Audio Autopsy – December 2006

Audio Autopsy – December 2006

01/12/06  ||  Global Domination

Aanal Nathrakh: Eschaton Aanal Nathrakh: Eschaton

6.8 /10

Lord K: The word “anal” always cracks me right the
fuck up, I’m juvenile like that. My anal-ysis is this: Anaal
Nastkhrhrath’s blackish metal is pretty much fucken killer. Just listen
to the opening riff of “Waiting for the barbarians”. If that doesn’t
tear you a new anal-hole, you are completely rectum-ish… 8

Ripper Bendix: Anaal Nathrakh are THE FUCKEN SHIT.
I can’t stress enough how this fucken band blows me the fuck away each
and every time I listen to them. It’s really everything I hope for in
music: it’s aggressive, filthy, dangerous and fast as fucken fuck. If
you want evil – you got it. Anaal Nathrakh are a ten point band in my
book no matter what they do, and given the fact that they are not really
uncomplicated characters I’m giving them a LOT of fucken rope here, hahaha. 10

Rafal: One of the most interesting and creative
entities that has ever walked this earth. Uncompromising hyper-blast
black metal with a hint of madness thrown in between those chaotic
tracks. That’s how real black metal should sound in the new millennium. 9

Desert Eagle: Before I listened to these guys I
checked out their info and I saw them listed as black metal/grindcore.
Excuse me? Grindcore? I do not see a tracklist of twenty-some odd songs.
It does suck like most grindcore though. 3

Syrrok: Black metal descend from the depths of hell
to the tippity top of the unicorns horn! This band should hire a
metronome to step in for the drummer. 4

Fishermane: Wikipedia defines Anaal Nathrakh as a
band who is caught between the boundaries of black metal, clean vocals
and talent. Most of these songs are actually decent, but “Waiting for
the Barbarians?” Where are Amon Amarth when you need them? 7

Death Breath: Stinking up the night Death Breath: Stinking up the night

6.8 /10

Lord K: If you take most of my comments for
Coldworker and add them here with the difference of everything being
exactly the opposite, you got my opinion on this highly awaited album.
What a huge fucken letdown Death Penis is. For deeper thoughts, read this piece. 4

Ripper Bendix: I never knew that music like this is
still being made! Jesus Fucken Shit I love this! Smells like Autopsy,
Pestilence and stuff like that. Oh man. My cock is SO fucken hard right
about now, but you probably don’t want to know that. You want old
school? Here it is, and that’s how it’s fucken done. PERIOD! 9

Rafal: I don’t know why, but I like the record
wholeheartedly. I don’t mind it being a little bit “off” the modern
death metal standards, it’s pure old school all the way. I’m glad to see
Nicke back in the saddle again and hope it won’t be a one-album
side-project. 8

Desert Eagle: Fuck yes, motherfuckers. This shit is GRUFF.
This shit is dirtier than my beard after getting shat on since I like
shit on my face. Didn’t you know that? Seriously though, mange on this
brutal death. 8

Syrrok: Just not my thing. I remember K saying
something about J loving the old badly-produced stuff. I respect his
allegiance to it, but I can’t help think of what these songs would sound
like if the actual “sound” was given some attention. A great time to
put on and drink too though. 5

Fishermane: Props to the clever wordsmith who
labored meticulously to come up with the titles for this release. Still,
being a fan of the old-school, I actually enjoyed most of this. The
break at 1:50 in the opener is almost worth the price of the album
itself. 7

Belphegor: Pestapocalypse Belphegor: Pestapocalypse

6.8 /10

Lord K: Blasts, melodies and chaos is what
Belphegor hands out. Apart from having a quite sucky vocalist, these
guys aren’t exactly all shit. I like the small elements of Zyklon that
can be found in Belphegor’s riffings at times. 7

Ripper Bendix: Belphegor are fucken sick in the head. There’s nothing more I could possibly add here. 9

