Audio Autopsy – July 2008

Audio Autopsy – July 2008

01/07/08  ||  Global Domination

Unleashed: Hammer battalion Unleashed: Hammer battalion


Lord K: Unleashed’s been going for a 100 years now.
They have had more lows than highs in their career, but over the last
albums they have picked up quite a bit. This here album is a
not-to-be-a-classic Unleashed piece, but as long as it beats the
“Victims of wow” song, I’m cool. It feels like Unleashed’s been picking
up some speed over the last years and I believe we have never heard as
many blastbeats (though they never come off as blastbeats “for real” for
some reason) on a recording from these guys. Unleashed’s not dead yet,
by the sound of it they are quite fucken far from it. Gotta hand out
kudos to Fredrik’s fucken insane solos. That guy is one fantastic
guitarist. I should give Unleashed a 10 just becoz they
have Tomas and Anders in the band, since those 2 are cooler than Arnold
in “Terminator 2”, but let’s keep shit in order here. 7

Kampfar: Inspired and convincing is all I care to
say, for I already wrote a long pisser on this fuck. If it isn’t already
up, it’ll soon be. 7

Hanging Limbs: I’d probably like this better if I
didn’t just listen to Demiurg for the 10th time. There’s a reason these
guys have been around since the dawn of Swedish death metal, yet receive
half the praise of Entombed, Dismember, or even Grave. I respect
everything they’ve done and their perseverance in a demanding genre, but
this is nothing more than par-for-the-course death metal. 5

Abyss: 2008 seems to be the year of the Geriatrics.
Grave, Vader, Dismember and now Unleashed have new albums out. Of the
four I just mentioned Vader is the undisputed gold medal winners, no
doubt. But Unleashed are definitely giving Grave a run for their money
as contenders to the silver with “Hammer battalion”. The album has
everything you’d expect from classic Unleashed, including the
throat-searing screams of Johnny Hedlund. The band hasn’t sounded this
vibrant and eager in a long while and while “Midvinterblot” marked a
return to form, “Hammer battalion” proves it was more than blind luck. 7

Seker: If you don’t like Unleashed, then you don’t
know anything about death metal. At all. This is probably the best
Unleashed album to come out since death metal hero Johnny Hedlund
resurrected the band back in ‘02. It falls more in line with the
cacophonous and blasting sound they used on “Midvinterblot” than the
groovy dark sludge of “Shadows in the Deep”, but there’s a bit of a
speed metal thing going on here was well, and I’m loving the crunchy
thrash riffs they throw into the mix. It’s catchy, it’s smart, it’s well
written, it’s surprisingly complex, and above all, these songs will
actually sound pretty good when played next to Unleashed classics like
“Crush the Skull” and “The Immortals”, which is pretty much the highest
praise you can give to a death metal band as far as I’m concerned. More
albums like this, please. 9

Demiurg: The hate chamber Demiurg: The hate chamber


Lord K: Ed Warby’s obviously playing drums and
bandwhore Rogga’s vocals are quite ace. The sad thing is that the
material itself isn’t on par with these guys’ skills. The bass sound is
killer, by the way, it’s a shame it’s not more up front. With so much
talent in the band and the cool band name and album title, what the
fuck? 5

Kampfar: Rogga is a pony raping mongoloid with a
prima knack for, and exclusively so, low-tuned death, Demiurg perhaps
his most serious band ever. Serious or not, here is many a fine death
tune, but I prefer them presented in the more retarded and dirty way of
Ribspreader and Paganizer. “The Hate Chamber” is a bit too clean and
digital for me, you see, given the style and all, but still “The Hate
Chamber” trumps most of its competition. I wouldn’t mind if “Cult of
Dagon” had been aborted, though. 8

Hanging Limbs: This is gonna sound extremely
cliché, but who gives a shit: Demiurg play death metal the way it was
meant to be played. They are completely modern, yet retain that old
school flair we all long for. I’m not sure what a hate chamber is, but
if Demiurg is there, I want to be there too. Best death metal release of
2008 so far? 8

Abyss: Rogga, Ed, Dan, Johan, Pär. Those are the
guys responsible for one of the best death metal albums of 2008. For
further convincing, read this . 8

