GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – February 2005

Audio Autopsy – February 2005

01/02/05  ||  Global Domination

Usurper: Cryptobeast Usurper: Cryptobeast

6.3 /10

Lord K: It took some time but now I finally heard
Usurper. Sounds like I expected too. Deathtrash all the way. A decent
effort, nothing more, nothing less. 5

Chazz: Semi-local Midwest heroes return with
another album. They kicked it up a notch with this album, and it’s an
improvement over anything they have done in the past. If they would only
get rid of the cheesy guitar solos and some of the lyrics, this would
be awesome, but even though they have a song called “Kill for Metal”, it
isn’t as cheesy as you would think. A good mix of thrash, death, and
heavy metal, nice production on this one too. 7

Syrrok: I cleaned my bathroom to this album. While
cleaning the toilet my mind wandered off and I started thinking how they
came to the conclusion that “200 flushes” is where they should stop
when marketing their product with the tagline “keeps your toilet clean
for 200 flushes!” Why not 150? 300? So you can tell how enthralled I was
with Usurper. 3

Desert Eagle: I don’t know exactly how to explain
it but I dig this album. This is just a good dose of heavy metal that
never really lets up. Definitely worth a listen. 7

Farlus: Groovy, over-the-top death metal. You
really can’t go wrong with a band who names a song “Kill for Metal”. One
of this month’s AA’s gems. I hope everyone else hates it so I can ruin
the average. Don’t listen to them, it’s fucking awesome. 9

Jimmy The Duff: I was close to buying “Cryptobeast”
after reading the promising promotion sticker on the cover, before
discovering that the snippet had been taken out of a Kerrang! (is that
right? An “exclamation mark” for eXtreme?) review. Tsk, tsk; when will
labels learn that GD is where it be at, yo? I lost interest relatively
quickly, but that doesn’t mean I was disappointed to find it in this
month’s AA roster. What more can I say? Oh yeah, Kerrang! Magazine was
right for once; this kicks ass. 7

Insomnium: Since the day it all came down Insomnium: Since the day it all came down

6.3 /10

Lord K: Melodic, well-played and overall a good
album. Nothing close to brutal though, these guys are more about
guitar-harmonies and catchy riffs. 7

Chazz: If you like Dark Tranquillity, you will like
this because they don’t sound a whole lot different than each other.
Call the fucken cops; I’d like to report a robbery. Actually this is
pretty decent stuff, I wish they would find their own sound. 5

Syrrok: Some nice variety here and there with the
mellow openings, the harmonized guitar parts, and the longer song times.
I don’t feel compelled to criticize beyond the obvious fact that their
band name is dumb. 5

Desert Eagle: Now this is more my cup of tea. What
we have here is some melodic death metal, my favorite kind of metal.
This shit kicks ass and needs to be listened to so go check it out.
Great melodies and nice mixture of heavy and softer parts. 8

Farlus: These guys are kind of like epic death
metal, something like Amon Amarth, though not as cool. They get a little
too power/melodic for me at times, but overall pretty decent. 5

Jimmy The Duff: Ah, memories. This would have been
one of my first reviews for GD… all that time ago. I haven’t listened to
this in four months or so, yet it has lost none of its potency. Traces
of Opeth are present in small amounts. The band have moved on, taking
the Gothenburg influence found rampant on their debut (a decent but
uninspired effort) and molding it into something largely their own and
very refreshing. An excellent album, in every respect. 8

Centinex: Decadence, Prophecies of cosmic chaos Centinex: Decadence, Prophecies of cosmic chaos

6.3 /10

Lord K: It’s a shame Centinex are kinda neglected
coz their deathrash is on par with the best of them out of Sweden. You
know the sound, need more of it? Centinex might do the trick for you. 7

Chazz: This band has been around more than 10
years, and I can’t believe I’ve never heard of them. Great album, killer
production, well-written material, there’s not much more to say. This
was the unexpected gem in the rest of the Audio Autopsy albums for me
this month. 8

Syrrok: I’m running out of ways to describe
mediocrity. I’m starting to think Audio Autopsy should be sorted by
either “I can tell the difference,” or “Same old shit.” 3

Desert Eagle: Two albums featuring the same
guitarist this month eh? Now if that isn’t useless trivia, I don’t know
what is. I would actually take Scar Symmetry over this band but they’re
not bad. Pretty good death metal. 6

