GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – August 2012

Audio Autopsy – August 2012

01/08/12  ||  Global Domination

Nile: At the gates of Sethu Nile: At the gates of Sethu

7,1/10

Lord K: I can truly appreciate the handiwork (and
the song titles) which is as impressive as it gets, but Nile’s death
metal cocktail is still way over my head, no matter how fucken amazingly
delivered it obviously is. Egyptian Pro-Tools death metal, fuck! 6

Habakuk: Written chapter of appreciation for the
preservation of the salubriousness that is Nile carved amongst the
vulgar verses of domination ritually cast into stone every moon. 8

CadenZ: Last time Nile was on AA (in ’09) Karl
Sanders and his fan-minions got butt-hurt because we gave his record
above-average scores (including an 8 and a 7) and talked about
“unrelated subjects” such as instrumental technicality and Egypt. What
the fuck is wrong with these people? They are seriously, and I mean seriously,
de-motivating. At least this Pharaoh-platter is above average, so maybe
they’ll be happy… oh, wait. I’ll shave off a point ‘cause Karl’s a
tool. Now bitch about it. Please. 6

Smalley: A few mildly concerning changes here, but
you get used to ‘em eventually, and bands can’t change for the better
100% of the time, right? And the core here is still solid Nile material,
so yeah, good shit here. Review. 8

BamaHammer: There are moments here that remind me
of why I fell in love with Nile. There are also moments here that remind
me of why I sort of fell out of love with Nile. Still pretty good
though. 7

Sokaris: Nile seem to like to fuck with my
expectations. “Annihilation of the wicked” is a goddamn classic but
“Ithyphallic” was comparatively weak. “Those whom the gods detest” was a
huge stride forward and now this one seems to be a step down. Ahh
well, even in “step down” mode Nile is still excellent. 7

InquisitorGeneralis: “Sethu” shreds. Things are a
bit toned down from “Those Whom the Gods Detest” and the production is
not as skull-shattering. The grooves on here and sexy, and the songs
manage to be interesting but still have the Nile feel… ov domination.
Good job, Karl and Co. 8

Gojira: L'enfant sauvage Gojira: L’enfant sauvage

6,9/10

Lord K: Gojira’s one of those bands that one second
shits out something amazing, just to leave me indifferent the next. But
when they are spot-on, they are fucken spot-on. You could call them the Muse of metal. “Flying whales” is still their finest moment though. Will they ever top it? 7

Habakuk: Post Extreme Metal? Blast Beat Isis? Whatever it is, it’s done exceptionally well. 8

CadenZ: When you’re not in a hurry to the next
riff, put thought and passion into honing the riff’s potential to max
and execute it with precision and force – you get epicness. Gojira is
French for “epic”. Actually, it’s not. But it should be. 8

Smalley: “Flying whales” is indeed Gojira’s finest
moment, but “sauvage” is still more predictably good experimental metal
yumminess from the froggy ones. Review. 8

BamaHammer: L’breakdown sausage. I hate this band. Over. Rated. 4

Sokaris: So these guys are a huge deal? This is like Mastodon all over; I don’t get what’s exceptional about this. 5

InquisitorGeneralis: I am really digging this crazy
baby. Cool, weird moments help mix up the standard Gojira pummeling
groove. Better than “Way of all Flesh”? I think so. 8

Ihsahn: Eremita Ihsahn: Eremita

6,4/10

Lord K: Obviously a talented guy, this one, as
shown throughout his career. His solo stuff is leaving me a bit unmoved,
though there’s no way you can deny the apparent quality of the work put
in. 6

Habakuk: Honestly, I don’t see the greatness in
this. A little out-there, sure, progressive yes, but ultimately not my
thing. I’m not an Emperor fan either, though, if that has anything to
say. 5

CadenZ: Darker and more oppressive than the bleak
“After”, Ihsahn has made another monolithic and epic disc. In the true
essence of progression, he doesn’t stand still but explores new
territories of his mind. 8

Smalley: Another strong, passionate, creatively
off-kilter solo effort from the ever-busy Ihsahn. Keep up the good work
(and the weirdness!). Review. 8

BamaHammer: This is an album that’s sure to grow on me at least a little. As for right now, I’m still having digestive issues. 6