Seker: Demiurg play some decent modern death, and
Gorefest skinsman Ed Warby is in the band, which is never a bad thing. I
could do with out the pretentious piano parts and clean vocals (this is
death metal, right?), but all in all, these guys get the “Did Not Make
Me Want to Reenact the Cover of ‘Electric Larryland’ Upon Hearing the
Album” stamp of approval from me. 5

Moonspell: Night eternal Moonspell: Night eternal


Lord K: I believe this is the first time I hear Moonspell. Or at least the first time I wanna
hear them. The reviews for this album have been mostly raving and I
think I understand why – this shit is fucken fine. Who knew the Greeks
could manage to cook up something good besides tzatziki (so what if they
are from Portugal, that’s like Greece to me)? I have a feeling
Moonspell’s never sounded this great, and I don’t even know why I think
that. It’s about time I check out their back catalogue coz if it’s
anything close to having beautiful guitar harmonies, strings, catchy
riffs and clever arrangements like on this one – I have been missing
out. And I don’t like missing out on stuff. Nice Therapy? theft for the
intro to “Spring of rage”. I have stolen that myself, some 18 years back
though. 8

Kampfar: Fernando Riberia will never speak English
with the best of us, nor will I ever be a humongous fan of his voice or
the music it usually lies on top of. I like “Wolfheart”, yes I do (and
also “Daemonarch”), but “Irreligious”, and many of the proceeding
albums, are the very definition of turgid in my book. Quality or not, I
can’t fucking stand the style. I can stand “Night eternal”, however, and
that without experiencing any sorts of pains or ills, but all in all I
think becomes to mellow and moody. Before long I could end up digging
this shit, but as of now I’m simply too fucking angry. You are all
allowed to laugh, but you wouldn’t do so after I elbowed your face into
an abstract painting. Fuck ye all. 5

Hanging Limbs: Like Tiamat, I’ve always wondered if
anyone actually likes this band, let alone buys their records. After
listening to this disc, I feel like a dick for counting this band out;
not that I’d actually buy it, but this album is really not bad at all. 6

Abyss: Moonspell seems to have shrugged off most of
the dreary goth shamblings in their music and has on the past few
albums showed remarkably higher BPM’s than
usual. I’m not the one to complain as the band sounds solid and on the
same page. And thank fuck that Fernando doesn’t sing clean as much
anymore! 6

Seker: How did metal go from Black Sabbath to this
pretentious goth crap? It just doesn’t make any goddamn sense. It’s like
one day everybody was all into writing good riffs and being as heavy as
possible, and then the next day, they all SHOORUKed
their dicks off and started writing non-riffs and tuning down to Z flat
and fucking around with synth orchestration. Whatever it is, I don’t
like it. 2

Sabaton: The art of war Sabaton: The art of war


Lord K: The whore nagging about war (hey, nice
rhyme!), war and more war in between songs here is very irritating. But
Sabaton’s brand of metal is making a name for itself so they are
obviously doing something right. Sabaton ist not krieg, but their
heavy/power metal is among the finest Sweden has brought us in quite
some time. 7

Kampfar: This band makes any war they touch upon
sound like a mild dispute between ogres and elf’s, that because they
play power metal. Due to their theme(s), I tried to imagine a guy being
shot in the eye, or a woman gangraped and left for dead, bleeding out of
every hole and with a face full of cum. Mission failed, entirely so,
not even a single drop of either blood or cum, nor the meekest of
screams, was conjured by my brain. So my conclusion is that power metal
bands shouldn’t be allowed dealing with real wars. 4

Hanging Limbs: Listen all y’all, this is Sabaton. I
respect the band for not sounding generic, but when all is said and
done, this is still pretty lame power metal. What’s with the synths? I
wouldn’t be surprised if the keyboardist gets more pussy than the
guitarist. 4

Abyss: A lot of my objections to power metal
(except for the cheery galloping riffs and wanking) has to do with the
castrated girly vocals most bands employ. Thus it’s not surprising that I
dig Sabaton, since they have a manly man with a manly voice singing.
Sure, he get’s to be a bit much after long exposure but that could be
said about most metal singers really. Musically Sabaton sounds as epic
as they come but with an incredible knack for memorable choruses and
lots of songs about war. Actually, all of them are about war.
Considering the genre, Sabaton kicks fucking ass. 7

