Audio Autopsy – August 2008

Audio Autopsy – August 2008

01/08/08  ||  Global Domination

Krisiun: Southern storm Krisiun: Southern storm


Lord K: You think you are dedicated to death metal?
You think you live the death metal lifestyle? As long as you are not
Alex, Max or Moyses – you are not even close to doing it. Look, listen,
learn. These guys got death metal liquid instead of blood running in
their veins. 8

Kampfar: “Southern storm” is an excellent name for
this piece, for a ferocious blast feast it is, another death metal
triumph on the Brazilian’s behalf. I must say, however, that the
Sepultura cover wasn’t very much needed. It’s not shit, just unnecessary
and mildly sticking out, sort of ruining the flow. Minor issue aside,
now let me hail, thank and salute Krisiun for delivering the energy I
crave time and time again. Impressive. 9

The Duff: Never bothered with this band before –
another album of theirs featured in another AA, and like with this
album, I shan’t pursue any earlier works because of it. This stuff is
competent death metal, for sure; I guess for the years they’ve been
doing it for, I should be more impressed, but there’s certainly better
death metal bands doing the rounds. 7

Abyss: When it comes to Krisiun you know what to expect. It’s modern death metal performed with a surgical precision most NASA-computers
would envy. As usual it’s so competent that it borders on emotionless
(the lack of fingerspitzengefühl and natural groove becomes pretty
obvious on the Sepultura-cover), but for the most part the Brazilians
manage to stay in check. Beware of double-kick overload though! 6

Seker: Everybody wanks all over these guys’ faces,
and I just can’t figure out why for the life of me. It’s generic death
metal: sort of brutal, sort of fast, sort of boring. 5

The Rotted: Get dead or die trying The Rotted: Get dead or die trying


Lord K: Whoa! It’s always nice to get flowers when
you expect a huge turd in your speakers. The Rotted’s death/grind is
quite fucken ace, to say the least. The crust influences definitely add
to the brutality and The Rotted is doing pretty much everything right on
this effort. Not many bands can successfully mix crust and brutality
and make it work; Vomitory are the masters at it and now The Rotted is a
fine addition to this genre. I can’t say that the UK scene was ever
impressive or anything (except for Acid Reign… eh… wait…) but The Rotted
just raised the bar a huge fucken bit and also took a piss at their UK
colleagues (among others) while doing it. 8

Kampfar: Gorerotted was a fine and distinct band, I
sort of loved them, and that simply because they were one of the
extremely few gore bands actually worth a shit. Infectious rhythms and
rhymes, sick at it, roughly sum their music up. The Rotted isn’t gore
metal, if so, tech gore metal, layered at it, but it isn’t. I don’t know
what to call it, a mixed bag this, sometimes good, a few times very but
in the end not an album I’ll play for years to come. 6

The Duff: I never understood Gorerotted, so this
“new” incarnation isn’t something I’ve been awaiting eagerly. Not bad
music, really – kinda like Gorerotted, I guess, but I figure the band
has diversified enough to justify a moniker change. I really dig the
drumming, and the riffs suggest veterans of the scene. 7

Abyss: I’ve been vaguely aware of The Rotted under
their previous moniker Gorerotted, but I don’t think I’ve actually heard
any of their music. Not that I care too much considering that I feel
all fine and content with The Rotted as it is. They mix death, grind and
hardcore with a small, but important, dose of crust and the end result
is an album full of fat ass riffs and unbridled joy in playing. Thumbs
up, ya wankers! 7

Seker: I don’t know why these guys changed their
name; they still play competent death-grind that pulls ahead of the pack
enough to be decent but not enough to be exceptional. 5

Black Flame: Imperivm Black Flame: Imperivm


Lord K: Italy is hardly a country known for its
excellent black metal bands, then again – Italy’s not known for having
excellent bands period. Black Flame isn’t the new Dark Funeral
or anything, they are dirtier than that and they are not using hardly as
much melody in their shit, which is both a good and a bad thing. Good becoz it gives this album a quite dark and raw feeling. Bad
becoz I prefer Dark Funeral’s brand of black metal over any other kind
of black metal. Black Flame’s definitely a decent band though, no doubt
about that. 6

