GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – December 2007

Audio Autopsy – December 2007

01/12/07  ||  Global Domination

Anaal Nathrakh: Hell is empty and all the devils are here Anaal Nathrakh: Hell is empty and all the devils are here

8.2/10

Lord K: Chaotic like an army of pissed off rhinos
in church on a Sunday morning. But not chaotic for the sole reason of
being chaotic, no, The Anal got them some nicely structured brutality on
this one. I doubt I could endure a listening session over 10 hours
though. But once in a while, this is some good fucken deadly,
semi-blackishit. 7

Ripper Bendix: I think Abyss and myself are the two
biggest AN fans on GD and to be frank I can’t decide whether it’s a
pity or a good thing. Anaal Nathrakh are SO out there that I don’t know
what a greater exposure would actually do to them. I am actually pretty
convinced that Dave Hunt and Mick Kenney (the two head fuckos) never
even dreamed of ANYONE liking their shit. Seriously, AN were, are and always WILL
be a boiling blister full of piss, shit, puke and maggots that is
always too fucken extreme to digest without pulling a face of honest
fucken disgust. Anaal Nathrakh are voluntarily a 100% completely fucken
revolting, mean and simply put – pure evil. NOBODY
should like this, but hell I fucken do. Hell is empty is a hands-down
ten pointer of a fucken album until the next one comes out. Der Hölle
Rache Kocht In Meinem Herzen. Jesus.Fucken.Christ. 10

Hanging Limbs: Repulsive, obnoxious, scathing
chaos. Anal Anthrax continue to impress with their devastating, if
somewhat jumbled, brand of extreme metal. A great stocking stuffer this
holiday season. 8

Stephen Fallen: “Hell is Empty…” doesn’t differ
much from last year’s “Eschaton” and that’s, you know, just fine because
“Eschaton” kicked ass. If you haven’t tried Anaal by now, lube up and
remember to keep those muscles relaxed. 8

Eric Wright: A lethal combination of grindcore,
crust, and black metal with unmerciful brutality and tight playing makes
this release a winner, though I’m not really sure what I think of the
clean vocals, they just seem out of place, but do make the song a little
more epic. 7

Abyss: So fucking caustic it could turn a black
hole into a sun, Anaal Nathrakh have created a maelstrom of music so
violent I’m actually glad there’s not more bands like them around. The
world wouldn’t be able to handle it. 9

Benighted: Icon Benighted: Icon

6.5/10

Lord K: Wow, thanx for the kick in the nuts, you
French bastards. I’m sure they heard some albums from their countrymen
in Gojira though Benighted aren’t as weird. Nope, Benighted focus more
on the brutal side of things, and while handing out some awesome vocals
and musicianship, their formula is definitely working very, very well.
Another keeper for my collection. 8

Ripper Bendix: I expected power metal and got raped
in the ass. That didn’t happen since 1993 when I lost my anal virginity
to a lamp post. Good times, good times. 7

Hanging Limbs: Welcome to Club Benighted. Leave your creativity at the door. 4

Stephen Fallen: Benighted has brought some utterly
fantastic death metal to the table. There’s some grind here and there
that makes me think of Cephalic Carnage’s last couple albums—in fact,
“Icon” trumps CC’s last two efforts in terms of musical quality. The
vocals need work though. I mean, the dude’s got a lot of styles, but one
of his go-to voices is a border line piggy squeal. In the end, only
that curly-tailed delivery tarnishes an otherwise sterling affair. 7

Eric Wright: Benighted’s “Identisick” was pretty decent, not really my style of death metal, but their new album is just that with some “JUMP DA FUK UP” qualities to it, which makes it not so good. 5

Abyss: Who the fuck died and left the French in
charge? At least, who taught them to play metal? In Benighted’s case I
guess it was Cannibal Corpse and Leng T’che. In any case, this is some
fine death/grind with just enough melodies to keep it memorable without
pussifying it. The rap in “Grind wit” is really fucking questionable
though. Hope it was a joke…Overall this is like Gorod, only more brutal.
8

Impaled Nazarene: Manifest Impaled Nazarene: Manifest

6.3/10

Lord K: Bassist and longtime friend Arc is very
well aware of the fact that I’m not a fan of his band. This album will
not change that, though it’s definitely a hella lot better than I
expected. I can’t remember ImpNaz being this death metal oriented, maybe
I haven’t given them enough attention in the past? 6

Ripper Bendix: “Blueprint for your culture’s apocalypse” is worth buying the album for already.