Sokaris: This bucks the trend of me liking each
Ihsahn album slightly less. I really enjoyed the first one, it was a
sort of metal salad of traditional, extreme and progressive strains.
The prog took over and while the two follow-ups were strong, I miss that
original sound. This is still nerdy metal for turtleneck wearers but I
feel it’s a step up from last time around. 7

InquisitorGeneralis: I don’t really get this, but I
also don’t hate it…which is a big fucken surprise. Still, I doubt I
will listen to “Eremita” much more after this AA has gone away. 5

Dying Fetus: Reign supreme Dying Fetus: Reign supreme

6,1/10

Lord K: I never managed to get into Dying Fetus,
but “Reign supreme” is a decent death’n‘grunt effort that sounds just
like blistering, half-technical, blasting, decent death’n‘grunt efforts
sound in 2012. Quite impressive at times, but also quite boring. 5

Habakuk: I can rant all day about the hideous guitar wankery parts, but this album still kills. Fetuses. 8

CadenZ: The techier bits are interesting, the stompy breakdown riffs not so much. I’ve heard better DF albums. 6

Smalley: Mostly average, mindless brutal DM. And “caveman grunting” is the least. 5

BamaHammer: Yep. It’s a Dying Fetus album. 6

Sokaris: Pretty middling stuff, I understand their
appeal and all that but Dying Fetus always seemed just okay to me even
if most of the bands they’ve inspired are garbage. 5

InquisitorGeneralis: Without a doubt I will give
the highest rating on this panel of poopy pundits; my Fetus love aside
this is another solid record by a band that is really hitting a good
streak these days. Their live shows are killing it, and this record
eases back on the technical aspects that dominated “Descent into
Depravity”, has killer grooves, and has a much better production too.
Win. 8

The Agonist: Prisoners The Agonist: Prisoners

5,4/10

Lord K: For a more analyzing report on this one, click me.
The shorter version would be: a great album, but it’s no “Lullabies for
a dormant mind”. Still it’s easily the best shit in this edition. Easily. 8

Habakuk: Competent melodic death with a girl
singer. Do you like melodic death and girl singers? Please go back and
pass K’s statement. Collect 200 dollars.6

CadenZ: When a chick does the clean vocals in this
type of growl-clean-growl-clean style, it’s microscopically more OK.
Still very gay. The songs’ hooks aren’t catchy enough so I’ll have to
pass. Like Forsberg. 4

Smalley: Due to the weird vocals, this isn’t my cup ‘o metal tea at all. 5

BamaHammer: Love the chick vocals and sometimes
amazing melodies. I’m still wanting more from the guitars for some
reason to really send it over the top. Maybe next time. 8

Sokaris: I’m not normally one to participate in
booing a band offstage but I can say that The Agonist is my sole
exception. For some reason this writer and a handful of other assholes
had to suffer through a miserable set from this band before Overkill as
their godawful singer made excuses in between songs for being off-key.
Anyway, I raised an eyebrow because this isn’t nearly as bad as their
debut album. It’s actually mediocre, a HUGE step up for them. 4

InquisitorGeneralis: Don’t listen to Lord K, this band is lame. Nothing here grabs my attention; boring riffs, boring vocals, boring songs. 3

Amon: Liar in wait Amon: Liar in wait

5,1/10

Lord K: As mentioned in my review
published earlier this month, Amon’s “Liar in wait” is a slab of
completely sub-par death metal that you need not give much of a fuck
about. And you wouldn’t to begin with hadn’t some of these guys played
in Deicide at one point. 4

Habakuk: Oh, so this is in fact connected to
Deicide? It sure sounds like them, but I had no idea the Hoffmann
brothers had dug the name out again. Conservative but tasty food for
death metallers. 7

CadenZ: One-minded like a gay rapist. Brutality and
speed aside, Amon give us misplaced shredding and monotone pounding,
albeit with some nice energy. 6

Smalley: Messy, droning, muddy-sounding Morbid Angel inspired DM. Except without giving us any of the good aspects of MA. 4

BamaHammer: By the numbers, competent death metal with nothing very interesting to offer. 5

Sokaris: Taking the pre-Deicide name for this was a
douche move but I’m sure Glen Benton and company are karmatically due
to be on receiving end of someone being an asshole. Good, solid death
metal, no exciting adjectives here. Not going to blow many minds but
it’s better than the last Deicide. 6

InquisitorGeneralis: Unless it has Amarth behind it, Amon is not pumping my boner. Nothing special about this slice of mediocre death metal. 4