Kampfar: This shit sounds a bit akin to Incantation
circa “Diabolic conquest”, the black metal version or something. The
aforementioned album is excellent, “Imperivm” isn’t, but compared to the
fucking shit this edition is more or less made out of, it rawks pretty
damn hard. Think fairly layered black backed by a slight churn. 7

The Duff: Some not so very good black metal. A nice
idea here and there, often repeated ad nauseum. I really dig the
production, but my attention is for the most part drawn towards the
vocals, which aren’t too appealing. 4

Abyss: Black metal from the land of pizzas and high
fashion who manages to be more necro then your grandmas underwear and
just as dirty. They’ve obviously taken cues from established
filthgrinders like Gorgoroth and “Rebel extravaganza”-era Satyricon,
meaning that this is both vicious and catchy. The desperate “do or
die”-feel is missing though, keeping Black Flame (at least for now) in
the shadow of aforementioned influences. 6

Seker: Black metal RARGH!
Actually, this wasn’t that bad. The vocals are pretty unique, and I
like how they vary up the riffing styles a bit more than is common
nowadays. Also, there’s no suicidal crap to be found on here, which
bumps this up to a: 6

Nachtmystium: Assassins - Black Meddle Part I Nachtmystium: Assassins – Black Meddle Part I


Lord K: With one of the most annoying album titles
(not to mention their actual moniker) for quite some time,
Nacthxcystiiiivaliuums unleashes something that alot of people seem to
appreciate according to reviews around the internet. I don’t know, it’s
certainly nothing remotely impressive about this one in my book. Most of
it sounds like black metal, some of it sounds like power metal (just
listen to the chorus – or whatever it’s supposed to be – of the tune
“Assassins”) and in general I am left unimpressed. The slower,
instrumental tunes completely stray away from the formula and leaves me a
bit confused as for why they are even there in the first place. If I
was to review drummer/hero Tony Laureano – this would be a 9, but since
I’m not: 4

Kampfar: I love Nachtmystium, really do, and one of
our former members, the one pointing them out in the first place,
described their music best when coining them black metal gone prog.
Forget all about Yes, Saga, bla, bla, all them life affirming idiots,
and rather think a black metal orchestra who’s actually using their
brains and not just some moth-eaten blueprint when creating tunes. Not
that black metal is more severely infected than any other genre. Anyway,
I fucking applaud the effort and eagerly await pt. II. 9

The Duff: I’m not the biggest black metal fan,
sticking to much less raw bands like Enslaved and Emperor, but this is
pretty good. I’m not holding my breath for part II and whatever is to
follow, but this comes across as competent, slightly polished
Darkthrone/Immortal worship with some ill-chosen sound-effects and
guitar leads that would be more at home with Agalloch. 6

Abyss: Either all the vocals here are doubled or
tripled, or Blake Judd has the weirdest voice ever, I don’t know – but I
do know that it sounds really annoying after a while. The music and the
creative ideas on “Assassins” are definitely something else though. I’m
still not sure, but I think this will grow a lot on me. 7

Seker: You wanna know what people make fun of black
metal from the U.S.? Shit like this. It’s tailor-made for the
short-haired thick-glasses-wearing skinny jeans crowd: all of the
aesthetics of black metal, but with a shitty experimental “diverse”
indie-rock core. I hate stuff like this, but I’ll give it an extra point
because I think Tony Laureano is a pretty cool guy. 2

Grand Magus: Iron will Grand Magus: Iron will


Lord K: Never would I have thought that Grand Magus
were this good. Take the heaviness of Candlemass heaviest parts, some
70’s influences, mix it up with some really decent (actually, make that good)
vocals, a fitting production and a knack for composing real fine
material and you have Grand Magus in a nutshell. “Iron will” is a fucken
strong effort that will appeal to anyone into heavy and catchy music.
More up-tempo bits like “Fear is the key” works well also, giving the
album some diversity in the midst of the concrete shit. I’m surprised.
Happily surprised. 8

