An eternity of ruling in Hell is better than serving Heaven. Or so the Dark One thought. His hatred for humanity spurred on his war against God. But, sorry all you tried and true Satanists out there, the Horned One lost. But now, millennia later, that most human of emotions was tearing away at his once angelic soul. Boredom. By the mid 90’s, his followers had settled into to a stale, boring state of poor production, awful vocals, and repetitive blasting. Blvck metal was not giving his flaming phallus those butterflies that it used to. Sure the murders, suicides, and arsons were are cool, but the umph was just missing. As B.B. King (a rumored follower of Crowley and a Themela disciple himself) once said the thrill is gone.
It would take a small band of hateful souls to bring back the black and resume the unending war on heaven. The first legion of soldiers had killed themselves (Mayhem), killed each other (Mayhem), or stopped making good records (Mayhem). Bathory had taken up the viking mantle while others had taken up stabbing gay men in public. Three Norwegian heretics with silly, self-ascribed names stepped before the throne of angel skulls and proclaimed their intent…
I am he who is known as Aggressor!. I shall play guitar, bass, and scream dark litanies in a high-pitched shriek against the Nazarene and his hateful Father!
I am he who is known as Apollyon. I shall play guit…err, do all the same things as the first guy!
I am he who is known as Blasphemer. I shall pound out fast, sloppy thrash beats on a drum kit made from the flayed skin of fallen priests!
Lucifer smiled upon this triumvirate of sinners and dubbed them “Aura Noir” which is Hellish for “three ugly fucking bastards”….or “dark aura”. He asked them to play for him and demonstrate their allegiance. Aura Noir then unleashed one blistering, raw blackened thrash track after another. Although all the songs sounded very, very similar Satan was still pleased with the band’s “Black Thrash Attack”. The song of that same name was his favorite: a slower beginning that led to a ripping mid-section followed by a slowness redux at the end. Aura Noir’s several doom-inspired riffs also pleased his darkened soul. “Son of Hades”, “Caged wrath”, and “The pest” also were pleasing.
The raw, grimy production echoed the grimness of Hell itself. While certainly not the most creative or groundbreaking music ever to pierce his horned ears, Aura Noir’s debut was a refreshing blast of searing hot sulphuric air after suffering though the staleness of the black metal scene of the mid-90’s. Unlike Jesus, the true enemy, Aura Noir practiced what they preached and truly brought a relentless assault of blackened thrash metal. Satan spread his mighty black wings and spoke in a thousand screams and whispers…
Go forward my three disciples, take the fight back to the mainstream sheep. Destroy grunge, pop, and radio rock so that my message my be spread across the airwaves for all to hear…and fear. Oh, and bring me some fucking nachos. I’m, hungry down here and, unbelievably, there is no Taco Bell… IN HELL!