Whitechapel: Whitechapel Whitechapel: Whitechapel

4,9/10

Lord K: These fuckos should be one of all those
bands I truly despise, but for some reason I really take quite a bit of
liking in them. I would just never admit it. Ignore this score, please. I
have a reputation to think of. 7

Habakuk: Don’t wanna jump onto the hatewagon, but I
can’t say this is too good, either. Too much of everything just sucks
the life out of this. 5

CadenZ: Darker than I had imagined, this actually
works in the brutal ways. The monotone growler needs to vary his pitch
more and many riffs are pretty anonymous, but other than that this isn’t
half as bad as I thought. It’s actually pretty good. 6

Smalley: Currently, Whitechapel seems to be the
most famous metal act from my home state (hint: the cover here looks
like our flag. Or, just go read their Wiki?). That doesn’t really
depress me, but I’m sure not overjoyed at it either. 5

BamaHammer: Suckchapel. Boo-yah. 2

Sokaris: Time to roll my eyes again. Deathcore
kiddies: just because your favorite fuckfaces brought their breakdown
quota down a bit doesn’t make them automatically badass. In fairness
this isn’t really terrible, there seems to be some songwriting effort
and genuinely cool riffs. However the nu-metal influences abound and
left hand turns into retard country are frequent. 5

InquisitorGeneralis: These guys have always been a cut above their deathcore compatriots… but still don’t do it for me. 4

Smashing Pumpkins: Oceania Smashing Pumpkins: Oceania

4,7/10

Lord K: “Siamese dream” could easily be one of the most underrated and
appreciated rock albums ever. “Oceania” will not get the same fate
though it’s a hella lot better than I ever thought it would be. Billy
Corgan – suckin’ his own organ. POW! 5

Habakuk: Smashing Heads. Against walls. 2

CadenZ: Despite the awkward Dave Matthews moments this is passable but boring alternative pop rock. 4

Smalley: Not bad, and kind of intriguing, but I
don’t think I was ever really part of The Pumpkins’ target audience (a
fact that continues to be true), and I still don’t dig Billy’s voice at
all. 6

BamaHammer: I have a real soft spot for this band. I
was really into them in high school. Even though it’s 2012, they’ve
still got a little something. 6

Sokaris: I’ve never really liked The Smashing Pumpkins, not even when I was a wee lad growing up in the early 90’s recording VHS tapes of alternative rock music videos from MTV
(they used to have music on that channel, kids). That’s why I was
shocked that I genuinely thought this was decent. Corgan sings from his
mouth instead of his nose now! 6

InquisitorGeneralis: This dude I grew up with and I
used to have huge arguments over who was better: Pearl Jam of The
Pumpkins. I was a Pearl (Ass) Jammer back then. I now know Mother Love
Bone destroys them both, and that I am still right. Nothing special
here, just go listen to “Rhino” or “Siamese Dream” for your Billy C fix,
it is really all you need. 4

Delain: We are the others Delain: We are the others

4,3/10

Lord K: Holland’s prolly the biggest breeding
ground for female fronted cheese metal bands, and you all know how much I
dig female fronted cheese metal bands. Delain’s doing this according to
the guidelines, so naturally I can embrace this. It’s not blowing me
away, but it’s working well as little more than background music. Also,
I’m not sure what the chick looks like, but I am sure I’d pee in her
butt. I don’t even know what that means. 6

Habakuk: Wow, a somewhat down-to-earth female fronted band? Sure it’s a little poppy, but in the end pretty enjoyable. 7

CadenZ: Gay, gayer, gayest, even more gayest, Delain, “Twilight”. 3

Smalley: Lush, but still just okay chick metal (it
lacks balls, so to speak, heh). She has a pretty pleasant voice, at
least, and this isn’t cheesy as certain other groups of the same ilk,
though I could’ve done without the Burton C. Bell cameo. 5

BamaHammer: These guys make Lacuna Coil look really good. 3

Sokaris: Inoffensive but oh so dull. It’s another
one of those faceless “we have a girl singing and didn’t think things
through beyond that” bands. 3

InquisitorGeneralis: Chick-fronted metal fails again… and it is not the lady’s fault in this case. Boring and boring is how I describe this stuff. 3

Luca Turilli's Rhapsody: Ascending to infinity Luca Turilli’s Rhapsody: Ascending to infinity