Kampfar: If you are into heavy metal/hard rock,
Grand Magus is supposedly something you ought to hear, if only for their
vocalist, they say. I’m not impressed, not that the vocals are pure
shit or anything, just fucking typical for this genre. Same goes for the
music, which passes by without hooking me once. I’ve tried thrice,
enough already. 4

The Duff: Some bands of this ilk grab my attention,
others don’t. One thing is for sure, I despise this music overall, and
so Grand Magus shouldn’t feel so bad. None of you are Iron Maiden, so… 3

Abyss: Magic, simply magic mix of rock, heavy metal, doom and plain awesomeness. One of the best albums of 2008. 9

Seker: I don’t like Spiritual Beggars, and I don’t
like this. Is Candlemass really from the same country as all of these
bands that don’t know how to do doom metal at all ? 3

Neuraxis: The thin line between Neuraxis: The thin line between


Lord K: Most technical death metal bands forget that they have to write good songs
as well while trying to show off their skills. Necrophagist (who can go
fuck themselves by the way becoz bandleader
Muhammed/Muhammad/Mahummod/Mulholland/whatever seems like a complete
dipshit) is one of those bands who actually manage to write memorable
tunes without getting lost in the wankery. Neuraxis is definitely
another one. On “The thin line between” they mix up some shit-catchy
riffs with enough brutality and technical abilities to make me smile and
nod my head in approval. All this without losing the important
ingredient that is songwriting. 7

Kampfar: For some reason I was really looking
forward to hearing this platter and the reason is because I confused
them for Pyrexia, a fine death ensemble there. The Canadians in question
are not so fine, rather incredibly boring, the only time they really
get my attention being when the sudden explosion of energy named
“Dreaming the end” appears. Didn’t see that one coming. Other than that,
this album can go suck an A.I.D.S infected Popsicle. 3

The Duff: This is a very important album for the
band, as “Trilateral Progression” was the release that put these guys on
the map. I figured “” would spark my interest in the band, but overall
I’m disappointed. It tries to be too clever, and yet the music isn’t all
too striking in places – focus on polyrhythms, but burdened by very
mundane writing. Musicianship is all fine, and at times the album gets
real interesting; they need a new vocalist though. 7

Abyss: If I was a newbie to all things heavier than
Dino Cazares, Neuraxis would impress my pants off and have me clutching
my ankles, begging for anal impalement in no time. Luckily I’m a bit
more jaded than that, so “The thin line between” merely manages elicits a
yawn from me. 4

Seker: I get the feeling that these guys would be a
pretty awesome band if they dropped the metalcore-ish trappings. As it
stands now, however, Crimson Massacre are still my go-to guys for
technical melodic stuff. 6

Blaze Bailey: The man who would not die Blaze Bailey: The man who would not die


Lord K: Or: “The man whose biggest achievement was
to sing on the crappiest Iron Maiden albums”. Maiden sucked with Blaze
and Blaze sucks with Blaze. Last off: what’s with that fucken hideous
cover? Go away. 3

Kampfar: I think Blaze Flatvoice must have earned a
healthy slab while bleating for Iron Maiden. I mean, how else could he
afford having an expert group of musicians making decent music for him
to pan flat and paint grey? Anyway, the whole shebang is well taken care
of and at times I even enjoy the music, mentioned Mr. Flatvoice the
main, perhaps even sole offender. Fuck, this album should have been
named, “The man who shouldn’t try to sing no more”. 4

The Duff: I went from really disliking this to
digging it some – guess it’s just the timing, as I usually can’t stand
this stuff. Blaze’s vocals are interesting, to say the least, and I
really like the guitarist’s style. I wouldn’t agree on the production
being all too awesome, but I’m guessing if I were to play it through a
proper sound system, I’d be more impressed – the tone sure is spot on. 6

Abyss: Believe it or not but Mr. “Why are you
standing next to Steve Harris instead of Bruce Bruce?” actually sounds
good solo. I guess the only thing Blaze needed to show that he is not
synonym with “Eternal suckage” was songs written in his own key instead
of five steps higher. The mix of Iced Earth and Disturbed fits Blaze
well and except for a few fillers this is pretty good. 6

