GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – July 2005

Audio Autopsy – July 2005

01/07/05  ||  Global Domination

In this edition of Audio Autopsy we are but 5 people instead of the regular 6(66). Why? Go. Fuck. Yourself.

Satariel: Hydra Satariel: Hydra

7.8 /10

Lord K: Satariel kills. It’s as simple as that. One of Sweden’s finest and most unknown gems. 9

Syrrok: This is one hell of an album. The vocals
alone make this album fucken STELLAR! Satariel just became one of my new
favorite bands. Excellently written material with tons of hooks and
well done riffs. The textures they’ve woven into their music with the
programmings only further set this album apart from the rest in this AA
session. This album owns all this time around. 8

Farlus: I need to go back and listen to “Phobos and
Deimos”, because I definitely don’t remember this band playing music in
this vein. Overall I like it, but it does lack variety for the most
part. Nothing really struck me upon first listen. I imagine I’ll need a
few more to truly come to a complete conclusion on the record. 5

Desert Eagle: This reminds me of Immortal meets
Soilwork. If this sounds like a good thing to you then you will like it.
That doesn’t sound good to you? What are you a stupid retard with shit
for brains? Clean the shit out of your ears idiot, this is good. 7

The Abyss: Even though “Hydra” shows a more
homogeneous sound then “Phobos & Deimos” (which was a masterpiece by
the way) and I sometimes find myself missing a fast scorcher of a song
like “The Claim”, it’s clear that “Hydra” is a great piece of work.
Fusing together (melodic) death, thrash, black and doom and making it
their own, I can do nothing but bow down to Satariel and put “Hydra” on
repeat. Again. 10

Ram Zet: Intra Ram Zet: Intra

6.6 /10

Lord K: Read my review of this album for my
thoughts on it. I’ll raise the grade a bit since I knew this album would
grow on me. Ram-Zet are unique. 8

Syrrok: Some interesting stuff on this one. The vag
vocals are rather killer, as are most of the riffs. Beyond that I don’t
see much stickin to the wall when it’s all said and done. The key
element they have forgotten is groove. That sucks. Try again. 4

Farlus: This is by far Ram-Zet’s best album to
date. I like the previous albums, but not nearly this much. Whoever does
the clean female vocals does some really top-notch work here. I don’t
remember her being this good before. It may not be the same girl, but if
it is, that’s awesome. I seriously doubt they can top this record. If
they do, I’ll be more surprised than a girl that’s just been slipped the
shocker. Incredible album. 9

Desert Eagle: I give them credit for trying
something interesting with black metal. I take that credit right back
for sucking. Good try guys. 4

The Abyss: Norwegian musicians seem to have a
extrodinary knack for thinking outside the box and creating unique and
adventerous music, blending all sorts of styles and still making it
work. In Ram-Zet’s case it’s some kind of blend of techno-death with
gothic overtones, violin and the odd Meshuggah-like temposhift. It works
surprisingly well and Sfinx’ (that’s the girl) is a powerhouse of a
singer, sometimes even close to the tsunami-like force of Agnete M.
Kirkevaag. Unfortenately Zet’s “Dani Filth meets a pneumonia”-like
croakings are the only discernable weak spot in the bands armor. 8

In Quest: The comatose quandary In Quest: The comatose quandary

6.2 /10

Lord K: In-pressive, In-tense, In-Quest. 8

Syrrok: There’s some pretty groovy stuff on this
one, which is stacked on top of the normal death metal stuff. You’ll
also get some nice guitar solos in there. A good album to get the beers
in to. 5

Farlus: These guys appeal heavily to my primal
sense of metal. They’re alot of just simple, heavy stuff in here and
that’s something I dig. As long as it gets my head banging, it’s good to
me, no matter how technical it is. I get a big 2 Ton Predator vibe here
from their guitar tone, and that’s always a good thing. 7

Desert Eagle: So there’s a definite trend of stupid
names and horrible vocals this month. Like Holy Moses this band also
has vocals that are “teh suck” but the music is pretty good. Oh well,
not fucken good enough. 5

The Abyss: Like a blend of In Flames and Black
Dahlia Murder. If that sounds like you’re cup fo tea, it most likely is.
At times I like it, but I wouldn’t pay for it. 6

Hate Eternal: I, Monarch Hate Eternal: I, Monarch

5.8 /10

Lord K: Impressive musicianship and impressive
growls won’t make a great album unless you have impressive songs. Hate
Eternal’s a good fucken death metal band but a full album of crushing
and monotonous death metal is a bit too much for me, no matter how
neatly played it is. 6

