GLOBAL DOMINATION

IS DEAD

Audio Autopsy – August 2010

Audio Autopsy – August 2010

01/08/10  ||  Global Domination

Witchery: Witchkrieg Witchery: Witchkrieg

7.6/10

Lord K: Riffmeister and superhero Seance-Jensen
plays guitar which automatically should make this a 10. Witchery is
sadly underrated. Being a bunch of experienced top-notch musicians with
the know-how of creating metal – Witchery can’t fucken fail. And
congrats on one of the coolest album covers in a very long time. 8

The Duff: A thrash band I’ve never heard of, and
goodness knows why – these guys are formidable. I would personally peg
them death/thrash meets touches of industrial and goth/rock, but who am I
to pull your beards so? The surprise of the month (to be fair, I was
expecting more chick-metal), for fans of The Crown. 8

Trauma: The REEVAR! 8

CadenZ: Unnghhhh. One of the best riffs in a long
time – the opening riff of “The God Who Fell From Earth”. So fucken
good. Ooaahhhhh…!!! And the rest of the disc isn’t far behind. Jensen,
time to quit The Haunted and focus on Witchery instead? HUH?! Oh, and the snare sounds like a Duracell rabbit’s .3” dick banging against an empty DVD tray. Fucken thin and fucken not
powerful. It cuts through fine, but so does my chainsaw through your
fucken ear canals, Tue Madsen. Do fix this ‘til next time. Fucken Danish
pussies. 8

Ryan Samuel (guest): The first track is an
awesome, kickass opener. I’m going to have to legally download this
song. The third track is a bit too long, but it has a cool as fuck
groove that drives the song. Every other song is pretty much decent
with one cool riff per song thrown in. In other words, there’s coolness
to be found, but not enough to make this a great album. I like the
sound though, I’d totally be into this groovy, cool thrash thing if
there were more good songs. It’s kind of frustrating, there ARE
cool riffs on each song, but not enough cool riffs on each song to make
me want to add this to my collection. Maybe they just needed to trim
some fat and make it a shorter album (though the running time is pretty
brief, so… maybe that’s not the solution). Cool, but not buy it for
full price cool. 6

Watain: Lawless darkness Watain: Lawless darkness

7/10

Lord K: I really dig “Sworn to the dark”. It was
refreshing, it was catchy and it was evil to the core. They continue
down the same path on this one, only with less catchiness and more
rawness added to their sound. I think this might be a grower, but for
now it’s second to “Sworn”. Still Watain take a piss on the majority of
black metal bands out there. 7

The Duff: A very good example of a grower, first
impressions being “Aaaaw, it ain’t “Casus Luciferi”” – “Sworn to the
Dark” was disappointing, but ended up really sinking its claws in deep,
“Lawless Darkness” is yet another step-down, but still there is a lot to
be admired with what this band is doing – far more riff-focused than
most, they’ve lost a lot of the atmosphere of earlier efforts, but the
band still packs a punch with heavily laden Dissection worship, and Erik
Danielsson’s vocals are terrifyingly potent. 7

Trauma: If only they didn’t inspire Abercrombie-wearing assholes to be dickheads in a moshpit. It’s just not my thing, really. 5

CadenZ: The new kings of black metal cement their
position as the leaders of the pack with a stunning masterpiece. Time
will tell if it is worthy of the perfect score, but as it’s certainly
closer to a ten than a nine, I’m left with no options here. 10

Ryan Samuel (guest): Watain, like our other Swedish
black metal band this edition, plays it pretty straight, but Watain
mixes in a bit more melody. There are plenty of cool guitar leads and…
well… I guess that’s all that makes Watain stand out to me. I’ve never
really been into them, I’ve given them a shot but while Watain probably
thinks they are Satan’s gift to black metal, I find them to be kind of
dull. However, this album is pretty decent, I like the leads, and for
once, when a band puts a 15 minute track at the end, it’s actually one
of the better tracks on the album. So kudos for that, didn’t think
they’d pull it off. Still, a lot of this album just blows right by me. 6