Harrrrrgh! 7

Hanging Limbs: Dirty, punky blackish metal – what can go wrong? Nothing, except for it not being “Suomi Finland Perkele”. 7

Stephen Fallen: Impaled Nazarene has been around
forever, though I’ve never had much interest in them. That’s all changed
now, because at the 1:20 mark in “Mushroom Truth” Mika Luttinen angrily
gurgles CHIC-KEN! and I burst out laughing. I cannot explain
my reaction… I guess I’ve just never heard the word “chicken” uttered
with such conviction. Nothing impresses me more than a band that really
stands for something, even if that something is chicken. 7

Eric Wright: Do they love Satan? I can’t really
tell, I think they only used the word “Satan” in their lyrics about
forty million times. Pretty damn fine black metal, some of it’s thrashy,
some is more grim, and it’s mostly entertaining. Sometimes I get the
feeling though that there’s a lot of hate that does not relate to
Christians in the lyrics though, I hope “Funeral for Despicable Pigs”
has nothing to do with people who died in the war… 6

Abyss: The singer sound as pissed as ever and the
musicians aren’t far behind, but I still haven’t found anything to make
me an ImpNaz-fan, despite their willingness of trying different styles
on their albums. 5

Exodus: The atrocity exhibition... Exhibit A Exodus: The atrocity exhibition… Exhibit A

6.0/10

Lord K: When Exodus are at their lowest, they still
kick all kinds of thrash-ass. “Tempo of the damned” was fantastic.
“Shovel penis something” was not as awesome. “The atrocity exhibition”
lands somewhere in between those two. Gary Holt undeniably writes some
of the best thrash riffs around these days, and for that I applaud him.
Exodus is proof that age is nothing but a number. 7

Ripper Bendix: This album kicks my testicles so hard that I feel like I’m back in gym class – in the ladies’ locker. 7

Hanging Limbs: Metal bands take note: this is how
you do an album intro. Exodus is still going strong 53 years after their
inception and an excellent production helps them sound as solid as they
ever did…which is about a 6

Stephen Fallen: Announcement: At 12:33pm, November
the 21st 2007, the Exodus bandwagon came to a screeching halt, tipped
over and exploded. No serious injuries were reported, but the third part
of the Exodus revival experiment was pronounced DOA by Stephen Fallen, the first EMR
on the scene. “No one really knows what happened,” said Fallen. “One
minute the band was producing fun, classic thrash and the next they were
trying to shove these 8-minute trash… er, thrash epics down our
throats. You can’t recycle a thrash riff that many times in the same
song, you just can’t.” 5

Eric Wright: I LOVED
Tempo Of The Damned, and I thought Shovel Headed Killing Machine was
okay, but this is another notch down from the greatest metal comeback
album ever made, it’s less about riffs and more about groove, and the
vocals are really sub-par. 4

Abyss: It’s hard to believe that Exodus are still
around, not to mention still kicking ass. Much like Kreator they show
more grit and aggression than many of todays thrash-bands who
desperately try to out-play and out-snarl each other. If Kirk Hammet had
stayed in Exodus he would’ve been fired by now for having lost his
spark. Go Gary! 7

Severe Torture: Sworn vengeance Severe Torture: Sworn vengeance

5.7/10

Lord K: If you like the new millennium death metal, there’s no way you won’t like Severe Torture. 7

Ripper Bendix: Next to the Anaal Nathrakh album
this is probably my favourite from this edition. I like my Death Metal
as I like my women…ground up with vanilla syrup and milk. 8