Syrrok: I’m willing to bet this album will end up
towards the top of the rankings for this months AA, but I don’t think it
deserves it. This is well executed death metal, but that’s nothing
special. There are some weird arrangements in there that catch my
interest, but they always tend to dive back into the same ol’
drudga-drudga-drudga routine. Boring. 3

Farlus: This band has the potential to write lots
of good music – and they do throughout this record – but eventually it
gets a little repetitive. I really dig the vocals. I’m a sucker for a
growl that’s intelligible but still brutal (Jorgen Sandstrom comes to
mind). Still, if this is the product of Erik Rutan leaving MA to focus
on this project full-time, then I applaud him, because this album is
definitely better than “Heretic” was. The last track, an instrumental,
owns me. I have nothing witty to say. 7

Desert Eagle: Been there done that, completely standard death metal with nothing new or interesting to add. 6

The Abyss: If you’ve played in Morbid Angel you’re
bound to know your stuff and if your drummer’s nickname is “one-take”
you better not fuck up. Needless to say Hate Eternal delivers. Fast,
punishing Florida-death with the speed and weight of a charging rhino,
“I, Monarch” should satisfy all those who think Morbid Angel’s lost the
touch. 7

Grand Magus: Wolf's return Grand Magus: Wolf’s return

5.4 /10

Lord K: Not completely awful but still nothing I’d
sell my cock for. Sometimes it rocks quite a bit (“Kingslayer”), which
is not common in this genre. Pull out a beer from the fridge, spin this
fucker and talk bullshit with the cronies, it’s definitely good for
that. 6

Syrrok: I’m sure glad they included “Wolf’s return
prt 2, because after the first one I just COULDN’T WAIT TO HEAR HOW THE
STORY WOULD END! Just like I can’t wait to be forcefully given a DDT by
Jake the Snake Roberts. 2

Farlus: This isn’t really how I expected this band
to sound, but they’re still pretty cool. I get a heavy Candlemass vibe
from them, but better than the last Candlemass album. While good, I
still don’t think I’d listen to them again. Nothing’s here that really
hooks me and makes me want to repeat the disc. Too bad, I had high
hopes. Turns out they’re not so grand! ROFLMAOBBQ!!! 5

Desert Eagle: Upbeat doom? Does that make sense? I
don’t know guys, some of the riffs are pretty damn good but weak singing
really kills it. Worth a listen I guess. 5

The Abyss: JB’s vocals are simply outstanding, his
best work so far in his career and the rest of the band aren’t the ones
to be left behind! The pace is quicker then on 2003’s “Monument” but the
soulful 70’s rock vibe is still there admist the heavy metal riffs and
doublebass drums, providing both heart and soul to the obvious technical
proficency of the band. In their genre, Grand Magus are close to
perfection. 9

Dew-Scented: Issue VI Dew-Scented: Issue VI

5 /10

Lord K: German death metal executed with some
thrashier riffing that makes them not all death metal. I once (or 500
times really) bought a Döner-kebab at Wacken, the guy who sold it to me
could play in this band coz they sure as fuck ain’t living off their
music, they are not that good. 5

Syrrok: Weren’t the last V issues enough? I’m down
with some of the thrashy riffs, but when did they hire a metalcore
singer? This band makes me want to eat grass. 3

Farlus: These guys give me a Haunted-shaped boner.
Lots of saliva-inspiring groove and thrash all the way from the land of
fudge cake and scheisse porn. Good stuff. 6

Desert Eagle: My god, I actually cringed when I
heard the vocals in this band. Fuck whatever genre they’re in (who
cares) but no one should ever think they need to do vocals like that. He
sounds like he’s trying to take a huge baby shit. You know the shits
that are basically like giving birth? Yeah, one of those. 3

The Abyss: While not the best thing since blowjobs
and “Reign in blood” as GD-writer Rafal said, I must admit that
Dew-Scented churn out some very impressive death/thrash-metal and
actually displays some nifty tricks. For example the left-right panning
of the guitar-riff in “Rituals of time” gets a big “FUCK YEAH!” from
this Swede. 8

Demons and Wizards: Touched by the crimson king Demons and Wizards: Touched by the crimson king

5 /10

Lord K: My pedophile warning-clock goes off when I
hear that title of cheese for the album. If metal-core is the plague of
metal, power-metal is the cancer. 3