Rafal: Blackened death metal with huge fucken
power. Listening to it is like meeting the devil himself, you can almost
smell the taste of sulphur and pain in the air. From a decent band they
have developed into a great killing machine, and that’s audible in
every piece of “Pestapocalypse”. 8

Desert Eagle: Have you ever seen “The Wedding
Singer”? It’s quite hilarious, much like Adam Sandler’s newest movie
“Click” which is out on dvd right now! What does this have to do with
Belphegor? Little, but let me try to tie it together anyways. Adam
Sandler is past his peak just like black metal hit its peak years ago.
He still makes movies for some reason, just like black metal bands still
make albums. Yeah, that was pretty weak. I’m sorry you guys. I’ll try
harder next time. 6

Syrrok: Deck the halls with upside down crosses and
crows drinking priests’ blood. Decent music roped with the vitriol
necessary to pull it of. If only not for the machine gun snare drum. 5

Fishermane: It’s like there’s a party in my ears, and there’s a shitload of death and black metal invited! Too bad someone invited redundant & slightly annoying vocals, I hate those guys. By the way, has anybody seen not-so-witty comments and subpar reviewer on the verge of being fired yet? Those guys are cool… 6

Coldworker: The contaminated void Coldworker: The contaminated void

6.7 /10

Lord K: Much more death metallish than what I
expected it to be. Much more potent than I expected it to be. Much more
groovy than I expected it to be. I’m quite impressed by Coldworker’s
death/grind. And as you might have noticed, I didn’t exactly expect
that. I see good things happening for Coldworker. And they fucken
deserve it. 8

Ripper Bendix: Is “contaminated void” a euphemism
for vagina? But seriously, am I the only one who gets some serious
Panzerchrist vibes from this stuff? I mean good ol’ Panzerchrist because
they lost what made them cool? I’m surprised actually, because from the
name + band pictures I SO expected half-assed hardcore. This here tears
some serious fucken shit up. 8

Rafal: I hate to say that I’m not taken aback by
these guys. Modern grind/death metal with a good production and decent
songwriting will mostly appeal to fans that have always considered Nasum
the best band in the world. It’s worth spending money on, but I don’t
guarantee any fireworks. 6

Desert Eagle: In case you didn’t know, I enjoy
death metal. It’s probably my favorite genre of music. Since this is
death metal I must like it to appease all of you clowns. So eat it up
fuckers, this is an ok slab of death. 6

Syrrok: A great guitarsound mixed into songs that
are as memorable for me as last night’s hole was for David Lee Roth.
This album’ll get them some gigs, and therefore beer, so I’m sure
they’re satisfied. There’s no way they could have expected more from
this. 4

Fishermane: Pretty intense shit right here my
friends. I’m positive the song “Waiting for Buildings to Collapse” is a
reference to Einstürzende-Neubauten (which according to my sexually
ambiguous German side-kick Hans Frü, translates to “Collapsing
Buildings”). Anyhow, check this out for some impressive death metal, on
the grind tip. 8

Regurgitate: Sickening bliss Regurgitate: Sickening bliss


Lord K: Exactly how fucken thrilling can grindcore
be? “World downfall”, that’s how. “Sickening bliss” is, despite its
awesome cover, not even close to that. Grindcore is a very small genre
and it’s hard to invent something new to it. Regurgitate plays the safe
cards. And for being a grind band, they do it fine. It’s just a shame
I’m not that huge a fan of said style. 5

Ripper Bendix: Uff-ta uff-ta -uff-ta uff-ta, plus
blasts, plus hysterical album cover = instant Ripper manlove. I am on my
fucken knees and eternally grateful that this fucking band exists. 9

Rafal: Like with every album of this band, after a
couple of tracks I get bored to death. It’s a fun grind record to drink
beers to, but you will find more goodies on Nasum’s albums. 6

Desert Eagle: This is some DISGUSTING
grind. The vocals sound like vomiting growls coming from a
whiskey-soaked towel slapping a dead hooker’s twat. I can’t even tell
you how satisfied I am with that metaphor. 9

Syrrok:A definite top-10 on the album cover contest
of 2006. If I was on extreme drugs then this album would sound better.
Actually, I’d probably forget about this album and listen to Bobby
Brown or something if I was that gone. Well, to the short, you have
typical hardcore punk grind stuff thats funny for a whole of 2 minutes
and then it’s just infuriating. 2

Fishermane: The last time I was sick, it wasn’t
bliss. Neither is this. Regurgitate will probably please fans of this
genre, but pretentious motherfuckers, such as myself, will find
themselves searching for the skip button on their shitty new Winamp skin
they tried downloading due to a friend’s recommendation, but ended up
pissed because as snazzy as it is, it’s hard to operate. Where’s the
fucking volume control? 5

I: Between two worlds I: Between two worlds


Lord K: Where’s Immortal when you need them? Ah, they are preparing for the Wacken Suck Fest in 2007, that’s where. 4

Ripper Bendix: If you expect an Immortal clone
here, please kindly phucque oef. I don’t know why, but I kinda predict
that “I” might face the same fate as the “Dominion Caligula” cd. An
underappreciated classic with excellent material quite different to the
original band. Ah well, it’s fucken Abbath, you WILL fucken love it. 8

Rafal: If you ever happen to hear Abbath talk about
his new project as something different from Immortal, then take it as
bullshit. I plays nothing but a mixture of rock’n‘roll and black metal
that sounds exactly like the guy’s main band. It’s decent but by no
means rousing. Good for a listen or two. 7

Desert Eagle: This makes me not miss Immortal.
Sort of. This is some better-than-decent blackish metal type music.
What’s better than decent? Cromulent? Yeah, this shit is mad cromulent.
Keep it up I(mmortal). 7

Syrrok: So much better than Immortal. But it’s hard not to do that, all it takes is a production in which you can actually HEAR
the music. “Between Two Worlds” is an album you can tell Abbath wanted
to make for a very long time. I’m sure he saved all these riffs on his
laptop the last time Immortal was touring Iceland thinking to himself,
“what the fuck am I doing in Iceland with Immortal?”. I don’t’ know, but
this stuff is pretty good. 6

Fishermane: You know, only 2 things get my goat. Lame, generic, uninspired metal bands and goat rustlers. 4

Lay Down Rotten: Breeding insanity Lay Down Rotten: Breeding insanity

5.7 /10

Lord K: Bring in some extremely triggered and
irritating tom sounds, spice it up with Swedish death metal, weak growls
and there you go: Lay Down Rotten. Quite competent but also very
tedious after a short while. You so heard it all before. 6

Ripper Bendix: I am actually surprised that this
here seems to be a German band. Never heard of them before but this
crossbreed of a bit of Behemoth, In Flames, The Haunted and a cocktail
shaker full of concentrated Stockholm makes me throw up my arms and go
“woo” and wave my hands like some fag. This means that I like something,
btw. 7

Rafal: There’s not much to say about them. Another decent death metal band from Germany. You heard it once, you heard it all. 5

Desert Eagle: This one reminds me of a killer
whale. It’s more great music from a band full of white devils. This
isn’t shitty garbage can music like most of this AA. This is music that
everyone, including Andrea and her baby, can enjoy. Yia! 8

Syrrok: This band’s great because their singer
takes up the entire stage. I like that, a huge presence. You get some
death-to-black metal vocals with the normal fast riffs and drums, and
really nothing worth writing to your lover about. 3

Fishermane: Listening to this kind of brutal metal
is about as fun as picturing Stephen Mallinder doing “The Snake” on the
Berlin Wall, circa 1977. (For an explanation of this joke, please
send 5$ to Fishermane, P.O. Box 1298, Montreal Quebec, H4G 1T6. And make
the stamp a snazzy one!)

Arsis: United in regret Arsis: United in regret

5.5 /10

Lord K: First we have the joy of Anal Nastanthrax
and now we have Arses (ofcourse that’s not a typo). This edition of AA
is turning extremely gay. Where the first mentioned ass-band is awesome,
Arsis is very poor. Melodic bullshit metal that doesn’t put any hair on
anyone’s cornhole. I’m close to fucken out of anal references now. 4

Ripper Bendix: I guess if Destruction made death
metal it’d sound kinda like this. In parts at least, because here’s a
lot of blending going on. Including some C.O.B nods here and there. Some
kind of metal cocktail with a cherry on top. Yum. 7

Rafal: Gay name but the technical death metal they
play is quite good. The album is packed up with very pleasant melodic
riffs, but there’s nothing spectacular to it. 7

Desert Eagle: More like “United in Sounding Exactly
the Same as Always”! For most bands this would be a bad thing. However,
with Arsis this just means they’re still tearing it up and fucking
cutting shit. Here we go, AAAAAAAAUUUUGGGGH! Solid melodic death. 8

Syrrok: Stuff that I’ve already forgotten. 2

Fishermane: Being a music critic sucks. The work is rough, the pay blows (at least compared to the pre-NAFTA
days, damn Mexicans, thanks Ross Perot!), your boss is an ass and the
women aren’t as easy as before (at least compared to the pre-NAFTA days, damn Canadians!) Arsis is ok, but will do little do change my feeble situation. 5

Soulscar: Endgame Soulscar: Endgame

4.8 /10

Lord K: So, the guy can play guitar and wants to
show off all the time? Good for him. If the material was half as good as
he is at doing solos, this could have ended up being pretty good. It’s a
shame the vocals and actual tunes destroys that opportunity. 3

Ripper Bendix: I’m sorry man, but I have to hate
you now because this is the kind of music I want to sell to the record
companies next year. Currrseeeeeeee youuuuuu. Nah, just kiddin’, I love
you bitches. 8

Rafal: The music of today bores me. Seldom do I
find a band that is worth something. Soulscar are unfortunately mediocre
and bring nothing new to melodic death metal. Old patterns, different
people. Give up, please. 4

Desert Eagle: I looked up this band and when I
looked at their label I thought I saw that they were signed to “Gay
Records”. That was really amusing to me, you should have been there. 5

Syrrok: This album makes me want to dance in the
shape of a hexagon for some reason. It just seems right. Unlike this
band. But I gotta think if I’m trying to remember what a hexagon looks
like than at least my attention will be off this not very good metal
with vocals that make my penis cry. 3

Fishermane: Who the fuck would dare naming a song
“Phoenix Tears” in 2006? These guys can play, no doubt, but I’ve never
been a big fan of semi-instrumental melodic metal. Knights of eternal
justice, proceed with caution. 6

Chaosfear: One step behind anger Chaosfear: One step behind anger

4.7 /10

Lord K: Can someone tell these guys that they need a
production at least, I don’t have the heart to do so myself… Thrashy
bullshit that I seriously hope scores low as cock in this edition.
Chaosfear should ask Santa for some talent this coming x-mas. 3

Ripper Bendix: And one step behind innovation. It’s
not that the riffs are bad, but virtually everybody else – including
myself – has already played them. Nevertheless this shit kicks ass like
fucken fuck which just confirms the old proverb that it doesn’t matter
how old a fucken joke is as long as you know how to fucken sell the
punchline. 7

Rafal: It’s not the most refreshing thrash album,
but the mix of good musicianship and songwriting gave birth to a real
enjoyable release. Metal fans should check it out because Chaosfear
needs their support to become big. And they deserve that. 8

Desert Eagle: The only thing worse than their band
name is their attempt at good music. I can’t believe I wasted part of my
life listening to this. I will never get this time back. I just might
cry. Fuck you, crying is cool. 2

Syrrok: If this is one step behind anger, I’d
gladly move to the front of the line. There will be no major motion
picture made about these guys in the near future, and I doubt they’ll
even be shown in other band’s party footage. No one wants to explain
that afterwards. Rather generic with that tin can snare. 3

