Audio Autopsy – July 2007

Audio Autopsy – July 2007

01/07/07  ||  Global Domination

Gorefest: Rise to ruin Gorefest: Rise to ruin


Lord K: The Fest is back (again), and that with a
fucken bang! I applaud them for putting together an album as brutal and
vital as this considering they all are around 50 years old. I’m glad
that they are, once again, proving they deserve a place at the Global
Domination Forums. In a regular review, this would get an 8 to 8,5, but
this is not a regular review (and we are always nicer with the scores on
AA) so therefor it deserves a 9 instead of an 8, and we can’t do 8,5’s
in AA. Something like that. So, hush now. Killer work, kids. REVOLT! 9

Ripper Bendix: Gorefest are here to fucken destroy.
“La Muerte” was already fucken excellent, but “Rise To Ruin” tops it
without even breaking into a fucken sweat. I am not going to puke
superlatives now, but “Rise To Ruin” is not only my definite winner for
this AA but also the GF album I’m gonna listen to the most for the next
few weeks. Outstanding shit, ready to kill! Thank you and good fucken
night! 9

Syrrok: I really hate basing any kind of score on a
rip of this album. This just feels like an album I really want to open,
put in my car cd player, and drive all around town scaring children
with. After hearing Tue make Dark Tranquillity’s guitars sound quite
decent, I was frothing when I heard he was working on this one. The
‘fest already has such a massive guitar tone that I just couldn’t
imagine it any further refined. Well, I was right there as the guitar
tone sounds a tad muddier. But all this is to be overlooked as the
strength of the songs themselves just destroy all. Awesome little
diddles here and there alongside some of the best vox in the biz. Ok,
you guys still win. 8

Hanging Limbs: Like the Vomitory album a couple of
months back, this will probably be this month’s winner… and for good
reason. Gorefest is brutal as a mother bitch and nastier than an
alligator’s cunt. The melancholic melodies they throw in add dimensions
to their already enormous sound. It’s just not grabbing me as much as it
should. 7

Doomsdayzach: And guess who the winner of this
edition of AA is? Hmmm… still, well fucking done on the Gorefest front.
If you’re reading this and you haven’t heard the album yet, fuck off
and get it. Buy it, steal it, rape it, whatever. If you are on this
fucking website, you know what to expect from these guys by now, so I’m
going to stop ranting. 8

Fishermane: You have to respect the guys in
Gorefest for being talented musicians and having an original sound.
Furthermore, they managed to pull a comeback a while back without
sounding washed-up or played out. I’ve never been a huge fan but after
listening to this, I can safely say that a large amount of the
proverbial “ass-kissing” encountered on this site is well-justified.
Remarkable performances topped with an astounding production. All this
is missing is some synths and maybe a Thompson Twins cover. 7

Behemoth: The apostasy Behemoth: The apostasy

7.5 /10

Lord K: I fucken love how Behemoth uses blasts over
slow riffs. That’s just one ov the many things that makes me kinda love
the Poles. This time around the production is not as fx’d as it was on
“Demigod”, which definitely adds some points here. “The apostasy” is
fucken brutal, fucken catchy and fucken awesome. Vader really need to
look out, I think these guys are conquering the Polish Death Metal
Throne sooner than anyone expected. If it wasn’t for some small
instrumental, irrelevant shit, this would be a 9. Excellent, excellent
album, but they have to settle for an: 8

Ripper Bendix: I am impressed! I usually state to everybody willing to listen that there are exactly TWO
bands sounding like an oncoming fucken tank; Bolt Thrower and Vader.
Looks like I have to revise my thesis a bit since Behemoth let the old
Panzer hang out more than once on “The Apostasy” and go down with uncle
Ripper like cheap White Russians and free blowjobs. Where “Demigod”
sounded like a tour through Pro Tools, “Apostasy” kicks a lot of shit.
Great fucken album! 9

Syrrok: Behemoth are scary enough and play with a
ton of conviction. This was an interesting direction to go from their
last offering. The drums remain, perhaps, the strongest focus of the
effort, but something is lost in the structure of the songs. A few
blasting verses then all kinds of guitar ramblings. A brand of deathily
black metal I could do without. 6