Seker: What the fuck? I don’t hate this either. I
must be having a bad day or something. This is some pretty good melodic
metal stuff, a bit more melancholic than Maiden which gives it sort of a
unique feel. Blaze is a surprisingly good singer when something as
turgid as ‘90s Maiden isn’t backing him up. Also, there’s solos. 6

Scar Symmetry: Holographic universe Scar Symmetry: Holographic universe


Lord K: Scar Symmetry’s never been about brutality,
but they always had their parts that one could consider “brutal”, if
you stretch the term a mile or 5. On this one they have toned that shit
down even more and we are granted a fine piece of cheese. Christian’s
vocals are among the best in the business (though I think his growl was
better on “Pitch black progress”), especially his clean ones. This
together with the cheese and metal makes for an easy listening that is
very hard to not enjoy. 7

Kampfar: “Holographic universe” is an incredibly
well-played and produced piece of sugar coated plastic, one simply too
sweat and neat for its own (non-gay) good. Oh wait, there are a couple
of growls and heavy riffs scattered around as well, almost forgot to
mention. No wonder I almost forgot, all the time “Holographic universe”
is every bit as much of a pop pooper as it is a metal release. 4

The Duff: Accessible Soilwork is what this has most
commonly been referred to; I would consider this far inferior. The
clean vocals range from Vintersorg to Björn Strid, so no complaints
there. The guitars are dull as fuck (technique on the solos, but nothing
more), the keyboards fail to add flavour but rather null the music
moreso with uninspired lead-work. Shitty growling combined makes this a
surprising letdown, considering the praise in the site’s review. 2

Abyss: The death metal is toned down a bit on SS’s
third album in favour of the progressive elements, which initially irked
me, but the more I listen to it – the more I dig it since it enables
the skills of the members to shine even brighter without becoming wank.
Chrille continues to shine on both growled and clean vocals and some of
the solos here are just excellent. 8

Seker: Pretentious melodic “death metal” bullshit. Another band that just plain pisses me off. 3

The Funeral Pyre: Wounds The Funeral Pyre: Wounds


Lord K: “The Funeral Pyre” is a fucken cool name,
so it’s a great shame that this black metal mess is not living up to its
moniker. Under-produced garbage with a few neat guitar harmonies here
and there is the deal, and to be honest: I’ll pass. The trashcan was
invented for a reason. 3

Kampfar: Half-blasted black metal featuring disharmonies and some vocals, little else. 3

The Duff: My Windows Media says black metal, but
this sounds a lot more like early At the Gates/Dark Tranquillity. Some
black metal resides within “Wounds”, but the elitist BM fans will
despise this, and even the casual listener shy away as there isn’t
anything original or interesting enough even with both sub-genres
merged. They need to sort out that kick sound too. 4

Abyss: Black metal with little to no original ideas
but nonetheless competently performed, with some pleasant riffs and
melodies here and there. But does the world need another band mixing
Dark Funeral with later era-Naglfar? I doubt it. 5

Seker: The drums on this one are pretty terrible,
but the melodic style has been honed to near perfection. I miss the
piano stuff a bit, but the vocals are a bit more vicious and the more
laid-back riffing style lends a pretty interesting atmosphere to this
album. The song structures are as complex as ever, unfolding their
manifold parts beautifully over the course of the song in a way that
would make most modern black metal bands jealous if they were smart
enough the figure out what was going on. Still, those drums… man, fire
that dude. I could do better blast beats, and I’m a guitarist. Also, the
guy from Apiary sings on one track, and he’s a douche. 7

Disturbed: Indestructible Disturbed: Indestructible


Lord K: You can find my full coverage on this album here, in the meantime I can tell you that I’m not wearing a Disturbed shirt while writing this. It’s time for a new genre: Predictable Cheese Metal. Oh, that one already exists? Fuck it then. 4