Syrrok: When the twin powers of Iced Earth and
Blind Guardian combine, you know you’re gonna get a couple of things. 1,
spell-casting of at least a 15 level. 2, tuned UP guitars. And 3, More
power metal than Spudd can even handle. Dont’ let your girlfriend hear
this album while blowin’ you or she’ll never swallow again. 3

Farlus: I’m a huge fan of Schaeffer’s work and
there’s plenty of badass guitar lines throughout this CD. I don’t really
dig on the vocals too much, though. Most of the time they’re bearable,
but at times they just get outrageous (and the lyrics don’t help). I
mean, a guy wailing “The wicked witch is deeeead” is a little too
over-the-top for me. Still, I like the album, and the cover of
“Immigrant Song” is kickass. I love that song. 7

Desert Eagle: What do you get when you take a guy
from a formerly great band (Iced Earth) and a guy from a currently great
band (Blind Guardian) and make a band together? Eh. That’s what you
get. 6

The Abyss: Demons and Wizards suffers, just like
Jon Schaeffer’s main band Iced Earth, from a very sterile feeling. At
first glance there’s nothing wrong with it but there’s absolutely no
emotion or depth to be found here and I’ve never liked Hansi Kürsch’
vocals. But anything regarding Stephen King’s “The Dark Tower”-series
gets automatical bonus-points from me. 6

Deathbound: Doomsday comfort Deathbound: Doomsday comfort

5 /10

Lord K: A new aquaintance for me. Are you up for
some grindcore? Deathbound delivers it and they do it good, for the
genre. The very “broken” and overly distorted guitarsound just irritates
me though. I prefer Rotten Sound and Nasum over Deathbound, and that’s
all the grind-bands I know. 5

Syrrok: This one sure is a sloppy mess. It’s akin
to a professional bicycle race pile-up. You all know what I’m talking
about. One of those fruits flies off his bike and 50 follow… creating a
bloody mess of spandex and wheels. Deathbound make me feel this way. 2

Farlus: I’d rather calculate the circumference of
my testicles than listen to this anymore. (And my testicles are not
perfectly circular so that’d be really fuckin’ hard. There are no given
testicle math formulae. Not even Newton had the balls to try and come up
with that shit.) Fuck math and fuck this thrash/death bullshit. 3

Desert Eagle: When I listened to the first song I
thought that ” – Hey, those guitars sound pretty thick and sweet dude”.
It was a decent riff too. But then the next one started the same, and so
did the song after that, and the one after that, and the next one… 4

The Abyss: It seems like every band that comes out
of Finland either play grindcore or power metal with hyper-caffinated
keyboard-players, what’s up with that? Deathbound belong to the former
category and does their shit well. Not pure grindcore, the songs are too
long for that, but plenty of energy and attitude. Makes me wanna get in
the pit! 7

Gorerotted: A new dawn for the dead Gorerotted: A new dawn for the dead

4.8 /10

Lord K: Gorerotted blends their blistering death
metal up with some crust-beats and almost-pig-vocals, and much to my
suprise it works. Think Vomitory, but take away everything that makes
Vomitory awesome. Add some Yankee-touch to the riffing and a somewhat
groove and you got Gorerotted. Alot better than expected. 7

Syrrok: Gore this, Gore that, Gore over here, Gore
up, Gore fuck. It’s all the same. Slightly better produced death metal,
but still constantly heading in no coherant direction. Gorerotted truly
make music for themselves, and I hope it stays that way from now on. 2

Farlus: I loved “Only Tools and Corpses”, and this
continues the formula laid down on that record. Comedy gore metal is
great stuff. It’s like brutal DM that doesn’t take itself seriously. If
you’ve never heard the band, imagine the Berzerker with Cannibal Corpse
lyrics. If you don’t know who those bands are, please castrate yourself
with a dull toothpick. Thank you. 7

Desert Eagle: This isn’t even registering with me.
I’m listening to it right now and it’s just not registering. I instantly
forget everything I hear because it’s chum chumm growl growl squeal
squeal. Oink oink motherfuckers. 3

The Abyss: Pretty feral black metal that leaves me
unimpressed. The aggression is there but the execution is lacking. Not
totally without potential though. 5

