GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – December 2012

Audio Autopsy – December 2012

01/12/12  ||  Global Domination

Anaal Nathrakh: Vanitas Anaal Nathrakh: Vanitas

7.6/10

Lord K: Chaotic but melodic? Those 2 words
shouldn’t go that well together, but in Anaal’s case they kinda do. I
wouldn’t call myself a fan, but “Vanitas” is a fuckload better than I
ever expected it to be. And if you name a song “Of Fire, and Fucking
Pigs”, you at least do some shit right. 6

Habakuk: This is how you play extreme metal with
“emotions” – even if those only range from hatred to hopelessness.
Highly, highly recommended. 9

CadenZ: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Fuck, did this guy’s testicles get caught in a mincer? Still a little
bit too sterile production-wise and a good third of the riffs are more
banal than anything Korpiklaani or Lamb of God would shit out (which is
bad). Still, I like this. 6

BamaHammer: If you liked past Anaal Nathrakh
albums, then you know what kind of quality you’re getting here. Fast and
painfully brutal anaal rape. 7

Sokaris: You know extreme? You fucken think you
know extreme. As over-the-top as ever but with a few new tricks as
well, Anaal Nathrakh come back with their best album after their last
disappointing effort. 10

Enslaved: RIITIIR Enslaved: RIITIIR

7.2/10

Lord K: Damn, what a surprise. I have no idea at
all why I haven’t given Enslaved any attention in the past considering
this one is pretty goddamn enjoyable. If they always sounded like this
it seems like I have been missing out on something. It might even be a
grower given time… 7

Habakuk: RIITTAARDIID title aside, …I don’t like the music either. But I guess fans of the band will find something here. 6

CadenZ: I’m sorry, but I don’t buy into the idea
that the modern, proggier Enslaved is better than the old viking black
metal one. The prog parts are way too flat and boring; I love prog, but
it has to be done with passion. This is too mechanical. I’d be too harsh
if I said “RIIIIIIIIIIIITIIIIIIIIIIIIIIR
doesn’t have any groove or heart, I’m sure they’re there, but Enslaved
fail to catch me through the speakers, which means that the passion
isn’t as forceful as it needs to be. This is the reason why Enslaved’s
gloomy folk/black parts have always been more to my liking. Don’t get me
wrong though, fucker, this is still good. It’s Enslaved, for fuck’s
sake. 7

BamaHammer: Enslaved has always been a band that
can write a couple of tunes that I absolutely love and then follow them
up immediately with a tune that I absolutely despise. This one is no
different. When it’s good, it’s fantastic. When it’s not good, it’s
awful. And that album title is fucken RIITIIRded. 7

Sokaris: Not content to be a legacy band (though
Odin knows they’ve got one hell of a string of releases behind them)
Enslaved continues to subtly morph and incorporate progressive elements.
9

God Seed: I begin God Seed: I begin

7.2/10

Lord K: For fans of Norwegian black metal I suppose
this is excellent. But for me, I never enjoyed this type of music all
that much. I appreciate the effort to include some non-traditional black
metal influences, but as a whole I’m still not convinced. 4

Habakuk: Thick with atmosphere. I dig this. 8

CadenZ: Yes, Gaahl is back. Yes, we have missed him. And the other one, too. 8

BamaHammer: Call it what it is. It’s the new Gorgoroth album. And it’s pretty decent. And it was inspired by…Satan…(sips wine). 8

Sokaris: The legal battles (who could forget “The
Force Gorgoroth”?), the mediocre Ov Hell album, the tabloid drama of
Gaahl and the fact that God Seed’s first release is a live album of
another band’s songs all contribute to my lack of hope. And boy was I
wrong. 8

Sinister: The carnage ending Sinister: The carnage ending

7.2/10

Lord K: The weird production is putting me off a bit, but Sinister’s death metal is doing the job alright. 6

Habakuk: 48 minutes of blunt, nonstop beating. And I like it. 8

CadenZ: Death metal does not have to be intelligent
to be good, but it has to have hooks and more variation than “The
carnage ending” to be enjoyable. 6

BamaHammer: Sinister hasn’t sounded this good in
quite a while. This one’s not as relentlessly shitty as their last
outing, but definitely a step back in the right direction. “Hate” was
fucken ace and is still one of my all-time faves though. 7

Sokaris: The European Malevolent Creation, consistently badass and not give enough credit for it. 9

Daylight Dies: A frail becoming Daylight Dies: A frail becoming

6.0/10

Lord K: I thought DD was one of these New American
Plague Metal bands that I despise like there’s no tomorrow. They’re not,
thank fuck. It’s obvious they have bought the entire discographies of
Opeth, Katatonia and their equals, worshiping them more than they
worship their mothers. While not terrible, Daylight Dies will now go
back to be another one of those bands that are decent but I ultimately
don’t give a fuck about. 5

