GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – August 2013

Audio Autopsy – August 2013

01/08/13  ||  Global Domination

Jex Thoth: Blood moon rise Jex Thoth: Blood moon rise

7.5/10

Lord K: Writer sincan obviously digs these fuckers.
This is the first time I listen to what they have to offer, expecting
some trippy stuff (based on reviews and interviews I have read). So, the
verdict? Well, Jex herself’s got a nice tone but as a whole this is
completely beyond me. No need to pass the drugs this way. I do fucken
well without them. 5

Habakuk: Hardly metal, this has a strange way of staying interesting. I bet that girl has something to do with it! 8

CadenZ: Dat atmosphere. Soulcrushing and mesmerizing at the same time. And what’s not to love about Jex’s voice? 8

Ironpants: Spellbinding, dark, magic, occult, magnificent. 9

Darkane: The sinister supremacy Darkane: The sinister supremacy

7.5/10

Lord K: I never followed Darkane much but always knew that this Wildoer guy is an amazing drummer (here’s some drum nerdery, kind of, from the studio when they recorded this album.
And now my good friend and F.K.Ü. vocalist Larry Lethal is back in the
fold which means I just had to give this new album a chance or 5. And
whaddya know – Darkane is another one of all these high quality bands
that we Swedes shit out on a daily basis. The melodic thrash cocktail
that Darkane’s serving me is tasting quite fucken fine. 8

Habakuk: I’ve known their name forever, but never
actually heard them. Maybe If I had ten years ago, I’d be a fan today.
Having a bit of metal experience now, what they do doesn’t really
impress me much. 6

CadenZ: Great technical thrash with great
musicianship all over (with Wildoer in pole position) and great vox by
Dickror… Cockror… Fuckr… the singer. I’m not a huge fan of their earlier
work but this is tits. 8

Ironpants: Excellent modern melodic death/thrash
metal and with Mackrory back behind the mic, it gets interesting again. I
will definitely listen to this more. Wildoer is also a treat for my
drumming fetish. 8

Deathchain: Ritual death metal Deathchain: Ritual death metal

7.5/10

Lord K: Finland’s Deathchain never gave a single
fuck about being “accessible” to anyone but the die-hardest of die-hard
death metal fans. No compromise, no fanciness – just pure blasting metal
of fucken death with a good production and memorable material. We
Scandinavians dominate this shit. 8

Habakuk: For a third-tier band, this is one serious statement. 7

CadenZ: The enemies of God! The seven demon shadows! The enemies of God! The seven envoys of the shadooooowws! OOOOF THE SHADOOOOWSS!! 8

Ironpants: Death metal done “by the book”, almost like some kind of ritual? 7

Acacia: Tills döden skiljer oss åt Acacia: Tills döden skiljer oss åt

7.3/10

Lord K: A tune like “Död mans mask” kinda hits home
with me, I always had a soft spot for piano and female vocals mixed up
with utter melancholy. This is the style that Acacia peaks with. The
other side of the coin, the more “metal” side of the band, is not as
appealing to me though it’s definitely done with passion and
determination. The jump between black metalish things and the doomier
parts isn’t always sounding all natural and the flow is therefore
staggering a bit, but there’s no denying the talent here despite the
sterility of the semi-weak production. 6

Habakuk: It’s the wrong season for this. But yeah, quality. 7

CadenZ: Five studies in depressive romanticism.
Doomy, blackish, atmospheric stuff with a tad too polished production
and some awkward clean vocal lines, but all in all pretty killer. One of
the best debuts this year for sure. 8

Ironpants: Well, hello there! When autumn comes, I will love to get depressive to this. Really good stuff! 8

Black Sabbath: 13 Black Sabbath: 13

6.5/10

Lord K: I’m surprised of the vitality on “13”. The
sad part is that it took some 30 years or so to write this album. I
would have done it in less than a month if I had to. The wreck we all
know as Ozzy is actually sounding better than expected. 6

Habakuk: Surprisingly good. And surprisingly, I’m still not a huge Sabbath or Ozzy fan. 6