Seker: I looked this band up, and I was all set to
like them, but then those keyboards came on, and then the vocals, and
then the downtuned non-riffs… serves me right for expecting a cross
between Hail of Bullets and Gamma Ray circa “Powerplant”. Man, that
sounds awesome; I should start a band like that. 4

Keep Of Kalessin: Kolossus Keep Of Kalessin: Kolossus


Lord K: That first album by these fucks was a
welcomed fresh air of extra-ordinary musicianship and nice music.
“Kolossus” follows the same path though nothing on here sticks like it
did on their debut. There’s no denying the obvious talent in this band
and KoK might very well grow bigger. And it’s ok with me. 6

Kampfar: I think Keep Of Kalessin should go fuck
themselves, for “Kolossus” is hardly anything but a weaker version of
“Armada”. Yes, they still sport fucking sweet moments, quite some, but
many of tricks and twists are, and I swear, identical to ones used
before. And, the kickdrums at times sound like the weakest outboard
motor ever made. It wouldn’t surprise me if it was manurefactured in
China. Fuck you again, guys. 6

Hanging Limbs: I blame my disappointment with this album on a combination of two things: 1) High expectations. 2) The album sucking. 4

Abyss: I loved “Armada” but for
some reason I don’t get the same squishy emotions for “Kolossus”, even
though they sound virtually the same. Wait, maybe that’s why? 7

Seker: Everyone creamed their shorts when “Armada”
came out, and I couldn’t figure out why. It was basically generic
accessible melodic black metal with bad vocals and some aggro-sounding
stuff. On this one, we’ve got even more accessible and aggro grrrl power
“black” metal with even worse vocals. Take a wild guess at how much I
like it. I love the eyeliner too, girls. 3

Cult Of Luna: Eternal kingdom Cult Of Luna: Eternal kingdom


Lord K: I don’t even know how many albums these
guys released but it makes no difference to me, it’s the same
pretentious bullshit I remembered them creating the first time I heard
them. Don’t believe the hype. Oh, there is no hype? That makes sense.
Shit band. 3

Kampfar: This band is hardly the best to judge
after a couple of spins only, so fuck off and take my judgment with a
pinch of salt, some pepper and a punch in the face. Anyway, after 3
listens I think of “The eternal kingdom” as quite fucking boring and
also pretentious. It is relaxing but very fucking close in being fucking
muzak. Elevator core. 5

Hanging Limbs: I’d have more patience teaching Ozzy the English language than I do with this stuff. 3

Abyss: After the fairly tepid “Somewhere along the
highway” I’m extremely pleased to hear that Cult of Luna is back in
great shape with 60 min of music that melts the darkness of “The Beyond”
together with the pop-feel and ambiance of later albums into something
that is both captivating, beautiful and depressive. The last song
“Following Betulas” is both uplifting, spacious, dark and claustrophobic
all at the same time. Amazing. Bonus point for the coolest album
artwork since Mastodon’s “Leviathan”. 8

Seker: All right, post metal bands of the world.
The honeymoon is officially over, and I’m officially pretty fucken tired
of this style. I heard that one Cult of Luna album with the green
exploding spider ball on it a while ago, and it was pretty okay. This
one’s sort of okay too, with some nice mellow guitar parts and the
requisite DUN DUN DUN DUN majestic Pelican parts. The vocals are terrible though, and over all, I’d rather just listen to Neurosis or Jesu. This stuff is better than Isis though; I’ll give it that. 5

Marionette: Spite Marionette: Spite


Lord K: If you have seen any promo shots of these
kids, well, then you know they are most likely homosexuals. The funny
thing is that they sound nothing like they look, or how you would think
they would sound – judging from the pictures. And that’s good for them
or they’d be fucked de luxe. Screamy semi-Gothenburg metal with alot
more brutality than expected, showing off some fine musicians and a
knack for writing good riffs and songs (listen to “Parasites”).
Marionette might be on to something and if the label backs them up we
might see these assholes ship some copies to the youth of today. It’s
harder than In Flames and it’s softer than early The Haunted. You fancy
the comparison? Marionette is for you. I’m surprised I like it as much
as I do. 7