Hanging Limbs: And on the 666th day, the lord
created death metal and saw that it was good. “Sworn Vengeance” is a
face-ripper for sure, even if it adds nothing new to the genre and
sounds a little samey. Songs like “Repeat Offender” are why I started
listening to death metal in the first place. 7

Stephen Fallen: Solid death metal that I will have completely forgotten about by the time this AA is posted 5

Eric Wright: I think the name “Severe Annoyance” would have more apropos than Severe Torture, been here, done that. 3

Abyss: I seem to remember liking this band. Hearing
this album, I can’t for the life of me recall why. It’s just a bland
mush of uninspired death metal with not so great vocals. Meh. 4

Ted Maul: White label Ted Maul: White label

5.5/10

Lord K: A new acquaintance for me. And also a weird
one. With the core being a somewhat death metallish approach, Ted Maul
brings something else to the table with some off-the-wall arrangements
and sounds. This will take more than a few listens to fully understand.
But I dig it quite a bit for some reason. 7

Ripper Bendix: I heard this band is somewhat being hyped right now. I seriously wonder why, though. 3

Hanging Limbs: Who is Ted Maul? Does he think his name will sell this incoherent shit? It won’t, so he should change his name back to Darth. 3

Stephen Fallen: First impression: This is good
deathcore with some weird electronic elements and the occasional huge
back beat. What? I now know that Ted Maul is attempting to combine death
metal with drum’n‘bass. I don’t know anything about drum’n‘bass, except
that it’s fast and people dance to it in those cool, underground clubs
(the ones that don’t let people like me inside.) My ignorance doesn’t
affect the enjoyment I get from this album, though. 7

Eric Wright: Now this is has a cool sound to it,
kind of deathcore mixed with drum and bass, if this did not have the DnB
parts to it, I would have probably hated it, but there’s just a god
damn cool sound to it all I really like it. 6

Abyss: English band, mixing death, grind and, I
guess, drum ‘n bass into something that is about 10 times better then it
sounds on paper. Groovy without losing intensity nor brutality, sounds
like a pretty damn good mix huh? 7

Soilwork: Sworn to a great divide Soilwork: Sworn to a great divide

5.3/10

Lord K: Wow, what a letdown. Not even one song
comes close to “Distance” from “Stabbing the drama”, which means that
“Sworn to a great divide” is not a worthy follow-up. Björn’s vocals are
killer as always, but the apparent direction for Cheeseville is not what
I wanted. Fact remains, I still only like “Stabbing the drama” when it
comes to Soilwork. 5

Ripper Bendix: Let’s say this is a seven. I love
Soilwork, but they definitely can fucken do better than here. Thanks for
not drowning every fucken riff in fucken keyboards here btw. Not so
much thanks for sounding so hackneyed. 7

Hanging Limbs: Am I the only one that saw losing
Peter Wichers as a good thing? Maybe, just maybe, the other guys would
dig deeper into their songwriting pot for some inspiration. Nope –
always assume the worst. This is about as average/mildly entertaining as
most other Soilwork offerings. 5

Stephen Fallen: Okay, let’s go over the Soilwork
checklist and make sure everything is in place. Occasionally catchy
melodies? Check. Strid’s increasingly dull growl/sing vocal dichotomy?
Check. Boring as fuck production? Check. Annoying keyboards? Check.
Boring lyrics that convey the intellectual and emotional range of a damp
sponge? Can I turn myself from home?/Well, it’s time to decide if that’s really the key/All that matters, I can do this on my own That’s a big fucking check. This has to be one of the safest and most boring albums released all year. 4

Eric Wright: Soilwork? Is that another name for
farming? Anyways, if you know what Stabbing The Drama sounded like,
you’ll know exactly what to expect from this one. 5

Abyss: Soilwork continue doing their own brand of
Gothenburg-death, with extra sweeteners added, and while I’m sure it
will sell well I’m yet to be impressed by Penis Strid & Co. The
collected sum of good Soilwork-songs would, in my ears, fit on an EP.
Nevertheless, I can appreciate the hard work and passion in the
delivery, it’s just not for me. 6

