mentioning. I got
3/4 through the album before I realized “fuck, I’m doing Java homework”.
If your black metal inspires me to do homework, you’ve really missed
the boat. Jackasses. 4

The Red Chord: Clients The Red Chord: Clients

4.3 /10

Lord K: The better one of the “Red” bands in this
edition, without a doubt. Wicked song-writing and kick-ass drumming (not
to mention the excellent drumsound!) seems like a good combination.
It’s definitely metal with a twist. The only thing that gets a bit on my
nerves is the vocals that are not as low’n‘growly as I would want them
to be (the growl he does perform are cool though, it’s a shame they are
not used that often), and the Slipknot “talk-and-tranform-into-a-scream”
-thing is annoying as fuck. But it works nonetheless. I’ll definitely
throw this album on more times. 6

Farlus: My initial impression of these guys was a
Mastodon vibe, but that quickly went away. This stuff plain sucks. They
have little complicated dirges, but mostly it’s just repetitive, bland,
boring “music”. Choke on a diseased cock and die, please. 2

Syrrok: Now we’re talking! Yeah, this band might
suck Jimmy’s british cock, but at least they entertain me with song
titles. “Dragon Wagon” and “Black Santa” are all I need to give this
horrible band a: 2

Desert Eagle: I won’t even mention the similarity
between this band’s name and another band from this AA even though by
saying I won’t I just did. This is like metalcore with death vocals so
it’s somewhat better than most metalcore. That is not saying much. 6

The Abyss: A totally unknown band for me but
they’ve had ex-Origin drummer John Longstreth with them so that should
give you an idea of what they sound like. Intense br00tal death mixed
with alot of technical thingamabobs and some grind-influences. It’s
pretty standard stuff but they rule more times than they suck so that’s a
good sign. Bonus points for a aggressive and satisfactory
vocal-delivery by Guy Kozowyk. 6

Derek: This album is very reminiscent of Napalm
Death, only with good production and some technical flare. Of course
riffs that involve two or more fingers could be considered ‘technical
flare’ in comparisson to Napalm Death… Anyway, The Red Chord dish up
another steady, blugeoning dose of snare-heavy grindy goodness. There’s
less of the screechy abrassiveness that made “Fused Together In
Revolving Doors” a small-doses album, while this album is a whole lot
smoother. Like a freshly oiled saw, lodged in your cunt. This shit does
get old pretty fast, though. I don’t see what all the hype around this
band is. 6

Nine Inch Nails: With teeth Nine Inch Nails: With teeth

3.8 /10

Lord K: The only thing that comes to my mind when
Nine Inch Cocks is mentioned is what Barney Greenway wrote about the
first The Project Hate-album in Kerrang; “Makes Trent Reznor sound like a
pussycat”. Well, pussycats are cute, but they shit. And that sums this
up. 2

Farlus: This album just screams “grower”. I hated
it at first, but as it continued, I liked it more and more. By the end, I
wanted to hear it again. I wouldn’t compare it to any previous efforts,
it just seems unique in its own right. I’m sure my score would rise
with continued listens. 6

Syrrok: This shit sucks. Why so many people buy
this garbage is beyond me. So the dude can make a whole album on an iMac
in one afternoon. It fucking shows! I’m just amazed that music with so
many potentially awesome beats ends up sounding as sterile as a rock in a
retards ass. 2

Desert Eagle: I wasn’t aware that we reviewed pop
on this site. I could have sworn this was strictly a metal review site.
Trent Reznor can suck my nine inch balls. (Yes I fucken listened to this
crap too.) 1

The Abyss: If you release albums as seldom as Trent
Reznor does you have to expect some nitpicking by fans and critics.
Especially if your previous albums often has created new standards for
other bands in the industrial/electronic genre. “With teeth” are
slightly more approachable and accessible then “The Fragile” but it also
lacks the highs and lows that made “The Fragile” such a epic and
interesting work. It’s not bad by any means, in fact it’s downright
fantastic many times, it’s just not my favourite N.I.N. album. 8

