Audio Autopsy – February 2011

Audio Autopsy – February 2011

01/02/11  ||  Global Domination

Yngwie J. Malmsteen: Relentless Yngwie J. Malmsteen: Relentless


Lord K: Yeah. He’s back and he never fails.
Even when he fails he never fails. This album’s lost a little of the
impact it had on me when I heard it the first time around though, still it is the clear winner in this edition. Anything else would just be as wrong as Yngwie’s hair-do. 9

InquisitorGeneralis: The Y-man gets points for
skill and consistency, but I would be lying if I told you I was really
going to listen to any of this once I finished this month’s AA. Yngwie
shreds, that’s for sure. But I don’t see any incredible greatness in the
songs. 5

Habakuk: Sounds like “Castlevania” with guitars and Ripper Owens’ vocals… and Arpeggios From Hell! 7.

CadenZ: Yngwie is Yngwie. A slightly muffled
production can’t hide that, and not even Ripper Owens and his vibrato
wider than the Milky Way can ruin this record. “Relentless” doesn’t hold
any of Yngwie’s greatest moments, but it’s a rock solid Malmsteen disc
all the same. 7

MurderMachine (guest): Read the fucking title. 8

Desultory: Counting our scars Desultory: Counting our scars


Lord K: Fact is (according to vocalist/guitarist
Klas Morberg) I was the first one to ever interview this band back in
the day. I guess that means we’ll always have a special bond, me and
Desultory. They released a disaster called “Swallow the snake” many
moons ago, an album that ended their career. Or so we thought. Desultory
return with “Counting our scars”, a disc full of “let’s go back to the old days before the fuck-up with “Swallow the cum”.
Desultory sound re-vitalized and definitely shit out some mighty fine
deathrash with tons of melodies and a great production. Their 2 first
albums might be considered classics by some. I wouldn’t go that far, but
I would say that this is the best Desultory’s ever sounded. Welcome
back, old farts. Now, don’t you dare to fuck things up again, you hear? 8

InquisitorGeneralis: I never really heard much of
these Swedes early material, but this melodic stuff I like. The
production helps my enjoyment too. Good shit. Actually, make that very good shit. 8

Habakuk: Not bad, no, really good at times, yes.
But relevant? No. I, for one, have heard enough bands that sound “a bit
different from At The Gates” by now. 7

CadenZ: I’m glad these guys are back, as they did
some nice shit during the first half of the 90’s. This comeback effort
is capable and ok, but nothing more. The best song, “Dead Ends”, is like
a half-assed Unanimated track – the amount of recycled riffs on this
disc is so great I’m starting to think each of those represent a scar
they counted. Seems like there’s not much unspoilt skin left, then. 6

MurderMachine (guest): Some nice thrashy parts
complimented by leads that are loaded with reverb end echo effects
combined with melodic, generally soft scales to give them that
spaced-out, heart touching feeling… Or so I thought, until they did it
on the next song, and the next, and the one after, until the whole album
was a repetitive ball of feces, sugar-coated by there decently talented
vocalist. This album doesn’t grab me by the balls, everything seems to
follow the same formula, making it hardly above average. 5

The Wretched End: Ominous The Wretched End: Ominous


Lord K: This is more of a “supergroup” to me than
The Damned Things. Phenom-drummer Nils Fjällström joined Samoth (you all
know this guy) and some other dude in this project, and as expected
from Samoth you get some high quality modern semi-brutal death/thrash.
Nothing too groundbreaking (like the excellent Zyklon) but still a very
solid release on all accounts. I did hope for more though. Maybe with
the next one? 7

InquisitorGeneralis: This is completely uninspired
death/thrash that fails to make any lasting impact on me. The production
sounds like crap too. Bring back Zyklon please. 4

Habakuk: Good death-thrash with a noticeable Zyklon-influence. Unfortunately I miss the absolutely awesome-influence. 7

CadenZ: Professional, well-executed and -produced
thrashy death metal, as one could expect from Samoth & co. Next time
pen together catchier songs and you’re a winning team again. 7

MurderMachine (guest): I wouldn’t call this
horrible, but I couldn’t make it to the end of this album, and that’s a
sign of boredom, which is a sure sign of suckage. 4

