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BamaHammer’s Top 10 Most Metal Professional Wrestling Intro Songs

BamaHammer’s Top 10 Most Metal Professional Wrestling Intro Songs

20/04/12  ||  BamaHammer

Introduction

Almost everything about the “sport” of professional wrestling is
fake. That’s no secret. It’s a soap opera targeted at dudes who like
watching make-believe fights between two guys with irrationally
disproportionate muscle structures. In fact the only real
things about it are the wear and tear to wrestlers’ bodies, the
steroid-induced depression, and the shrunken testicles. Oh, and the
music. I forgot that’s why we’re here.

There’s no denying that when you hear those first few magical
seconds of someone’s ring entrance music, the sound becomes synonymous
with that wrestler and the memories begin to spill forth like the
thumbtacks from Mick Foley’s bag of goodies. Back before they started
hiring semi-well known bands (and Motörhead) to write music for their
stars, the wrestling powers-that-be had to be creative and come up with
something original and charismatic, and…Wait a second. What’s happening
here? Fans, I don’t know what, uh… Hey, wait a second. Good god! That’s
BamaHammer’s music!…and…and…HE’S GOT A TOP TEN LIST WITH HIM! NO! NO! DAMMIT! NO!


10. Ken Shamrock

Let’s start this thing off with some danger. Ken Shamrock is
nicknamed “The World’s Most Dangerous Man,” and honestly, no one is
going to argue with him. He could also hold the title of The World’s Most Unlikely Man to Remember Anything in Ten Years
. His music wasn’t necessarily heavy or overly aggressive, but it was
definitely an extremely memorable killer riff. As soon as you hear that
first lame, grungy power chord and bell chime, you knew some poor sap
was about to find himself in an ankle-lock before you could even get
comfortable on the couch.


9. The Rockers

In the ’80s, it was perfectly acceptable for two dudes to hang out
all the time in brightly colored tights trimmed with neon colors and
refer to themselves as a “tag team.” Also, if you referred to your tag
team as The Rockers, you better have the entrance music to back up the
claim. Luckily, the immortal Shawn Michaels and oh-yeah-that-guy Marty
Jannetty used one of the most immaculate canned ’80s guitar riffs of the
decade for their entrance. Nothing about it sounds remotely orignal or
interesting, but from the first moment you hear it, you always think the
same thing: The Rockers.


8. The Acolytes

The Acolytes had a cool theme going for them. Know what it was?
………Satan. (sips wine). The two dudes in the tag team looked like they
would never willingly hang out with each other, but it worked. Ron
Simmons, or Faarooq, was portrayed as a militant Islamic Black Panther
until he joined the team, and Bradshaw was (probably in real life as
well) a crazed Texas redneck lunatic. Either way, the two combined to
form The Acolytes, evil minions of the Undertaker who generally served
as thugs for the Ministry of Darkness. If that doesn’t sound metal
enough, just listen to that theme. The theatrical darkness is so thick
it’s suffocating.


7. Demolition

Believe it or not, tag teams used to be cool enough to sustain
themselves without the need for one member or the other to be a
transcendental superstar. Demolition was one of the absolute coolest
teams ever to grace the mat. Their names were Ax and Smash, and it that
wasn’t cool enough, Ax didn’t even care that he was in no way in good
enough physical shape to be seen without a shirt for extended periods of
time. The guy had man teats.
They wore silver-studded black leather vests and chaps and looked like
they loved Judas Priest entirely too much, and they probably did, but
they didn’t just look the part. They sounded the part too.


6. Legion of Doom

Well that’s almost a growl, isn’t it? There’s no denying that LOD
was pretty metal. They painted their faces and one-upped many black
metal nerds along the way by adding a ton of red to their black and
white motif, and their spiked shoulder pads were always a source of
great awe and admiration from kids like me. Like Demolition, LOD
were one of the classic tag-teams that made it cool to be part of a
team, and their whole “What a Rush” campaign was what made it so killer.
When that growl echoed throughout the arena followed by that sleazy
metal motor-biker riff, you knew things were about to get awesome.


