Audio Autopsy – February 2012

Audio Autopsy – February 2012

01/02/12  ||  Global Domination

Vallenfyre: A fragile king Vallenfyre: A fragile king


Lord K: Better than expected. Paganizer should take notes. 6

Habakuk: Death/Doom done right (read: Asphyx) is great. This I okay, but certainly no Asphyx. 6

CadenZ: Whoah. Whoah. What a fucken voice. Grim,
evil, malevolent. Mackintosh for the win. And I hate Apple products. Go
figure. The songs are awesome old school death as well. Atmosphere,
intensity, everything’s there. I am not disappoint. 9

Smalley: A bit too sluggish for me, but still, this
hard-hitting, heavily produced, doom/death offering is stilly pretty
kewl. Working on a full review for it as we speak! 8

BamaHammer: Wow. Where did these guys come from?
Vallenfyre know how to put together some quality shit. It’s catchy,
groovy, and brutal. That’s the death metal hat trick. 8

InquisitorGeneralis: Sorry Rogganzier, but this and Dim Mak own the death metal side of things this month. 7

Dim Mak: The emergence of reptilian altars Dim Mak: The emergence of reptilian altars


Lord K: Ripping Corpse were a cool band. Dim Mak’s
got their moments too. If you can handle the thin production theres a
little something for everyone to discover in this half-progressive death
metal stew. 5

Habakuk: Reptilian altars my ass, but still: Goodbye, Morbid Angel, hello Dim Mak! 8

CadenZ: So with Morbid Angel moving in some other
direction, it’s good to hear there are other bands willing to pick up
the flag. With some touches of proggier/Nocturnusier stuff, this album
is a sure winner. Minus for the kick sound. 8

Smalley: Droning, shitty-sounding, direction-less, hook-less DM. 4

BamaHammer: I actually liked this from the moment I
heard it. Dim Mak’s brand of death metal is pretty technical and groovy
as hell with some pretty unique raspy, almost black metal-ish, vocals. I
could get into this. 8

InquisitorGeneralis: Good, brutal, interesting Death Metal is always a winner in my book. Score one for New Jersey. 7

Vildhjarta: Måsstaden Vildhjarta: Måsstaden


Lord K: This kind of music is fun. The first few
times you hear it, that is. Then it grows old. And Meshuggah already did
this to perfection. Still, impressive and this month’s winner for me.
Doesn’t say much though when you look at the score. 7

Habakuk: Meshuggah crunch and a lot of plodding. Not my kind of death metal. 5

CadenZ: Interesting, it’s like Meshuggah and Cult
of Luna had an illegitimate child and decided to spell its name without
the correct umlauts (Vildhjärta). Moronic. Ah, well. This is quite
awesome, gloomy atmospheres and great growls bring depth to the jagged
techery. The clean vocals could use some work, but other than that (and
despite the blatant Meshuggah-worship) this is one of the better debuts
I’ve heard recently. 8

Smalley: Lots of djent influence (and it’s actually catchy
here) and some omnious atmosphere, but the harsh vocals just don’t
quite… “fit”. I dunno. Still solid though, and certainly unique enough. 7

BamaHammer: This album feels like a 51-minute breakdown. I know I can never get into this. 4

InquisitorGeneralis: Interesting stuff here that will appeal to Meshuggah fans. However, the new Meshuggah will probably appeal to them more. 5

Mystic Prophecy: Ravenlord Mystic Prophecy: Ravenlord


Lord K: Expecting some black metalish crap and
getting this heavy/semi-power/whatever thing was… interesting. Not
completely shitty, not even half-bad to be honest. Just very… boring. 5

Habakuk: The antithesis of cool. Be a power metal nerd or avoid. 4

CadenZ: Heavy metal with a good vocalist. Nice
rasp, and even does some growls/shrieks. Solid riffing and a good drive
keep this from the boring bin. 6

Smalley: Metal that draws inspiration from too many
influences that you can’t really pigeon-hole ‘em, which can be cool,
but in this case, that means they don’t have much of their identity. You
know, like a jack-of-all-trades, master of none-type situation, ‘cept
I’m not sure I can say they’re even a jack of anything. Still kinda enjoyed the Bruce Dickinson-y vocals, though. 6

BamaHammer: This is a nice surprise. Ripping,
aggressive guitar riffs with a thrashy edge. I fucken love the nutsy
guitar tone too. This one definitely earns multiple spins. 7

InquisitorGeneralis: The people who rub their cocks raw over Grand Magus will love this shit. Focus on the word shit. 3

Paganizer: Into the catacombs Paganizer: Into the catacombs


Lord K: Paganizer is the kind of death metal I will never get into. Too primitive for me, just like mainman Rogga wants it. 4