Hardcore Superstar: Split your lip Hardcore Superstar: Split your lip


Lord K: Party/half-glam “metal”. These Swedes do it
well on all accounts. The tune “Moonshine” is a semi-hit on Swedish
National Radio, and quite deservingly so. You won’t see me getting Mrs.
K’s eyeliner and rock the fuck out to Hardcore Superstar any time soon
though. Nonetheless, this is fine crap and the fact that vocalist Jocke
Berg once asked to have my Torture Division beanie renders them an extra
point or two. He didn’t get the fucken beanie though. 7

InquisitorGeneralis: Hardcock Supersuck are pretty
fucken terrible. I don’t get down with sleaze rock and nothing on here
seems original or appealing. Sure there are hints of thrash and maybe a
little punk even, but I’m not buying it. 3

Habakuk: For those who absolutely crave a Backyard
Babies or whatever fix, Hardcore Superstar produce some more decent,
catchy rock. As if there weren’t enough of it in this month’s edition. 5.

CadenZ: Party rock/metal of the sleaze/glam kind.
Though there are many much worse bands out there, HS will never be the
new G’n‘R. I’d imagine this works a few thousand per cent better in a
live setting. 5

MurderMachine (guest): I was never into Mötley
Crüe. Then again, I was never into shit. And the fact that this shit is
polluting Sweden’s righteously clean underpants does not earn them any
points either… 2

Exciter: Death machine Exciter: Death machine


Lord K: It has to be said: they didn’t do it in the
past and they certainly as fuck don’t do it now. Do what? Excite
anyone, that’s what. Boo-ya! The first time I heard the tune “Power and
domination” I pretended the vocalist was heavily drunk and actually sang
“Asshole domination”. I laughed. I laugh at the music too, for all the
wrong reasons. 2

InquisitorGeneralis: These guys play awful fast for
being from a country known for being laid back, frozen stiff, and
covered in sap. But, Canada has produced some insane technical death
metal bands over the years so I am not too shocked. This is speed metal.
You either like speed metal or you don’t. I really don’t. The band is
not bad, but the vocals suck. 4

Habakuk: This is so run of the mill, their name
just left the band and sued them. And the production is beyond shit. You
really have to worship “Violence and force” to dig this. 4.

CadenZ: Old school no-nonsense thrash. The
atmosphere is intact from a few decades back, but the songs don’t get my
boner going all too much and the vocalist definitely needs some getting
used to, or kicking in the mouth. 6

MurderMachine (guest): Nothing good can come out of
this. Not even if you injected yourself with a liter of heroin,
consumed an entire acid-soaked textbook of blotting paper, and
obliterated yourself with Igor the Conqueror. 2

Tankard: Vollume 14 Tankard: Vollume 14


Lord K: I shared a bus to the airport with one of
the members from Tankard a hundred years ago. I was not impressed. The
joke wore itself out around “The morning after” (1988). 3

InquisitorGeneralis: Decent thrash done by a band
seemingly has been around since the age of Bismarck. Not bad stuff here,
but there is a reason that Tankard is not mentioned in the same league as fellow countrymen like Sodom, Kreator, and Destruction. 5

Habakuk: Is there any thrash band that still gets
decent production jobs? Toothless guitars, drums that sound unnatural
and choppy as fuck, and a generally lifeless feel ruin the otherwise
decent thrash attempts. 5

CadenZ: These drunkards boozed away their last
brain cells decades ago, thus halting the degradation process of their
music at a level most sane people would stay the fuck away from. This
fact brings us to the conclusion that most Teutonic metalheads are not
sane. 3

MurderMachine (guest): If you want to walk with the
big dogs, you must piss in the tall grass. These are not big dogs, and
unfortunately for us, these fuckers piss in our ears. 2

TNT: A farewell to arms TNT: A farewell to arms


Lord K: These Norwegians released some fantastic
albums in the past (2 of them to be precise). The number of those
achievements will stay at 2. Still, it pisses on Ektomorf. Must. Kill.
Ektomorf. 3

InquisitorGeneralis: The 80’s are dead. Someone needs to tell TNT. What is up with all of the shitty rock this month? 3

Habakuk: Hard-to-enjoy rock. Starts with a “u” and ends with a “nnecesary”. The shit vocals absolutely kill this. 3

CadenZ: The coolest thing about Norway’s TNT is that their bassist was in both Khold and Tulus, plus he shares his name with one of the greatest
music stand up comedians of all time. And the guitarist ain’t half bad.
Wholly adequate 80’s metal/rock, but I won’t spin this again. 6

MurderMachine (guest): A stick of dynamite for sure, packed with fathomless amounts of shit. 2