CadenZ: They’ve taken the great sound and working
formula from their 70’s masterpieces, but unfortunately the execution is
about as energetic as one could expect from a bunch of grandpas. Single
hit “God Is Dead?” and the southern-tinged “Damaged Soul” are the
highlights. Regarding the ridiculously loud bass, I can just picture
Ozzy sitting in the mixing room going: “Sharon! Can you hear what
Geezer’s doing? What? He’s the bloody bass player! Yes, he is! Yeah.
Well, can you hear him or not?! Yeah? Well I can’t, so turn up the
bloody bass Rick, will ya!” 6

Ironpants: This is pretty good stuff, and I think
they pull it off quite nicely. It’s a fucken mystery to mankind that
Ozzy is still alive and actually singing stuff that you can understand.
People complain about them copying themselves, but hey, why shouldn’t
they? Everybody else have been doing it for 30 years or so? 8

Dark Tranquillity: Construct Dark Tranquillity: Construct

6.0/10

Lord K: DT’s always been standing in the shadow of
their more successful colleagues In Flames. I never understood the
comparisons between the two except for the fact they’re all nice guys
and hail from Gothenburg. “Construct” is another competent piece with
Stanne’s vicious snarl topping things off as usual. By the way, “The
science of noise” holds a few riffs that I generously applaud and almost
wish I wrote myself. 7

Habakuk: Now let me see your warface… You don’t scare me. Work on it! 5

CadenZ: I still miss the “Skydancer”, “Of Chaos and
Eternal Night” and “The Gallery” days, but this is probably their best
album since. Not mindblowing but certainly well-constructed (eh) and
-executed. 7

Ironpants: I’ve never fallen into the trap of Dark
Tranquility. They still have the knack for composing well performed
ultra boring metal though. 5

Orphaned Land: All is one Orphaned Land: All is one

5.8/10

Lord K: At times Orphaned Land really fire up some
awesome things, just to destroy everything a second later with some
overly pretentious ideas that are not really working. When they get it
all pretty much right, like in the song “Let the truce be known”, they
sure get my approval. 7

Habakuk: At times it’s like Nile without the death metal. And at other times it’s actually not too bad. 6

CadenZ: The best kind of progressive oriental life
metal/rock/pop. Really passionate lyrics and vocals bring the message
through, and all the Mid-East instruments and arrangements are a fresh
flavor on the seasoning shelf of metal cooking. 8

Ironpants: No, this is not how I roll. The only
thing that’s orphan here is one or two metal riffs. Well performed
though, but that’s no excuse. I’d rather be a running target in the
“Annual Fecal Throwing World Championships” than listen to this again. 2

Autopsy: The headless ritual Autopsy: The headless ritual

5.8/10

Lord K: I have yet to hear an Autopsy tune that I
really dig. After 4 million years of being a legendary band I believe
it’s time to admit Autopsy just isn’t for me. It passes for decent death
metal, but then again so do a fuckload of other bands I don’t give a
shit about. 5

Habakuk: Some moments of brilliance and a lot more idiocy. 6

CadenZ: Autopsy deliver what they’ve always done:
gory, slimy, mildly insane death metal with no brain cells (eaten by
maggots) and balls a necrophiliac would die for. 6

Ironpants: A dirty bomb of American old school, by old schoolers for old schoolers… 6

Månegarm: Legions of the north Månegarm: Legions of the north

5.5/10

Lord K: The one who thought it would be a great idea to include folk music into metal should be fucken shot. 4

Habakuk: Fuck. Only two of 13 songs on Spotify. Both kill. 8

CadenZ: The melodic punk hollering in the choruses
is both amusing and annoying, as is the rest of this mix of folk, viking
and black metal. I am less disappoint than some else time. 5

Ironpants: More folk-vibes, what the hell? When the
folk is on, Ironpants is off, and I don’t mean the actual pants. But,
when they fall into the more black vibes, I can nod my head to the beat.
5

Children Of Bodom: Halo of blood Children Of Bodom: Halo of blood

5.5/10

Lord K: This kind of borderline humppa humppa metal
is pretty terrifying. Not in a sense that it’s awful, but in the sense
that it seems like people really like this anonymous mess of orchestra
hits and happy metal riffs. So, the guy can play guitar? Good for him.
He should start doing instrumental solo albums and get this shit
overwith. 3

Habakuk: Undeniably these guys make effective music. It’s just not completely my thing. 6