Habakuk: Listen to In Mourning instead, or be prepared to yawn. 5

CadenZ: If you find In Mourning too boring (which
you should) and want something better, approaching the higher class
death/doom of Swallow the Sun or Novembers Doom, give this a spin. A
perfect soundtrack for the bleak seasons. 7

BamaHammer: A respectable attempt at heavily
doom-infused death metal. You’ll hear some quality melodies that are
catchy as hell for sure. This isn’t usually something I enjoy, but this
isn’t bad. Color me impressed. 6

Sokaris: Dark death doom with a melodic slant. You
could kind of think of them as Swallow The Sun’s more aggressive brother
of Novembers Doom’s smarter, more mature and better looking friend. 7

Cradle Of Filth: The manticore and other horrors Cradle Of Filth: The manticore and other horrors

5.6/10

Lord K: I always viewed COF
as a spectacle, and a very inconsistent one at that. There’s always a
small portion of their albums that is quite enjoyable, but then there’s
the rest of it… And those trademark highpitched Dani-screams… Never
worked for me. Never will. 4

Habakuk: I still fail to see this band’s relevance. Plod plod plod. 5

CadenZ: Am I mistaken, or have CoF gone back to the
punkier, more guitar-driven material that was found on “Nymphetamine”,
the last decent record of theirs that I’ve heard? Apart from the moronic
moron vocals by the Mini-Moron himself, this is quite enjoyable. I
might even listen to this some more come vampire season. Man, did I
really write “punkier”? About a CoF record? Fuck me. 6

BamaHammer: I don’t hate CoF as much as most
truegrvmnekrofuckers out there, but their brand of finely polished
melodic quasi-black metal has probably run its course. We’ve seen their
best already (if there ever was such a thing). 5

Sokaris: A slightly stripped down, thrashed up
album from every cool and tough metalhead’s favorite band to hate.
Cradle isn’t trying to change anyone’s minds about them, but why the
fuck should it at this point? 8

Neurosis: Honor found in decay Neurosis: Honor found in decay

5.4/10

Lord K: Neurosis is a band that were always beyond
my comprehension. Perhaps I just don’t understand the eventual
greatness, but this bores me to tears. 2

Habakuk: I have a feeling AA is not quite the right for this album, but it ebbs and flows like a boss. 8

CadenZ: Brooding and ominous, as always. Good? Yes, but not mindblowing. 7

BamaHammer: I “get” Neurosis, but I’ve never
necessarily liked it. This stuff bores me to death. If you liked
“Through Silver in Blood” and “Given to teh Penis” and all their other
93 albums they’ve released, you’ll like this one, I’m sure. Just not my
joie de vivre. 4

Sokaris: I understand why people like Neurosis but I
don’t get why people like Neurosis to such a disturbing degree.
Atmospheric and interesting but definitely short of mindblowing. 6

Kamelot: Silverthorn Kamelot: Silverthorn

5.2/10

Lord K: For some reason I have been taking a huge
liking in some of Kamelot’s older material, mainly thanx to the amazing
vocals of that Roy/Ray/Rupert guy who abandoned the ship before this
album. This new fucko can imitate him quite well and holds a great
range, but he’s lacking that extra something that made
Roy/Ray/Rupert so special. The music’s the same and all that, but my
interest level is not peaking for this “new” version of Kamelot. 7

Habakuk: Yes, it’s true: the most creative thing about these people is still that they don’t have a chick doing chick vocals. 6

CadenZ: My good deed for the day will be to extend a
helping hand by chopping off my balls and faxing them over to
Came-a-lot. They seem to be in need of a pair. 4

BamaHammer: Well, it looks like Tommy Karevik is doing his damnedest to imitate Roy Khan on here. Aaaaaaand he sucks. 4

Sokaris: I have a pretty high tolerance for
symphonic indulgence but the symphony’s gotta do something or my finger
starts to hover over that button with the two little triangles facing
the right. 5

Thy Art Is Murder: Hate Thy Art Is Murder: Hate

5.2/10

Lord K: A candidate for the best tune of 2012 goes
to Thy Art Is Murder’s “Reign of darkness”. Had this album been the same
quality as that one we’d have a new fave bands on our hands. But it’s
not. Unfortunately the rest of the material is lacking the dominance
that is the mentioned tune, but still it’s some great, brutal metal all
around. And without a doubt, Thy Art Is Murder is my personal winner in
this edition. 8

Habakuk: Thy cover art is from Half Life. 5

CadenZ: Cool part, annoying part, cool part, super annoying fucktard part, cool part… 5

BamaHammer: This is described as “technical
deathcore” so I’m cautious…and…wait a second…yep, it’s death metal.
Brutal, groovy ass death metal. Sweet. I could get into thi…oh, there’s
the “core” part. Yeah, nevermind. 5

Sokaris: The guitar tone is pretty cool and it’s
pretty much wasted on some try-hard deathcore. There are some decent
moments but as quickly as they come these guys scamper back on to
Clichetown. After Mexican food My Fart Is Murder. 3