Kampfar: I know this is fucking stupid, the world
in no need of more genres, but to give you a good picture of what
Marionette is all about, I have to name their music for extreme melodic
death metal. Blame fucking Soilwork and In Flames. Anyway, Marionette
sports melodies and mellow shit, but them here Swedish cunts also know
how and when to step on it. I fucking love the production, bigger than
my balls even. 8

Hanging Limbs: Decent metalcore stuff that
ultimately goes nowhere and brings some fuckin’ strange Mega Man
keyboards with it. It’s definitely not your typical metalcore disc and
while I don’t exactly like it, I am drawn to it…sort of like Lemon
Party. 5

Abyss: Emo-Screamo can fucking suck it. The plague has finally reached Sweden. 2

Seker: Oh man, this is gay. Also, the vocalist
can’t keep time with the music, and he just sort of screams over the
top. That would be cool if he was Sylvain Houde or Lord Worm, buuuuut…
he’s just some metalcore screamer faggot with a small dick. 2

Aborted: Strychnine. 213 Aborted: Strychnine. 213


Lord K: Aborted was always another one of those
bands I couldn’t be arsed to give a fuck about. “Strychnine. 213” is a
quite weak sounding (death) metal effort with incredibly weak vocals
half of the time and half decent metalcore (“decent” and “metalcore” in
the same sentence, that’s a first) vocals the other half. This exact
formula; mixing what’s supposed to be brutal metal with lame melodic
ingredients is not working fully though some of the sections (listen to
the break in “Ophiolatry”) pass for quite catchy. The In Flames-ish
guitar parts just make this effort come across as delusional. Aborted’s
not even close to as br00tal as I thought they would be, but I bet they
have big enough penises to make up for the lack of balls. 4

Kampfar: Fuck, this was a letdown, not that I was
eagerly anticipating “Strychnine 213”, but I do have a sweet as good
pussy spot for some Aborted albums, like “Goremageddon” and “The Archaic
Abattoir”. The reason I’ll reserve no spot for this one is because they
have traded their trademark, the intensity, for something blander, no
doubt softer. 6

Hanging Limbs: It’s rare to hear a brutal,
technical death metal band put together songs like this. This stuff has
plenty of groove and melody without being particularly groovy or
melodic. Much different than I expected. 7

Abyss: Aborted used to be pretty damn good
goregrind. Now they’re just pretty damn boring deathcore. Pointless
really, with a name and an album cover like that, you’ll never make it
in the mainstream anyways. So why go all commercial musically? 4

Seker: Whoa, this is Aborted? Seriously? I figured
they’d be boring grindcore, but instead they’re boring metalcore with
Gaythenburg harmonies and bad vocals. There’s nothing on this album that
hasn’t been done a thousand times before. 3

Kataklysm: Prevail Kataklysm: Prevail


Lord K: Kataklysm is your typical B-league death
metal band. They are actually better than their reputation but they will
never get rid of the B-league tag. It’s well-produced, it’s fairly
heavy and sometimes it’s actually good too. It’s just a shame that I
rather pay attention to the A-league bands. Kataklysm deserves better. 6

Kampfar: Once upon a time, and many of you already
knew, Kataklysm was one of the most insane and brutal bands in
existence, Sylvain Houde the rabid icing. When he left, the air went out
of the Canadians and they henceforth released the abomination called
“Victims of this fallen world”. If their next one is any more generic
and formulaic than “Prevail”, mind-numbingly boring to the core, they
will “top” that shitter and release their worst album to date. Listen to
“VOTFW” for 2 minutes only and you will understand this is a mean feat.