Habakuk: Kinda, sort of, somewhat. Not quite. 6

CadenZ: Not much wrong with this death metal
release, except that it’s no more, no less; just another death metal
release. I’ve heard all these riffs a million times before. 5

Smalley: Really can’t add much to what CadenZ said
here, as “catacombs” is ultimately just another death metal record.
Competent enough, sure, but still average. 5

BamaHammer: Pretty fucken competent Swedish death
in the vein of early Bloodbath. It ain’t very technical, but it’s brutal
and aggressive, and I dig it. 7

InquisitorGeneralis: Rogga’s style is solid and dependable, but also is getting old. Nothing new or exciting here. 4

Iron Savior: The landing Iron Savior: The landing


Lord K: Points for the driest guitar sound in this edition goes to Iron Saviour. Points also go to them for sucking absolute penis. 3

Habakuk: Anyone remember “Savage Circus” with Thomen Stauch? Here is another band just like that, down to individual melodies. 6

CadenZ: So I can still enjoy cheesy power metal if it’s done right? Awesome! 6

Smalley: They’re the “savior” alright… of absolutely nothing. 5

BamaHammer: I’ve always liked these guys. They’re
Gamma Ray on steroids. The production is all midrange and no balls, but
this is what power metal is supposed to sound like. Another solid
release from teh Iron Savior. 7

InquisitorGeneralis: Power metal still isn’t for
me, but I can at least admit the band is good here. Could be worse,
could be a lot better. As in not power metal. 4

Dark Suns: Orange Dark Suns: Orange


Lord K: Suck my organ. 3

Habakuk: Fans of the recent Opeth might want to check this out, but me, I’ve heard enough organ now. 5

CadenZ: Prog rock with psychedelic tendencies, and
well done at that. If Enslaved went all out prog, and were good at it,
they’d sound like this. 7

Smalley: I kinda like some of the soft shit here,
and I can admire Suns for doing their own quirky lil’ thang, but the
thing that they do don’t do it for me, for the most part. Isn’t doodoo
though. 6

BamaHammer: This is some goofy, half-prog bullshit that I’ll never understand. Fuck this. 4

InquisitorGeneralis: If Opeth’s newest (and shittiest) take on prog didn’t do it for me, Dark Suns don’t stand a fucking chance. 2

Marionette: Nerve Marionette: Nerve


Lord K: Their debut had its moments. This one doesn’t. 3

Habakuk: How not to name your band. How about “I fiddled with the time machine (and got the In Flames from 10 years ago)”? 6

CadenZ: Invisible background music is invisible. Ninja metal. 4

Smalley: What the fuck is up with the obnoxious
metalcore (yes, I’m aware that’s redundant) this month? This one even
has idiotic electronica influences in it too… urgh. 3

BamaHammer: Well, these ass-hats look like “this.”: At
least the music blows barn animals too. Standard, run-of-the-mill
Soilwork worship from Gothenburg. 3

InquisitorGeneralis: Not my shit,but could be
worse. When did GD become a power/heavy metal site? The same time me and
ex-staffer Daemo began banging… in spirit. 4

Theocracy: As the world bleeds Theocracy: As the world bleeds


Lord K: Seriously, guys… not on my fucken Audio Autopsy. 3

Habakuk: Progressive epic christian power metal?
Count me right the fuck in. Despite all the stop signs in sentence one,
this is heavy, intelligently written, engaging, catchy and mostly . Top
notch quality. Color me surprised. 7

CadenZ: A very small portion of nice proggery does
not save this horseload of boring power metal with extremely corny folk
stuff. Also, seems like they’re Christians. Haha. Hahahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Fuck you. 3

Smalley: Man, “As the world bleeds” is actually
kinda good name for a metal album; too bad it was wasted on this. Though
I have to imagine that this would suck regardless of what religion they
are, um, CADENZ (shifty ninja eyes). 3

BamaHammer: Christian power metal cheese that’s a little too predictable and way too annoying. 3

InquisitorGeneralis: More power metal, more dislike from me. How many of these power clone bands exist? Too fucken many is my guess. 2

Vendetta: Feed the extermination Vendetta: Feed the extermination


Lord K: Vendetta’s early albums haven’t really aged well, but I take those over this any day. 4

Habakuk: Now I remember why I never cared about these guys. Those vocals need to fucking go. The rest is a better modern Destruction. 4

CadenZ: Average thrash metal with OK intensity and zero originality. I sleep. 5

Smalley: It’s funny how certain types of band names
seem to gravitate toward certain sub-genres; vendetta just seems made
to be the name of a neo-thrash band. Anyway, the low-energy songwriting
didn’t hook me, the rhythm guitar sound rubbed me the wrong way, and
that goes double for the plagiaristic “Dave Mustaine Jr.” vocals.
Nevermind this one. 4