Holy Moses: Strength power will passion Holy Moses: Strength power will passion

4.4 /10

Lord K: Holy Moses used to be one of my fave-bands.
That was when they released the “Liechtenstein” album. Alot of
sauerkrautz been eaten since then and they never managed to create
anything along those lines ever again, and they never will. One song
(“Angel cry”) reminds me of the good old Holy Moses but ever since Uli
Kusch left the sinking ship they pretty much suck. And “Holy Moses” must
be one of the most retarded names ever. 2

Syrrok: What am I supposed to make of this? We got
another singer with cum stuck in his throat here. The band probably
provided him with it. Stupid guitar tone, insulting songwriting,
redundant lyrics, it’s all here! All here in a big bag of “who gives a
fuck”. 2

Farlus: At first listen I said to myself “Alright,
this is OK old-school thrash.” Then I went and visited the band’s
website. Hahaha this is my new favorite band. Their English is
impeccable! Let’s take a look at the top banner of the site…”Obey the
invasion of the original thrash with the one and only brutally feminine
vocals of Sabina Classen”. Hahaha! Brutally feminine! Then I looked at
their back catalogue… filled with such classics as “Disorder of the
Order”, “Too Drunk to Fuck”, “Reborn Dogs”, and “Finished With the
Dogs”. These guys make Kreator look like English professors. This band
rules. 8

Desert Eagle: What’s with so many bands having shit
names this month? Is it really that difficult to think of something not
retarded? It also seems to be impossible to not have shitty vocals that
ruin everything. Oh, it’s a girl “growling”, that explains everything.
I’d say get rid of her but she’s at least somewhat hot so we all know
she isn’t going anywhere. 4

The Abyss: Persistant German thrash that drills
it’s way into your brain with the tenacity of a drughound. Unfortunatly
the band latches on to the good riffs (of which there are numerous) for
way too long (sometimes a whole song) which makes the listening
experience slightly tiresome. Same can be said for Sabinas hoarse
vocals. 6

Obituary: Frozen in time Obituary: Frozen in time

4.4 /10

Lord K: Definitely not the comeback one hoped for.
Whatever they took to create “Cause of Death”, they should start taking
it again. “Redneck Stomp” must be some kind of inside-joke, coz that’s
one of the lamest tunes these guys ever wrote. 4

Syrrok: I’m done giving credit to bands just for
sticking around. You have to prove your existence NOW, regardless of the
work you’ve done in the past. The songwriting on this one is just not
up to par with their old stuff. They might lose some old fans with this
one (Syrrok raises his hand). 2

Farlus: If I were to rate this album based on the
opening and closing tracks alone it’d get an 11. Fuckin’ awesome
instrumental work there. What’s between the two isn’t crappy by any
means, but it does kind of blend together. It all still makes me wet my
panties with urine of pure joy. Killer riffing throughout and just an
overall old-school vibe to it all. 8

Desert Eagle: Is this one of those classic bands?
One that keeps getting new releases just because they’re old? I think so
because they certainly aren’t good. Let it die. 3

The Abyss: Y’know, I’ve never really taken a liking
to Obituary. “Frozen in time” does nothing to change my opinion. I’m
sure the old fans will love it though. 5

Life of Agony: Broken valley Life of Agony: Broken valley

4.2 /10

Lord K: The only good thing about these idiots is
that they have “Agony” in their moniker, since Agony is the best
thrash-band out of Sweden ever. 2

Syrrok: I used to own a Life of Agony CD back in the day. But I also owned a Bobby Brown CD as well. Enough said. 2

Farlus: Never heard these guys before, but I know
Flack back on WhiteTrashDevil used to always praise them. These guys
play some pretty good rock and roll. It does annoy me at times, though.
Most of the time though it’s some pretty laid back rock to just chill
out to, and I can dig that. 6

Desert Eagle: Why? Seriously, who’s idea was this?
If Dave Mustaine likes a band then you know they must really suck
(except for Nevermore and Symphony X). This band has sucked hard for a
long time, ain’t no stopping that now. 3

The Abyss: Just like Agents Of Man, I’m not sure
that Life Of Agony really belongs on GD. Make no mistake, I really enjoy
this album but when the closest associations points towards Stone
Temple Pilots and Temple Of The Dog, you know you’re in shallow water
genre-wise. With that said, this is a very good album with solid
songwriting and great delivery from the little big man Keith Caputo.
Recommended to those who misses the Stone Temple Pilots of old. 8