Hanging Limbs: This is one of those bands that
almost always disappoint me, but I still give each new album a chance.
“Serenity in Fire” was probably the last Kataklysm disc I fully
appreciated and “Prevail” doesn’t sound like one I’ll still be listening
to even a month from now. It’s better than the new Cryptopsy (so is the
sound of driftwood crashing into rocks), but I’ll have to hear the new
Neuraxis before I give out the Canadian Death Metal Award. 5

Abyss: Apparently these guys kicked ass back in the
beginning of their career. I wouldn’t know, but I do know that they
don’t kick much of anything nowadays. Background music, if all your good
cd’s happen to be missing. 4

Seker: Kataklysm have been pretty boring ever since
that groove-laden shitbrick “Victims of This Fallen World” hit the
shelves. This album doesn’t do much to change that fact, and indeed it’s
pretty much an even more accessible version of “In the Arms of
Devastation”, which was a more accessible “Serenity in Fire”, which was a
mere continuation of “Shadows in Dust”. Still, it’s not as bad as the
aforementioned shitbrick, so I’ll go comparatively easy on it. 4

Raunchy: Wasteland - Discotheque Raunchy: Wasteland – Discotheque


Lord K: The Danes sound like a mixture of many
different things, and I applaud that. The sometimes Rammstein-ish
riffing baked together with really catchy melodies and pop (?!)
influences works well with their tougher moments when they wanna be a
metal band. 6

Kampfar: I’m fucking sick and tired of pop-metal,
this Danish pack (roughly) sounding like a mix of Mercenary and (later
era) In Flames. I can take gayness as long as mayhem either precedes or
follows, as in the case of The Dillinger Escape Plan, but on “Wasteland
discotheque” there’s little less than candy and cotton. No thanks. 4

Hanging Limbs: What do you do after releasing a
couple of decent industrial metal records? If you answered “Turn into a
mildly entertaining Soilwork rip-job”, you’ve won the GD Platinum Dildo.
Congratulations and go fuck yourself. 5

Abyss: Why does a band like Raunchy exist? Who
signed them, who thought they would sell thousands of albums and why oh
why were they right? 2

Seker: Not metal. Not even close. Not particularly good either. 4

Daylight Dies: Lost to the living Daylight Dies: Lost to the living


Lord K: Their web page proudly states some verdicts
from magazines about this album; “brilliance”, “essential”, “a landmark
American album”, “focused and complexed” etc, etc. I can guarantee you
that they have stolen these bits from some other band coz Daylight Dies
is a fucken joke with their shit semi-metal influenced by Opeth,
Katatonia and various lesser acts. It’s slow, it’s full of shitty
acoustic guitars and it’s about as interesting as Kalib Starnes UFC career. 3

Kampfar: The guitar(s) sounds quite alright and
there is some nice atmosphere going on, but me the whole shebang left
rather meh. If you have tattooed “doom” on your penis, please indulge
yourself, I need dirtier and meaner than Daylight Dies does it. 6

Hanging Limbs: Doom metal that doesn’t actually put me to sleep? I don’t bel-… 4

Abyss: Somber doomdeath album that sounds just as
proficient and professional as the band’s previous albums. Still, they
fail to evoke much emotion in me. Daylight Dies does very little for me.

Seker: Oh look, it’s a bunch of dorks trying to be
Opeth. I’m not terribly fond of Opeth in the first place, so I’m not
sure why I’d want to listen to a second-rate version of something that
already is kinda shitty. In fact, I’m gonna turn it off right now. 2

Hollenthon: Opus magnum Hollenthon: Opus magnum


Lord K: I heard some people praise this album which
kinda made me interested in hearing it. I should have remembered that I
have heard people praise the Toronto Maple Leafs over the years as
well, and what the fuck have they accomplished? Hollenthon wants to
include 4 million influences and riffs in every song, and naturally it
doesn’t work in the end. Choirs, clean vocals, snarls, galloping riffs,
semi-black metal riffs, shitty riffs, some decent riffs, the list could
go on until you turn into Roger Rabbit, minus the hot red whore. 4

Kampfar: None, or very few, can fault the skills
gathered under this moniker, but I’m sure many will think of the
symphonic and ethnic elements as pure cheese and pretentiousness. I
think they are well implanted and go into a cohesive whole. Fuck you. At
the core, this is power metal something dressed in a, at least for
power metal heroes, extreme clothing. 6

Hanging Limbs: I never thought I’d say this about
Hollenthon, but they sound like they’re out of ideas, like bombast and
pomp has outrun their songwriting. I’m OK with a band’s third album
sounding like a continuation of their second, but when actual
riffs/melodies are taken from other bands (Slayer and DROWNING POOL
to name a couple), that’s where I draw the line. It’s hard to forgive a
band that takes seven years to follow up a stellar release and then
delivers this munson. 4