Hanging Limbs: Remember that genuine behemoth chick
from “Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo”? This disc is just about as erotic.
If this was the A Perfect Murder album, it’d get at least a 7, but I
can’t help but feel slightly let down. It’s still a good listen, but
Behemoth has put out better albums for sure. Add one point for Warrel
Dane’s appearance on “Inner Sanctum”. 6

Doomsdayzach: Funny story: one time I was backstage
doing an interview with them and next to their stage costumes (more
specifically the leather pants), there was a bunch of bananas. They may
try to compensate for something in real life, but with “The apostasy”,
they have to compensate for nothing. Fucking fantastic. 9

Fishermane: So Behemoth have officially
apostatised? Take that, Christianity. So Salman Rushdie, another famous
apostate, was knighted last week? Take that Islam. But who cares about
religion these days, Jesus and Muhammed were born like over 200 years
ago, so it’s old news. This time around, the ‘Moth continue their
progression along the lines of uptempo black/death metal, and sound as
wrathful as ever. Please indulge. 7

Pig Destroyer: Phantom limb Pig Destroyer: Phantom limb

6.3 /10

Lord K: Probably one of the best names for a band I
have ever seen. And the fact that Pig Destroyer’s quite brutal
direction appeals to me a little is a bonus of unexpected proportions.
At times not the tightest shit since I tried that Evergrey girlie a few
years ago, but as a whole a fine and catchy effort. I’m quite surprised
by this one, just as I am with a few other albums in this edition. 6

Ripper Bendix: Schweinezerstörer! 6

Syrrok: Oh yes, the band with the saddest moniker
of all time is back with another one. You wonder if they knew the hole
they were digging themselves in career-wise when they picked that name.
Phantom Jim sounds a bit more mainstream if I do say so myself. Perhaps
they have Hollywood dreams now. Nonetheless, still bored. 4

Hanging Limbs: This album is getting heaps of
praise and I can understand why. It’s not “Prowler in the Yard”, but I’d
place it along the lines of “Pretty Fucking Good Album in the Kitchen”.

Doomsdayzach: While listening to Pig Destroyer, I
felt the need to go destroy my toilet. Punishing the bowl with my
ass-rockets was much more satisfying than listening to “Phantom limb”.
Still, it didn’t finger my asshole, so for that it gets a: 6

Fishermane: A pleasant surprise from a band I previously shunned like Bette Middler. I highly doubt extreme grind enthusiasts will tattoo phantom on their limbs anytime soon but nevertheless, who gives a fuck about extreme grind enthusiasts anyways? 8

Evocation: Tales from the tomb Evocation: Tales from the tomb

6.2 /10

Lord K: If I say that they cover Entombed’s classic tune “But life goes on”, you should understand what these Swedes are about. Old school death metal,
ofcourse. And they do it pretty well. The production is a little too
weird for me to fully comprehend though, for one – the guitars are too
loud in the mix. You know, the Dismember trademark. But fans of Entombed
and said Dismember will dig this. It’s a shame this album is about 15
years too late, though. But to be honest, I’m not sure it would have
been any better back then. It works for nostalgia issues only. And
that’s necessarily not a fuck-bad thing. 5

Ripper Bendix: Aaaaaaahhhhhh… blissful deathmetality which makes my penis pump in a wonderful 4/4 uff-ta uff-ta rhythm. 8

Syrrok: An alright atmosphere for death metal, but as Emeril The Chef says: “atmosphere won’t keep the pasta in your stomach!”. 3

Hanging Limbs: Polka!!! Nothing but great old school death metal right here. 7

Doomsdayzach: Goddamn, after listening to A Perfect
Murder, this is a breath of fresh air. This is some goddamned nice,
relaxing death metal, the way it was meant to be done. In the immortal
words of Martha Stewart, “It’s a good thing“. 7

Fishermane: How can you go wrong with an evil title
like “Tales from the tomb”? Sounds like a collection of short horror
stories written by somebody called H.P. Warcraft. Anyhow, old-school is
fun. And entertaining. And morbid. And evil. 7