Deeds of Flesh: Crown of souls Deeds of Flesh: Crown of souls

3.2 /10

Lord K: Technical death metal the American way. You
know the style, you prolly think it’s ok even, me – I just get bored
with the lacking production, lacking groove and annoying-as-fuck kicks. 4

Syrrok: Sweet, another basement recording. Only
this time with triggered-to-fuck drums. Absolutely nothing new was even
attempted in this. The Detroit Red Wings could write better death metal.
2

Farlus: Cookie cutter uninspired death metal with
guttoral vocals. I’m really not in the fuckin mood for unoriginality
tonight. Like most bands of their ilk they lapse into moments of cool
shit but only for a few seconds before returning to the repetitive
monotonous bullshit that I loathe. No wonder people hate American death
metal. 3

Desert Eagle: If these guys just gave a few more
blowjobs then maybe they could have gotten a better production. My fan
has better production. And that shit is windy. 3

The Abyss: Brutal death that are a bit hit-and-miss
if you ask me. Sometimes it’s brutal, groovy and other times it’s just
boring and uninspired. Counting in the shoddy production this deserves
no more then a 4.

Losa: The perfect moment Losa: The perfect moment

3 /10

Lord K: Heard the name before, never heard the music. I wish it would have stayed like that. Losa is a fucken fitting name. 2

Syrrok: Fire your singer. Fire your rhythm guitar
player. Fire the drummer. That leaves the bass player to go get a normal
job deliverin pizzas or something. There is absolutely NO EXCUSE for
blabbercock giving this album a 9. Let Syrrok set it straight. 2

Farlus: Interesting fact: if you pronounce this
band’s name backwards, it sounds like “asshole”. And that’s just what
this album is like – an asshole, filled to the rim with shit. Utter,
disgusting shit, that’s been packed in nice and tight by some well-hung
homosexual. Yeah, this album blows. All the “knowledgeable critics” at
places like Blabbermouth will tell you it’s inventive and
ground-breaking, but when it comes down to it, it’s still metalcore,
just dressed up a little. A turd with a dress on and glitter over it is
still shit. Fuck this band. 1

Desert Eagle: Well I guess it could always be
worse, I could live in a world where vocals were never good. This world
is pretty close, but there are some good singers around. Not in this
band though. 3

The Abyss: Here’s something interesting! A band
that mixes a shit name, Machine Head, Tool, an even shittier
album-title, metalcore and a little bit of old-school Metallica. Can’t
say the result is earth-shattering but I have the feeling that Losa will
turn out fine after a couple of albums, given the time to cultivate the
more epic, progressive tendencies shown here. 7

Disgorge: Parallels of infinite torture Disgorge: Parallels of infinite torture

2.4 /10

Lord K: My name is Silly Death Metal. What’s yours? 3

Syrrok: Is this “Deeds of Flesh” under a different
name? If “Deeds of Flesh” is Disneyland, then Disgorge is shitty death
metal. My analogies rule. 2

Farlus: Brutal DM of this month’s AA. I don’t like
Disgorge, never have, never will. I really don’t see how you can play
this music with any emotion or passion. I can’t even headbang to this
shit. That gets it a thumbs down. 2

Desert Eagle: Are there enough bands starting with D in this AA? And all but one sucked cock, until this one. Or not. 3

The Abyss: Unlike Deeds of Flesh’ album that was
half-filled with forgetfull songs Disgorge has decided to stuff
“Parallels of Infinite Torture” to the brim of shit I can’t remember. 2

Agents of Man: Count your blessings Agents of Man: Count your blessings

2.2 /10

Lord K: Oh man, Agents Of Fag suck, as expected.
Fucken disgusting metal-core with sing-along choruses that, yes, suck. I
so fucken despise metal-core and have taken hungover-shits that smelled
like roses compared to this. Metal-core is the plague of the
music-scene. Die, die, die. 2

Syrrok: This album is like a handicap on valium.
The music plooooods along… Ugh. The vocals make metroid seem like combat
on Atari. I would never listen twice to this. 1

Farlus: It took two seconds for me to roll my eyes at this. This is like Hatebreed doing ass to ass dildo with gay screamo. It sucks. 1

Desert Eagle: This is just corecore. Fucken hell, I don’t even know what that means. 2

The Abyss: These agents try to sneak undercover in
the guise of a hardcoreband but really they’re just power-punk from the
School of Blink 182, Green Day and NOFX. It was kinda catchy and
harmless in a bubblegum sort of way but it definitely doesn’t belong on
GD! 5

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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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