Sotajumala: Kuolemanpalvelus Sotajumala: Kuolemanpalvelus

7/10

Lord K: Finnish death metal sung in Finnish. Wow.
And whaddya know – these guys are fucken killer at times.
Sotulotomotuhotel throw out some heavy-as-shit death with a nice, brutal
growl accompanying it in front of some excellent riffs and double bass
driven massacre. 8

The Duff: Fucking killer death metal; crunchy, with
just enough lack of clarity (think Sickening Horror) to give due props
to Morbid Angel. The vocals are wiping the floor with my face; the
flashy musicianship all works to one united sound very comfortably; the
purpose one plainly delivered, complete message with no frills, no
bullshit. For fans of Aeon and other tech-death meets Satan spawn
combos. 8

Trauma: This is the first time I’ve heard Finnish
uttered in a more brutal way. It works quite well, and if I’m not
mistaken they are not talking about snow, lakes, or ice. Yet another
good piece of music coming out of Finland. 7

CadenZ: Professional, brutal and heavy
death metal. Good stuff, but does get a bit monotone at length.
Amazingly brutal growler, fuck yeah! I really dig the drummer’s fills
and small details on, for example, the ride cymbal. An oppressing
atmosphere rules this disc of war (Sotajumala means Wargod in Finnish)
and it’s much more enjoyable than their previous efforts. 7

Ryan Samuel (guest): Decent, standard death metal.
It’s about on par with the Leng Tch’e album. There are actually some
very cool riffs and grooves to be found, but even more blah riffs to be
found. I want it to kick more ass, be more brutal, or be more groovy,
but so much of it is just kind of in the middle. It almost was a 6 from
me due to the few cool grooves that are there, but then they put a
fiften minute borefest of a song at the end so they’re back down to a: 5

Grand Magus: Hammer of the north Grand Magus: Hammer of the north

6.8/10

Lord K: I understand why Grand Penis are getting
rave reviews and some kind of hype. They sound vital with their dated
sound. Now that’s a contradiction in terms. Real good fucken metal with
some ace riffs and great vocals. I don’t think we have seen the real
rise of this band just yet. Combine that with “Grand Penis” and we have
got ourselves a ZING!!! 8

The Duff: This band’s last album, “Iron Will”, is
heralded as an outstanding heavy metal album, a modern-classic to many; I
remember not understanding the fuss, and the same applies to “Hammer of
the North” – there’s no doubt the lead guitar is of the variety that
makes the Earth a good home for all that is virtuous and true, and the
vocals are all a lady could ask for in a suiter with whom to lay and
settle down, but the riffs are humdrum, anticlimactic, a clone of a
clone with nowhere to run but towards a programmed demise amidst a
tumult of plot-twists, a family that doesn’t know of your existence and a
journey towards the Austrian, muscle-bound heaven that awaits with but
one thing endlessly circulating inside your head – “Aaee shoould neffer
haff borte thaaht fahkeeeng dohge eeeeyayurgh!”. 5

Trauma: This is metal cheese mined, refined, and polished until it’s glistening. It has it’s place, but not near my speakers. 5

CadenZ: Fuck that snare sound. Fuck it in the
fucken ass. And fuck the rest of the unorganic drum production as well.
Otherwise this is a fucken great slab of proud and earnest heavy metal
full of passion and dedication. Magic Moment™: The verse vocal line on
“Black Sails”. 9

Ryan Samuel (guest): We have some very fine heavy
metal here. The opening track is nice and speedy and the title track
does not fail to kick your ass. The album opens and ends strong, but I
think the middle section doesn’t hold up as well by comparison. I’m not
sure it’s ready to sit next to “Iron Will” in my collection just yet,
but it’s still a really solid effort. 7

Musica Diablo: Musica Diablo Musica Diablo: Musica diablo

6/10

Lord K: The Sepultura vocalist got himself a side
project obviously. And it pisses on post-Max Sepultura. Thrashy as fuck,
energetic and downright ok. 6