Job For A Cowboy: Genesis Job For A Cowboy: Genesis

6.2 /10

Lord K: Thanx to their name I (and prolly everybody
else) always thought these guys would be some American stoner shit. And
I fucken hate American stoner shit. Obviously, after being forced to
listen to this piece, Blowjob For A Cowboy (I wonder how many of us in
this edition made that incredible joke) is nothing remotely close to
said genre. JFAC plays fucken brutal and
competent death metal. Who could imagine? As with Behemoth, minus points
for some unnecessary instrumental keyboard bullshit. Surprising shit
anyhow. 7

Ripper Bendix: Man, talk about expectations popping
like a fucken bubble. I expected sleazy cowboy rock or something along
the lines of Desperadoz, QOTSA or Mannhai.
Death metal definitely WASN’T on my fucken list and I really wonder what
kind of fucken cowboy this job calls for, hahaha. Probably an undead
one with two double-barelled sawed-off’s. 8

Syrrok: I’m having trouble understanding the big
deal about this band. I’ll give them the tag for “best marketing
product” but the tunes fall down pretty quickly upon multiple listens.
Just not a fan of start/stop metal. 4

Hanging Limbs: Hey cowboy, I got a job for you. All you need are tweezers and rubber gloves. 4

Doomsdayzach: This joke is too easy to make, and
I’m sure everyone else already has made it. “Brokeback Mountain”
anyone? Anyway, this disc is annoying. I was expecting it to be AIDS
in the face, all prepared to rip it up, but it’s actually composed of
some sweet riffs and fucken killer vocals. I feel so disillusioned.
Fuck. 7

Fishermane: I purchased a Genesis when it first
came out for like 300$ (and it only came with one joystick). Then I
rented “Altered Beast” and listened to “The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway”
all night. Did you know if you spelt “A cow, a cow!” backwards, it
becomes “Woca, woca!”? But seriously, I love bowling. And this actually
sounded like some decent death metal. 7

Municipal Waste: The art of partying Municipal Waste: The art of partying

5,8 /10

Lord K: So, Municipal Waste rehash the thrash riffs
of old and get recognition for it. My only question is “why?”. Put on
some Atrophy, Nuclear Assault, S.O.D or Exodus instead. 4

Ripper Bendix: I suck dick for Thrash Metal, so take a fucken guess how much I fucken like this band? Yup. Me likey long time. 7

Syrrok: Just as I’m about to finish wiping my tears off my acid wash jeans and white high-tops, here comes TRUE
THRASH! 3 Inches Of Blood and Municipal Waste are all you really need
from this month’s AA to fucken ROCK! I dig these guys and we need more
like ‘em. 7

Hanging Limbs: Derivative as all hell, but not bad.
I’d rather listen to the big thrashers, but the punkier aspect of
Municipal Waste is what grabs you. 5

Doomsdayzach: This is the kinda disc you’d throw on
at a party while you and everyone else get drunk and trash someone
else’s house. Nothing groundbreaking, but well fucken done. 7

Fishermane: Some nicely-done old thrash worship, I
suppose. It’s nice to see that these guys seem to have a good time and
don’t take themselves too seriously. Of course, if Keanu Reeves had a
thrash band, he probably wouldn’t sound like these guys. 5

Farmakon: Robin Farmakon: Robin

5.5 /10

Lord K: I have no idea what a fucken “farmakon” is
but on “Robin” Farmakon steals as much as they can from Opeth, and gets
away with it. Take some slices of groove, weird parts that has nothing
to do with metal, a few blasts, decent growls, a muddy production, tons
of other shit and semi-cool clean vocals… Wam, bam, thank you Leif – we
have ended up with something called a farmakon. For some reason I’m
keeping this in my mp3 folder. I’m as surprised as you guys are. 6

Ripper Bendix: Opeth. 4

Syrrok: I’m convinced that Farmakon is really just remastered Opeth demo tapes from 1987. 4

Hanging Limbs: Their name sounds like a corporation. Their music sounds like old Opeth. This is good. Quite good. 8

Doomsdayzach: Farmakon… they’re Diet Opeth. Same taste, less filling. Good, but ultimately useless. 5