Engel: Absolute design Engel: Absolute design

5.2/10

Lord K: Sometimes too cheesy for me (“Descend”),
sometimes just fucken killer (“Casket closing”). Engel’s debut album is a
very competent effort on all accounts. Not too surprising considering
the guys in the band. I think they will turn out even better when the
time comes for their second album. There are some fillers here that I
could do without, but overall a good piece of music. 7

Ripper Bendix: Mojjo plays drums here so I probably shouldn’t rip into ENGEL that much. Unfortunately ENGEL
don’t manage to capture me during the time I actually have for
compiling the fucken AA, so right now there’s nothing else but an
average to score here. 5

Hanging Limbs: The long-awaited album from the 2007 Soilwork Convention’s Band of the Year. Imitation-1, Innovation-0. 4

Stephen Fallen: Sometimes it takes one crappy
performer to turn a decent album into a turd. Engel’s vocalist Mangan
Klavborn is a great example of that theory in practice. “Absolute
Design” could have been an average metalcore outing, but Klavborn’s
whiny croon makes it nearly unbearable. Remember that time my scrotal
hair caught in your sister’s braces? Well, Klavborn is even more
annoying than that. 4

Eric Wright: Compared to their demos, their new
album is a step down in quality, even ruining the chorus of “Calling
Out”, but even with that said, this album is so fun and well made it’s
really hard not to like it. 7

Abyss: I want The Crown back. Now! Not this
semi-hard mishmash of crunchy guitars, uninspired vocals and some
half-decent choruses. Not worthless, just not very useful. 4

Vesania: Distractive killusions Vesania: Distractive killusions

4.8/10

Lord K: Shit title aside, this is the winner for
me. Orchestrations, blasts and incredible musicians, it’s all here.
Black/death metal the way it’s supposed to be played. For fans of Dimmu
Borgir and the likes who wish Dimmu Borgir was a little more heavy and
brutal. 8

Ripper Bendix: This is a Dimmu Borgir clone I
believe. Let me listen to it for another two spins or so… er…on the
other hand, no. Won’t happen, sorry. 3

Hanging Limbs: So I went a little crazy in the
kitchen today. I combined my own fecal matter with eggs, butter, and
flour. I let that bake in the oven for 45 minutes. When it was done, I
spread some vanilla frosting on top along with some sprinkles. After
letting it cool for an hour, I served it to my family as a surprise
dessert. To our horror, we realized we were eating shit. 2

Stephen Fallen: Vesania has quite a bit in common with Dimmu Borgir. For instance, I don’t like Dimmu and I don’t like Vesania. 4

Eric Wright: This band should watch out, Dimmu
Borgir might try to sue them for plagiarisms. I mean, there are some
qualities they have not found in Dimmu’s work, but I just think black
metal should not be played this mechanically tight. 4

Abyss: Comprised of member from Vader and Behemoth I’d be surprised if Vesania didn’t
play competent death metal. My only surprises is that Orion has a
better voice then I’d expected and the keyboards actually don’t ruin the
brutality. 8

Ajattara: Kalmanto Ajattara: Kalmanto

4.8/10

Lord K: Having metal sung in Finnish doesn’t look
like a fucken terrific idea on paper. But Ajattara make it work somehow.
At times their metal really shines (listen to “Madot”, Candlemass would
be proud of some of that riffing) and I’m kinda puzzled that I take
such a liking in this since it’s hardly anything I expected. I remember
hearing some previous album by this band and didn’t think much of it.
“Kalmanto” is some fine piece of metal with quite a bit of variation and
a bunch of really strong songs. This is a keeper for my collection. 7

Ripper Bendix: I do applaud them for sticking to
their native tongue (Finnish) because I love that fucken language – but
it has the downside that I don’t understand shit. Ah well. The bottom
line is: Ajattara bore me to fucken tears. 4

Hanging Limbs: AKA Pasi’s
other band. I’m not sure, but I think I heard a dental drill in the
first track – which is ironic, since this album about as exciting as a
waiting room and as fun as having your teeth pulled. 4