Derek: I don’t know what’s so ominous about “With
Teeth” as an album title. Unless this is a concept album about getting
head, I don’t see how teeth could ever be cast in a negative light.
Regardless, this is yet another slab of existential angst, distilled
from Trent Reznor’s usual bag of ingredients. Musically, the album is as
devoid of life as your average hooker; and about as satisfying. (I had
the most fun chopping it up into pieces and burying it in the yard.) I
think I’d rather have had that felatio concept album; it’d blow on
purpose. L-O-fucking-L. 4

The Red Death: External frames of reference The Red Death: External frames of reference

3.8 /10

Lord K: I wonder how many bands At The Gates
actually influenced after their departure from the scene. Well, The Red
Penis is one of them though they throw in quite a bit of other shit as
well; hardcore-ish parts, mosh-parts, In Flame-ish melodies, semi-blasts
etc etc. The problem is; you know when you get to hear something new
and it’s all well-played and shit, but you just don’t give a fuck becoz
most of the stuff you hear today is well-played? The Red Death is just
one of those bands. 3

Farlus: Fuck metalcore. 0

Syrrok: These guys are going on tour with Good
Charlotte this summer right? The triggered drums, poor guitar tone,
unoriginal vocals, and stupid lyrics all tell me one thing: That I could
take this same review and apply it to 798395872 other AA bands. 2

Desert Eagle: It’s a rare occasion when you get
some really good metal from America, this is not one of those occasions.
It’s some OK metalcore with awfu,l AWFUL, vocals. 5

The Abyss: So, nu-metal is fading like the fad it
was (too bad it overstayed it’s welcome by oh, say 3 years) and american
metalcore has really stepped up and shouldered the reeking crown of
shit that used to belong to Limp Bizkit (they just released and album,
did you know that? No? Great!!) and Papa Roach. Melodic death mixed with
Hardcore is the new nu and VERY few bands manage to make something worthwhile from that clusterfuck. The Red Death belongs to the majority. 4

Derek: At first glance, The Red Death is another
one of those really fast, really boring metal bands with a guitarist and
drummer so in love with their talents that they compete to drown the
other out. Sometimes it’s good to admit you’re wrong; this album is
actually fairly diverse; the constant is speed and brutality, but every
now and then there is the odd catchy hook or groove that seperates the
beating into bite-sized servings. I get the impression of Zao fans who
enjoy a bit more melody, and speed. Don’t let that scare you away, there
aren’t so much similiarities as common influences. This seems like an
actual album, not a shred-fest / wall of noise abortion. Good job. 7

Thine Eyes Bleed: In the wake of separation Thine Eyes Bleed: In the wake of separation

3 /10

Lord K: It would be nice if you could hear the
snare. Either this guy is the lightest hitter in the world or (let’s
hope so) whoever recorded this is deaf. Alot of shit is going on within
the Bleed-camp, for sure. Nothing is that memorable though, no matter
how neatly performed it might be. 5

Farlus: AHHHH LET’S SCREAM AT THE TOP OF OUR LUNGS AND PLAY SHITTY MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND FOR 9 SONGS!!!!!! Utter shit. And I listened to it twice! My poor, poor ears. 1

Syrrok: Kill the vocalist. Flush him right down the
shitter. And perhaps write a song that doesn’t involve triple-picking?
The album here makes me feel nothing. Luckily I have “MacGuyver: Season
1” to get me through this mess. MacGuyver, for those who don’t know,
could make anything from anything. He could craft a satellite from a
twig and semen. So I wrote Richard Dean Anderson and asked him if he
could make Thine Eyes Bleed sound decent. He has yet to get back to me. 2

Desert Eagle: This is the last album I reviewed for
this month and I am tired. My mind cannot think of a witty way to say
these guys suck so please think of one for yourself and attribute it to
me. Thanks. Love, Desert Eagle. 3

The Abyss: Okay… I think this is thrash. With some
other stuff in it, sometimes death, sometimes something dangerously
close to hardcore. All in all I must say that it’s pretty damn
repetative, especially the vocals. Shut up already, it’s almost like I
wish for another HC-breakdown. 3