Fishermane: ‘Throw in comment about Farmakon’s decent music sounding a lot like Opeth. Make either gay bird/superhero joke. Die inside.’ 6

Graveworm: Collateral defect Graveworm: Collateral defect


Lord K: “Graveworm” huh? Fantastic name. Fucken
Germans. Or Italians… Whatever. They are not too shabby with their
melodic death/black, goth/jizz, pussy/whatever metal though, but after
having to go thru this album a few times for this edition it’s safe to
say that it won’t stay on my computer for very long. Suck my graveworm. 4

Ripper Bendix: As usual their bandname is better
than their music. It’s probably the curse of the graveworrrrrrm! Our
name is cool but the music is teh suckaaaaaaaage!!! Ooogy woogy!!! I am
hungry for fucken Fleshcrawl now. 5

Syrrok: A big disappointment considering how much I
dug their last album (surprisingly). I still think they do keyboards
just as well as any other black/death band out there, but the songs on
this one just don’t’ do that much. Aside from 2 or 3 AWESOME songs, this album will be largely forgotten. 5

Hanging Limbs: Even if every other song sucked, I’d
buy this album because of the Bonnie Tyler cover. I, too, need a
fucking hero. Thank you for that laugh riot. Now go easy on the synths
and make more songs like “Suicide Code”. 6

Doomsdayzach: When the best track on your album is a Bonnie Tyler cover, your band has problems. 4

Fishermane: Symphonic black metal played by a
couple of jive Germans with a knack for putting together elegant
compositions. However, judging from their previous releases, this
probably could have been considerably better. Maybe they should have
covered “Total Eclipse of the Heart” instead (after all, it was at #1
for 4 weeks back in ’83). 6

3 Inches Of Blood: Fire up the blades 3 Inches Of Blood: Fire up the blades

4.3 /10

Lord K: It’s a fucken wonder no one went up on
stage and pissed on these guys just yet. I encourage you all to do just
that. Say “hi!” from GD while urinating, ok? Embarrassing’n‘irritating
vocals combined with some, among other things, lame ass Iron
Maiden-esque guitars and Judas Priest’s “Painkiller” influences. What a
fucken load of donkey semen. 3 inches of kangaroo cum. 2 sperm
references in a second? Fuck off. 2

Ripper Bendix: Fire up the ass! Fire up the assssssss!!! Unfortunately 3 Inches Of Blood equal more than 3 minutes of pain. 3

Syrrok: Fire up the metal! Pulling heavily from
the 80’s greatest while infusing some of their own modern power makes
these guys a breath of fresh air. Air filled with fist-pumping and
Coors Light cans. Terrific heavy metal spirit, these guys. Pure metal
at the highest level. 8

Hanging Limbs: I still can’t tell if I’m supposed
to take this band seriously or not. I notice that the less I do, the
more I like them. Even if this is mocking metal, a lot of it is fun and
the guitar harmonies are legitimate. It’s just a bit too over the top. 5

Doomsdayzach: This is a band that takes one part
Priest, one part Maiden, and one part Bodom and mixes them all together.
Unfortunately, they grabbed the Halford’s gay, stole Maiden’s twin
guitar harmonies, and swiped Bodom’s vagina. 4

Fishermane: As my good friend Lord K Philipson would say: “3 inches? Sure, on a good day, ahaha… Now run along darling, it’s time to frisk, frolic and fool around! Tata!” 4

Despised Icon: The ills of modern man Despised Icon: The ills of modern man

4.1 /10

Lord K: Steve of Immolation raved about these guys
while I was touring with Grave. I don’t think the ravings are justified
even if their semi death metal with heavy breakdowns is ok. At best. 5

Ripper Bendix: I am five albums into this AA and
already fed up with the mediocrity as always. Same shit, different
month. I listened to Despised Icon once I think and wasn’t impressed.
Like I said… same shit, different month. 5

Syrrok: Another band that could go absolutely any
way. I think if I deferred to Hasselhoff for this one, he’d give them a
chance in Hollywood. Therefore: 5

Hanging Limbs: I’m starting to see a pattern here
of bands that try too hard to be brutal and end up being fucking
terrible. Brutality loses its effectiveness if you fall asleep. 3