Hinder: All American nightmare Hinder: All American nightmare


Lord K: We need some American radio rock on GD.
Hinder’s one of those million of bands who live off their vocalist while
creating pretty fucken anonymous music for the masses. I have no
problem with that. Background music serves a purpose. 6

InquisitorGeneralis: These guys really are an
all-American nightmare. This type of whiney, tattooed-but-still-a-pussy
rock makes me want declare Jihad on my own country. This is absolute,
prefabricated, rock-radio, 100% fresh-squeezed ass juice. 1

Habakuk: Overproduced, In-one-ear-out-the-other US
Corporate Rock with an Axl Rose wannabe on vocals. Made to make good
Americans feel alternative. 4

CadenZ: This nightmare of an album is hindering me
from listening to something of value. At least the chick on the cover
has nice tits. The fact that this album isn’t bad enough to make my anus
explode (like Hinder’s did when they wrote these songs) doesn’t save it
from demise by Satangoat. 3

MurderMachine (guest): No. 1

The Damned Things: Ironiclast The Damned Things: Ironiclast


Lord K: This is supposed to be some “supergroup” of
sorts. Well, the only “superguy” I have heard about is Scott Ian of
Anthrax fame. This could be any fucken band in the world. Foo Fighters
do it better. And they kinda suck too. 3

InquisitorGeneralis: Scott Ian needs to stick to
Anthrax, even though they are not really any good any more, and the
other douchebags in this shitty superpooper group need to go back to
whatever pop-punk/rock/metal pile of excrement they came from too. This
toothless hard rock is generic, derivative monkeypiss. 2

Habakuk: Heavified garage rock that sounds a bit
like Volbeat with a normal singer. Good enough to keep me listening, but
at some point I started playing MahJongg. I never play MahJongg. 6

CadenZ: Here’s a fucken ironiclast for ya: you suck
so much, that would you try giving yourselves a blowjob, you’d be
sucked into another dimension. The dimension of Suck. 2

MurderMachine (guest): Shut. The fuck. Up. 1

Ektomorf: Redemption Ektomorf: Redemption


Lord K: There are many bands that I absolutely and utterly fucken despise.
Ektomorf is one of them Why? You all know why. They have shamelessly
stolen Sepultura’s sound down to the core and don’t even have the
courtesy of admitting it. This is an embarrassment to the scene, an
insult to the people who like metal, and an abomination in its purest
form. Ektomorf is a fucken tragedy, all the way from the moniker to the
last riff they will ever write. 1

InquisitorGeneralis: Pantera, Machine Head, and
Pissing Razors are the only groove metal I really need. This record is
about thirteen years too late. Sorry fellas, but if I want to listen to
band try and rip-off “Roots” and “Chaos A.D.”-Sepultura, I’ll listen to
Soulfly. 3

Habakuk: You have – 4 – new messages. From:
Cavalera, Max. He wants back: His ethno-shtick, jumpdafuckup riffing,
foreign accent and dumbed-down lyrics. Wow. Ektomorf are still the exact same Soulfly rip-off they were when I last checked: 2004

CadenZ: Caveman metal. Brain count is fucken zero
while sweaty muscles convulse and bulge, uncontrollably waiting to be
unleashed in yet another mindless assault. These Slipknot-wannabes’
aggression seems to be genuine though, and some breakdowns aren’t half
bad. Still… cavemen. 5

MurderMachine (guest): Next on the list, Sepultura… Wait… this isn’t Sepultura… 1

My Chemical Romance: Danger days - the true lives of the fabulous killjoys My Chemical Romance: Danger days – the true lives of the fabulous killjoys


Lord K: They actually named a song
“S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W”. On top of that, this is some fantastically shitty
music. I’ll take them over Ektomorf any day though, and trust me – that
fucken hurts to admit. Then again, I’d take syphilis over Ektomorf. 2

InquisitorGeneralis: While these made-up Jerseyites
clearly have some musical talent, I have always thought their style of
heavy, angst-ridden, pop-punk sucked a razor-blade sliced dick. And
after hearing this waste of time and resources, I still do. 2

Habakuk: Give Sonic Syndicate three years and they will sound like this. 2

CadenZ: Now is the winter of our discontent. 1

MurderMachine (guest): A class-A example on how to
be thrown into the heartless world of mainstream music, then swarmed by
hordes of blister-throbbing, wrist-slitting-emo-vaginas, and respected
by absolutely none of us. Die, faggots. 1


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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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