Fishermane: “One step behind anger, twenty steps behind a decent snare sound”. 5

Wolf: The black flame Wolf: The black flame

4.5 /10

Lord K: Wolf loves heavy metal and is right up
there with the best of them. Niclas’ vocals has a tendency to sound
really fucken weak at times but if/when you get used to them, they fit
the concept very well. I’m not a 100% there just yet, but I’m getting
closer. “The bite” is the tune Judas Priest wish they wrote. 7

Ripper Bendix: Best thing about this is the cover painting by that Mercyful Fate painter. Yay. 4

Rafal: This AA edition is very heavy metal
oriented, I like that. Wolf is yet another band that can be described as
“catchy and groovy” – and it wouldn’t be a lie. Wanna headbang some
more? Hire these guys. 7

Desert Eagle: I have one word to describe this
band: crap. Were you expecting something funnier? Fuck you! I’m not your
joke monkey. These guys are a joke though. 2

Syrrok: Rock and roll! Well, these guys are a
little bit stronger than that, but the epic thing doesn’t quite add up
for them. I absolutely love thrash metal so my metal heart pours out for
Wolf, but there is also no place for the untrue at the top of the Heavy
Metal Mountain. The vocals are just a little too weak. 4

Fishermane: This is me before listening to Wolf. This is me after listening to Wolf (I’m the guy with the nice ass). 3

Asesino: Cristo satanico Asesino: Cristo satanico

4.5 /10

Lord K: As if two bands with “ass”, “arse” or
“anal” wasn’t enough in this edition, Ass-esino joins in to be laughed
at/with. I confuse this band with Brujeria all the time, with the
difference of Brujeria being pretty cool at times. Asesino’s brand of
death metal passes for decent, at best. Is Dino still fat and ugly? Of
course he is. 5

Ripper Bendix: Man, at first I completely hated
this album. The groovy stuff is fucken great, the grind-crust shit
tickles my nuts as well, but the Sepultura homagepenis stuff that’s
wrapped around the good parts puts me off a bit. Man, I sure am glad
that the good parts outweigh the bad parts by fucken TONS. 7

Rafal: I thought Dino Cazares gave up on metal. I
was wrong. He is back with his new band, and having been joined by the
Static-X vocalist, he only proves that metal is not his game anymore.
Uninspiring joke-metal shit. 4

Desert Eagle: So… fucking… lame. 2

Syrrok: Brujeria just wasn’t shitty enough for ol’
Dino it appears. While this is a step up in terms of production, it’s
about equal to my balls in songwriting. Being close to the Mexican
border though, I’m afraid to give this anything less than a: 4

Fishermane: I’m assuming that “Asesino” means
“assassin” in Spanish. “Satanico” most likely means “Satan”, and
“Cristo” probably means “You know, Brujeria was cool like 10 years ago
and although what we do isn’t that bad, it’s not exactly that
entertaining either”. “-Hey, nice sombrero, wanna cha-cha or fulfill any other Latin American clichés?”. Or something like that. 5

Gwar: Beyond hell Gwar: Beyond hell

4.3 /10

Lord K: Gwar live is a funny experience. Gwar in audio is not. Never was. Fuck off. 3

Ripper Bendix: Retire. Just fucken retire, okay? You bore me to fucken death. 3

Rafal: I was never fond of Gwar, though this album
is a nice surprise. A lot of thrash metal riffs, up-tempo’s and catchy
choruses create a new image of this band for me. I think I will put it
on every time my friends drop by for a beer. 7

Desert Eagle: All I have to say is that my friend
got a staph infection at a Gwar concert. I will repeat this information
since it bears repeating. My friend, got a staph infection, at a Gwar
concert. 1

Syrrok: Gwar’s making everything better as they
tend to do. The music has never been the high point for this band but
it’s getting there. Balsac’s come up with some good stuff in this one.
Ya never know, maybe one day they’ll hang up the gimmick and REALLY start writing some good songs. 6