Stephen Fallen: I was mildly interested in
“Kalmanto” because I like some of Pasi Koskinen’s past work. That
interest was knocked dead in ten minutes flat. “Kalmanto” is not an
awful album, but it plods along at the same pace from start to finish
making it a great big blur of nothing much. 4

Eric Wright: Even though it’s over produced in a
way you could only understand by listening to them, there’s some quality
to the music that creates a disorienting experience, which I like. 6

Abyss: I’m not sure what Ajattara are trying to
achieve here. There’s mid-paced grooving death with some unfitting
electronic sounds, vocals in Finnish and sometimes it almost sounds
folkish. It should be interesting but all I can get out of the mess is that Finnish is an ugly fucking language to sing in. 4

The Black Dahlia Murder: Nocturnal The Black Dahlia Murder: Nocturnal

4.8/10

Lord K: When you get Dani Filth vibes from some of
the vocals you know there’s a huge chance of this being a struggle to
get through. Luckily, the Dahlia’s survive due to some quite fine growls
and decent material. But when will people learn that blasts over happy
riffs never works? 6

Ripper Bendix: Oh! Sounds like their balls finally dropped to the right fucken spot. 7

Hanging Limbs: You know your co-worker who wears
Fear Factory shirts and thinks System of a Down is the best band since
Pantera? Guess what: he loves this band. You shouldn’t. 4

Stephen Fallen: “Nocturnal” is a step up for a band
I’ve always associated with mediocrity. Not a big step, mind you—think
of a set of stairs built for midgets and… “What a Horrible Night to Have
a Curse”, eh? Oh my.

SF: Die album, you don’t belong in this world!

TBDM: It was not by hand that I am once again given flesh. I was called here by hu-mans who wish to pay me tribute.
SF: Tribute!? You steal men’s souls and make them your slaves.

TBDM: Perhaps the same could be said of all religions.

SF: Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a savior such as you.

TBDM: What is a man but a miserable little pile of secrets? But enough talk, have at you! 6

Eric Wright: TBDM are probably the second most annoying this to come from Michigan, right behind me. I really had a hard time listening to this shit, avoid avoid avoid. 2

Abyss: This is great stuff, really good! Except for the vocals. And the music. They’re kinda blah. So that leaves us with…? 4

Gamma Ray: Land of the free II Gamma Ray: Land of the free II

4.3/10

Lord K: I can’t wait for the day when power metal is forbidden. 3

Ripper Bendix: What a bold statement! “Land Of The
Free 2”? As if anyone has ever topped an original masterpiece. Not even
King Diamond could pull it off perfectly. Don’t even fucken THINK
to fucken try to re-hash a fucken legend – except you maybe recorded a
double-album anyway or something. But seriously… But all blah-blah
aside. Gamma Ray actually manage to tie me to the stereo for longer than
I fucken expected. And you know why? Because they shamelessly steal
from fucken Iron Maiden with no end and I couldn’t stop laughing that
they really STILL have no ideas on their fucken own. ktxbye 2

Hanging Limbs: Is there a purpose (other than $$$$)
in releasing a sequel to a classic album long after it has been
recorded? Regardless, this is much more inspiring than Queensryche’s
“Operation Mindcrime II” and shows that Kai Hansen is still the premier
force in power metal…for whatever that’s worth. 6

Stephen Fallen: I’ve never heard “Land of the
Free”, but as far as power metal in 2007 goes, “LotF II” isn’t half bad.
The problem is, power metal is the Luddite of metal genres—it’s
outdated, it staunchly refuses to change with the times and it seems to
revel in being left behind. At best, this album makes me pine for
something that predates Ren and Stimpy. At worst it sounds archaic. 5

Eric Wright: ROCK YEAAAAAH,
now this is some power metal, with both balls out, dick flapping in the
wind. Really, there’s not much to say about this except that it kills
shitty flower metal that is popular now-a-days. 7

Abyss: Boring as all hell and about as gay Freddie Mercury in a tub full of bratwursts. 2

Lizzy Borden: Appointment with death Lizzy Borden: Appointment with death

3.7/10

Lord K: Any normal band chews chewing gum, Lizzy Borden chews on cock. 2

Ripper Bendix: Seven years of waiting for THIS? Excuse me while I go back to sleep. 4