Farlus: I’m not really sure what type of music
these guys are, but all I know is that they are Swedish, they’ve been
around for a while, and they fucking rule. I’ve heard comparisons, but
fuck comparisons. These guys play some thrash/death and it’s pretty damn
good in its own right. 7

Jimmy The Duff: Awesome, brutal melodeath. I think I might review it. 7

Scar Symmetry: Symmetric in design Scar Symmetry: Symmetric in design

6 /10

Lord K: I get early Machinehead-vibes from this at
times, which is not a bad thing. Mixing that with melodic passages,
clean vocals where they see fit and some technicality makes for a good
effort. Excellent crunch in the guitarsound. I dig. 8

Chazz: I’d dig this a lot more if this album wasn’t
so overproduced. Sound like pretty decent melodic metal, that is until
the clean vocals come in, then they sound like everyone else. Everyone
else who sucks that is. 3

Syrrok: Raise the torch! Pretty good metal. You
hear some Soilwork-esque vocals in there, but who doesn’t imitate
someone at some point? Scar Symmetry have a premiere membership at the
riff factory, and their shopping cart is too small. 7

Desert Eagle: What we have here is an interesting
mix of shit here. You got your clean vocals, death vocals, heavy synths,
guitar wanking, and a love for melody. When it works, it’s fucking
amazing. However, it can be bland at times. 7

Farlus: When these guys are playing death metal,
they fuckin’ play good death metal. Then they’ll go into some melodic
thrash bullshit with crazy overdone synth and it sounds like someone
taking a huge shit while being kicked repeatedly in the balls. Sadly
they were formed to make music exactly like this. It’s not worth it to
rock unless you’re gonna rock 24-7, fuckers. 4

Jimmy The Duff: The low growls are totally
shredding; I like their (not so original) contrast with “Bjorn Strid
meets Spuddshit” clean vocals. Excellent production; allows the guitars
to truly shine (these too remind me of Soilwork). When everything is
combined with some tastefully placed keyboards, I’m left thinking that
“Symmetric in Design” is in fact what the follow-up to “Natural Born
Chaos” would sound like had Soilwork refrained from becoming teh suck. 7

Avulsed: Gorespattered suicide Avulsed: Gorespattered suicide

5.7 /10

Lord K: Second grade death metal that I could do
without. Weak production, weak drumming and weak riffs. But atleast the
vocals are low. 4

Chazz: Some nice groove here and there, these guys
really remind me of Dying Fetus. I mean that in a good way. I’m not too
keen on the production on this one, but this album is worth hearing for
the laughs their cover of “Ace of Spades” will bring you. You thought
“Graveyard Classics” was bad… 5

Syrrok: Death/Grind drums are the worst. Avulsed
sound like they take great efforts in sounding like a million other
bands. What’s unfortunate is that the potential I hear in some of the
breakdown parts of this album is all but lost in the boring fast
grind-ey parts. I prefer clean suicides, like pill-overdoses or
hangings, not sloppy ones. 3

Desert Eagle: Pretty standard death metal. Every
song sounds like the one before it. Oh and the drums sound like shit
too. Especially the snare, total garbage. Again, nothing new or
interesting here. 5

Farlus: This is some really fucking cool death
metal. I’m not down with the vocals, though. It’s that style where it
sounds like the fucker is belching sperm for the length of the song. The
rest of the shit is killer. Haven’t heard any of their earlier stuff,
but these guys kick it old school style in ‘05. And you can’t go wrong
with a kickass death metal “Ace of Spades” cover. 8

Jimmy The Duff: Points for who can guess what kinda
metal Avulsed play! I’m very fond of bands like Aborted and Cannibal
Corpse, yet they appear to be the only gore- bands I listen to. Strange,
considering that I enjoy the genre so much. I’m going nuts over the
vocals, and the guitars are buzzsaw killer. Very strong album indeed,
making Avulsed the next gore-band for me to become acquainted with. 8

Scythe: The process of rotting Scythe: The process of rotting

5 /10

Lord K: A somewhat/sometimes groovy version of
death metal that isn’t all Teh Suck, thank you. The production leaves
alot to wish for though. 5