Kampfar: Ah, more pop metal bullshit for me, this
time played by some Americans who probably got a lot more attention than
they deserve already. It’s clean, catchy, neat, well-played,
well-produced, well-behaven and fucking boring. And the album takes
fucking forever before it ends, too. Then again, all shitty albums do. 3

The Duff: I knew I wasn’t going to like this band,
but I was kinda hoping to be surprised, considering these guys take
their influences (supposedly) from classic Metallica, Iron Maiden and
Slayer. Well, aside from a decent tone, nothing is going on here. Focus
on catchy choruses and very few riffs that are worth a dime. They get
lower than Priest on principle, but this is probably worth just about as
much. 2

Abyss: Intro. Ogh-a-a-a-a-a-ah! Verse. Ogh-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah! Outro. 4

Seker: The singer has a pretty decent voice when he
isn’t doing monkey noises; it’s a shame that he’s in a band that is
best described as X-Boxcore. Do the Dew! 4

Judas Priest: Nostradamus Judas Priest: Nostradamus


Lord K: I wonder if Nostradamus himself “foresaw” (like he could foresee shit) this disaster? 3

Kampfar: Yep, “Nostradamus” was every bit as shitty as I had imagined, and then came 40 more minutes of the same bullcrap music. 2

The Duff: I will never understand this band.
Musicians are definitely very talented, and Halford is one of the
world’s greatest vocalists, but I am firmly planted in the Maiden camp
as far as hating one and loving the other goes. Apparently some old fans
are digging this, and a concept album about Nostradamus sure does sound
endearing, but fuck, this shit does nothing for me. 3

Abyss: Oh dear lord are you fucking kidding me?
“Looooch Neeeeess!” X 100000. There’s some gems under the piles of
pretentious poo but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna bother isolating ‘em.
That might give you the impression that it’s actually worth the time
digging through this. 3

Seker: I came for the speed metal, I stayed for the
epic symphonic shit. Oh wait, I left because of that. Needs more
“Painkiller” and less Rhapsody, but overall, it’s better than most of
the stuff they’ve done since “Painkiller”. 6

Tyr: Land Tyr: Land


Lord K: The ones responsible for getting folk
influences into metal must be shot. Tyr is so shitty I can’t even find
the appropriate insults at the moment. Get on board your fucken boat and
go back home, wherever the fuck “home” is for you fucks. Stay away from
Sweden. 2

Kampfar: This edition has already propelled and
transformed my dislike of power, folk and heavy into full fledged hate.
And there is more, for here cometh Tyr, all cheerful and shit, as if
they just won a very important battle, the lottery, etc. 3

The Duff: I thought I liked Viking metal, being a
fan of Enslaved, Thyrfing and even Amon Amarth if you’re willing to
overlook they are probably more melodic death. Tyr was not what I was
expecting, and I guess if the vocals weren’t so clean and jolly, I could
dig this more; truth is, the music isn’t all too stimulating either. 4

Abyss: An album cover with runescript and
longboats, lyrics in Faroese and lots of band pictures with chainmail
and swords. How could this not suck??? Maybe because
the band managed to not forget their balls on land when they settled out
for a voyage on the Great Gay Sea of Pagan Metal? Tyr actually have
some redeeming points in that their historical interest and dedication
seems genuine and respectfully presented. Granted, the connection to
modern metal are mostly based on the fact that there is a distorted
electric guitar to be heard and listening to this for a full hour is
bordering on overkill, but hey, at least it’s not Korpiklaani! 6


Mötley Crüe: Saints of Los Angeles Mötley Crüe: Saints of Los Angeles


Lord K: The only one in this travesty of a band who
seems to have his feet on the ground still is Mick Mars. He might look
like an experiment gone bad between the fucked up girl in “The Ring” and
Michael Jackson, but he still seems kinda sane. Nikki Sixx is obviously
fucking that Kat Von Pee tattoo-cunt while trying to stay off the
smack, Tommy Lee is busy DJ’ing and being a complete idiot while Vince
Neil is probably drunk and fat somewhere. How they managed to record
this album in between all that bullshit is beyond me, but the result is
surprisingly enough not awful. I think it’s all thanx to Mick Mars. 4