The Duff: Nothing against this very standard thrash
band from Brazil (featuring current Sepultura vocalist Derrick Green?),
but there’s nothing that throws a curve-ball, the influences are
insanely glaring, slotted alongside each other so comfortably as if to
say they worship EVERY SINGLE CLASSIC FUCKING THRASH BAND IN EXISTENCE!! So what’s new? Yeah, not bad, and yet somehow one of the best band’s so far this AA. 6

Trauma: It’s thrash. It’s fast. It’s good. That means un-annoying vocals, riffs, and aggression. 8

CadenZ: Hey guitarist guys, a piece of advice: if you play really fucken fast, you gotta play tight and fucken articulate. Otherwise we can’t hear what you’re doing. Thank you. Also, write more memorable songs next time, OK? 4

Ryan Samuel (guest): This is a lot cooler than the
band name. This is some totally decent Brazilian thrash that gets me
nodding my head at times, though not every song is an ass kicker
unfortunately. Still, there are lots of cool riffs to be found. Their
sound seems to be a mix of the old and the new and there are no frills
here, it’s just thrash from start to finish. I’m not the world’s
biggest thrash fan so I probably won’t be adding this to my collection
but if thrash is your bread and butter, ignore my score and check this
out. 6

Leng Tch'e: Hypomanic Leng Tch’e: Hypomanic

5.6/10

Lord K: Leng Tch’e is not as bad as I expected.
They are also heavier than I thought they would be. I expected full-on
grind for some reason, don’t ask me why. It’s nothing I will be
listening to after this AA, but it wasn’t complete torture going thru
it. But I didn’t jack off either, just so you know. 5

The Duff: Remind me of a much simpler Mumakil;
these guys are getting mad props everywhere, but I feel that although
they have an interesting take on the sub-genre (basically very slick
grindcore), the scene has moved far beyond what they have to offer in
the rest of Europe and an ever-increasing American underground movement –
Nasum still kick their asses with albums released ten years ago, for
fuck’s sake. Almost feels right that Aborted took the path they did if
this is what the Belgian scene is churning out, and I know I didn’t type
those fucking words. All said, there’s lots to like, but why bother if
it’s only to be shelved indefinitely two weeks on down the line? “Bof”
or “Putain de salope, laisse-moi te le mettre entre les fesses?!?!@”, as
Tintin would say. 5

Trauma: Consider me surprised but not convinced.
This is some pretty brutal stuff. Death by a thousand cuts, that’s
pretty fucken brutal, I guess. Good choice on moniker. Music, too, I
guess. Maybe. 6

CadenZ: First album in a long while smelling of
grindcore that I find myself enjoying. Imaginative arrangements, harsh
pounding, good riffs and excellent production. 7

Ryan Samuel (guest): Like many things this edition,
this is perfectly competent but ultimately kind of boring. I always
thought they were supposed to be a grind band of some sort but really
this is only death metal, albeit with a slightly unique sound. They
even work in a pop sounding guitar riff in one song. Why not use more
ideas like that to mix it up? Unfortunately the cool ideas run out
pretty quick and after the first few songs it’s all in one ear and out
the other. Not bad, but not bad is not good enough. 5

Setherial: Ekpyrosis Setherial: Ekpyrosis

5.6/10

Lord K: Black metal that doesn’t suck = amazing! That’s prolly becoz they are Swedes. We do it better. 5

The Duff: Well-produced, catchy, ferocious black
metal; what Dimmu Borgir should have morphed into onwards from
“Puritanical Euphoric Misanthropia”, perhaps? Not bad at all, but the
subgenre is moving in directions far more interesting methinks. 6

Trauma: This grvm and frostbitten music for the
trve sounds okay. Production does not induce vomit as far as black
metal goes, but the vocals are way too low in the mix. 5

CadenZ: This is probably the best Setherial album
to date. Sixth time’s the charm, I suppose. Cold and relentless black
metal savagery. 7

Ryan Samuel (guest): Decent, standard black metal.
There aren’t many bands that play it straight like this that I enjoy,
and Setherial isn’t about to become one of them. There are some cool
parts and the last song in particular sounds like it has some feeling.
It’s just that the overall package is too standard for my tastes and I’d
do better spending my time on more creative efforts, or at least stuff
that has more feeling to it. 5