Chazz: I don’t know what to make of this album, a
lot of it I really like, and a lot I didn’t. They keep some old-school
death metal roots going throughout but this still sounds like more
modern death/thrash stuff. Another band I’ve never heard of, but I’ll be
keeping this one. 6

Syrrok: I’ve never previously heard of these guys,
and now I’m worse off that I have. Do they just let any Johnny jackass
make an album these days? Musical masturbation at it’s finest. 2

Desert Eagle: Zzzzzz.. oh sorry was I supposed to
reviewing something? Oh right Scythe – Zzzzzzz… Shit, that keeps
happening. Seriously, the heavier parts are pretty good but then
everything just comes crashing down into sleepland. Most of it is just
too boring. 5

Farlus: Hell yes, two-man death metal. It’s about
what you would expect from such a thing. The production kinda sucks, but
it actually doesn’t take away from anything. These guys fucking rule. 8

Jimmy The Duff: I can’t get into this album at all;
the music is just too bland. I’m not entirely convinced, but maybe a
decent production would help in the improvement of my opinion. This
would of course remove any essence “The Process of Rotting” might have,
so let’s just let bygones be bygones and accept the fact that me and
Scythe shall never connect. Metal that serves but two purposes:
fulfilling the dreams of those who play it and dissolving porcelain. 4

Masterplan: Aeronautics Masterplan: Aeronautics

4.3 /10

Lord K: One: Take out yer camera. Two: Line up for a shot. Three: Say “Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese”. 3

Chazz: I’d seriously be embarrassed if anyone heard
me listening to this. I hate K for adding this to the February AA and
making me listen to it. Points because these guys do have an amazing
amount of talent. Power metal is not my thing. 2

Syrrok: Awesome album. Most will certainly dub it
power metal, but it isn’t. It’s masterfully arranged, well performed
catchy songs that are heavy at more times than not. Play this album for
that slut your trying to get into metal. If she’s into it, good. If she
isn’t, well that’s ok too – cuz who would want to fuck someone who
listens to Masterplan? This shit got my goat though. 7

Desert Eagle: Ok, each song ends in the beginning
of the next song and I fucken HATE that. However I really enjoy the
rest, aside from the painfully, PAINFULLY bad lyrics. But hey, this is
power metal, what do you expect? Great singing and great music, but I
definitely have to take a point off for the cheese. 7

Farlus: Holy fuck this is gay. I like power metal,
but this is like a Manowar orgy with two cans of Crisco and three
oversized butt plugs. 1

Jimmy The Duff: My knowledge of Spuddshit is
limited, simply because it takes a lot for me to be impressed by such a
genre. Sure, the flashy guitars are great, but I can never get over the
cheese factor; I think the main annoyance comes with the over-abundance
of keyboards and the exaggerated vocals. The latter seem rather toned
down for a power metal effort, and as such fail to incite any feelings
of disgust. The lyrics don’t help, though: “I was drinking, wasn’t
thinking and I didn’t mean to make you cry…” ?!? There’s more where that
came from too. Tsss… Anyway, the rest of Masterplan’s “Aeronautics” is
entertaining, given the right mind. 6

Astarte: Sirens Astarte: Sirens

4 /10

Lord K: Not a fucken chance I’ll ever play this
semi-atmospheric sort-of-metal with Teh Suck-vocals, Teh
Suck-programmings and Teh Suck-arrangements. It’s not helping they are
ugly chicks either. 3

Chazz: As much as this should suck, it’s really not
half as bad as I expected. This is some pretty catchy, nicely produced
black metal. Above average, but nothing groundbreaking on this one. 4

Syrrok: Oh, the atmosphere! Shower me with
atmosphere over sad guitars! Then speed it up and sing like a neutered
chipmunk. No thanks. What do you wanna bet they’ll release a video of
one of there songs where the chick is running through some cemetery?
There is some above average production done here, so for that they get
a: 4

Desert Eagle: Well I was about to give this a low
score but then I found out there were hot bitches in the band. No
seriously though, some of the music is nice especially in the keyboard
area but I just don’t like black metal very much so I don’t really dig
it. I added a point for titties. 5

Farlus: Take old Cradle of Filth. Remove Dani
Filth. Replace him with someone ten times as annoying. Now remove
anything cool about the band. Hooray! You’ve got Astarte. Add one point
for not actually being Cradle of Filth. 2