3,9/10

Lord K: Luca Turilli’s Tragedy would be more like
it. This is so wrong on so many levels, I don’t even know where the fuck
to start… That’s quite an achievement. Horrendous. Absolutely
horrendous. 1

Habakuk: To people who think the world needs more
Italian orchestral power metal, I can recommend this profoundly, for
it’s expertly executed. I can also recommend Tango with a chainsaw. 6

CadenZ: Vocalist Alessandro Cunti shines, and not
just with his name and penis. Otherwise pretty boring symphonic
neoclassical power metal. 5

Smalley: Holy shit, the camp factor on this one
just broke the (Andy) Richter scale. If this is what the Rhapsody Of
Fire split results in, maybe they all should’ve just called it quits? 2

BamaHammer: Epic movie score metal. Luca Turilli is
a seriously talented guitarist, but the bottom line is that his stuff
is just not very catchy when it’s this overly dramatic. 5

Sokaris: Luca, you fucking date rapist. I don’t
normally go for this sort of thing but I thought, why not, I’ll give it a
shot. I was interested and curious, sure, but that doesn’t give you
the right to just get all over me and turn me into a Rhapsody fan. I’m
gonna go cry, get in the shower and try not to sing one of the choruses
to this album. Satan help me… 8

InquisitorGeneralis: Luca whateverthefuck Suckballs Rhapsody… Words cannot describe how much this completely blows dick to me. 1

Manowar: The lord of steel Manowar: The lord of steel

3,4/10

Lord K: Is it possible to even write one single
sentence about Manowar without thinking “gay”? No, it isn’t. This is so
ridiculous, so amazingly bad, so fantastically cheesy that it eventually
ends up working if you see it as the humour/travesty it is. And
congrats on the shittiest guitar sound in quite some time. Did you guys
use a HM2 lined into a boombox to achieve it? I recognize the tone, coz I
did the same thing. Back in 1988. Only difference is – my shit sounded awesome. This, not so much. Also, you do not mention the wig. EVER! 3

Habakuk: We drink a lot of beers!! And play our
metal loud at night!! The only change is that the bass guitar is now
sometimes distorted. Apart from that, you know what to expect. It’s
stupid and solid. 7

CadenZ: BWZZZWWWZZZZWWWWZZWWWWWWWW.
Ah, a bass solo record. What’s that in the background? Sounds
like…Manowar. Stale, corny, over-the-top as always, albeit without
catchy choruses. 4

Smalley: Impossible to take seriously or derive any sort of enjoyment from at all, except to laugh at it (and not with at all). 3

BamaHammer: The Lord Of Shit. In a loincloth. With an oiled up hairy chest. Of Steel. 2

Sokaris: The steel is fucken dull here. This band
sounds so damn tired. It’s time to pack up the loincloths and become
lords of the steel wheelchair. Also, you could get a better distorted
bass sound by putting a piece of paper under the frets. 3

InquisitorGeneralis: The thing that has always
stood out to me about Manover is that underneath the loincloths, epic
album art, muscles, outlandish live shows, and tough-guy personas these
guys are really a shitty heavy metal band who makes cheesy songs that
suck… and for some reason people love them. Not me. 2

Lita Ford: Living like a runaway Lita Ford: Living like a runaway

3,3/10

Lord K: Can you see the sign that I hold up that
says “I give a shit!”? No, you can’t, becoz here is no such sign. Can
you tell me I have used this joke before? Yes you can, becoz I have.
Maybe. 3

Habakuk: Really? Wow, I am impress. Kind of. Lita Ford, you say. How old is she again? 6

CadenZ: No, Lita, blowing me won’t make me grade your shit platter any higher. 2

Smalley: Dull, dated hard rock with wannabe “attitude”; I’ll pass. 4

BamaHammer: No way. Lita Ford is still alive? 2

Sokaris: Decent hard rock, definitely overly
polished but there’s certainly some crunch. The title track is painful
in its self-awareness though. Not much else to say here, most hard rock
just sounds dull to these ears. 4

InquisitorGeneralis: Seeing Lita live did prove to
me that she is a decent guitar player. Hearing this album proves to me
that she can’t write a good heavy metal song for shit anymore. 2

The Murder Of My Sweet: Bye bye lullaby The Murder Of My Sweet: Bye bye lullaby

3/10

Lord K: Swedish disco “metal” with a chick on vocals. That’s bound to work with me. Frightening, huh? 7