Abyss: You remember
how much I liked SepticFlesh’s mix of metal and symphonic strings and
what not? How I thought it sounded all epic and mighty and Lovecraftian
and stuff? Hollenthon is the same mix but with the exact opposite
result. I hope a sphinx assrapes them in their sleep, and then a
chimera, pointy end first. 1

Seker: So, you can insert phrases from Mussorgsky’s
“Pictures at an Exhibition” into your symphoavantmetal mix, huh? Big
fucking deal. Put out another Kreuzweg Ost album, you ass. 3

Terror: The damned, the shamed Terror: The damned, the shamed


Lord K: I wonder if there will be a day when I actually like
this kind of music. Hardcore/metal crap… All I know is that today is
not the day and I plan to keep it that way by all possible means. 3

Kampfar: If I had listened to this one more time,
I’d probably detracted yet another point from the already low score. I
have no time for this shit, but if you have some to spare, you can read
why I hate it here. 3

Hanging Limbs: I’ll never understand how some bands
get huge in scenes. Earth Crisis? Hatebreed? Terror? What the fuck is
wrong with hardcore fans? 3

Abyss: Hardcore somewhere between Sick of It All
and Hatebreed. If that sounds appealing, it probably is. If you think it
sounds boring deluxe, you’re definitely right. 4

Seker: So this is what passes for hardcore
nowadays… I think I’ll just go listen to “Age of Quarrel” and forgot I
ever heard this sub-Hatebreed(!) garbage. 3

In Extremo: Sängerkrieg In Extremo: Sängerkrieg


Lord K: I rather get AIDS than listen to this band ever again. 1

Kampfar: I would like to end nearly all medieval
tinged metal with bazookas, C-4, AK-47’s, landmines, you fucking name
it. Yes, this is times of shit, but so was always the case here on
Planet Earth. The Black Plague anyone? The music of In Extremo is at
times catchy, like flu and diarrhea, and the vocals, not helped by the
fact that they are performed in German, are nothing short of skin
crawling hideous. I recommend this to German speaking RPG fans exclusively. This is (not) torture (division), and I still have 2 ½ songs left to endure. 2

Hanging Limbs: Who the fuck mixed this piece of
shit? The vocalist makes Leonard Cohen sound like Pavarotti, yet I swear
he’s occupying 90% of the mix at times. And save the bagpipes for a
policeman’s funeral; this is metal, not the Scottish highlands. If this
is what metal would have sounded like in the Middle Ages, I’d rather get
the fuckin’ plague. 3

Abyss: This is so much bullshit words can’t even describe it. I haven’t felt this violated since I heard Mambo-Kurt. 1


Revolution Renaissance: New era Revolution Renaissance: New era


Lord K: The best thing Timo Tolkki’s done is having a band member piss on him on stage. 2.

Kampfar: Oh dear Odin, this fucking salmonella
cheesy crap makes me die inside, hard. Make them go away, you one eyed
guzzler of feces, just fucking kill me or something. Lo and fucking
behold, a surprise, Mr. Voiceover just made me smile. He and his illegal
immigrant without-a-tongue accent, that is. I swear upon a dogturd and
the corpse of a dead crackwhore that this guy talks through his nose
exclusively. Haha, thanks for the laugh, idiot… or not, for after 3
times you make me despair every bit as much as Tolkki and his collection
of cumguzzling fags. Oh, such horrid fucking torture, and I’m only
fucking halfway through. I so fucking hate this band, fuck you for this
one, K. 1

Hanging Limbs: My roommate walked in on me while I
was listening to this. Let’s just say I was less embarrassed when my
mother walked in on me masturbating to interracial midget porn. 2

Abyss: When listening to Timo Tolkki’s latest
solo-garbage I find I’m quoting myself. When Stratovarius split I said
this in the GD-forum: “Guys, you do realize that now the fucking
bandmembers will just split and join/form new bands that suck equally
much. It’s like a gay virus bomb”.
I was right. 1

Seker: And the first shockwave from the gay virus
explosion levels the fucking cheese factory. Who the fuck listens to
this, and where can I find them? I’ve got a brand new crowbar, and I’m
looking forward to some Gordon Freeman roleplaying. 1


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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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