Whitechapel: A new era of corruption Whitechapel: A new era of corruption

5.6/10

Lord K: Expecting full-on metalcore and getting
some brutal (even grindy at times) death metal is a nice surprise.
Whitechapel sure sound American but by incorporating some cock-heavy
riffs, a little melody and a somewhat groove into their music they
escape the noose, and I can’t help but to dig it more than I really want
to. 6

The Duff: A death/grind band meets hints of Septic
Flesh, Meshuggah and the hardcore nature of Beneath the Massacre – think
the latest The Red Chord, for a stripped down comparison. Shredding
vocalist, but overdone – the music ranges from very good to regular
fare, overall a lot of talent but pointed in the wrong directions for my
own personal tastes. They do provide the moshage, though, the quick-fix
for the metal-adrenaline-junkie who cannot comprehend Suffocation –
reflected in the score as I am oh such an astute objective reviewer I
am. 7

Trauma: Whitecastle are not shabby, but their
riffing is a bit too “samey” and it’s a boring effort. Harold and Kumar
would not go see these guys. 5

CadenZ: The multi-layered and somehow weirdly EQ’d
or FX’d vocals sound like giraffe feces slowly rotting in the sun, while
hippos fart nearby. Otherwise this death metal/deathcore effort is
absolutely better than average. Why fuck up a disc like that? Only Mr.
Cock-up-my-ass Producer knows. Whoever that is. 5

Ryan Samuel (guest): I remember when Lumberjack
and I were laughing at a youtube video of them playing live; at least
three of the guys in the band had zip up hoodies on, unziped, hood
engaged, and they were jumping around trying so hard to look badass. I
really wanted to hate this even before I heard it but truth is they’re
actually pretty good… for deathcore. Yeah deathcore is still deathcore.
So you’re going to get lots of one note oddly timed chugs and whatnot.
I was surprised though to hear lots of meldoic guitar solos. They’re a
pretty nice touch, and these guys do throw down some pretty heavy riffs
from time to time. The vocals though are awful, even for deathcore.
Overall, album wasn’t as bad as I was hoping. 5

Anathema: We're here because we're here Anathema: We’re here because we’re here

5.4/10

Lord K: I remember Anathema once did a really good riff. Yeah, a good riff,
that’s what I am sayin’. It was on a very early album and I think the
song had something with “sleep” in the title. “Sleepenis”, “Sleepcum”,
“Sleeper”…. Something like that. I might be completely wrong there
though. What I’m aiming at is that I haven’t heard them since, and while
listening to this album I wonder why the fuck they are even included in
this edition for. I thought Anathema were metal, at least they were
when I heard them back in the day. I think. This is some extremely
pretentious shit, and I guess it’s fine for what it is – but metal it’s
not. Oh, I found the tune. It’s called “Sleepless” obviously. I also
found a live video. They must be real proud of this one, hahaha… 4

The Duff: I’m a biggest fan when it comes to these
guys’ later efforts, the band’s latest two albums two of progressive
music’s finest examples from someone who doesn’t explore the subgenre
much. Steven Wilson produced, and also speaks very highly of Anathema’s
seven years in the waiting output – all told (all that research, haha),
“We’re Here Because We’re Here” is a glorious, emotionally charged
affair that skimps on substance – quite repetitive for the time it took
to write, but grand nonetheless, and sealing quite a perfect triage of
albums. 8

Trauma: Why the fuck are we even reviewing this? Oh, right. Shit. 3

CadenZ: Sometimes it’s OK to just be. This is the soundtrack to those moments. Damn, that sounded gay. 8

Ryan Samuel (guest): I’m a little perplexed as to
why GD is reviewing this. These guys, what… stopped playing doom metal
fifteen years ago? There isn’t one iota of metal on this album. But
nevermind that, is this any good? Well. It’s definitely wussy. That’s
for sure. I guess it’s ok if you like really really pretty pretty
“atmospheric rock”. I actually do legitimately enjoy some moments from
this album, but sometimes it sounds like contemporary Christian rock
that my mom would listen to. Some of it is really nice though. Some of
it is also really boring. And it’s all really wussy. At least it
would make good sleepy time music. I wish I didn’t have to assign a
score to this because I never listen to music like this at all but oh
well. 4