Derek: Have you ever wondered what your shit would
look like if you ingested nothing but cream corn, laxatives, and Diet
Tab Cola for 3 months? I’m thinking shit-smoothie, with ‘flavour lumps’.
Anyway, if you took that and pressed it into a disc, it would probably
have a little sticker that said “featuring Tom Araya from Slayer’s
brother”. Lackluster production and weak songwriting have basically made
this album a redundantly redudant death metal release. Don’t waste your
money on this disc; cream corn and Tab Cola are cheaper, and you’ll
feel about the same. 4

Extol: The blueprint dives Extol: The blueprint dives

2.2 /10

Lord K: Extol for some reason reminds me of Stimorol. Only the taste of the latter is more exciting. Vocalist vs. Good = 0-10. 2

Farlus: Who listens to this shit?! Fuck metalcore and anything that sounds like it. 0

Syrrok: This album “sounds” really good. I wouldn’t
go as far as to say the music follows suite, but at least the faux
metalcore/farting/teardrop vocals are audible. Month after month we
review bands who try soooo hard to find their niche in the metal world.
They try to find SOMETHING to set them apart from the next band I’m about to review. No dice. 3

Desert Eagle: This is basically U2 with distortion. 3

The Abyss: Oh, for the love of fuck, give it up!
What the fuck is this fucking shit? Emo-screamo-nu-metalcore
fucketiyfuckingfuck-metal? And you expect me to listen to 50 min of
this? Guys; a) Sell your instruments because fuck knows that’s the only
way you’ll be making any money on your music. b) Kill yourself. If
you’ve actually gotten royalites for this pice of shit album, go
directly to advice b). 1

Derek: At times these guys remind me of Poison the
Well, only with less endearing qualities. At other times, I get a “Ms.
Johnson’s Third Grade Band Covers Opeth” feeling. Either way, I’m
getting aurally molested with the vigor of a clammy-handed,
cabbage-smelling, bus-stop pervert. It’s not so much that I dislike the
music, it’s that I wish it had never been recorded so I wouldn’t be here
complaining about it. I swear to god one of the verses was “I just
wanna hug and kiss you”. I’m all for bands making their fans feel
appreciated; but not when your album makes you out to be gay for me. I
mean, I know I’m a stud, but anyone who writes a song called “Gloriana”
is probably the “I just wanna cuddle” type of fag that just grosses me
right out. 4

GZR: Ohmwork GZR: Ohmwork

1.7 /10

Lord K: If GZR was a penalty-shot the puck would be the size of Mars. Which basically means it would be hard to move with a hockey-stick. 2

Farlus: “Plastic Planet” rocked, what the fuck is
this shit? Bring back Burton on vocals, this rap rock bullshit has got
to go. I’d be embarassed to have my name on this if I was Geezer. 1

Syrrok: Truly laughable. I was watching “A-team”
while listening to this album and lemme tell ya… B. A. himself stopped
mid-episode, stared at me through the TV and said “That’s some horrible
metal, sucka!” 1

Desert Eagle: This is really sad. Not because
Geezer is above this, because, honestly, Black Sabbath sucks. That’s
right, fuck you, I said it. It’s sad because the only reason this band
has any success is because Geezer is in it. Fucken garbage. 1

The Abyss: G/Z/R was only really relevant when they
had Burton C. Bell on vocals, with him the music had a heavily
distorted guitarsound with alot of Fear Factory-moments. This on the
other hand, is fucking weak. The only thing that saves this nu-metal
sounding rock-album is that we’re given a glimpse of how much worse it
could’ve been. There’s some rap on “Prisoner 103” and well…. Like I
said, it could’ve been worse. There could’ve been rap on the entire
album!! 2

Derek: We need a new Sabbath album, and bad. I liked the first GZR
album, even if it reminded me a lot of fear Factory thanks to Burton C.
Bell’s vocal slot. The band’s second album, with Clark Brown on vocals
was also very good; if not completely ignored by anyone and everyone.
“Ohmwork” proves that record labels will release anything attached to
Sabbath these days; if Geezer Butler weren’t behind this sorry-ass,
derrivative, sad-sack piece of radio metal lite, then I never would have
had the displeasure of enduring it. This is really weak material; if it
was released solely for the Sabbath association, then I’m sure that’s
the only reason anyone is going to buy it. This fucking blows. Extra
harshness since a veteran like Butler should know better. 3

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
%d bloggers like this: