GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – December 2005

Audio Autopsy – December 2005

01/12/05  ||  Global Domination

Non Human Level: Non human level Non Human Level: Non human level

6.1 /10

Farlus: Damn… this is the first album in a while
that just had me saying “Wow” at the end. That was incredible. These
guys are just extremely talented and very, very original. Not often that
you find that. You just have to listen to them. 8

Ripper Bendix: The intro reminds me of Mercyful
Fate’s “Into the coven” and the following riff/groove is something I’d
love to play with MY band! CURRRRSSSEEEEEE YOUUUUUUUUUUU!! The rest runs
under “nice fucken effort” because it is fast but not really exciting
over a longer period of time. Couple of classical solos here and there,
but ah well… 6

Desert Eagle: Shitty name aside these guys are
pretty good and talented as hell! Oh my! And fretless bass, oh yeah.
Sick guitar and keyboard solos, pile it on man. 7

The Abyss: Well this was a nice surprise!
Instrumental (well almost) Meshuggah-wankery by folks from Darkane and
(hey!) Meshuggah, this is like a death/thrash-version of a prog album.
Perfect for those lazy Sunday afternoons. 7

Hannastacia: This is nothing to me but pure
torture. These lads have more guitar solos than riffs, which makes less
than 25 % of the album even worth listening to. Apart from the solo
parts it’s not all shite, but it’d be too much cut and paste for me to
ever put this one on again. 4

Syrrok: Non Human Level got the triggers down! This
album is tilt of thrashy-style stuff, which usually eats my goat. Non
Human Level still just sound like some musician guys who are fucken
around. There is no real purpose or direction with this album. One
second it’s all thrashy, the next the singer is singing again. But in a
sea of shit, this one rises to the top from time to time. 4

Derek: All I know about this band is that is
features a couple of members of Darkane. It’s a good thing I didn’t let
that sway me from checking out this album, since this is a fuck of a lot
better than anything Soilwork junior has ever done. NHL (settle down K,
I mean Non Human Level) really blast out some quality thrash; there are
a lot of long instrumental passages to keep the one-dimensional vocals
from becoming annoying. There’s some awesome, catchy material here, and
it’s all very heavy. Seriously, if Darkane and the rest of the Swedish
melodic scene made music half as good as this, I’d be pretty damn
satisfied. The drums are worth their own mention. Good shit. 7

Terror 2000: Terror for sale Terror 2000: Terror for sale

5.7 /10

Farlus: Since when did this band become a “joke metal” band? Oh well. They still suck ass. 2

Ripper Bendix: Fuck me sideways. This is fucken
happy feel good music for me! Somewhere between absolutely kick-ass and
extremely fucking silly with a lot of chicka-chicka-tishhhhhhh stuff
going on, my mood brightens with every second into this album. I love
you fuckos! King Kong song…oh my fucken cock… 9

Desert Eagle: Reminds me of good Soilwork, mostly
because it has the same singer. I say good because there was a time when
Soilwork wasn’t astoundingly gay and that’s how these dudes, I mean
bros, sound. So kudos! 7

The Abyss: Hohoho, I never thought Björn Strid of
Soilwork would do anything I like but Terror 2000 has proven me wrong.
Funny lyrics, excellent mosh-riffs and all a round fun attitude. 7

Hannastacia: These guys are comedians. A little bit
too much at times, though. This is like having drunk sex. It’s fun –
for a whole 5 minutes – and then it just keeps going and going. Does it
ever end? 5

Syrrok: I’ve tried downloading this song a few
times, thinking I got a bad copy because the production was so low
quality. I shudder to think it just IS bad. This is unfortunate, as the
spirit of this band coincides with the spirit of Syrrok. Thrash, speed,
and METAL! Some damn catchy stuff as always from the Terror 2000
Africans. All metal is tongue-in-cheek to some point, and these guys
don’t hide the fact. Combine that with some really talented musicians
playing some ‘almost’ A-material, and I say pour the champagne! 6

Derek: As soon as I heard Strid’s clean vocals in
the background, I almost puked with rage. Jesus fuck, it’s not enough to
completely stagnate Soilwork with a reliance on over-produced clean
vocals, but now lets inject them into what I thought was his
straight-out thrash project. I don’t know what the purpose of this album
was; it seems like a bunch of joke songs comprised of single-take riffs
and add libbed lyrics. They score points for a song called “Wrath of
the Cookie Monster” which features some grind vocals, but lose a
fuck-load more for the rest of the album’s contents. I want to see the
store manager; this is some pretty shitty terror I bought—I want a
refund. 4

Face Down: The will to power Face Down: The will to power

5.4 /10

Farlus: Why does almost every band with the suffix
“down” in their name sound like this? Throwdown, Facedown, Lockdown,
Downtown, Jump Around, Get Down, Pull My Pants Down (And Suck It), etc.
These guys are a little better than those bands, but not by much. I’m
just really tired of all the damn Haunted / At the Gates clones we get
coming through AA. Fuck it. 3

Ripper Bendix: I always liked Marco Aro, say what
you want. He fucken rocked in “The Haunted”, and “One Kill Wonder” is
miles above “rEVOLVEr”. Good to see he’s still making fucken music! That
being said, “The Will To Power” is a Fucking snot-nosed brat of an
album. I like that, too! 7

Desert Eagle: I dare say that I’ve heard this all before but the lyrics are nice and hateful which is always a nice touch. 5

The Abyss: Marco should’ve stayed in The Haunted.
This is more brutal and Aro’s vocals fit better this kind of music, but
the individual songs aren’t strong enough to make a lasting impression.
Not bad, but not good either. 5

Hannastacia: Nope. The vocals destroy it all for
me. Too bad. I’m sure the music is good and well played and all, but if
it is, I can’t hear it through those awful screams. 4

Syrrok: Ultimate Metalcore moniker, but thankfully
they don’t play that bullshit. This album probably represents the
surprise of the pack. The tunes are metal and strong as fuck. The bass
sounds perfect. 6

Derek: The title makes no sense. The band’s name
reminds me of the position Desert Eagle is in when his boyfriend from
Dashboard Confessional asserts his status in their man-bitch
relationship. That said, this album fucking kills. Good thrashy metal
and songs about all sorts of good stuff; drugs, death, and… all that
other shit that you do in life. Who cares; this album fucking kills. I’m
so happy right now I could beat my wife… hooker. 8

Callenish Circle: Pitch black effect Callenish Circle: Pitch black effect

5.3 /10

Farlus: I think this was the band with that album
Flesh Power Destroy or some shit and all the song titles were very poor
English. Scott Myers back on WTD ripped that album a new one. That was
funny. Anyway, this shit is halfway decent. And by halfway I mean
terribly, and by decent I mean shitty. But there are some parts that I
can get into, so it can’t be all that bad. 4

Ripper Bendix: A once not-so-bad-but-uninnovative Thrash band is now going for gold in the “let’s sound like Soilwork” contest. 5

Desert Eagle: A solid effort yet not as memorable as their last. Still, a good slab of melo-death with like weird techno and shit thrown in. 7

The Abyss: The melodic death metal that this band
serves up has never really appealed to me. Just a general lack of good
hooks or original ideas I think. This album is no different. 4

Hannastacia: I can’t really decide what to think of
this. Guitar sound’s killer and they’ve accomplished some very catchy
harmonies, but the singer at times sound like Mortiis looks, if that
makes any sense to ya’ll. Anyway, it’s not a good thing. But then again,
when he growls, he does it very well. If I would ever buy an album
again, I might just consider this one. 6

Syrrok: Callenish circle hail from Pittsburgh I
hear. This can only help them… Pittsburgh is in the middle of an
economic upturn. It shouldn’t be hard for these guys to find real jobs.
(P.s. I know they aren’t from Pittsburgh – I really just think this
stuff isn’t that good. Blow me. Oh, and smooches, Syrrok). 3

Derek: Holy fuck; I hated the band’s last album,
but I think they went out and bought some TPH albums and picked up a few
pointers on dominating. This is some seriously good shit, I am very
impressed with the combination of melodic thrash and electronics. This
is better than it deserves to be. 8

Rammstein: Rosenrot Rammstein: Rosenrot

5.3 /10

Farlus: Rammstein keeps drifting away from the
metal and getting more into the experimental. While I can’t complain
because it is some cool stuff, I still long for another “Herzeleid” or
“Sehnsucht” album of just crushing tunes. The weird stuff here appeals
to me, though. I don’t think the album is as good as “Reise Reise”, but
it’s still a solid effort. 6

Ripper Bendix: First of all, you probably miss half
of the morbid fun if you don’t speak German. On the other hand… you
might as well pity me for understanding each and every line here… Let’s
just say that the chorus of “Mann gegen Mann” is “BÖG!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” in Swedish. The whole song is about some
dude confessing his gayishness. Don’t know if Rammstein did themselves a
favour with that since a lot of illiterate fucks from abroad think they
are gay anyway. What the fuck did I just say? Back on track. Rosenrot
treads out further the path once discovered with “Reise Reise” and
delivers unusual Rammstein stuff. Thankfully, they developed a bit. 9

Desert Eagle: I just reviewed this crap less than a year ago, sure maybe it had a different album title but it still sucked just as bad. 2

The Abyss: You can really tell this is the
leftovers from “Reise Reise”, some really strong work (“Mann gegen
mann”, “Rosenrot”) but over all the German bands weakest album. 4

Hannastacia: I’m disappointed. Not that I’ve never
listened to a whole Rammstein album before, but I was convinced they
were better and more fun than this. This is BORING. Not even the German
makes it interesting or fun, and believe me, I always laughed at the
German fucking “isch” language. 4

Syrrok: Exactly like every other Rammstein release. If you like the band, GO FOR IT! 5

Derek: I was really surprised to hear that
Rammstein was going to release another album so soon after “Reise
Reise”. Normally these guys take at least 2-3 years to release an album.
Although there is a certain B-side feel to a lot of the material on
this album, it’s fuckin’ Rammstein folks; they know what they’re doing.
The majority of the songs are mid-paced and not as heavy as the previous
album’s material. Still, I can’t say this is a weak effort at all. “Yo
Quiero Puta”—the affectionately titled “I love you whore”—is definitely
the weirdest song the band has ever done. If you don’t mind a
Laibach-esque German baritone serenading whores en Espanol, then this is
definitely another gem for the collection. Solid, if nothing else. 7

Municipal Waste: Hazardous mutation Municipal Waste: Hazardous mutation

5.1 /10

Farlus: The further into the album I got, the more
these guys ruled. Then I checked out their bio on Earache’s site, and
they kicked even more ass. Their music is like a thrash/hardcore/punk
hybrid, but the best part about this band is the comedy they bring to
the table, and how surprisingly well they play thrash for being in their
early 20s (considering they were like 3 at the height of thrash’s
dominance). It’s not really a hard formula to follow, but seriously… how
much funnier does it get than to have a song named “The Thrashin’ of
the Christ”? Hahaha. Classic. 5

Ripper Bendix: Holy fuck what am I supposed to say?
I have an extremely weak spot for TEH OLDSCH00L and this is the first
of two 150% old school bands in this month’s AA. (The second being
Rumpelstiltkin). This band sounds like Destruction had a child with
Exodus and Joey Belladonna as a guest singer. This is getting ridiculous
pretty fucken fast – but the music isn’t bad, not bad at all. 6

Desert Eagle: I was excited to hear some brutal
grind but boy was I surprised to hear motherfucking punk rock vocals!
WHAT?! What the hell is going on here? 1

The Abyss: Old-school thrash and between them,
Toxic Holocaust and Rumpelstiltskin Grinder (I HATE YOUR NAME!) MW are
the clear winners. This is like Anthrax, except it doesn’t suck at
random intervals throughout the record. 6

Hannastacia: This is pure fucking party music. Love
it. I’ll definitely keep this album and use it as a cheer-up at times
when life feels like shit. Makes me feel young and drunk (maybe the last
part has something to do with the beers I’ve had). If this doesn’t
cheer you up, it’s time to go to that very dark place in the closet and
take a closer look at your daddy’s gun. 9

Syrrok: I am more than proud to do MY PART in
making sure this asshole of an album ends up towards the end of this AA.
Is that a woman singing or a 6 yr old boy? Tom Selleck can’t stand this
band, that’s what I’ve heard. It doesn’t surprise me. There is nothing
remotely listenable or tropical about this effort. 1

Derek: I am not a huge fan of thrash; the typical
thrash song reminds me of a faster, more poorly produced punk song, with
an even shittier vocalist. It’s really easy to do a bad job at thrash,
and come off sounding like a sloppy, fast, low-budget band. Every now
and then, however, a band like Municipal Waste will come along and
remind you why the Bay Area has such a legacy; because when thrash is
done right, it’s an unstoppable musical force that kicks your ass and
makes you feel thankful for the privilege. Exodus and Nuclear Assault
ain’t got shit on these guys. 8

Trauma: DetermiNation Trauma: DetermiNation

5.1 /10

Farlus: This stuff is too generic for my terrible
short term memory. I see it’s in my Winamp playlist so I know I listened
to it, but for the life of me I can’t remember what the hell it sounded
like. More boring shit. 2

Ripper Bendix: Trauma have been around almost as
long as Vader (or even longer? Don’t know) and are institutionalized in
my book. No lame Polish Death Metal jokes from me today, haha. 8

Desert Eagle: Poland produces a lot of high quality
death/black metal type shit. It’s always so nicely produced too. Makes
it harder for me to shit all over. Man, do I have an obsession with
shit? I hope not. That would be gross. 6

The Abyss: In through one ear, out through the other. Standard Broootal death. Yawn. 3

Hannastacia: A band from Poland and a singer named
Piotr (lovely name) are what it takes to make this day a good one. That
man knows how to use his tongue. I dig this. A lot. 8

Syrrok: Some of Trauma’s stuff ripped my face off,
and some of it was simply too misguided and all over the place to
register. The guitar playing is done very well, as are the drums
(blast-beats up the anus!) It is very hard to settle into a groove with
this metal. I hope these guys achieve their dreams and are able to open
for Slipknot someday. 5

Derek: The name of the band, the title of the
album, the songs; everything is what you would expect from a brutal
death metal band. Yes, I said brutal; you have to specify, lest you
confuse people with all that mellow, laid-back death metal… What the
fuck do I say here? This is yet another group of talented musicians
showing me that they can play the same riffs as every other unoriginal
extreme band; stop by my restaurant and I’ll bake you a fucking cookie. I
give this album a very determined 4.

1349: Hellfire 1349: Hellfire

4.7 /10

Farlus: Sub-par black metal, plain and simple. It
serves as decent background music at times, but just coming off an
edition with Dark Funeral’s newest album has still got me very picky
about my black metal (even more so than I usually am). 3

Ripper Bendix: The last 1349 album I heard was the
debut I think. The production was bad enough to kill a small country.
This is not the case here, though. This album is good enough to kill a
small continent. 8

Desert Eagle: Since this band was too lazy to use
letters in their name I thought of doing this review in binary but that
would require WAAAY too much effort. And they clearly didn’t use that
much I mean come on, 1349? Was that a memorable year for them or
something? Yeah that’s what I thought. Fuckers. 5

The Abyss: Lost touch with this Norwegian BM-squad
after the debut (which frankly didn’t do much for me) but this shows
definite improvement. The pace is still breathtaking (Frost could make a
drum machine reconsider a career-change), which can get a bit tiring
after a while but there’s a lot of melodies imbedded here, enough to
make it a very strong album. 6

Hannastacia: Speed boost (played a lot of SSX
lately). Very fast – a little too fast for me at times. My guess is if
you’re into black metal you’ll really dig this one. Music-wise I’m
impressed, but the vocals could be better for sure. 5

Syrrok: The band name and title fit in perfectly as
an example of a NES fighter plane video game circa 1986. There are
similarities between the two though. When I played the video game, I
felt happy and wanted a slurpee. When I listened to 1349, I remembered
that black metal (whatever this is) sucks. 2

Derek: This really was not necessary. 4

Toxic Holocaust: Hell on earth Toxic Holocaust: Hell on earth

4.7 /10

Farlus: Good ol’ old school thrash. Nothing fancy,
just pretty much what you would expect from that description. Compared
to some of the utter shite on this month’s edition, I can’t complain. 5

Ripper Bendix: We still live in 2005, right?
Because this here sounds like it came from a pre-85 vinyl record. It
sounds kinda shitty but it works that way! It works extremely well
indeed. Some sort of cabbagey bastard between Venom and old Kreator that
makes me feel I were 8 again and terribly afraid of that kind of music.
Waaagh! 8

Desert Eagle: Is this band’s drum sound from the fucking 80’s?! Holy shit is that irritating. Just stupid garbage. 2

The Abyss: Seems like 80’s thrash is the new black
in the metal scene in 2005. Municipal waste may have gotten the most
attention (never underestimate the power of a waist bag-gimmick) but
Toxic Holocaust are not to be underestimated. Good, catchy hooks in a
fast tempo that reminds me of when Anthrax and Metallica ruled the
underground. Not brilliant, but Toxic Holocaust sure deliver the goods. 5

Hannastacia: Ok, background music. Nothing more. I
just listened through the whole album without even noticing the change
of tunes. The vocals are totally destroyed by distortion. Music’s fine,
but I can’t find anything the least bit special about it. 4

Syrrok: Punk stuff garbage? I don’t get it. Who
nominated this band for review? They strike me as a band that would be
fun to see live. You’d be with your buddies, all hammered and shit,
hanging on the end of the bar. Toxic Holocaust would be trying to
“really get into it” on the stage. You turn to your friends and remark,
“this is truly horrible”. Your friend would simply reply, “well, at
least they aren’t Rumpelstiltskin!”. 1

Derek: I seriously thought this album was released
in the mid-80’s. The production is so low-fi, everything has the feeling
of being recorded in a garage; without having to use a propane tank and
mallet instead of a snare (take note Bob Rock). When I found out this
album was released in 2005 and is a one-man project, it allows me to
forgive the horrendous vocals (barely saved by an overdone reverb
effect) and shoddy production. If the intent of Toxic Holocaust was to
pay homage to the olden days of underground metal, then fuckin’ A man.
If this was a serious attempt at conquering the world of metal, then I
suggest buddy hires a vocalist. At any rate, this shit is pretty fucking
good. I’m already looking for my sweatpants and leather jacket. 8

Rumpelstiltskin Grinder: Buried in the front yard Rumpelstiltskin Grinder: Buried in the front yard

4.3 /10

Farlus: With a name like that, I expected some
shitty grindcore band, but no! These guys actually kick a fair amount of
ass. Sometimes the songs are repetitive, but in the end it’s a decent
thrash/death album. I’m just ecstatic that I didn’t have to listen to
any “pig” vocals. I hate that shit. 5

Ripper Bendix: They Sound exactly like the band
CHAINSAW, but with a singer that doesn’t overdo the thrash metal
inflections so much. Nice oldschool thrash metal straight outta the
80’s, needs better production though. But really, I’ve heard a lot
worse, especially today. 7

Desert Eagle: It should be noted that these guys
don’t suck as much as their name would lead you to believe. It’s
actually some decent music but stupid vocals bring it down. 5

The Abyss: Congrats on the shittiest band name
since Blessing the Hogs and Mykorrhiza! Much to my surprise these
fuckers did NOT play grind but rather some sort of retro 80’s-style
thrash. Sorta like Toxic Holocaust but no way near as good. But
honestly, who cares, with a name like this you don’t deserve anything
above a: 2

Hannastacia: These guys were smart enough to pick a
name that would ensure that they’d be remembered whether their music
was liked or not. Sounds like the whole band are constipated and are
locked together in the bathroom trying get the shit out. 5

Syrrok: Funny song titles go a long way in my book,
but never past the “3” mark. The songs just never get off the ground.
You know when musicians are interviewed they always say “I make music
for myself!” Well, for once I wish they made music for AT LEAST ONE
OTHER PERSON OTHER THAN THEMSELVES. This is in no one’s iPod right now. 1

Derek: It takes balls to use the word “grinder” in
your name and then proceed to NOT grind. It takes even more balls to put
a name like Rumpelstiltskin in your name and expect people to try and
write about you. Too bad all of these balls I have mentioned rest firmly
on the chins of this band’s members. Imagine of Obituary was a bad
thrash band instead of a bad death metal band. 5

Mörk Gryning: Mörk gryning Mörk Gryning: Mörk gryning

3.9 /10

Farlus: Dude. Fucking MORK? Who the fuck names
their band MORK? Listen to this and you’ll be switching CDs faster than
you can say “Nanu nanu”. More black metal bullshit. 2

Ripper Bendix: Rarely have I expected so little and
gotten so much in return. Considering the low hit potential of this
month’s AA, and the even lower hit potential of Mork and Mindy’s
previous album I quite honestly expected utter shite. But alas! I got a
great fucken album. This is MG’s final output and in my opinion a more
than worthy one. Thank you for ze music. this buh-bye was SO sponsorezed by AbbA that it hurts 8

Desert Eagle: What bothers me the most is that I
don’t think they realize how atonal and painful some of their music is.
Why would they keep doing that to my ears? What did I do to them? 2

The Abyss: I thought these guys had split up? They should have fucking stayed that way. 2

Hannastacia: Name sucks. Sucks too much to even be
funny. I’m sure they have a story behind that name and I’m sure it’s
well known, but I’ve never heard it and I don’t really care either.
Anyway, I like this album (track # 1 not included) – surprised? Well, I
am. Didn’t like it at all on first spin, but when spinning it again, I
realize the tracks stuck somehow and I changed my mind. Damn, am I
turning into a black metal chick? 7

Syrrok: Mork? From the TV show? There’s something
very important missing in this album. The sound I can deal with. The
singing is sub-standard, but whatever… um…OH YEAH! Songwriting. They
forgot to write songs. Instead it seems they just showed up for
rehearsal one day, turned a few amps on, and then went to the Olive
Garden to toast each other’s brilliance with a flask of champagne. 1

Derek: If this band were named Mork & Mindy,
there might be something to talk about. Instead we’re stuck with a band
that was apparently named by the Swedish chef from The Muppets. There’s a
rule where either a self-titled album is either the band’s best, or
worst. This is definitely not their best. 5

Thyrfing: Farsotstider Thyrfing: Farsotstider

3.9 /10

Farlus: Horst forst frvr, meatball back massages, Peter Forsberg sleep system, Cooooosby. Sweden’s finest bullshit. 4

Ripper Bendix: This here is good to wear a horned helmet and drink meade to. But you also need a plaited beard and furry boxers. 5

Desert Eagle: Swedish lyrics? Pfft, I can’t
understand death metal half the time anyways how are you gonna go and
ruin that other half for me Thyrfing? 5

The Abyss: Viking-metal with really undecipherable
vocals. I like this in small doses but after more then 2 songs in a row I
get annoyed by the singers voice. The music is pretty cool though. 5

Hannastacia: Vocals sound like a streptococcus
infection mixed with too much whiskey. Don’t like. Not too fond of the
songs either. Sure there are one or two songs I might listen to and
enjoy on heavy drugs, but… nah. And no matter what band or music, lyrics
should not, under any circumstances be in Swedish. 2

Syrrok: When I am unable to say either the name of
the band or the album name after 5 times, I give up. This album makes me
feel nothing. Some palm-muted riffs walking steadily together with the
kick drums. Wow, crazy concept fellas. Stupid piano parts. These guys
cast spells in the Goblet of Suck! 1

Derek: Slow, plodding, metal with chanting vocals
is a surefire mix to put me to sleep. Forget my usual cocktail of heroin
and sleeping pills, I’ve got a new bed-time remedy. I need to fill some
space here, so just ponder the album title and how easy it is to
confuse with “Faggotstrider”. That makes more sense than any reason for
making them album that comes to my mind. 5

Severe Torture: Fall of the despised Severe Torture: Fall of the despised

3.7 /10

Farlus: Listening to this album is severe torture! HAR HAR HAR! 1

Ripper Bendix: There is absolutely nothing to be found here which could help me overcome my boredom. 4

Desert Eagle: It’s getting to a point where I hate
blastbeats. They’re just getting to be so overused and they don’t sound
so cool. Especially when you play them for the majority of a song. I
can’t bang to that. 3

The Abyss: “Death from Belgium” are starting to
become as common as common a phrase as “Death from Poland” and while
Belgium aren’t quite as even in quality as their Polish brethrens they
still have a few strong cards at hand. Severe Torture being one of them.
Brutal death but with a nice enough groove to make most of the songs
memorable. They got nothing on Aeon though. 7

Hannastacia: Some death metal bands think the
vocals should be as low as possible to be killer. I beg to differ. This
sounds like a grizzly bear on acid. Makes me lose all interest in the
music, which if you actually listen really hard, have some vibes to it –
but they all disappear behind the constant roar. Listen to Poitr and
learn. 4

Syrrok: I’ve reviewed this band in 50 different
forms throughout my time in my esteemed oaken throne at GD. Guys/Gals
(especially you gals, I getcha wet!), I just don’t know if there any
other ways to say something truly sucks! Should I just tell interesting
stories from the “Dirt” book about Motley Crue? I want the reader to get
SOMETHING out of this. It’s truly sad how many times my band has heard
“this band” playing next door in the rehearsal room. And there’s always
one thing that’s constant about them. They always get tired after 2
songs, they wear black, and they drink Snapple. 1

Derek: Hooray, more well-produced derivative death
metal. This shit could easily have been on any Cannibal Corpse record
from the last 10 years. The vocals are indecipherable, while the guitars
are constantly set to “shred”. Amazingly enough, the drums are mostly
double-bass; this must be a new ‘thing’ in music… Everything’s heavy and
“br00tal”, but it all seems pointless. These guys do this stuff better
than a lot of other generic death bands, but winning first place in the
special Olympics still makes you a fucking retard. 6

Akercocke: Words that go unspoken, deeds that go undone Akercocke: Words that go unspoken, deeds that go undone

2.9 /10

Farlus: Jimmy’s been all over these guys’ balls for
a while now, so I expected them to be amazing. Of course, they were a
letdown. They’re not as one-dimensional as I thought they were when I
first listened, but still not really my cup of tea. They’re like
Lykathea Aflame almost, but not as good. But I mean, come on… how much
can you expect from a band with the word “cock” in their name? They
might as well be called the Cocksuckers. 4

Ripper Bendix: I hated “Chorozon” with passion and
“words that go unspoken” is doing its best to follow the path of its
predecessor. I have no fucking clue what the people praising this band
to high heaven have been smoking! Sure, it’s not TOTALLY bad, talented
dudes and pretty cool song ideas here and there breaking through the
shell of unbearable dreadfulness, but come on! They haven’t really
re-invented the fucken wheel for fuck’s sake! 4

Desert Eagle: Does the prefix Aker stand for load
of? The indecipherable death vox are just awful. The lyrics which I
actually did hear made me wish I couldn’t understand it. Ugh stay away. 2

The Abyss: There’s pretentious black metal and then
there’s Prrrrretentious black metal. Guess which category Ackercocke
falls into? I think it’s a sign of the sad state British black metal is
in (not to mention the impending Apocalypse) when a horrible band like
this gets standing ovations and blowjobs from the press. I don’t mind it
when bands “push the boundaries”; hell I welcome it but when you sound
like a third rate Devin Townsend Band with weak riffs and shitty
production I have to put my foot down. In short, you suck cocke. 1

Hannastacia: By far the worst thing I’ve heard
since Darzamat met their fucking tree. Damn, this is crap, crap, crap.
When you have to turn an album off and listen to something else between
every song, just to not lose hope in music forever, it’s bad. Later.
Much, much later… Being the nice girl that I am, I just had to give it
another chance – WHY I ask myself, this is just pain to the being that
is me. 1

Syrrok: Abercocke and Fitch be damned. More bad
production and farts/growls. That alone kills the album for me. And it’s
too bad too since some of the riffs are almost decent. 2

Derek: I don’t know what to call this; it’s a
massive clusterfuck of black, death, and power metal with touches of
grind in the style of Aborted. There are a lot of pig vocals, which
really piss me off. The music fucking kills but the vocals—for the most
part—really suck akercock. See that, right there, that’s clever. Bow to
me, bitches. 6

Lord Belial: Nocturnal beast Lord Belial: Nocturnal beast

2.9 /10

Farlus: Inferior black metal. Plain and simple. Every song is plodding and boring. 1

Ripper Bendix: I think the sheer, utter boredom pouring out of this album has caused me to suffer a stroke. 4

Desert Eagle: Ohh Lord Belial, is anyone surprised
that this is a black metal band? I decided to do a little research on
who exactly Belial was but it all turned out to be very boring, much
like this band. Go figure. 3

The Abyss: I seem to remember a time when Lord
Belial was good, somewhere around “Unholy crusade” but after that they
lost the spark and when there’s bands like Deathspell Omega and Annal
Nathrakh around, who needs a BM-band without the spark? This is standard
black. 3

Hannastacia: The Norgayians doing the trolls in the
dark woods again, except they’re not from Norgay – well, I don’t care. I
have a hard time taking this kind of music seriously, and maybe I
shouldn’t. 4

Syrrok: These guys need to stop what they are
doing. It’s just hard to pretend that this shit is “ok.” All Satan this
and Satan that with nothing much to back it up. These guys are the “3
Doors Down” of the black/death whatever scene. I haven’t even looked,
but I bet if you go check out their promo photo you’ll see all, or at
least most, of the band members looking in different directions. I’m
bored. 1

Derek: It’s a good thing I work the night shift and this beast is nocturnal; I’ll be able to avoid it in the future. 4

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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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