Kampfar: “Kickstart my heart” is a fine, fine tune,
“Dr. Feelgood” all in all not that bad, but “Saints of Los Angeles”, on
the other hand, is pure meh. There is a catchy riff or two, half a song
occasionally not being blatantly bland, but out of 13 this is of course
not nearly enough to invoke an erection. I think even their most sworn
fans will encounter trouble praising this into the high glam heavens.
Fuck it all. 3

The Duff: The best thing to come from this band has
been its autobiography. The fact that I have always hated its music
with a passion yet find possibly about fifty percent of this new disc
entertaining bewilders me. I think one of the album’s most appealing
aspects is the guitar tone, and Mick Mars himself, who although can come
across as a cheap Slash, still packs quite a vibrato and classic bluesy
feel. The lyrics are ridiculous, and most annoyingly the choruses real
catchy – it’s no fun trying to enjoy “Butchered at Birth” when you have
“Down at the Whisky” incessantly spinning in your head long after you’ve
had to endure it that one time. 5

Abyss: I wish Nikki Sixx had taken more heroin so
he could never have recorded this dross. His girlfriend should tattoo
“Oh no you don’t!” on his hands in case he get’s the urge to pick up the
bass and write another Mötley Crüe album. 1

Seker: Fuck Los Angeles and fuck Mötley Crüe. These
guys were never cool, even in an ironic way, no matter what VH-1 or
that fat dude down the street tells you. 1

Venom: Hell Venom: Hell


Lord K: I got real sick many years ago thanx to food poisoning. I shat and puked all over the place. I’ll re-live those days again with joy if I never have to listen to Venom again. 1

Kampfar: If hell is anything like this disc,
tediousness awaits us. Man, what the fuck is this music supposed to be
anyway, sounds as half-assed sludge to me, not black metal. Oh well, one
more song and I’m free to delete this fucker. Life is awesome. 3

The Duff: Inspiration for a hundred percent of
black metal bands and some of Death’s earliest outputs, and yet I still
can’t stand them. 3

Abyss: A clear (although horribly balanced)
production does a band like Venom pretty much zero service since it
displays all that’s missing in their performances, singing and well –
songwriting. Opener “Straight to hell” manages to sound bad on pretty
much all levels mentioned, and then some! I like bands where I can hear
the bass, but only when the bassplayer actually knows what the fuck to
do with it! I love Cronos forehead, that’s good for one bonus point,
ending up with a crumbling: 3

Seker: Come on guys, do we really need a new Venom album? At least it will give them an excuse to tour again… 3

Michael Kiske: Past in different ways Michael Kiske: Past in different ways


Lord K: The only reason this idiot is featured in
this AA is becoz he once sung on a couple of good albums with some
German band who turned to shit after his departure. Can’t really say
that this crap, filled with acoustic guitars and whatnot, is any better.
Or even metal. Then again, we all know Michael Kiske is obviously
against everything “metal” these days. The re-recordings of some of the
classic tunes he originally sang on are nothing but utter feces. What a
fucken disgrace, this one. Punch this idiot in the mouth if you run into
him. Feel free to use a shovel of yer choice. 1

Kampfar: This is beyond awful, way beyond. Imagine
Helloween unplugged, playing power metal country, Mr. Kiske whining his
way through the whole ordeal. Utterly pro, utterly turgid. Talking about
professional, I’m not going to listen through this crapper, 7 songs is
fucking enough already. 2

The Duff: I’m not getting the joke. 3

Abyss: Color me unimpressed. I’ve never been one to
swing from Kiske’s nutsack; he was good in Helloween but he certainly
wasn’t the sole reason “Keeper of the seven keys 1 & 2” are
masterpieces. And I’ll be damned if it excuses this sort of acoustic
pop-wannabe hippie bullshit. 1

Seker: Kai Hansen was 80’s Helloween.
Kiske was just a good vocalist without any interesting songwriting
ideas, and this sack of shit proves it. My heart was not filled with joy after I listened to this. 1


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This entry was posted on June 19, 2014 by in Audio Autopsy.
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