Fishermane: It’s hard to take Gwar seriously in 2006, although I’m sure they’re aware of it themselves. Most (read: all)
of this is done tongue-in-cheek style and can be fun at first, but it
gets played out pretty quickly. Still, Gwar brought up 149 search
results at eBay, so that deserves some recognition. 6

Leatherwolf: World asylum Leatherwolf: World asylum

3.7 /10

Lord K: Whoever decided that this album should be featured must be killed. Leatherpenis can suck my wolf. 2

Ripper Bendix: Okay, those dudes have been around a
fucken while and that’s exactly how they fucken sound. Not my fucken
cup of tea, but I’ve never been into true, power, glory whatever metal,
so fucken blow me. 4

Rafal: Astonishing musicianship and catchy rhythms
with a lot of hooks and solos is what you can find on this release. They
have taken up a more “heavier” course this time, but it doesn’t turn
out any fun. 7

Desert Eagle: Sigh… It always has to be one of
these bands doesn’t it? It makes me want to die in the worst kind of
way. Which would be something like this: Having hot tar poured all over
my balls, tar that was mixed with honey so bees would sting and harvest
my balls all the while I would have electrodes hooked up to my anus so
my butthole would be shocked into oblivion. Then I’d hang myself to end
it all. Hang myself with barbed-wire coated with salt and pubes. 1

Syrrok: Leatherwolf is back and more than ‘street
ready!’. This is almost too gay for Syrrok, I know I know. Still the
greatest name in the last 20 years. 4

Fishermane: Apparently, a leatherwolf is the
offspring resulting from a wolf engaging in sexual intercourse with a
couch, most likely a leather one. Otherwise, you get a suedewolf (or a
plastic coverwolf, if it happens in an Italian family’s house). 4

Mushroomhead: Savior sorrow Mushroomhead: Savior sorrow

3.7 /10

Lord K: I always liked the obvious Faith No More
influences that Mushroomhead uses. Some of the material is really fucken
awesome while other stuff is plain weak. When Mushroomhead are at their
best, they are pretty damn good. It’s a shame they are not at their
best more often. 6

Ripper Bendix: Are you fucken kidding me? This is fucken embarrassing. 1

Rafal: Industrial gothic rock/metal a’la Marilyn
Manson. Two or three songs are the maximum of my endurance. I might be a
hater and say that this band sucks balls, but the kids will like it
either way. 3

Desert Eagle: You really can’t expect much from a
band with so many members. It’s like inviting all your friends to hang
out and then get wasted and sing along to Lamb Chop’s “Play Along”.
Where kids come to play along and fun things are all we ever do. 5

Syrrok: If they could turn their collective tears
over Slipknot’s success into good music, then they might have a shot.
What boring garbage with an overrated gimmick. 2

Fishermane: Hey, Pantera called, they just wanted to say “Hi guys!”. That’s all, nothing more. 5

I Got Shot In The Face: How am I not myself Got Shot In The Face: How am I not myself

2.7 /10

Lord K: What a fucken load of monkey-semen. 2

Ripper Bendix: Trivia Of The Day: actually getting shot in the face is more fun than this album. 1

Rafal: American hardcore that uses thrashing
rhythm’s and metallic noises to make it all sound modern. I don’t
understand it and will probably never like it. I got shot in my ears. 4

Desert Eagle: You know what I’m just going to sit
back and enjoy what everyone else says about this band. Everybody, give
it up for the GD staff. They hate anything with core elements. It’s a
little unfair but whatever. These guys suck anyways. 2

Syrrok: Terribly boring emo-stuff. I want to
arrange a nice bouquet of flowers for these guys and dab all of their
instruments with a dove’s tears. These riffs alone would make even the
toughest 8th grader cry. 2

Fishermane: You got shot in the face and then what,
you miraculously survived, figured that your story was so inspiring
that you decided to start a band and talk about how you’re not the same
person as before, assuming people will still buy the record no matter
how much shite it truly is? Fair enough. 5


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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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