5. Kane – Burned

Black and red are creepy together. They’re even creepier when you
put them on a ridiculously large man in loony bin mask to cover his
facial burn scars (for theatrics only, mind you). I remember seeing a WWF
event live back in 1999, and even though I knew the exact moment Kane’s
intro would explode into a fiery cavalcade of heavy guitar and synth
riffs, it still managed to scare the bejeezus out of me just because it
was so loud and incredibly awesome. Even today when the lights go out
and you hear this theme kick in with the disturbing Mr. Crowley organ,
you can’t help but want to keep listening to it to the very end. It’s
dark and moody and just emanates pure evil theatrics, the sound of the
very definition of Kane himself.


4. The Undertaker – Dark Side

When you think about it, The Undertaker was pretty tr00 and kvlt. He
wore all black, he had pasty skin, he was obsessed with death and
funerals, seemed incredibly moody, and made you think he practiced the
black arts. In all honesty, the only thing missing was the corpsepaint.
His late-‘90s era theme music was stunningly masterful. When the lights
went down in the arena and that bell tolled creepily through the
speakers, everyone knew what they were about to witness. The song itself
was dark, atmospheric, and the perfect compliment to such a talented
athlete/actor. The wailing guitar into and groovy riff were also
extremely catchy and made for a classic track. It even features some
pretty majestic orchestration in the chorus that made the character
truly seem larger than life.


3. Stone Cold Steve Austin – Hell Frozen Over

To this day, when I hear class breaking in movies or on TV or,
heaven forbid, in real life, I half expect it to be followed by an
ominous chugging riff that will make me look up to see a bald-headed,
goatee-sporting Texas redneck walking toward me wielding a can o’
Budweiser and a middle finger. Nothing ever grabbed the attention of
every fan in the stands and every viewer at home like that overly loud,
obnoxious sound of glass breaking transitioning right into the song, and
every time you heard it, you knew you were about to witness something
awesome. Why is Stone Cold so high on this list? Oh, you know why.
Because Stone Cold said so. (Drops mic, pours beer all over self, flips
off everyone reading this)


2. Bret ‘The Hitman’ Hart

Arguably one of the most renown and best wrestlers in history, Bret
“The Hitman” Hart enjoyed a long, great career that was probably
curtailed prematurely by the infamous Montreal Screwjob (but that’s
another story for another time). Part of what gave the man his unending
charisma, apart from the cool-guy image and unbelievable talent, was his
music. The track was about as cheesy as any entrance music I can
recollect, but it was just so instantly recognizable that the first few
seconds became synonymous with those black and pink tights and those
weird yet awesome floppy sunglasses.


1. The Ultimate Warrior

The Ultimate Warrior was never what I would call a very stable
individual. He even went so far as to change his name legally from James
Brian Hollweg to simply “Warrior.” And if that’s not enough, he even
enjoyed a brief stint as a right-wing motivational speaker who insisted
that “queering doesn’t make the world work.” Well, alrighty then. The
bottom line is that when you heard The Ultimate Warrior’s entrance music
come through your lousy TV speakers and you saw him sprinting down the
aisle and shake those ring ropes, preparing to deliver the ultimate
beatdown, you too were pumped and jacked and fired up and all those
kinds of words partly because the Warrior was so cool and partly because
you didn’t know if he was going to just wrestle or if he was going to
hyperventilate and die of a massive heart attack mere seconds into the
match. The music, nonetheless, was pure canned, stereotypical
stripped-down wannabe thrash at its finest, and The Ultimate Warrior was
the personification of this simple, yet awesome aggressive riff. Is
this the most metal wrestling song of all time? I think so, and if you
disagree, the boys from DX have two words for you.

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This entry was posted on June 14, 2014 by in Staffer lists.
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