Jimmy The Duff: Some of the ways in which the
vocalist pronounces the lyrics crack me up all over. What’s that?
“Paeeen”? Hahaha! Yeah, I’m willing to allow the fact that they may be
foreign; don’t worry, all is forgiven snicker. Anyhow,
this isn’t too bad; has its moments, has its charm, but otherwise can be
quite the unchallenging experience. The music isn’t interesting enough,
and tends to move at a snail’s pace for the most part. 5

Primordial: The gathering wilderness Primordial: The gathering wilderness

3.2 /10

Lord K: Take yer wilderness and get the fuck out of my stereo. 2

Chazz: Some of the Celtic sounding acoustic guitars
are pretty cool, but otherwise this is cheesy as fuck. I’m really
trying to get into some of the bands on the AA for this month, but this
is just out of hand. 2

Syrrok: Is this a demo? If not, why was it recorded
like one? Not a damn thing I liked about this album. The musical
equivalent of pissing into the wind. 2

Desert Eagle: The clean vocals are fucking
terrible. Seriously, that’s all that needs to be said. It is painful to
hear the singing. That’s a shame too because the music is actually
pretty good sometimes, although the production sucks. Oh well, fuck it. 3

Farlus: Boring and repetitive bullshit. Songs are
way too long. How long can you play the same goddamn guitar line? Not
good to listen to when you’ve only had 2 hours of sleep. I’m ready for a
nap. 2

Jimmy The Duff: Sounds like a cross between
Neurosis and Opeth. Long, drawn-out and atmospheric, yet not without its
abrasiveness. I’m a very happy chappy to have found out about
Primordial; this one’s up for review. 8

Until The End: The blind leading the lost Until The End: The blind leading the lost

3.2 /10

Lord K: Not as horrible as The Warriors, but
definitely close. Piss-poor hardcore. Not very tr00. Not very kvlt. Not
very metal. But definitely very bad. 2

Chazz: Another modern hardcore album. shit, new
bands are coming out almost daily it seems. This isn’t spectacular, but
it isn’t bad at all. If you like Hatebreed, Cataract, or the like, this
will be right up your alley. 3

Syrrok: The hardcore won’t stop. “The blind leading
the lost” is exactly my sentiments about this band and the hardcore
metal crapfest that’s being constantly shoved up our collective vaginas.
I will not wait “until the end.” So bad they must be Christians. 2

Desert Eagle: So what do we have here, hardcore?
Let’s break out the checklist. Breakdowns-a-plenty? Check. Spoken
verses? Check. Shout choruses? Check. Lyrics about being true to
yourself? Check. Fucken cookie-cutter hardcore. And since all hardcore
sucks (for the most part) then so must this. 3

Farlus: I guess the theme of this month’s AA is
“retarded vocalists”. These aren’t TOO bad, they’re sort of like LG’s of
Entombed, but nowhere near as cool. These guys play decent at best
thrash. Shit, they might even be a bad Entombed clone. If so, fuck them.
Posers. 4

Jimmy The Duff: Well, I had to review this album.
Do you think I’m going to waste my breath a second time? Probably (or
else K will have my hide). Not bad; I don’t like hardcore, and never
will, but I can cope with listening to this for the sake of something
new (and ‘cos I was told to do so). I honestly don’t see how some
degenerates can listen to this day in day out, but then my Mother says
the same to me when listening to death metal… yes, I’m a degenerate. 5

American Head Charge: The feeding American Head Charge: The feeding

2.8 /10

Lord K: Nu-metal de fucken luxe. You heard it once, you heard it all. 4

Chazz: I couldn’t get through most of this album.
The industrial influences here and there give these guys a bit of a
different sound, but this still sounds like “Slipknot-lite” to me. If
you are a chick you might dig this, I’ll give them a couple of points
for effort. 2

Syrrok: These guys need to figure out their style.
Hardcore stuff, bad leads, some rappy lyrics for the most part. Never
before had I seen 15,000 people simultaneously run for the beer line so
fast as when these guys came on in support of Slayer. Nothing noteworthy
with this release. 2

Desert Eagle: This is fucking nu-metal. Why the
hell is there a nu-metal album here? These guys were gone for a good 3
or 4 years, I hoped they were done but apparently not. Lucky me. Fuck
this. 3