Bullet: Full pull Bullet: Full pull

5.0/10

Lord K: There’s no denying Sweden’s Bullet know
what they are doing when it comes to creating catchy hardrock that
sounds exactly like it’s supposed to sound. I always dug these fuckers,
super nice guys with a laidback approach to everything but their music.
And it shows. 7

Habakuk: They might be ripping off AC/DC 24/7 and have an annoying singer, but I can’t help but like these guys. The bird Energy’s the word here. 7

CadenZ: I liked the previous record, but this one’s
so boring it sucks your neighbor’s left hairy ballsicle. Yes,
ballsicle. It’s a popsicle made out of his ball. The left one. 4

BamaHammer: Pretty much 42 minutes of Cinderella
worship. (Has that ever been said before?) I’m willing to bet that
description isn’t going to make anyone do a full pull on their pud in
2012. Or even 1989. 3

Sokaris: Okay, okay, very funny guys. Get the
microphone away from your goofy ass buddy there and have your singer
come out and we’ll do this for real, you’ve got an okay hard rock Accept
worship kind of thing going and… wait, what? He’s in the band? Oh… 4

Stone Sour: House of gold and bones part 1 Stone Sour: House of gold and bones part 1

5.0/10

Lord K: American rock/half metal mostly suck, but
Stone Sour’s got their moments. Also, Corey’s a better vocalist than
most people give him credit for. 6

Habakuk: Corey Taylor never really got over that teenage angst phase, did he. 5

CadenZ: If you got hooks and at least one ball intact, you’re OK. 7

BamaHammer: American radio hard rock geared at edgy teens. It’s completely uninteresting in every way. 2

Sokaris: It’s poppy, way too slick and Slipknot guy
oversings but this actually isn’t unlistenable as far as radio music
goes. There’s some actual emotion and ambition, shockingly. 5

Kiss: Monster Kiss: Monster

4.4/10

Lord K: Didn’t Kiss do their farewell tour 15 years ago? Then why the fuck am I being forced to listen to this? 4

Habakuk: Rock Inc. strikes again. 6

CadenZ: One of the most overrated bands in rock
history (musically, their image is another matter) still don’t know that
they should’ve called it quits when the 80’s started. 4

BamaHammer: You have got to be fucken kidding me. Kiss has always sucked. Always. There. I said it. Fuck you. 3

Sokaris: Better than it has any right to be, I wanted to make fun of these grayscale clown geezers. 5

The Acacia Strain: Death is the only mortal The Acacia Strain: Death is the only mortal

3.8/10

Lord K: Here we have another band who’s been reading the “How to do metal in 2012” book, page by page. TAS is actually doing ok, but not much more. 5

Habakuk: These guys actually put some notion of gritty identity to their breakdown-fest. 7

CadenZ: The first riff made me wanna kill myself. Then it got worse. 2

BamaHammer: It’s one thing to put a breakdown every
4 seconds in your tunes, but it’s another heinous thing altogether to
downtune to the point where your one note that you know sounds like a
painful fart. Fuck this band and all bands like them. 3

Sokaris: chung chung, chudda-chung
guitars, constipated tuffboy vocals and annoying wooshy noises. The
wooshy noises make it so that they can use words like “bold” and
“forward-thinking” in their press releases. 2

Magica: Center of the great unknown Magica: Center of the great unknown

2.8/10

Lord K: Magica represents everything I hate in female fronted metal. What an absolute pile of shit. 2

Habakuk: Cover looks like a shitty computer game, music sounds like a Romanian Nightwish copy. Oh wait, it is. 5

CadenZ: We should include this album in every AA from now on, so we don’t forget what the 1‘s are for. 1

BamaHammer: Is Vixen back together? I guess not. Wow, that is one lousy, annoying singer. Is she flat? Sharp? Shitty? Yes. And no thanks. 2

Sokaris: Fluffy fantasy-driven, chick-fronted power
metal. You’ve heard this before. It seems like this style thrives on
not taking risks and creating appeal by sounding “pretty” and doing
little else. That being said, they’re better than most of their peers
but still goddamn boring. 4

This Or The Apocalypse: Dead years This Or The Apocalypse: Dead years

2.0/10

Lord K: This
review got the band’s and retarded fans’ attention big time. That was
funny, and while I hate this band with a passion; at least they are not
as useless as their fans. Only very, very close. 2

Habakuk: I’ll have the Apocalypse. Oh, and could I have some cyanide with that? 3

CadenZ: So… wanna die? 2

BamaHammer: I think your music sucks donkey dick. I
clearly must have no taste in music. Please whine about it with your
fans on Facebook. 1

Sokaris: I’m not sure if I’m so old that my opinion
doesn’t matter but this is wimpy diluted crap that makes me roll my
eyes so hard my brain hurts. Generic breakdowns, vocals that are just a
touch more aggressive than a fussy baby with a diaper full of shit and
zero actual songwriting. 2

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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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