Habakuk: For every death metal band we get what,
three of these chick metal bands? Objection, your honor! Is there some
lonely dude out there collecting all this shit, or why is this being
produced? This band here sucks, by the way. 3

CadenZ: What is up with the moniker? Seriously? The Murder of My Sweet? Is that a euphemism for virgin rape? Bye bye fuck-a-pie. 2

Smalley: Yes K, that’s extremely frightening. 3

BamaHammer: Bye Bye. 2

Sokaris: Super pussified gothic metal that isn’t gothic or metal. 2

InquisitorGeneralis: Disco, metal, chicks… shit. 2

Spineshank: Anger denial acceptance Spineshank: Anger denial acceptance

2,9/10

Lord K: Repulsive. Just like yo’ momma! 2

Habakuk: It’s one day till deadline, and I have to listen to another Linkin Park band? Fuck this shit. 4

CadenZ: This album’s title says it all, regarding the emo and passive-aggressive genre. Anger: I SCREAM AT YOU! I HATE YOU! AGHH!! Denial:
No, no, no, I didn’t mean it like that, here listen to this gay melody
I’m singing so you understand that it comes from the heart! I love your
penis. Acceptance: You hate me, I get it… I’ll just go
over here and slit my wrists. Please don’t rape my corpse… without lube.
So you don’t hurt yourself. 2

Smalley: Absolute garbage. Fuck this. 3

BamaHammer: I don’t really know what to think of this, but I do know that it’s not my thing. 4

Sokaris: We’re not seriously doing this, are we?
The nu-metal revival thing? Spineshank did a sort of okay deal being
Fear Factory for their fans’ baby sisters back in the day but they can’t
even do that again. 2

InquisitorGeneralis: I cannot think of any cute way
to describe the suckiness of Spineshank. Squirtspank? Shitstain?
Cockpuke? No matter how you slice it, this industro-nu-metalo stuff is
not good. 3

Gotthard: Firebirth Gotthard: Firebirth

2,7/10

Lord K: Got milk? Got hard? Gotthard? Absolutely
fucken not. This is shit rock/“metal” (use that term very, very loosely)
for shit people. 2

Habakuk: Jesus Christ. Nothing against Hard Rock, but I like mine a little less irritating. 4

CadenZ: Fire? Birth? Gotthard’s fire was
extinguished about four centuries ago and the only life-altering event
looming ahead is death. So, die. 3

Smalley: Zzzz… 4

BamaHammer: Gottflacid. 2

Sokaris: This makes me Nott-hard. I suppose they
do a decent job at what they’re doing and if I was the kind of guy to
wear pre-faded jeans, put blonde streaks in my hair and wear
bandana/cowboy hat combos then maybe I’d like it. 3

InquisitorGeneralis: Suckshard. 1

Linkin Park: Living things Linkin Park: Living things

2,6/10

Lord K: I appreciated “Hybrid theory” when it came
about. It sounded fresh and whatnot. The novelty wore off though and I
haven’t really kept track of this prefabricated bunch of asshats since.
“Living things” is not sounding very fresh. But enter the charts it
will. I’m happy for them. Happy like a penis on prom night. Yeah! 4

Habakuk: This album features the fucken theme song
for this year’s European soccer championship. What do you think this is,
“Reign in Blood II”? 5

CadenZ: So these guys are still out there? Playing dubstep metal? That’s it, I’m going medieval on their asses. Honey, where’s my maul? 1

Smalley: I admit, LP was one of the first
bands that got me interested in “heavy music”, so I am grateful to them
for that, but I don’t like the old, nu stuff at all anymore, and I ain’t
really into this new, more electronic-y direction they’re taking
either. 5

BamaHammer: Metal boy-band. 1

Sokaris: A caustic culmination of mindbending
electronic elements, fierce guitar lines and two unique vocalists that
serve to drive the songs’ dynamics. I sure would like to listen to
something like that instead. 1

InquisitorGeneralis: Have sucked, do suck, always
will suck. This band has the worst combo in the world; a white boy who
raps and a white boy who whines. Until that changes, everything they do
is shit. And I am not just saying that t0 be a hater. Ask anyone who
knew me in the 90’s when Sucken Cock first came out; I shit on them
heavily then too. 1

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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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