Doomsdayzach: Despised Icon make this modern man ill. Get yer fucken core out of my death metal. 2

Fishermane: A band from my general area that seemed
to have gathered a considerable amount of respect within the circle of
whatever genre of metal you’d like to label them. Not my cup of
non-alcoholic beer, but impressive in its own right. To some extent. The
ills of the modern mane, indeed. 5

Beneath The Massacre: Mechanics of dysfunction Beneath The Massacre: Mechanics of dysfunction

3.8 /10

Lord K: Ok, so we got a bunch of ass-jackets who
loves overly triggered (and fantastically loud) kicks and 4 million
riffs in each and every song. Über technical, non-grooving death metal
with irritating guitars galore. Good for them, very fucken bad for me
and everyone else in this edition. 3

Ripper Bendix: What exactly is going on here? 2

Syrrok: These guys are the real deal. Solid effort
after solid effort, while only gaining in intensity and focus.
“Mechanics of Dysfunction” is a perfect title as the music reflects
exactly what I’d envision dysfunction sounding like. Technical wankering
everywhere, but it always seems to come back at exactly the right time
to a groove. I can deal with these guys. 8

Hanging Limbs: Origin called, they want their suck
back. I firmly believe there is a way to apply interesting and memorable
songwriting to ultra-technical death metal. That way is Necrophagist.
Or Psycroptic. 3

Doomsdayzach: I am one of the lucky ones. I never
heard this EP which is supposed to be so fucken ace, so I wasn’t at all
disappointed by “Mechanics of dysfunction”. I just think it sucks. And
guys, you might want to trigger the drums a bit more next time… 2

Fishermane: Very intense, brutal yet rather
redundant and ultimately soulless release from these Montreal boys. Of
course, I’d rather listen to Ohio Players and New Order than Origin and
Necrophagist, so don’t place too much value on my words. Not as
impressive as their first EP, but for fans of the genre it might be
worth a few listens. 5

Megadeth: United abominations Megadeth: United abominations

3.5 /10

Lord K: I expect the next album to deal with the
traumatizing events of being kicked out of Metallica. That’d be far more
interesting that the whining about today’s political issues. Megadeth
is a fucken shit band. Dave Mustaine has been the “Idiot Of The Week” on
GD’s frontpage for like 2 months. And for a good reason. 3

Ripper Bendix: And again I wish that Metallica had
introduced the art of sacking band members by throwing buses on them
fucken earlier in their career. Am I the only one who thinks that
Megadeth are better in glorified memory than in reality? I mean, even
the classics suck apart from two to three songs per album. 3

Syrrok: This album met my expectations. Unfortunately my expectations were extremely low. THERE’S NOT EVEN ONE FAST FUCKING SONG ON THIS ALBUM! Come on, Megadeth! Fucken add some MEGADETH to your music! 3

Hanging Limbs: Megadump unleashes yet another
“return to form” thrashterpiece that leaves me reaching for “Rust in
Peace”. Remember when Dave slept on his hand and wouldn’t play guitar
ever again? Me too. 5

Doomsdayzach: I keep hearing that this is a return to form. Return to what
fucken form? “Youthanasia”? And what the fuck is with the “Wasted
years” ripoff… Hey Dave, here’s a guitar, a needle and a bottle. Hurry!
Catch the H-train and try again. 3

Fishermane: I never understood why everybody hates
the Must so much. Well, actually I do, but who cares… I’d still go
bowling with him anyday. To be honest, anybody with fair and reasonable
expectations as to what Megadeth can still accomplish in 2007 shouldn’t
be too disappointed with this release. “Blessed are the dead” is
definitely the song of the night. 6

Ozzy Osbourne: Black rain Ozzy Osbourne: Black rain

3.3 /10

Lord K: I was never a huge fan of Ozzy. I like the occasional tune and that’s it. Oh, I do like the TV show and I think Sharon is real cool. None of that plays in here though. What I am a fan of is Zakk’s guitar playing. That alone is worth a 9, but as a whole I can’t give this more than a: 4

Ripper Bendix: “Sharon? Sharon? Where’s me mike? Bubbles! Princeoffuckendarkness, Sharonnnnn”… Please retire already, man. I fucken BEG you. 4