BamaHammer: I haven’t liked any new thrash albums
in years, and this one does nothing for me either. This album is track
after track of lame generic thrash. Gutless ‘n’ nutless. 3

InquisitorGeneralis: Good thrash, but these guys would get owned by Hexen, Essence, and Vektor. 5

Eisregen: Rostrot Eisregen: Rostrot


Lord K: Eh… ok, so who’s to blame for this fucken
mess? Melodic kindergarten riffs do not blend well with wannabe-black
metal whispers and shit keyboards. 2

Habakuk: I am not sure how much these guys are
worth if you don’t understand the words, so I’m curious about everyone
else’s votes. There are a few good heavy, black metal songs, but most of
the album is unspectacular “dark metal” obscured (to Germans) by the
prominent, demented or plain stupid lyrics. Much ado about nothing. 5

CadenZ: Sorry Hab, but only a German band could be
this stupid. Or a band from any other country with morons. Namely every
shitstain on the map of Tellus. Mixing ok black metal with college/radio
pop rock goes goth metal/Rammstein? What. The. Ficken. Furze. Schwule.
Arsloch. And every other appropriate Deutsch word. Fick euch, or how the
fuck it’s supposed to translate. 3

Smalley: A little bit of the stuff here has some
kinda-ambitious, ominous, atmospheric, hook-y black metal touches, but
Eisregen ruins the rest with campy Rammstein/poppy influences. Go darker
next time, plz. 5

BamaHammer: Rammstein ist kvlt as fvck. And this is scheiße. 2

InquisitorGeneralis: How do you say steaming pile of genre-mixing bullshit in German? “Eisregen”? I thought so. Wow, this sucks. 2

Royal Hunt: Show me how to live Royal Hunt: Show me how to live


Lord K: The royal hunt for decent music runs thru
this album without success. Fucken carnival metal can suck it. Hard.
They’re not the worst of the bunch though. 4

Habakuk: Does the world need another Luca Turilli, but slower? You decide. Choose wisely. 4

CadenZ: Cheesy neoclassical Abba metal. I am
mightily unimpressed, though some of the keyboard solos are cool, if
they were played on a keytar of course. All other keyboard solos can
fuck off. 4

Smalley: Show me how to forget this hunk of
keyboard-y power metal. I’ll just wait for Game Of Thrones S2 for my
medieval-ish fix, thank you very much. 4

BamaHammer: This one starts off with a sound bite
of what I assume is a medieval battle. I know where we’re headed here.
Yep, a one-way ticket to Cheeseville. And I don’t wanna go. Nice
Nintendo keyboard sounds though, assholes. 2

InquisitorGeneralis: Once I heard keyboard solos, I bashed my fucking stereo with my cock and then killed myself. Wow, this sucks. 1

To/Die/For: Samsara To/Die/For: Samsara


Lord K: Go/Fuck/Yourselves. 2

Habakuk: To/not/care. 5

CadenZ: Douchy vocalist with awkward pronunciation
overload. I don’t know what else to say about this, other than it sucks.
It sucks fucken hard. 2

Smalley: So… metal with some melo, symphonic, pop, and dance music
touches (with some other random shit) with some half-assed Lemmy-rasp
influences on the vocalist? Can you say “fuck that”, boys and girls?
Srsly, was this supposed to actually appeal to ANYONE out there? 3

BamaHammer: Boring/Half/Metal. Pretty/Shitty/Singer. Not/For/Me. 3

InquisitorGeneralis: Fucking/Sucks/A/Dick. 2

Like Moths To Flames: When we don't exist Like Moths To Flames: When we don’t exist


Lord K: When we don’t exist I will be happy for the fact we don’t have to deal with this shit ever again. 3

Habakuk: Grown men should not be hysterical. Neither should they record it. 3

CadenZ: The album is titled “When we don’t exist”.
Random track titles: “The worst in me”, “No hope”, “You won’t be
missed”. If they possess this kind of self-insight, how come they still
wanted to release this album? Ohhh to fuck clueless teen bitches. Of
course. Man-bitches. 2

Smalley: Some good instrumental chops and
atmospheric touches here, but the incredibly whiny, bi-polar quiet/loud
vocals, and generic metalcore songwriting (breakdowns ftw!!!) kill all
of that. See DoubleD’s forum signature for more information. 3

BamaHammer: I assume there are people out there that actually like this kind of kiddie metal garbage. They deserve to die. Twice. 2

InquisitorGeneralis: Like dicks to mouths, this band and album fucking suck. Tween metal cockpuke deluxe. 2


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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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