Kingdom Of Sorrow: Behind the blackest tears Kingdom Of Sorrow: Behind the blackest tears

5.4/10

Lord K: Crowbar’s got their moments, Hatebreed
don’t. Kingdom Of Sorrow is a collaboration of some of those guys and I
couldn’t give a shit. Tough-guy metal that absolutely passes by without
anyone taking much notice. 4

The Duff: Kirk is one of my biggest heroes, and
I’ve always kept my distance from Hatebreed. When I heard Kingdom of
Sorrow’s debut, it stood to reason therefore that all I was doing was
itching for Kirk’s trademark vocals (sublime; torn with only the
strongest of resolve, to call the man anything other than unbridled
emotion, powerful and gut-wrenchingly haunting would be plain wrong, yet
I know you fuckers are out there) – once more I’m left with mixed
impressions, overall unmoved the end result. My heart and balls tingle
every now and then with the Kirk-master’s appearance, but I don’t like
the cock-teasing, and shall await the new Crowbar record for my fill of NOLA-drenched
sorrow ‘cos Jamie Jasta’s input does little to motivate, and I feel the
former has altered his styles too much to fit with the previously
released KoS formula (as little of it I know, of course). 4

Trauma: Change your fucken moniker, because this
shit is pretty good. The songs are built around riffs, groovy and heavy
ones at that. 8

CadenZ: Dull stoner metal with a vocalist who can’t
seem to make up his mind as to which band he wants to front: Volbeat,
Slipknot or Pantera. Needless to say, he’s not dethroning anyone. Not
even the sucky Dane. No, not Ulrich. 4

Ryan Samuel (guest): Jamey Jasta and Kirk Windstein
team up to create something that probably isn’t as cool as either
Hatebreed or Crowbar yet is still actually pretty damn cool. I’d never
heard them before so this was a pleasant surprise for me. I enjoy both a
little Hatebreed and some Crowbar, so a mash-up of the two is not a bad
thing. Plenty heavy and with a healthy amount of cool riffs, this is
something worth checking out. Unfortunately the last couple of songs
are a bit sub-par compared to the rest of the album, but overall I
enjoyed this. 7

Nachtmystium: Addicts - Black meddle pt. II Nachtmystium: Addicts – Black meddle pt. II

5.4/10

Lord K: I will never fucken ever understand the hype. But it’s not bad. 4

The Duff: America is currently making great waves
in the BM scene, and Nachtmystium is one of many bands that has been
placed on a pedestal since its last album “Assassins” (or the first
album in I don’t know how many of a set); I wasn’t knocked down back in
2008, and the follow-up likewise does little for me – I’m into the real
eerie shit these days, stuff that makes me wake up come three in the
morning cold-sweating, deliriously yet determinedly tugging at my cock
for the one final little death afore an everlasting fire for all my sins
spilling seed to unwholesome women. Yeah, not too sold on Nachtmystium.
3

Trauma: I almost turned it off after 1:58 worth of
uselessness, but I tried to find some stuff on later tracks that would
actually sound okay. I did. Why shitty production/guitarsound was
chosen with music like this I have no fucken clue, but it fucked the
music over big time for me. So fuck you. 6

CadenZ: Man, this is some weird shit. Avantgarde black metal/postrock/EBM of some sort. Somehow I kinda dig it. 7