Hanging Limbs: It’s not Thin Lizzy and it’s not those Borden cheese snacks…so what the hell good is it? 4

Stephen Fallen: My AA cohorts will hate this album,
I’m sure of it. For the most part, the hate is deserved. “Appointment
with Death” isn’t awful though, it’s just 25 years to late to be
relevant. “AwD” isn’t bad, it’s merely innocuously outdated. This is
music for your balding uncle, the one that graduated college in 1987 and
still has a crumpled Mötley Crüe cut-off tee carefully tucked away in
the back of his closet. 5

Eric Wright: Some of it works really well, some of
it does not, having a guest from Trivium does not really help with your
metal cred either. When the music works though, it’s fucken great. 6

Abyss: This is actually more gay then Gamma Ray.
And worse, in all possible ways. At least GR are German, what are Lizzy
Borden’s excuse? 1

Misery Inc: Greedbreedgreed Misery Inc: Greedbreedgreed

2.7/10

Lord K: I once had a band called Misery. Misery
Inc. is not as bad as that band. But hey, at least we didn’t have
terrible clean vocals destroying most of the material. No, we had
terrible vocals all over. Misery sucked and Misery Inc sucks as well.
Maybe I should reform the band, go on tour in Switzerland and have
Misery Inc. and Misery Index support us. That bill would probably bring
together a crowd of: 2.

Ripper Bendix: Blah blah suicide blah blah. Not my
fucken cup of tea – yet. I am the king of one-liner reviews this time
and sometimes it’s even hard to not fall back on one-word reviews. 3

Hanging Limbs: I must have been confusing them with Misery Index because I was expecting DEATH METAL,
not this mishmash of metalcore and punk. I will congratulate the band,
however, for managing to use 5 different types of vocals – all of which
suck. That is an achievement Misery Index could only hope for. 3

Stephen Fallen: Wow, these are some bad vocals. Wow, this is some bad music. Wow, that is a low score. 2

Eric Wright: Normally I would not say this, but I
think right now is a special case, the vocals in this band are not
brutal enough for most of the rest of the music. It sounds like death
metal riffing and blast beating, and then there’s some whiny goth flower
metal vox, it’s a combination that does not work at all. 4

Abyss: The crappy ass vocals ruin the music. If it weren’t for the fact that the music is beyond redemption to start with. 2

Avenged Sevenfold: Avenged sevenfold Avenged Sevenfold: Avenged sevenfold

2.5/10

Lord K: This is the first time I hear these guys. I
have been avoiding them like the plague, simply becoz I thought there
would be no way these cunts could have anything to offer. Just look at
their name. While they have some decent guitars going on here and there,
whoever is doing vocals needs to be raped by a prong. Or by the band
Prong, not sure which one is the bigger punishment. At times they sound
like some weak power metal band while at others they sound like anything
off MTV’s “metal” collection. This is when they are not sounding like a
complete fucken disgrace (which is what they do most often). 3

Ripper Bendix: Go be boring somewhere else. 3

Hanging Limbs: When this band started out, no one
could top their mix of hardcore, punk, and metal. They may still be good
musicians, but their songwriting is so inconsistent that it begs the
question: Is Avenged Sevenfold still relevant? Sure, if you’re 14 and
your name is Morgan. 5

Stephen Fallen: Avenged Sevenfold must have
listened to Mr. Bungle and decided to add some hyuck, zany antics to
their vacuous brand of modern rock. So yeah, this album sucks. 2

Eric Wright: Quick quiz, what writes “dark” poetry,
cry at a whim, wears a lot of eye shadow, has annoying greasy black
hair which they flip a lot, and a shitty taste in music? If you said
emo, you’d be 100% correct, and emo is exactly what this horrible
garbage is. 1

Abyss: Jesus fucking Christ on a cricket bat, this
is awful. At least no one cares about Lizzy Borden, this, this sells
millions! Ugh! “Tough” music for those growing tired of Celine Dion. 1

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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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