Farlus: Yawn. If you like boring chugga chugga bullshit metal, this is your band. Bland recycled bullshit. 1

Jimmy The Duff: I was expecting yet another hardcore effort to wade through with a name like American Head Charge; in some ways, I was right sigh.
Of all the three hardcore albums up for this month’s AA, “The Feeding”
is the most interesting; the riffs are simply far better. The band
attempt to infuse other musical influences into their brand of brew,
making it more appealing to people such as myself. The vocalist’s
attempts to be so fucken versatile really piss me off, though. 5

Nevea Tears: Do I have to tell you why I love you Nevea Tears: Do I have to tell you why I love you

2.5 /10

Lord K: Too much of too much. See the actual review
for more details. Or rather, don’t bother. I’m a poet and didn’t know
it. You’re a flute, Farlus is cute. Fuck you all. I shit on you, Nevea
Tears. 3

Chazz: I’m sure these guys have cool clothes and
shit, but their music isn’t doing much for me. “Johnny Cash vs. the
Space Coyote” ha ha ha. How about these guys suck my coyote. They
obviously stole the secret formula of screaming verses, and cleanly sung
choruses from every other whiney band out there. 1

Syrrok: “Who would be Tom Selleck?” is the greatest
song title I have ever heard. As one would suspect from the wild
titles, this album is all over the place. Accordingly, it either totally
succeeds (i.e. Crotchduster) or totally fails (Nevea Tears). Someone’s
vocals sound a little too much like Good Charlotte. 2

Desert Eagle: Do I really have to review a band
that has a song titled “Who Would Be Tom Selleck?”. I fucken think not.
Also they describe themselves as ”screamatronic” (aka shitassfuckpiss).
More noisecore that pollutes my ears. Terrible. 2

Farlus: Gay hardcore sounding bullshit. I have the
same problem with this as I do with all of hardcore… The guitars and
drums usually sound pretty good, but the vocals are terrible and I can’t
stand them. Retarded song titles, too. 3

Jimmy The Duff: I’m sure I won’t be the only one
commenting on the stupid album title. After reading K’s review, I can’t
say I was overwhelmed with the desire to give this a spin; that being
said, I was mildly looking forward to the “electronic elements” (I was
crossing my fingers for something like Ulver – fat fucking chance!).
Nevea Tears are clearly trying something new, but I’m sorry to say that
their music is absolutely terrible; the synth is so unbelievably ugly in
places. The vocals range from pretty good to utter shit, and the
guitars are void of even the remotest bit of feeling. 4

The Warriors: War is hell The Warriors: War is hell

2 /10

Lord K: Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.
Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.
Fuck you. And a special FUCK YOU to the idiot singing. I hate hardcore. 1

Chazz: I’ll admit I do like some hardcore but I’m
not a huge fan; so don’t consider me an authority. That being said
(typed, whatever), this is some of the worst I’ve heard. The vocals make
me laugh every time I hear them; I’m actually keeping a couple songs
off of this as .mp3s just to play when I ever hear someone complain
about any other vocalist. Now I can say “he’s not that bad, get a load
of this jackass.” 1

Syrrok: Uh oh, hardcore. We all know how Syrrok
feels about hardcore. Unrivaled in it’s unimportance. From beginning to
end – from Band name formation to the horrible songs – my 5 year old
nephew could have done better. I’m going back and giving Primordial and
Scythe a “2” just to open the coveted “1” spot for these clowns. 1

Desert Eagle: Now if this band really wanted a
three word title they should have named it something like, “This is
Shit” or “Don’t Buy This” or “We Fucking Suck”. What could be so bad?
Everything. This is fucking shitty noisecore. 1

Farlus: Oh my fucking Satan, I can’t listen to more
than 5 seconds of this shit. These fucking vocals are TERRIBLE. If you
like some retard screaming in your ears for the length of a song, this
is your band. It’s pretty cool when he finally shuts the fuck up, but
that’s too rare to give this a high rating. 2

Jimmy The Duff: Is this what happened to Zack de la
Cocka? Sounds like it. Hey, y’know, I’m never going to be an ardent
follower of the hardcore World, nor will I ever willingly listen to the
genre ever again, but this is entertaining for what it’s worth. I
clearly picked the wrong album (to review) of the two hardcore efforts
up for grabs; I would have enjoyed this far more than what Until the End
had to offer. 6

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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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