CadenZ: The Bodom boys have definitely found their
way back to good old form. Every album since “Hate Crew Deathbong” have
been disappointing as fuck, but this one has cool riffs and arrangements
that remind me of “Follow the Reefer”. They could’ve mixed the
keyboards lower, though. 7

Ironpants: A bit too clean and happy as usual, but
acceptable with a couple of decent tunes. They won’t lose any old fans
with this, but probably not get any new ones either? 6

Kalmah: Seventh swamphony Kalmah: Seventh swamphony

5.0/10

Lord K: Oh, man. The Casio synths are exploding and
once again Finland shows who the masters of creating melodic carnival
“death metal” (that is stretching things A LOT) are. This is rightfully lumped together with their countrymen Children Of Bodom. 3

Habakuk: Symphonic keyboard metal. 5

CadenZ: Complete with dorky stomp riffs and a
vocalist with pronunciation skills on par with Ivan Drago, Kalmah have
always been a CoB clone a dozen steps behind their idols. That’s not
about to change with this album, but I really enjoyed the humoristic
chorus of “Pikemaster”, haha! “Perkele, perkele, perkele, perkele…
Helevetin helevetin helevetti!!!” 5

Ironpants: This shouldn’t normally appeal to me,
but it actually does… a bit. This kind of keyboard melo death stuff
usually gives me the crotch itch, but I guess the massive amount of
vodka I’ve been drinking lately is turning me into a Finn? 7

Summoning: Old mornings dawn Summoning: Old mornings dawn

4.8/10

Lord K: Listen to the title track
and tell me – why oh why? This is the kind of shit that takes a piss on
every single serious musician in this world. Disgraceful. 2

Habakuk: I have only one song to judge this. And it
sounds like an extended intro. To an album I wouldn’t like much. Here’s
an ill-informed: 5

CadenZ: Still the perfect soundtrack to reading
fantasy novels, intact with lo-fi synths and programmed drums. Just the
way Summoning is supposed to be. 8

Ironpants: Even if the songs aren’t that bad at
all, I can’t stand the sound of the programmed drums or the sampled
sounds of the flutes and shit that are used. Guys, it’s 2013, there is
software on the market that could have turned this into a good album. 4

Huntress: Starbound beast Huntress: Starbound beast

4.8/10

Lord K: I think I read about this frontwoman believing she’s a witch or whatever. I don’t know. She looks more like a deer to me. Or a soft porn actress.
No matter what she thinks she is, her voice is quite fine and a good
fit for fronting this heavy metal meal that Huntress is cooking up for
us all. I could do without the failed attempts at growls and shrieks
though. I could also do without this picture. 7

Habakuk: I want to death you to fuck. 3

CadenZ: Sinergy did this so much better. Why aren’t they around anymore? Because of shit bands like Huntress. No wonder the lead singer is named Jill J. Anus. 3

Ironpants: Pale heavy metal with a great female
singer. Without her, they would be the prey instead of hunters. And…“I
want to fuck you to death”? Bonus for the slight penile erection when
that image appeared in my mind. 6

Queens Of The Stone Age: ...like clockwork Queens Of The Stone Age: …like clockwork

4.3/10

Lord K: I seriously do not have the time for this rock shit. 4

Habakuk: Exactly one of these tracks (“Smooth Sailing”) did something for me. Sorry guys. 4

CadenZ: Quirky alternate rock is quirky. And miles away from the brilliance of “Songs for the Deaf”. 5

Ironpants: “…Like cockwork? – Call 1800-HOMMES.” Well, he managed to fuck up a perfectly good band. I don’t like this new David Bowie style. Bye bye. 4

Megadeth: Super collider Megadeth: Super collider

3.5/10

Lord K: One of the most tired bands in the
universe? Everything from their stage presence to their last 129 albums
are testaments of how to grow old without dignity. 4

Habakuk: You can make music as bland as you want, but hands off Thin Lizzy. 4

CadenZ: We should thank Mr. Mustaine for giving us a solid definition of the term “has-been”. Thank you, goldilocks. 4

Ironpants: Standard formula hard rock with mild
sauce on the side is coming right up!! Megasoft: “Sucker Cockrider”
should be your shit if you woke up this morning and discovered that
radio rock is your thing. One acceptable song on the album is a low even
for them. And those lyrics… I’d rather floss my teeth with a pubic hair
from a hobo than listen to this again. 2

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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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