Ryan Samuel (guest): The album I looked forward to
the most. And it probably is the pick of the litter for me this
edition. But, how good is it on its own? Well, it’s definitely pretty
good. However, compared to “Assassins”, “Addicts” seems a little safe.
I mean there is absolutely zero saxophone on this album. NONE.
After the experimental psychedelia of “Black Meddle Pt 1” I would have
expected “Pt 2” to up the ante a little bit. Instead, this sounds a
hell of a lot like the album “Instinct: Decay”, which came before
“Assassins”. That’s not necessarily a bad thing because that is a
really cool album, but it’s not was I was expecting at all. This album
is a bit more psychedelic black rock than it is psychedelic black metal,
which isn’t bad by any means; I have no problem with the style. The
quality of the songs is what is important here, and they’re pretty good,
but I’m not sure it’s as good as the last two albums. Still, this is
pretty damn good and the most likely candidate of something I’ll add to
my collection. 7

Danzig: Deth red sabaoth Danzig: Deth red sabaoth

3.8/10

Lord K: Where are North Side Kings when you need them? 3

The Duff: There are four things I associate with
Danzig: one, the track “Mother”, two a lesser-man’s Ozzy Osbourne;
three, a fight gone awry and four, related to point two but in a less
politically correct manner. Head to head with the long-time competition
and the fresh blood (i.e. Grand Magus, if I’m not mistaken), I see
Danzig holding up very well, but the vocals are fucking terrible; that
said, I’m not a Danzig-ite (if that doesn’t say “battle axe and
foot-long mandress” I don’t know what does – yes, I’m mixing my dwarfs
and midgets, has the PC-World gone fucking mad? They’re both fah-kin’
small, innit!?), maybe I needed the twenty-five years of seasoning.
Pretty good blues rock, like the rock you mine for gold oh my rofl I
just soiled mesel’. 6

Trauma: Starts off really good, but this album is
just way too uneven. The vocals are not correctly mixed, as it sounds
more like a demo. What the hell? At least Danzig still sounds like
Danzig. 5

CadenZ: Ingredients: shit vocalist, shit songs, shit production. Do not digest. 1

Ryan Samuel (guest): The first two songs are pretty
rad but there aren’t many hits on this album. Overall it’s pretty
fucking boring and the production leaves one wanting. Where is the bass
guitar? The sound is still chunky but for some reason the bass guitar
is almost inaudible. Also the vocals at times don’t seem to mesh well
with the music, though the performance itself is decent. It’s not all
bad but it’s only a decent comeback effort at best. I’ll stick with the
classics. Also, “Black Candy” does kind of sound like a pedo song
title. 4

Ozzy Osbourne: Scream Ozzy Osbourne: Scream

3.8/10

Lord K: So Gus G is this new guitar hero kid? Good
for him. I hear nothing that impresses the shit out of me here though.
Sure, the dude can play guitar but what does it matter when the songs
are absolutely forgettable? Just fucken hang it up, Ozzy. 4

The Duff: Massive Zack fan, shame he had to go (or
“gah an’ git ‘imsel’ da bladdy choppe!”); not too sure on Firewind, but
there’s no doubt Gus G. is an exceptional six-string-slinger; maybe too
much into this “accuracy-behind-the-art” schooling considering Zack (and
essentially all of the greats, in my mind) is first and foremost
grounded in the soul of blues playing, less the case for the recently
recruited virtuoso. I still think that it’s the clean break Ozzy needed
(and Zack too, from what I’ve heard of the new BLS)
– I’m not that much of a fan to be honest, anything after “Blizzard”
not worth my time as far as I can tell, but “Scream” seems to pick up
where “Down to Earth” left off, with a much needed injection of youthful
enthusiasm – not an exceptional album, and I’m sure many will hate this
being long-time Ozzy fans, but I was expecting to hate “Scream” –
instead, I’m finding something of worth in nearly every track, even the
template soppy-ballads the man seems destined to plague every one of his
albums with. 6

Trauma: Believe me, I’m screaming. I think
I misheard the first verse of “Let me hear you poo” as “I’m brack and
bruised, beat up but still I take the blows.” Oh, what a joyous
laughter. SOOOOO HIRARIOUS. ROR! 2

CadenZ: Quite heavy stuff for an Ozzy album. Not
that I’ve heard any since “No More Tears”, but still. New addition Gus G
sure as fuck can play; and Zakk Wylde, although great, is not much
missed methinks. He’s better off making BLS
anyway. All in all, “Scream” is a mediocre modern metal album with hard
rock roots sporting Ozzy’s always recognizable (and, amazingly, still
quite virile – for his age) voice. 5