Syrrok: Rarely has an album been more over-produced
than this one (besides perhaps the last Kool Moe Dee). Not being a fan
of Zakk Van Wank just adds to the pain of this album. It’s just sad they
walk this old man up to a microphone, ask him to speak 3 sentences, and
then work the studio magic until they have album-length material. Just
stop now. 2

Hanging Limbs: More than ever, Ozzy sounds like a
cardboard prop held up by the surrounding cast, namely Zakk Wylde and
Sharon Osbourne. He makes me want to piss my pants and sit in it for 24
hours while blowing spit bubbles. 2

Doomsdayzach: This is how I imagine the recording of this album went down:

Ozzy: “Ughgheuaaw unfneee!!!

Zakk: “No Ozzy, it’s not time to record yet. I love you like a father though, you mean everything to m…”

Ozzy: “Ughgheh! UGHGHEH!!!”

Zakk: “Ozz, no! I sai.. OZZY PUT YOUR DICK BACK IN YOUR PANTS! No! Don’t slap your dick against my guitar! Aww, you’re drooling all over the place again!”

Ozzy: “Unngeeaahaaaee?”

Zakk, sighing deeply: “Ok, fine. Take your dick out again… Can someone hit record?”

Awful. 2

Fishermane: People who take classic artists like
Ozzy too seriously in 2007 should be raped for their lives. Acknowledge
their influence on the genre, cherish their earlier recordings and take
anything post-“attempted flashy MTV comeback”
with a grain of salt. Obviously, this isn’t the best Ozzy’s released but
at times, it rocks pretty damn hard. Considering that Ozzy’s mind
currently operates at roughly 1.67% of its original level (which was
dangerously low to begin with), that’s pretty damn impressive. 6

A Perfect Murder: War of aggression A Perfect Murder: War of aggression

2.7 /10

Lord K: And ofcourse it’s a fucken 3-word
band… Lemme guess, these guys are from the mighty US and A or very
fucken close to it? Great success… Not. They are a pain in my assholes.
Label? Victory Records. That’s exactly everything you need to know. I
need to watch “Borat” again. It will bring my good mood back after
having APM destroying it. Very nice. How much? I hate you. 2

Ripper Bendix: If I knew the recipe for a perfect murder I’d have my first selection of victims already at hand with this damn band. 3

Syrrok: It’s just a tricky damn thing to mix the
best elements of thrash metal with anything resembling hardcore,
especially when it’s the vocals. If you choose this course of action
then in an instant your band is lost in the abyss of thousands of other
bands. This is just rehearsal room metal that has no wish to connect
with an audience. If that’s your thing, well… enjoy the UFC this weekend. 4

Hanging Limbs: The album may suck, but at least these guys have shitty vocals. 2

Doomsdayzach: Oh shit, I just got attacked by
invisible ninjas and dropped my pennies all over the floor! Commence
ninja fighting and penny retrieval! But seriously, this isn’t bad for a
bunch of assholes with Downs Syndrome. 1

Fishermane: Aside maybe from being attacked by
France or the entire state of Vermont, I doubt there exists such a thing
as a war that’s not aggressive. Taking that into consideration, this
album is void. APM aren’t bad or anything, I just can’t stand them, to be perfectly honest. 4

Total Fucking Destruction: Zen and the art of total fucken destruction Total Fucking Destruction: Zen and the art of total fucken destruction

2.3 /10

Lord K: This disc needs to be totally fucken destructed. 1

Ripper Bendix: Shit the fucken bed! 1

Syrrok: Catchy enough moniker to get them a gig at
“Joe’s Crab Shack”, but shitty enough music to get them forever banned
from “Joe’s Crab Shack”. 2

Hanging Limbs: See my review for Pig Destroyer,
then replace “Prowler in the Yard” with “Pig Destroyer” and “Pretty
Fucking Good Album in the Kitchen” with “Nothing I’d put my balls in a
vise for”. 4


Fishermane: I once had a guinea pig called Total
Fucking Destruction. I thought he was hard as fuck until one day, he
choked on a very small leaf and died. 4


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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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