Ryan Samuel (guest): It’s Ozzy in 2010, who the
fuck cares? In the spirit of objectivity though I did listen through
this once. It occasionally has some cool sounding guitars but this
album is more about the production than it is about the songs. Sound
good to you? Me either. 2

Rhapsody Of Fire: The frozen tears of angels Rhapsody Of Fire: The frozen tears of angels

3.6/10

Lord K: I hope these idiots drown in a lake of fiery dildos and starving piranhas. 2

The Duff: What once was Rhapsody has not changed
much over the years, technically impressive as all fuck power metal that
I stopped taking a shine to years ago after Symphony X’s “The Odyssey” –
it’s fantastic for what it is, no doubt, and I shall rate it scorn-free
for they kick ass like few power metal bands I’ve had the misfortune of
crossing hoof-trodden paths with, but half the score is in disbelief at
my ability to jest whilst playing with my dungeon key and wizard’s
marbles. 8

Trauma: Another fucken useless intro “building up
the suspense”, and they go on into fucken cheese and pretentiousness.
Fuck you, go fuck yourself and then fly into the fucken sun. 1

CadenZ: Bombastic, symphonic and pretentious. Not
total cannon fodder, though. They even incorporated some “blastbeats”
and a growler. Wowza. That must be like tearing down the Berlin wall of
fairy, sorry, power metal land. 4

Ryan Samuel (guest): What surprises me here, after
the cheesy epic opening, replete with generic narration from Saruman and
lots of symphonic keyboards, is that the production of the actual band
sounds pretty dull. You’d think after all that bombast they’d at least
attempt to do something ass kicking to kick off the album, but it just
sounds kind of quiet and flat. Anyway, it’s a power metal album, so we
all know how well it will be welcomed here at GD. I did find a couple
parts I kind of liked though. It sounded like they tried to mix in some
black metal (sort of) on one song, which is bizarre, but interesting.
The fifth track sounds kind of medieval is also perhaps the geekiest,
dorkiest thing I’ve ever heard put on disc, which makes it kind of
awesome. But all the fun ideas run out midway through the album and the
bottom line this is still just a symphonic power metal album. Thanks
for some entertainment, but, pass. 3

Magica: Dark diary Magica: Dark diary

1.6/10

Lord K: Holy shit, here we go. “Dark diary”, huh?
You know how I am with female vocalists… It’s safe to say that these
guys won’t end up in my collection, no matter if there’s a chick
singing, coz she is fucken painful to listen to. Nasal and irritating
vocals that is backed up by shit metal is not what I want anywhere near
me. Weak on exactly all fucken accounts. “Twilight” metal, at best. Good
work, fuckos. 2

The Duff: Once more Lord K’s love for metal and
period-pains lands me a shit-fest of shit onto my hard-drive. “But it’s a
label sent…” and etc. and so forth and fuck this garbage. 1

Trauma: Took me two seconds to turn it off. Fuck you. 1

CadenZ: Hey, fuckers, you had me at Magica. What a
fucken fantastic moniker. I wish all bands in the world would change
their name to Magica, ‘cause it rules so damn much. 1

Ryan Samuel (guest): For those of you still reading
after seeing the band name, Magica play pretty much exactly what you’d
expect a band named Magica to play. There is a really grating female
vocalist and there are fruity keyboards. I really just don’t like
female vocals I guess but she gets on my nerves (although she’s mildly
cute to look at). Hilariously, the keyboardist goes by the moniker of
“6Fingers”. I can only assume this means he uses five fingers to play
keyboards and the sixth finger to diddle his pooter, because he
certainly isn’t doing anything impressive on the ol’ ivories. It
actually sounds like there’s a heavy metal band trying to come out, but
it doesn’t save the album by any means, just makes it not completely
godawful at times. On the plus side the singer says something about
releasing her demons on you. Yeah… I’ve got about a couple hundred
million tiny demons I’d like to release all over the singer’s bust. 3

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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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